Young Men And Commitment Issues

Posted on November 16, 2011 by

It is very frustrating if you are in a dating relationship with a commitment phobic man who seems so closed up on the issue of commitment that you do not know his real stance. It would be better if you could at least determine that he is not considering marriage, so that you know what you should do.

You do not have to hang in suspense as you wonder what your boyfriend is really up to. There are a number of signs that will make it clear that your boyfriend is not yet ready for marriage. You should therefore learn to detect these important signs. Here are some of the things that can warn you.

The types of acquaintances he introduces you to

When your commitment phobic boyfriend is not yet ready to make a commitment, he will only introduce you to casual friends but not those who really matter in his life. If you notice that he avoids introducing you to his family members, this is a warning signal that he is still not contemplating committing to you. Such a man will also hardly let you spend time in the company of his friends.

How he spends his money

A man who is still not seriously considering marriage will tend to be rather carefree with his money. Such a man will not take the time to make some important investments, but will spend almost everything that he gets at the end of the month, or whatever period. A guy who is not prepared to settle down will know very little on such things as mortgage and mortgage rates. Retirement will be one of the things furthest from his mind.

Keeping your things separate

A typical commitment phobic man who is not yet considering commitment will hardly accept to share the same apartment with you. In fact, even the space where you keep things will be separate. If you notice that he does not forget any of his things in your house, be warned. You will have to wait for quite a while before he makes any serious commitment.

These are some of the things that will help you to know that your boyfriend is not really thinking of committing to you. However, there are several things that you can do to help him change his mind. If you love him and are convinced that he is the right man for you, you can help him have a change of heart through subtle measures.


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Women With Commitment Issues Signs

Posted on November 16, 2011 by

Hair is unquestionably a woman's most glamorous property. Manifestation of thinning hair can take the wind out of almost any woman's day. It may seem boastful to pay so much heed to hair, but signs of thinning hair are really the first signs of such afflictions as hormonal imbalance, vitamin deficiency, enormous amounts of stress or bad nutrition, all lead to declining health status. Paying heed to hair can reveal materializing conditions before they get out of hand. When you have restored your hair to a full head of vibrant healthy strands, the likelihood of the rest of your body will also exhibit vibrant health.

Nutritional deficiencies may be signalize thinning hair

Your loss of hair may be caused by a vitamin D deficiency. Case studies show that a large portion of the American population is lacking in this essential nutrient, with hair loss being one of the first symptoms of this deficiency.

The vitamin D receptor (VDR) is expressed in numerous cells and tissues of the body, incorporating the skin. Studies of mice and humans lacking these functional receptors have demonstrated that absence of the VDR points to the development of alopecia, a scientific word for hair loss. Loss of hair may be an early warning that you are at risk of other ailments linked to a lack of vitamin D. This could include diabetes, stroke, heart disease, depression, multiple sclerosis,high blood pressure, gum disease, seasonal influenza and tuberculosis.

Lack of liability to the sun almost guarantees vitamin D deficiency. Studies have mapped the U.S. and found that the farther north a person lives, the more likely a person is to have vitamin D deficiency. If access to the sun is not an option, supplementing vitamin D with cod liver oil, or capsules of D3 will help greatly. It is now suggested that women receive a minimum of 2,000 units of vitamin D per day. Many cutting edge practitioners advocate 10,000 units per day, the amount achieved from a day wearing a bathing suit in the summer sun.

Omega 3 fatty acids affect the body's process of vitamin D. They are responsible for producing cholesterol and at the same time for removing its excess, as well as for most other bodily functions. In order to produce vitamin D, the body rely s on cholesterol. If the diet does not contain enough essential fatty acids, the body can't produce its own vitamin D. In addition to containing usable vitamin D, cod liver oil also provides omega 3 fatty acids.

loss of hair may also be the result of deficiencies of the amino acid lysine, copper, and zinc. but, if your diet is comprised of a wide selection of whole foods including daily servings of fresh vegetables and fruits, this may not be the cause of your hair loss, especially if you are getting enough protein. Hair strands are composed of protein, but if the diet lacks vital protein, the wisdom of the body will divert its use from making hair to sustaining more necessary bodily functions. Taking a whole food supplement such as bee pollen, spirulina or chlorella will help with getting and producing needed amounts of the full array of nutrients.

Hair products containing toxic chemicals promote hair loss

Sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) is the major ingredient in almost all shampoos sold in traditional outlets such as supermarkets, drugstores and discount retail centers. In comparison to having toxic effects on your immune system, SLS has been shown to degrade hair follicles and slow hair growth. This has been blamed for many cases of hair loss. The Material Safety Data Sheet provided by the U.S. government says exposure to SLS can lead to burning, coughing, wheezing, laryngitis, shortness of breath, headache, nausea and vomiting. The American College of Toxicology says SLS stays in the body for up to five days and maintains residual levels in the heart, liver, brain, and lungs.

This article was simply written with you in mind, I covered Nutritional deficiencies, and the importance of vitamin D and hair growth, However I have done my best to keep this article as short as possible, it is up to you the reader to now take action before you begin to lose your hair, based on a problematic condition that may be a condition of a life threatening condition, or laden you the uncomfortable and undeniable feelings that most people will feel as they lose there hair.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Do American men get freaked out about commitment when they spend too much time with their GF?
    We've seen all the movies, chick flicks, romance films, about how men freak out about commitment and women seem to LoOove it (i.e in "How to lose a guy in 10 days," Kate Hudson's methods are all about trying to scare Matt McC. by putting "female products" in his bathroom and pretending to be super lovey-dovey).

    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety, but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother).

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, and showing him a lot of affection (like giving him lots of kisses and hugs) because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    The reason why I say "American" men is because I don't want to peg ALL men to be a certain way and wonder if the fear of commitment (and the idea that men really want independence) is a societal culture thing.

    Do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      That can't even be pinned to "American" men -- because it's not like they're all the same. There are men all over the world who have commitment problems, because it's in their nature. It sounds like you've got something good though, and if you don't feel comfortable confronting about it, I don't see much of a reason to. If you're going to get married, obviously he isn't having the same "issues" as other guys (who flinch at the very thought of holy matrimony), and I wish you two the best of luck. :)

  2. QUESTION:
    Men and women: When does a couple spend too much time together?
    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety (like saying he wants us to stay independent and for me to move in, but not to sell my apartment because the idea of me doing so is like "leaving all of my independent self behind," which he's not yet ready for), but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother), and I don't know if it's my own insecurity shining through, but it's definitely something I think about.

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    I don't believe in the ideas that "there's never too much time together if you're in love!"- I feel they're too simplistic and do not encompass the complexity of a relationship between two individual people as progressive, independent creatures. I enjoy talking about marriage with him, but don't want to do it if we're straying off the right path.

    So, do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      yeah there is such a thing in SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME TOGETHER..a guy needs his space sometimes and tend to get sick of girls easily..yeah if youre in love you want to be with them all the time but guys are different..sometime they need their space and you always want to make a guy MISS YOU becuz it will never be too exciting when you guys see each other..it will be more of a routine..if you guys are ready for marriage good for you but make sure you test your relationship with a little bit of distance..

  3. QUESTION:
    Why does Sarah Palin hate women who have been raped?
    “Despite denials by the Palin campaign, new evidence proves that as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, Sarah Palin had a direct hand in imposing fees to pay for post-sexual assault medical exams conducted by the city to gather evidence.
    Palin's role is now confirmed by Wasilla City budget documents available online.
    Under Sarah Palin's administration, Wasilla cut funds that had previously paid for the medical exams and began charging victims or their health insurers the 0 to 00 fees. Although Palin spokeswoman Maria Comella wrote USA Today earlier this week that the GOP vice presidential nominee "does not believe, nor has she ever believed, that rape victims should have to pay for an evidence-gathering test...To suggest otherwise is a deliberate misrepresentation of her commitment to supporting victims and bringing violent criminals to justice," Palin, as mayor, fired police chief Irl Stambaugh and replaced him with Charlie Fannon, who with Palin's knowledge, slashed the budget for the exams and began charging the city's victims of sexual assault. The city budget documents demonstrate Palin read and signed off on the new budget. A year later, alarmed Alaska lawmakers passed legislation outlawing the practice.
    News of the controversial policy has leaked slowly into the press this week as the presidential campaign has heated up and Palin's record has been subject to increasing scrutiny. The practice of charging rape victims has called into question Palin's stated commitment to women's issues, her judgment as an executive and her honesty about her record.
    The story of the Wasilla policy has made its way from comments on Daily Kos to the pages of USA Today. But clear evidence suggesting Palin knew Wasilla was charging the victims of sexual assault has been hard to find. Placing the city budget records, however, alongside a timetable of Palin's firing Chief Stambaugh and hiring Chief Fannon makes it clear the policy was put in place as a direct result of Palin's leadership.
    The mayor of Wasilla before Sarah Palin, John C. Stein, was also a Republican, though the office was and continues to be non-partisan. Mayor Stein was defeated by Sarah Palin in a campaign that brought in the NRA, Republican partisans, and a whisper campaign that Mayor Stein was Jewish (he is a Christian, but is "proud of such a reputation"). He now runs the Sitka Sound Science Center, a marine research facility in Sitka, Alaska.
    Mayor Stein told OffTheBus that he didn't "think victims were billed while [he] was mayor," but that he wasn't certain. He did mention that "Wasilla participated in establishing a Sexual Assault Response Team to set-up a one-stop forensic exam room for victims," evidence of a pro-victim police department. In order to confirm his assertion about the billing policy, he recommended I contact current police chief Angella Long for confirmation. She did not return my request for comment.
    However, I was able to eventually track down Irl Stambaugh, police chief of Wasilla from the founding of the department until Sarah Palin fired him for "not fully supporting her efforts to govern." Stambaugh sued for breach of contract, but lost when a federal judge ruled that "police chiefs serve at the behest of the mayor unless otherwise specified." He later served as the executive director of the Alaska Police Standards Council.
    It turns out that Wasilla did not bill sexual assault victims for the cost of rape exams while Irl Stambaugh was chief of police. As chief, he had included a line item in the budget to pay for the cost of such exams. He had only just heard about the Mayor Palin/Chief Fannon policy today, and was just as shocked to hear about it as I was.
    Checking the budget confirmed former Chief Stambaugh's claim. He had included a contingency of ,000 in his budget for the department's 1st year of existence (1993-1994), ,000 for 1994-1995 and 1995-1996, and ,000 for his final year as police chief in 1996-1997, spending ,625.
    Duwayne Charles Fannon, his replacement, halved the budget request in 1997-1998, with a request of ,298, spending ,454. However, it seems he began the "victim pays" policy in the 1998-1999 fiscal year. That year, he requested ,000 but spent only 5. This data can be found in the Document Central section of Wasilla's website.
    The Document for the 1998-1999 fiscal year begins with a message "To the Citizens of the City of Wasilla:"
    The comprehensive annual financial report of the City of Wasilla for the fiscal year ended June 30, 1999, is hereby submitted. The City's Finance Department prepared the report. Responsibility for both the accuracy of the data, and the completeness and fairness of the presentation, including all disclosures, rests with the City. To the best of our knowledge and belief, the enclosed data is accurate in all material respects and is reported in a manner designed to fairly present the financial position and results of operations of the various funds a

    • ANSWER:
      I think it's a case of her totally failing to understand or empathize with ANYTHING outside her experience. I really do believe Atticus Finch when he says "sometimes, you just have to walk a mile in the other person's shoes..." - I don't think Sarah Palin is capable of doing that. I don't think she can understand that a 00 bill could defiantly deter some one who was just horribly violated from seeking help.

      She scares me... friends of mine tell me she literally does hate gays... I'm looking that up now....

  4. QUESTION:
    He's not that into me?
    It's a bit long and I would really appreciate your reading.

    I know it's all up to my own judgment, but I wanna have more inputs on my bf (or whoever, we're sort of on a break, I've just moved back home) of 2 months. He's much older and we were colleagues.

    We're not 'in love', we never said the L word to each other (he said to me once when we had a fight and I was about to dump him). But I obviously have some feelings for him. I'm not sure how he feels about me.

    positive signs
    1. Extremely nice (cooks, cleans, pays for every meal, bought me groceries when I didn't even ask, polished my boots, bought me new boots, took me to the hospital, always goes to the restaurants/places I want and cooks whatever I want to eat etc.)
    2. good memory (my bd, my favourites, my work stuff, whatever I said)
    3. Although the relationship started with sex (and I originally intended it to be a one night stand but he kept asking me out afterwards), he has shown intimate gestures outside sex (frequent kisses on the forehead, eskimo kiss, holding hand, massage my whole body)
    4. carried my suitcases and saw me off at the airport after I decided to come home,we kissed as a couple and as if I would just be on a short trip
    5. honest in a sense of telling me everything about his previous relationships (even though they were somtimes promiscuous - an affair with a married woman, past experiences with hookers)

    negative signs
    1. Still lives with another woman, but insists that they're finished for a while before he met me. It was a long term thing so he can't kick her out (she has her own place) neither can he brought me in.
    EXTREMELY FISHY I know, but his argument has a point. How could he spend nights/weekends with me then if they were still 'together'? I went to his holiday house and he came to my place. He kept saying she has already moved some of her stuff back, but a month has passed, SHE'S STILL THERE!!
    2. Inconsistency: he was the one who OFFERED to me to move in with him (cos I'm a foreigner) to solve the apartment issue. I accepted his offer and gave up my accommodation, turned out, I still couldn't move in cos SHE'S STILL THERE!! Why bothered offering then?
    3. He promised to give her the deadline, but couldn't promise I would be able to move in right away when I come back next month.
    4. unlike most guys, he appreciated my looks more than my brain.
    5. He seems emotionally detached at times (like lack of surprise that I decided to come home), but maybe it's just his personality and his age.
    6. He's almost 50 and has never been married and had kids, obviously he has commitment issues. He said i was too impatient with the pace of our relationship. He said he has only me since he met me but he still felt pushed by my approach to commitment.

    but before you say anything, we both used each other for sex, not just him...but it doesn't mean there aren't feelings involved...I just wonder if it will develop into something deeper.

    THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

    • ANSWER:
      well sounds to me all thoe negative points are genuine negative points that is causing all the problems.

      however all the positive points seem to small and trivial that they are not positive ones really, they seem to be the ones u say to urself to make urself feel good. agree? 10 of those positive points outweigh one of ur negative ones. u need to find 100 more postive ones of those level.

      understand? are u fooling urself?

  5. QUESTION:
    Will he ever commit?
    I've been dating this guy for a little over a year now. He is in the army and just told me that he signed up for Special Forces training. Something he really wants to do! Which would involve him having to move to the east cost! We love each other. He says it. I say it. He says that he wants to help me raise my daughter. She isn't his. But he's been with me sense she was 2 moths old. He is very sweet to me and my girl. We are family! Says he cares for US a lot. If he makes the training. He will be gone for 2 years. But he says he'll be back. He has had commitment issues in the past. The last girl asked for a ring right before he went to boot camp.He said he wasn't ready for that and went off to the army. she later cheated on him with his best friend. Does my man use running away, to get away from woman that want commitment? Is my man afraid of commitment. Or just being cautious.... We are serious about each other. But i just cant stop thinking about needing some kind of reassurance! He says time will tell if we're meant to be. Am I just a toy for the army guy?

    I need this relationship to be validated before he goes. So i can have some peace that he wont go shopping for something else.

    • ANSWER:
      military love is probably the hardest thing ever.. im sure hes scared. it happened to him while he was away. i mean yeah hes gonna be gone for 2 years.. and sometimes women cant take that. so they find someone else because its convineant and their closer. 2 years is such a long time to wait for someone to come home and it makes me so sad to even hear that. if your willing to wait for him and remain faithful. then tell him. i dont know what kind of "reassurance" he can give you but his word.. :( myabe he will pop the question before he leaves. other than that.. your gonna have to trust him.. & vice versa.

  6. QUESTION:
    He said there's a lot on his mind and that I "deserve more than he can give me right now" Hmmmm. ?
    We've been dating almost 4 months. He's 34, never been married, admits to commitment issues, has said from the beginning that I am a different kind of woman than he usually dates, (in a good way) and wanted to try for something more serious with me. First 3 months were wonderful, seeing each other every other day, talking 2 or 3 times a day by phone (him making most of the calls). About 3 weeks ago, I noticed a definite change, going out with his friends more, seeing me less (2 or 3 times a week), and calling less, (once per day or texting and not calling.) There have been no arguments or drama though he had talked alot about "how did he end up with a good woman" and "what am I going to do with you?" Monday, (2 nights ago), he hadn't called all day, though he had texted. So I called him late that evening, to which he sent the call to voice-mail, and I texted to ask if he was okay. He replies with " A lot is on his mind so he's been laying low by himself and that I deserve so much more than he can give me right now." I ask if there was someone else, to which he replied "NO!" I replied that "I truly cared for him more than he knew and would give him some space, that if he wanted to break things off I'd respect that but I think it would be a loss for both of us." He didn't reply to the text but called yesterday just to say "hello" and texted today commenting on it being a "nice day." I'll also mention that he has a history of addiction, (alcohol/substance abuse) and there are a few signs of perhaps a relapse in that area of his life, although he tries to keep it from me. What do you think's really going on with him and what should I do? I have not initiated contact since my "serious" text Monday night. Thanks for the help!

    • ANSWER:
      He is old enough to know what he wants, unless his judgment is clouded by drugs or alcohol, or an ex. You may care too much about him, and this would make you codependent. It's hard to explain. If you love someone with an addiction, be very wary of getting serious. Only you can decide if you can continue this relationship.
      He may be hiding behind a bottle, as they say. And you cannot rescue him from his addiction.

  7. QUESTION:
    Is he just letting me down easy or does this "you deserve more" line ring true?
    We've been dating almost 4 months. He's 34, never been married, admits to commitment issues, has said from the beginning that I am a different kind of woman than he usually dates, (in a good way) and wanted to try for something more serious with me. First 3 months were wonderful, seeing each other every other day, talking 2 or 3 times a day by phone (him making most of the calls). About 3 weeks ago, I noticed a definite change, going out with his friends more, seeing me less (2 or 3 times a week), and calling less, (once per day or texting and not calling.) There have been no arguments or drama though he had talked alot about "how did he end up with a good woman" and "what am I going to do with you?" Monday, (2 nights ago), he hadn't called all day, though he had texted. So I called him late that evening, to which he sent the call to voice-mail, and I texted to ask if he was okay. He replies with " A lot is on his mind so he's been laying low by himself and that I deserve so much more than he can give me right now." I ask if there was someone else, to which he replied "NO!" I replied that "I truly cared for him more than he knew and would give him some space, that if he wanted to break things off I'd respect that but I think it would be a loss for both of us." He didn't reply to the text but called yesterday just to say "hello" and texted today commenting on it being a "nice day." I'll also mention that he has a history of addiction, (alcohol/substance abuse) and there are a few signs of perhaps a relapse in that area of his life, although he tries to keep it from me. What do you think's really going on with him and what should I do? I have not initiated contact since my "serious" text Monday night. Thanks for the help!

    • ANSWER:
      I think there are 2 real answers to whats going on.
      1. Hes got someone else or want to go play the field more (lost the kick of not playing the field. )
      2. Hes using again or almost did.
      And you have 3 options, go were he normally goes (if you know were that is) and spy. Or call him up and say ok what gives once and for all (what I would recommend). Or just throw your hand up in the air and see what happens. (the hardest of them all if you ask me) But the way that hes acting I would say maybe hes not feeling it as much as you are. But he wants to kind of keep you in waiting like hes got something else going on. Good luck hope it works out!

  8. QUESTION:
    Why is he doing this?
    I work with a guy who I like, as a friend and more, but we haven't been able to take things further as he is currently in a relationship (a very unstable one). We flirt like crazy but it's just how we are. When he and his girlfriend broke up again last month he admitted to her that he was attracted to me. She's a very jealous woman so the consequences have been quite big. She'll always turn up at our work when she knows we're both on shift, he's not allowed to contact me at all, had to delete me from social networking sites etc etc ... I can understand her reactions, but I can't understand him. I may be starting to see another guy, as I haven't got any attachments. The friend I work with knows this, as we're quite close, but he seems to have to put little jibes in where he can. This guy turned up when I was on shift the other night and gave me a kiss goodnight. My friend couldn't stop making little comments about my 'new boyfriend' ... He just wouldn't stop, knowing that I have commitment issues that mean it'll be a very long time before I could consider anyone a boyfriend. Then he'll say things that nearly compare himself to the guy I'm seeing ... such as what they look like, how they make me feel (my friend knows he's one of the only guys I'm ever completely myself around). This morning he even said maybe I should spend some more time single, bearing in mind I've been single for two and a half years! After he said that he continued to mess around with me, which resulted in him signing his name on the back of my neck, so 'it could be seen' that he was there ...??? Is this a protection thing for being a friend? Or a jealousy thing? And if it is, does he have a right to be jealous when he goes home to a girlfriend each night??
    If this doesn't make much sense, I'm sorry, I'm trying to make sense of it all myself!!

    • ANSWER:
      You shouldn't be held back by a guy definitely when he goes home to his girlfriend every night just forget about this guy friend and go date other guys, If he really wanted to be with you im sure he would be forward about it and dump his gf for you

  9. QUESTION:
    I need help, I went through my boyfriend/fiance's iphone and found some painful surprises...?
    Background:
    So my fiancee purposed valentines day in Seattle 2010, we have been really good friends for 5 years. He has always had a crush on me but I didn't want any kind of commitment, I wanted to be free. He is an amazing guy but he is wild and loves to impress the ladies because of self worth issues. He has only had 2 major relationships: 1st the girl cheated all the time, couldnt keep her legs closed, had multiple abortions...you get the idea, so he started cheating. 2nd the girl was overbearing and emasculated him, basicaly made him feel like b*tch boy, she would stay at her x boyfriends house but "nothing happened. She was cheating, so in turn he cheated back. This behavior gave him issues with women. I always came to the rescue, offered my encouraging words and a good shoulder to lean on. He became lost in the drinking and partying, broken heart and all, I felt really bad for him. He always has to be center of attention, but it can be funny and entertaining. We really bonded and were very close, personaly and emotionaly, I was the only woman he could trust. But I saw his ways when he got drunk with the girls, very flamboyant, very flirtatious and very loose with his words...party animal and a social butterfly.

    After 5 years of friendship he finally got me, we both very indie, love music, traveling, very artistic, we are both extremely emotional and passionate specially twords each-other. We are amazing together, but im haunted by his ways and with very good reason, The first part of our relationship was really rocky and there was a lot of pain, hurt and disrespect. I couldn't deal with how he acted as my boyfriend when we went out, when we were friends that was a completely different story, I could care less. But being his girlfriend it was disrespectful to me and made me look like one of those stupid girls that follows their boyfriends like a lost puppy, it was sooo dumb. But now we are wonderful, we have found our nitch, figured out a way to communicate wonderfully, we don't fight and we respect on another. Things really couldn't be better.

    So here is the deal;

    I was playing on the apps on his iphone, he was on the computer playing one of his online man games. I got curious and decided to look through his text messages...

    1st message I found was from 6 months ago telling a girl he met; "my friend is just mad cause she wants to be with me but I dont want nothing to do with her like that". We were heavily involved, he had begged me to stay with him right before this incident confessing his undying love for me. He denied me, made me look stupid and like a crazy obsessed stalker chick...umm no, not going to fly, I will chew him up and spit him out. When really I was mad cause he ditched me and took off to the bar, I couldn't go I was throwing a party at my house, he just mobbed out.

    2nd message I found was to another girl about 4 months ago, the girl asked "is that your girlfriend with you?" he replied "Oh god no, she is just a friend, so what are you doing later?" at that time he was begging me to move out with him.

    3rd message was less than 2 months ago right before Christmas of "09", the text read "hey I dont know if you remember who I am but I was wondering if you want to meet up and go for coffee sometime or maybe a beer". The number wasn't saved and apparently it was some random chick he met. At that time we were talking marriage, I found this last night, he purposed on valentines day a week ago.

    Being it was his iphone his hot mail was automatically signed in, I found many random conversations with many different women through out our relationship, including pictures from women that read look and it this one I just shaved...you get the idea.

    I trusted in him, his love for an old friend, maybe that was my downfall. I had my suspicions, I had to make sure I wasn't being thrown under the bus.

    Now I am engaged to a man that is somewhat living a double life, I feel like its disgusting, but I cant tell him, I was the asshole that didn't respect his privacy that he trusted me with.

    I need an opinion that isn't bias, if I leave him he couldn't live with it, I don't know if I could but I cant marry someone that is doing this, specially trying to hook up with some random girl less than two months before he knew he was going to ask me to marry him...

    What the hell am I going to do, I need some major help, major help.

    • ANSWER:
      You will not be happy from here on out. You should walk away now - as hard as it seems, it's the best decision. You will live with this guy always curious about that text, call or email he just received. It can drive you nuts!

      Been there and done that. It's a waste of time. It is good that you have stumbled across this now so you can do something before it is too late. Yes, we should not be going through their things, but it is the same way I found out and was able to leave, and I am glad I did. And although it is difficult to do, you deal with it for a few weeks, get over it will be glad later you did it. I contemplated the whole "pity stay" I'm too far into this struggle, but in the end it just was not worth it. I'm with a wonderful person now and it feels good not wondering what is going on in his inbox.

  10. QUESTION:
    Please help with my essay on baby abandonment?
    Any suggestions would be great (;

    One major issue that has occured in the United States in the past and is still occurioccurredy is baby abandonment, a/k/a "baby dumping." It may apply any time a child is left without appropriate supervision for extended periods of time. Hearing babies becoming abandoned is heartbreaking. There could be many reasons to the causes of this action. One, the baby was not planned. Therefore, the parents may not have been ready either mentally or financially, and decide to leave the baby. Two, many people are against abortion, which lead to many unwanted babies being born. Three, the woman may have fear of rejection from a boyfriend, friend, or family member if they keep the baby. Some psychiatrists believe that young mothers can become overwhelmed by the presence of something that they were in denial of for nine months, as well as the father not being supportive. The best way to end is by giving women more education about sex and it's outcomes, and to provide planning for those who need it. It has been estimated that there are over 50 babies abandoned daily across the United States, which adds up to over 20,000 babies a year.. many of which do not survive.
    One way to solve this issue is by encouraging women who decide to not keep their babies to follow the Safe Haven Act (depending on each state). For example, The Safe Haven Act of Massachusetts of 2004 allows a parent to legally surrender newborn infants 7 days old or younger with no signs of neglect to a designated hospital, police station, or fire station without facing prosecution. The parent will be encouraged to provide information to help in planning the future care of the baby, but is not required. Once the newborn is medically screened, it will be placed in a Department of Social Services foster or adoptive home. The Safe Haven Act of Massachusetts partnered with a few other associations, creating a multimedia campaign informing state residents about the new law. Their toll-free hotline recieves an averaging 50 calls per month.
    Another way to solve this issue is following Project Cuddle, founded by Debbe Magnusen and her husband David. The goal of this non-profit organization is to save as many babies' lives as possible, with a strong commitment to help any pregnant girl or woman. They do not charge any money to the girls or their families. It also offers a 24-hour crisis hotline. To date, they have rescured 564 babies from being abandoned. They give women a chance to choose an adoptive family for their baby, making sure they have made a decision they are comforable with allowing them to move on with their lives. About 60% of women call Project Cuddle for assistance in raising their babies.They strongly believe that no baby deserves to die before it has had a chance to live.
    Although today there are many ways to solve this issue, many babies who are saved and do grow up into adulthood often continue to wonder about their origins. These "foundlings" may or may not ever find out who their birth parents are, or why they were abandoned. Their past remains a complete mystery, along with a missing part of their identity. This often causes grief to some whose parents' never decide to step up. The best way to solve this issue is by preventing unwanted babies in the first place. One way is by showing women or girls how difficult it is to care for a child, being offered through a "Real Skillz Parenting Course." The woman or teen is given a programmed baby that will cry periodically for various reasons, in which they have to solve in order to make the doll stop crying. Another way is by working with parents to educate their children about sex and all of its consequences. Finally, a third option is abstinence education. Abstaining from sex is the most effective way of preventing not only unwanted births, but also any other diseases that a person may receive from having sex.
    In conclusion, baby abandonment is a huge reoccurring issue in the United States. The foremost reason in preventing this issue from happening is to save the lives of babies. Every baby deserves a chance to live. The first and second way help to solve the problem that women face when they do not know what to do with their unwanted baby. However, the third way ends up becoming the best way because it prevents unwanted babies to be born at all. Educating women in pregnancy helps them to make better and wiser decisions, lowering the rate of infant deaths and abandonments each year.
    Sorry that it's so long... T__T

    • ANSWER:

  11. QUESTION:
    Calling all psychologists, counselors, and kind-hearted people: So...want to hear the story of my life?
    I need help. I am just confused and at a loss. So if anyone wants to listen and give advice, then here you go!
    To start off, I'll let you know that I am a mixed guy half black and half asian. Not a big deal...well not through grade school, but as you get older people start making assumptions about you become stereotypical and believe what they want to believe about other people and I've first hand experienced this type of sad behavior. Anyway, dad was in the military, he hardly was ever home, mom was a stay-at-home mom raising 3 kids, I was the youngest (two older sisters). Still to this day even though my dad is in the same house, I don't think we've ever held a conversation, never taught me how to shave, about cars, women, LIFE. My mom, any little thing wrong we would get whooped or lectured for hours to the point I remember I was truly frightened of her. Then she would cook dinner and pretend nothing ever happened like giving us food was suppose to renew things. I was raised as a naive kid, kept on a tight leash. I was always good in school - gifted program, and honors society. In high school I was in at least 10 clubs and programs including football, math team, business and engineering clubs. But the main reason I did all of these was because I never wanted to be home...my parents fought enough to the point my mind couldn't handle. Have you heard your parents yell, "Your mom's a ****** whore" "You're a stupid ******" "Get out before I call the cops" to eachother while dishes and tvs smashed in the background? I called the police once or twice, once I even took out a baseball bat and told them I would start smashing things if they don't stop. Now don't get me wrong, they really are loving people (unless im in denial? and how would I know what love is anyway) but horrible parents. Out of high school I went to a local private university for engineering all expenses paid, stayed at home thought things would be better, (and well the truth is I went to school to study electrical engineering so I could learn how to build robots that killed people. I wonder where I got an idea like that, how could anyone be so sick?)but the factors in life at the time were just overwhelming to the point I stopped going to classes and focused my attention on keeping my sanity. Well I lost my scholarships, so I had to pay out of pocket for community college. Understand, at this point in time, I pretty much just mentally blocked out my family instead of pretending all the time I was happy.

    Well, since I never wanted to be home, I was always out, slowly entering the night scene, meeting people that maybe I never should have. Started smoking, doing drugs, drinking, sex, all that good stuff. Got myself into trouble with the law, jailtime, kicked out the house, etc. The past two years is all a blur to me, now I am back living with them, they are trying to be better, they don't fight as much. The thing is they blame me and other people for whats happened to me. I feel they aren't sympathetic to the fact of what I've been through because of them. And I just can't let it go, I can't drop it because its a whole lifetime of pain and confusion. And now as I'm getting older the world just doesn't seem like a good place anymore, I have trust, commitment, and self-esteem issues (just to name a few). I'm on a rollercoaster of depression, anxiety, stress, short-term memory, I don't talk to anyone anymore, I feel isolating myself is best for now. So add dissociation on top of that. I just can't be happy. I can only find temporary relief by listening to music or going out to a club or something, but now they just tell me not to go out, because they think only BAD people are out at night. Well I'm six months sober now, back in school, moving to a new city, new people, and trying to hang on to the motivation and hope that I've got. All of this I'm paying for with a personal private loan of ,000. No help from parents, they didn't even want to sign a guarantor form which all college students are required for student housing. Let me conclude with the fact that through all this time, never in my life had a gf, reasons being in high school I somehow had the idea I always wanted to be settle with a job, car, my own place etc. so I can treat her good. After hs, as you know things got turned upside down, and the ladies left in this town were pretty much trashy anyway. And I wasn't exactly in the right mentality.

    I'm 21 now, the entire past 5 years I worked fulltime, two of the years at a professional jewellers as manager-on-duty while completing my associates. I've been a man of oppressed feelings and emotion, no true friends, and on top of that, through it all, my folks think I'm a scumbag, they look at me funny, like I'm a freak "What went wrong" kinda look. When I'm not home...I'm happy. No one causes problems for me outside of home. I try to stay neutral as far as most everything in life. I have an eclectic personality and get along with mostly everybody, except doctors, they tend to look at me like I'm scum. I guess I don't know how to talk to them? I never identified with any religion but its always been hard for me to believe theres a supreme being, and I don't let anyone get to close to me. I'm just so confused about everything at this point in life and sometimes my head feels like its going to explode. Probably much like yours after reading all of this.

    Now this here is just way too long and if anyone took the time to throroughly read it, then I am truly thankful for your time and thoughtfulness. I am open for your thoughts, opinions, and suggestions. Would you suggest seeing a school counselor? Everyone always told me I am going to be something great one day, but I just don't know anymore. Thanks everyone.
    I am an accounting undergrad. Its tough, I have no one that supports me, I am nothing like a "typical accounant"

    Im stressed because I took out this loan and am depending on finishing my degree when I am already on academic probation, have no more course forgivenesses and everyone claims accounting is one of the hardest majors next to pre-med. I feel I can do it, but who knows, one slip and thats it for me. I have no extra lives left.
    and its mainly when im at home that i feel like this. I feel unappreciated, misunderstood, and not good enough when Im home. Hopefully the new setting will encourage me
    and I feel because what I've been through, I won't be able to relate to others. Like they'll look at me as if I'm a loser too. *sigh* my entire life is like finding out theres no santa clause over and over again...so depressing... ok sorry im done with the writing

    • ANSWER:
      Let's put it this way, your parents can see what you're going through, they're your parents, I don't think they're that blind. However, they would prefer blaming what happened on you instead. Why? because if they took the blame, it would be like admitting they're bad parents who screwed up their kids life, so it seems like they would rather lie to themselves. The thing is, nobody will truely understand you but yourself. You grew up without good & understanding parents, you can live your whole life without them. You're going toward the right path there trying to get that degree on accounting. You say you feel like you can do it, but one slip and thats it for you. That's pretty tough there in your part, because it's like if you get that degree, you can start all over and go on with your life, but if you don't, you're screwed. If it's like a 50/50, don't do it, one mistake and your whole life will be affected. But if you really really feel like you can do it like you said, work very hard and go for it. You're doing this for your own good. You made your mistakes and you learned from it. Forgive yourself, move on. It's a part of life. You have your whole future ahead of you. Get that degree, show everyone who looked down on you what you can do. Anyways, the first thing you said was "I need help." Right now I think you have the ability to help yourself out, just need hopes and motivations. I suggest you should get the degree first then decide to see a counsilor later. As for your parents, there's no point of trying to make them understand you, they know or at least have a clue, they're just lying to themselve, its not worth it. There are still good things/people out there in the world. Don't give up!!!

      I wish the best luck to you! Honestly.

  12. QUESTION:
    Has my boyfriend lost interest in our relationship. Is he looking for something else?
    We have been dating for 6 months. It has been a rocky relationship. First, he was emotionally unavailable and commitment shy. Also, he was still talking to his ex wife, and his 20 year old daughter had issues with him seeing a woman. We have overcome these hurdles to an extent. But lately, he has withdrawn and doesn't seem to want to put any energy into our relationship. A few weeks ago, I came across some emails to another woman in which he was telling her he had been chasing a woman for awhile, but she turned out to be a dud. He tells her he misses her. She replies she missed him to and called him "My cowboy". He swears it was just harmless flirting, but there are other signs too. We have had a strong sexually healthy relationship, and he has degressed in this area drastically. Not only does he not make advances or loving touch me very often, but he rejects my advances. We still have sex, but it's not as often or as loving. Admittidly, I do worry and obsess about what he's doing, and I know it's driving him crazy. But he's given me plenty of signs and signals. He does really strange things, like get up in the middle of the night, set his alarm for the middle of the night , and on occasion leaves. The last 2 mornings in a row, when his alarm goes of in the morning, He has reset it for 9:30, when I questioned him about it, he became defensive and told me he was still asleep, It was just a coincidence that it was for 9:30 both times, and I was crazy. On the other hand, we spend alot of time together, he calls everyday, and we're together most nights. He tells me he loves me and I believe he does, but my instincts are telling something's wrong. He spends hours at a time on the computer instead of going to bed. I don't know what he's doing, and he's secretive about his emails. Two of our friends have had dreams that he was with another woman and dumped me. I don't believe that these dreams are neccessarilly true, but I wonder if they see signs that I am trying to ignore and these dreams are a result of that. Confused.

    • ANSWER:
      WOW....well all i can tell you is this ,well first of all i need to say i've been there and done that...so that being said..he will ALWAYS talk to his ex they have a daughter together ,and yes they will always have something to say about who he's with..good or bad.anyways,i really think you should just sit down w/him and just talk things out,instead of why are you doing this and doing that ,all that does is make them frustrated .you need answers soo just sit w/him and get those answers .and are you really ready for all this drama?lhope thins work out.

  13. QUESTION:
    Was I wrong to grow attached to my online friend?
    A few months ago I terminated association with a person I had been online friends with for close to 2 years. I have since picked up the pieces of my ego and made my peace with the situation. His behavior put me through an emotional rollercoster for several weeks.

    Last summer, in an effort to be more sociable exchanged contact information with this person and since then we would talk almost every night. We did not have a romantic relationship as he claimed he did not get want to get involved in another (after having 3 past failures), and this was ok as I was glad just to have another person to talk to. Both of us had a lot in common and we both considered ourselves to be aromantic, that is people that have a very low to non-existent sex drives. We met in a forum on the subject.

    Flash forward a couple of months later and I learned he was seeing/speaking to other women....
    Still okay, after all we were just friends, but I started to feel as though I was being strung along on some kind of ego trip. This played on my fears, as I have a history of BAD friendships. I recalled our relationship before and after we started chatting online. I came to the realization that if we weren't discussing things of a sexual nature he showed little interest in me. I confronted him about this, he sort of laughed it off and told me that he thought very highly of me, that I had helped cheer him up during his darker moments (he also subtly implied that he thought I was attractive as well)....all of which failed to sequester my fears that I was being used as his personal "pick-me-up" and the confidant I thought I had gained was truly just a pretense.

    One of the women he was speaking to was due to meet him in person. Though he claimed he was not romantically interested in her anymore because of her overt sexuality.When the time arrived in which the friend came to visit, I spoke with him on the matter. By his own concession he did not have feelings for her and was concerned about any sexual advances she would make. He asked me to sign online at night during the duration of her stay.
    .....
    Three days passed without a word from him. All the while I waited for him patiently, worried that something disastrous had happened.

    Then suddenly one evening he IM'ed me. He told me only that this woman was VERY beautiful (he made a great deal in describing her beauty) and that he enjoyed her stay thus far. Almost immediately he left me but not before asking me to sign on again the next night.
    I did not.
    Much to my surprise, the following day I read on his personal blog that he had sexual relations with her. =/

    ....I could not describe how utterly foolish I felt. To know that while I waited for him for three days, he was busy having his cock sucked by a stranger. A woman he said he found annoying, but obviously liked enough to engage in sexual relations with. WHICH is further upsetting because of his views on sexuality. He'd completely abandoned his self-stated beliefs for a pretty face!

    I told myself before hand that I would not care if he did fool around with her, as it was none of my business, but the quickness with which this transpired, coupled with my existing insecurities.....made me question my own convictions. I lost faith in him. I grew upset thinking of past neglect, feeling so very naive and easily replaced. Easily led and quickly disregarded.

    After a couple of days I decided I could no longer allow myself to make the same mistakes. I wrote him the following:

    "I am sorry to have to say this, but I do not think I can continue to communicate with you anymore.
    To be honest, I should have done this sooner but since it is a new year I need to make an earnest commitment to my resolutions. One of which was to work on boundary issues. I have a problem setting boundaries for myself which make me feel as though I let people walk on me, not that you did, but in essence I involved a total stranger into my drama. And for what sake? I said things I had no business saying, yes it was fun, but I have to set limits for myself. It's a matter of self-respect.

    I don't want you to feel as though I'm placing any blame. Clearly, you are a victim.
    In retrospect, if we weren't talking about something involving sex, we had nothing to talk about. Even before I sent you that first IM, we didn't comment much on each others entries. It was all rather shallow, and you gave no indication that you wished to speak. I don't know why I did it, perhaps because I wanted to get to know another Asexual; or perhaps because last year I wasn't thinking in depth. I did many impulsive things last year, much to my chagrin. I'm just ashamed to have involved some innocent bystander. For that I feel very, very foolish.

    That's all I have to say. I wish you all the best. You are a kind person."

    He responded by telling me simply that he did not feel the same way in regards to the s
    the situation, but that he respected my feelings. About a week went by without communication, but I could not help but be concerned for his welfare. Within the 2 years that were acquainted I glimpsed into his void. Enough that I worried he'd end his life someday, and as someone that had been in that position before felt obliged to show him remorse. We both led pretty stressful lives and I cared to much to simply stop talking to him.

    I decided to contact him again and make amends. Things returned to normal, until one day during a conversation I asked him the following question:

    "Why do you like this girl?"

    He said simply "well...she's pretty and she seems devoted".
    it was then that I asked the question I had long wanted to ask, but knew I would soon regret. I said "I'd like to know what it is you seem to think I lack..."

    This took him completely be surprise as he said he didn't think there was a possibility of a romantic relationship as I was (and still consider myself) aromantic. I argued that I had long told him I was trying my hand in dating, in fact I was even seeing this person at the moment. I am an adult now and am more open to the idea of having a romantic relationship with someone. It was he that would continuously talk about how he didn't want to involve himself with another person. Something he seemed to have quickly dismissed.

    We came to a consensus, we would just remain friends and we wouldn't let this newfound revelation interfere with that.
    But it was easier said then done, a few days after I told him that I needed to have serious conversation on the matter, that I couldn't just sweep it all under the rug. I needed him to voice his thoughts....
    instead he excused himself with a "brb", and I thought he'd do jut that be-right -back...
    HE LEFT FOR TWO HOURS TO GO PLAY PS3...
    What kind of sensible individual does that? Disappears for two hours while I am in the middle of a conversation with you. Suffice to say I was ******* LIVID.
    And yet again, I swallowed my anger. Even joked about the matter. We continued to carry on our conversations, but I was still very resentful towards him in the way he handled the situation. I told him I didn't think I could continue to carry on in the same manner. I told him I thought it was wiser if we just remained friends via FB etc.. and discontinue instant messaging services.
    The following day he sent me this message:

    "Hey, listen:
    I feel like we've reached the point on our e-friendship where I feel i should re-analyze the situation.
    Here's where you seem to be: you seem to be attached to a person whom you've never met and, now that all of this happened, never will. Here, on the other hand, is where I stand: I completely and utterly lack any interest in your psychosis and affection. When I told you that I have someone, I meant just that.

    I don't need anyone else. Thanks for playing.

    So here's what we're going to do: I, since I lost all interest in talking to you, am going to stop; and you will need to put on your big girl pants, face that fact and leave me well alone. We're done here. It's been nice meeting you, not so nice knowing you, and marvelous ending this friendship. I wish you nothing. Have a life."
    The day after that, I received a message from a random stranger. Someone I had never spoken too, presumably a friend of his.

    "Girl, you are insane. You are stark. Raving. Mad. Your pure unadulterated level of BATSHIT has been leaking like a goddamn sieve for months now. I mean, sweet motherfuck. Yeah we don't know each other, but craziness is always lol, and I like lols.

    My thing mostly is, do you actively try to maintain this level of, as my grandmother would say, "nutty as a fruitcake"? Or does it come naturally? Either way it's impressive. Like you sold your neurons to the devil or something. Your crazy *** came straight out the pits of hell. ****.

    Anyway, have a fun time methodically alienating everyone with whom you could possibly form any sort of meaningful interpersonal connection! :) "
    My response:
    "Uhh thanks for your insight?

    You've obviously been told a skewed perspective on the situation. I don't know what you've been told. But there are always 2 sides to a story. I don't believe I've done anything "crazy" and neither do any of my friends on this side playing field.

    What I do think is absurd is the fact that he would have a total stranger message me like this. What kind of person does that? If it's over it's over. There's no need to have strangers insult me because you are too afraid to stand up for your own actions.

    Thanks for your.....advice?
    Now why don't you do the same for your "friend". Instead of criticizing and judging someone you don't know."

    I received word from a friend that he had posted something alarming on his FB page. I went to see what it was and lo and behold it read:

    "You are a ******* ugly *****. I want to stab you repeatedly and play in your blood."
    I involved myself in something I knew could cause me future grief, therefore I cannot call anyone names BUT there isn't a curse word in the English language that would suffice to describe his behavior.

    A part of me feels as though I shouldn't have said anything at all. I shouldn't have continued to ask him to sit down and have that conversation. That if I had just kept my mouth shut, things would have eventually worked themselves out. But I realize that if he's capable of wishing death upon me, lord knows what he's actually capable of doing.

    I don't mourn him as a person, I mourned the loss of a friend I thought I had. I blamed myself for growing attached and believed him when he said I was crazy. The reason why I am posting is because there's still a part of me that wonders if I deserved it. What lessons can I learn from this?

    • ANSWER:
      This has got to be one of the more interesting things I've ever read.
      Well, what can I say? Guys only know one adjective to describe ex's, or all woman in general: crazy. Don't take it personally, they're vocabulary just isn't that advanced.
      Guess he turned out to be like 97% of the male population. Sorry. I have known people on the internet and become friends with them and I can tell you that he's a piece of shit. Some people are just like that.
      You know the funny part is this sounds all too familiar. Meeting the guy on the internet, him meeting another girl, feeling jealousy when INSIDE you tell yourself it shouldn't matter he can do whatever he wants. But your a human. And you feel and even if it's insensible and wrong it happens.
      Yes, oh yes. I know this very well.
      And the solution? Looks like you got that covered. Don't talk to him, ever. Ever. Again.

      You didn't have a friend, so don't waste your time mourning. You loved what your imagination put together and he was just the canvas for that.
      And don't even THINK you deserve it. No one deserves to feel less than.
      What lesson can you learn?
      That you can survive this and come out a better person.
      Goodluck

  14. QUESTION:
    Isn't it time that we accept all Americans regardless of their sexual orientation?
    Obama pledges 'unwavering'
    support to gay causes, community

    Posted on Oct 12, 2009 | by Michael Foust

    WASHINGTON (BP)--Using some of his strongest language to date in siding with the homosexual community, President Obama told a gathering of the Human Rights Campaign Saturday that his commitment to their cause was "unwavering" and that his administration, before he leaves office, would end the military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy.

    "I'm here with a simple message: I'm here with you in that fight" for homosexual causes, Obama, the keynote speaker, told those gathered at an event held by the nation's largest homosexual activist organization. "For even as we face extraordinary challenges as a nation, we cannot -- and we will not -- put aside issues of basic equality."

    Unlike a speech delivered to homosexual leaders in June, Obama in his Oct. 10 address put no qualifiers on his pledge to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell. He did, though, repeat language in that June speech criticizing what he called "outworn arguments and old attitudes" about homosexuality -- language that was viewed by evangelicals then and now as condemning orthodox interpretations of Scripture.

    Additionally, Obama repeated his stance for overturning the 1996 federal Defense of Marriage Act -- which, if reversed, could force every state to recognize "gay marriages" from other states. He also stated his opposition to those who would "enshrine discrimination into our constitution" -- a reference to a federal marriage amendment and presumably also state marriage amendments.

    He made news by saying he would sign -- if it makes it to his desk -- a defense authorization bill that includes an amendment broadening the hate crimes law to include homosexual persons. There was some question as to whether he would sign it because it contains funding for a fighter plane engine he opposes. Conservatives say the hate crimes protections put religious liberties at risk.

    "My expectation is that when you look back on these years, you will see a time in which we put a stop to discrimination against gays and lesbians -- whether in the office or on the battlefield," Obama said. "You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men or two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman. You will see a nation that's valuing and cherishing these families as we build a more perfect union -- a union in which gay Americans are an important part. I am committed to these goals. And my administration will continue fighting to achieve them."

    Obama spoke to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) on the eve of a National Equality March in Washington that focused on homosexual issues. He thanked HRC for "the work you do every day in pursuit of equality" for those "who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender."

    "Despite the real gains that we've made, there's still laws to change and there's still hearts to open," he said. "There are still fellow citizens, perhaps neighbors, even loved ones -- good and decent people -- who hold fast to outworn arguments and old attitudes, who fail to see your families like their families, who would deny you the rights most Americans take for granted. And that's painful and it's heartbreaking. And yet you continue, leading by the force of the arguments you make, and by the power of the example that you set in your own lives -- as parents and friends, as PTA members and church members, as advocates and leaders in your communities. And you're making a difference."

    Bob Stith, the Southern Baptist national strategist for gender issues and representative of the denomination's Task Force on Ministry to Homosexuals (SBCTheWayOut.com), once again expressed frustration at how Obama characterized Christian conservatives. He also said Obama marginalized ex-gays.

    "President Obama continues to portray all who disagree with him as those who 'hold fast to outworn arguments and old attitudes,'" Stith told Baptist Press. "The inference is that if an attitude is old it must be wrong. The constitution is an old document. The Bible is older still. ... It is adherence to those timeless teachings of Scripture that has made it possible for thousands of men and women to find freedom from a struggle for which they did not ask and one from which they desperately sought freedom. If our president truly wants to end discrimination, he will be equally passionate about the discrimination these heroic people face. He will care about their stories and fight for the right for their stories to be heard. Until he does, his passion and eloquence will ring hollow."

    Obama said he and his wife Michelle sent "a message" when they "invited LGBT families to the White House to participate in events like the Easter Egg Roll." Obama's speech came one day after John Berry, a homosexual who is director of the U.S. Office of Personnel Management said the time is ripe to pass legislation favored by the
    The gay community must also take some responsibility and be respectful
    The gay community must also take some responsibility and be respectful
    I would like to see the gay community enlisted in the Medical Corps of the armed services. I see them as ideally suited for such a service.
    The gay community also have a service to give if they are so disposed in the ministry of the lord.

    • ANSWER:
      I think its a great idea. We could call it "The land of the free" (only took a couple hundred years longer)

  15. QUESTION:
    Is it possible to forgive and move on?
    Sorry this is so long...complicated situation!

    My b/f and I have been dating for 10 months. I have major trust issues from a past relationship, and in March, I went through his phone and saw that he lied about going out to a bar with a co-worker (his boss' boss) one Saturday night. He claimed he was going to tell me in the morning, he was mad, and we broke up. I immediately went to therapy because I never thought I'd be that girl who went through her b/f's phone, and we got back together a day or so later.

    Things were going much better, then a month later, he broke up with me completely out of the blue. He kept saying it was better for me, I deserved better, etc., then it finally came out that he had lied about something in his past (something he had told me he did in the military that he didn't.) HE immediately went into therapy (which he had always been very opposed to since he has a Psych degree), I forgave him because I know he has a lot of issues about feeling like a failure, low self-esteem, etc., and he was elated that I forgave him and took him back.

    Again, things were going very well and a month later (last week), he broke up with me again. This time, I found out that he had hung out with a 23-yr-old female friend (we're both in our 30s) Friday afternoon while I was home (they went over to his friend's house and had a beer), AND he invited another 23-year-old co-worker out with he and his friend that Sunday night, without asking me, and lied about who was there. A friend of mine walked down the street and saw them though, so he had to fess up.

    We were broken up for a week and he called me Friday night, freaking out that he doesn't know what he's doing, I was scared, I went over, and we had a long discussion that he's afraid of commitment and no one's ever stood by him and everyone he's ever loved has left him, so he gets scared and runs away (his mom passed away 3 years ago, and his relationship with his son's mom was horrible and ended after 2 years.) He said that things were going really well, I was practically living there (which he wanted), then we went to a wedding, it all came to a head and he freaked out. He said he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, and he doesn't want to lose me. He said he knows it's messed up, but it was almost like he had to "test" me by breaking up with me all those times to see if I'd come back since no one has ever stood by him (he was in a severe car accident and had 2 surgeries 10 or so years ago and none of his friends stuck around.)

    He had therapy last night and his therapist said that it sounds like he found a good woman, he's just afraid to take it all the way because he's afraid of what bad things might happen. His friends/brothers have been telling me some things about how he's very flirtatious when he goes out, how he and the first above-mentioned 23-year-old girl have been booty call buddies for years (he swears they never slept together...he had told me they had only been friends, but with all this, he admitted that they did make out once and admitted that he did take her over to his friend's house the other day, which he admits was wrong), but part of me wonders if he's just putting on an act to be cool in front of his friends/brothers because of the self-esteem issues. None of his friends or family know that he's in therapy, he's been taught that opening up, crying, therapy, etc. are all signs of weakness...so I'm wondering if that's what's going on.

    I don't want to make excuses for him, and I don't want to be the idiot naive girl, and I definitely don't want this to happen another month down the road. I also don't want to walk away from a good guy who just has a lot of issues from his past that he needs to work out, especially when he IS making the effort by going to therapy.

    Any thoughts?
    To answer Deuce, I know for a fact that he goes to therapy because I have seen the receipts and the "homework" the dr. gives him.

    What I don't get is, if he wanted to be with these other girls, why not just be with them when he had the chance....why keep me around?
    Also, I don't think he's going elsewhere for the sex...if anything, I have the higher sex drive of the two of us...

    • ANSWER:

  16. QUESTION:
    Would you sign a petition of 'no confidence' for any politician supporting nuclear power?
    I'm having a hard time seeing any difference between Democrats and Republicans on this issue, even after the Japanese melt down. The so-called 'liberal' by the name of Mr. Barack Obama held a press conference on the day of the earthquake explaining that nuclear power is a "clean energy source." He went on to call for increased use of nuclear power. (March 11, 2011)

    There is no sign that he is backing off this policy commitment. Why should economically less advantaged people be put in harms way. This applies to a potential human species killing path with nuclear radioactive planet and depleted uranium weapons radiation subjected to our young and brave men and women in the military service.

    I have no confidence in the major parties despite the expected billion dollar plus ad campaign for president next year.

    • ANSWER:
      1. Pro-nuke and pro-war does NOT = "liberal".
      2. Given that nuclear waste remains lethally radioactive for THOUSANDS of years, yet the best containers our current technology can provide begin to deteriorate after a few HUNDRED years, nuclear power is NOT a "safe" or "clean" energy source.

  17. QUESTION:
    Why are men who don't want to marry still seen as immature in today's society?
    I’ve heard a lot of people in general say that men who don’t want to marry are immature and cowardly. Could someone please explain to me why this view is still widely held? I am having a difficult time seeing how that view is immature. Marriage is a very complicated legal contract with a myriad of legal issues associated with it. It’s no secret that the divorce rate is high, lawyers exploit splitting couples financially, and the contract gives the woman a legal advantage in several key areas. Why is it cowardly to avoid a legal contract that is harmful? Honestly, I think it’s a very intelligent thing to do (just as it’s intelligent to not jump out of a building to show how manly you are). In what way is it cowardly to tell a woman that you don’t want to get married? It takes balls to tell a woman “Look, I love you and I appreciate your presence in my life, but I’m not going to put my head on railroad tracks for you by signing an unfair and archaic legal commitment. I would be more than happy to live with you in a de facto relationship for as long as our love last.”

    Could someone please enlighten me as to why so many people still hold those notions? I’ll give 10 points to the best answer.
    I'm not in a relationship right now. I didn't tell any woman that. But when I do get into one, that will be my response.
    What legal contract would be an acceptable substitute? No legal contract at all is my answer. Two people should be together on the basis of love alone and nothing more. Guys are iffy about marriage because they want to keep what they work for.

    • ANSWER:
      Because there is nothing in it for us

      Feminist have ruined the family unit and now you get to reap the rewards

      Enjoy

  18. QUESTION:
    How many more lobbyists does Obama need?
    The White House Tuesday evening disclosed that almost three weeks ago the Obama administration granted ethics wavers for two additional officials who had previously worked as lobbyists. On February 20 the administration signed waivers for Jocelyn Frye, former general counsel at the National Partnership for Women & Families, and Cecilia Muñoz, the former senior vice president for the National Council of La Raza, allowing them to work on issues for which they lobbied.

    These two are in addition to deputy Defense Secretary Bill Lynn, a former Raytheon lobbyist whose waiver was granted two days after President Obama announced on January 21 what he heralded as the most sweeping ethics rules in American history -- ones that would "close the revolving door that lets lobbyists come into government freely."

    The Executive Order on Ethics Commitments by Executive Branch Personnel requires that lobbyists who become members of Obama administration will not be able to work on matters they lobbied on for two years, or in the agencies they lobbied during the previous two years. Out of approximately 800 executive branch appointments, three waivers have been granted, the Obama administration said.

    Not all of the former lobbyists entering the administration have required the formal waivers; the White House has also required incoming administration officials who worked as lobbyists to write letters of recusal, indicating issues that they will stay away from dealing with because of their previous jobs. But those letters of recusal have not yet been disclosed.

    Frye's waiver, signed by Norm Eisen, the special counsel to the President and designate agency ethics official, states that it's "in the public interest to grant the waiver because Ms. Fry's expertise in the areas in which she acted as a registered lobbyist is essential to her service to the Office of the First Lady." Frye, director of policy and projects in the Office of the First Lady, has "a particular focus on women, families and on engagement with the greater D.C. community," the White House says. Having directed the National Partnership’s Workplace Fairness Program in her previous job, she focused on "employment and gender discrimination issues, with a particular emphasis on employment barriers facing women of color and low-income women."

    Muñoz's waiver was granted also in the public interest "because Ms. Munoz's knowledge and expertise are vital to the functioning of the Office of Intergovernmental Affairs," Eisen wrote. As director of intergovernmental affairs in the Executive Office of the President, Muñoz is chief liaison to the Latino community, in addition to coordinating with state and local governments. signed by Norm Eisen, the special counsel to the President and designate agency ethics official, states that it's "in the public interest to grant the waiver because Ms. Fry's expertise in the areas in which she acted as a registered lobbyist is essential to her service to the Office of the First Lady."

    "We took the rare step of granting the waivers to Ms. Frye and Ms. Muñoz because of the importance of their respective positions and because of each woman’s unequalled qualifications for her job," Eisen said. "Each is a leading substantive expert on the relevant issue areas and each also has long-standing relationships with constituencies important to their respective offices."

    http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/03/obama-white-hou.html

    "Cecilia Muñoz, the former senior vice president for the National Council of La Raza"

    From Michelle Malkin's blog, May 6, 2008:

    10. La Raza supports driver’s licenses for illegal aliens.

    9. La Raza supports in-state tuition discounts for illegal alien students that are not available to law-abiding US citizens and law-abiding legal immigrants.

    8. La Raza opposes cooperative immigration enforcement efforts between local, state, and federal authorities.

    7. La Raza sponsors militant ethnic nationalist charter schools subsidized by your public tax dollars, including the “Aztlan Academy” in Tucson, AZ, the Mexicayotl Academy in Nogales, AZ, and Academia Cesar Chavez Charter School in St. Paul, Minn.

    6. La Raza gives mainstream cover to a poisonous subset of ideological satellites, led by Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano de Aztlan, or Chicano Student Movement of Aztlan (MEChA), which the late GOP Rep. Charlie Norwood rightly characterized as “a radical racist group…[and] one of the most anti-American groups in the country, which has permeated U.S. campuses since the 1960s, and continues its push to carve a racist nation out of the American West.”

    5. La Raza opposes a secure fence on the southern border.

    4. Former La Raza president Raul Yzaguirre, Hillary Clinton’s Hispanic outreach advisor said this:

    “US English is to Hispanics as the Ku Klux Klan is to blacks.” He was referring to US English the nation’s oldest, largest citizens’ action group dedicated to preserving the
    4. Former La Raza president Raul Yzaguirre, Hillary Clinton’s Hispanic outreach advisor said this:

    “US English is to Hispanics as the Ku Klux Klan is to blacks.” He was referring to US English the nation’s oldest, largest citizens’ action group dedicated to preserving the unifying role of the English language in the United States.

    La Raza also pioneered Orwellian open-borders Newspeak and advised the Mexican government on how to lobby for illegal alien amnesty while avoiding the terms “illegal” and “amnesty.”

    3. La Raza is currently leading a smear campaign against staunch immigration enforcement leaders and has called for TV and cable TV networks to keep immigration enforcement proponents off the airwaves–in addition to pushing for Fairness Doctrine policies to shut up their foes.
    2. La Raza has consistently opposed post-9/11 national security measures at every turn.

    1. The National Council of La Raza means The National Council of “The Race,” for God’s sake.

    Their signature slogan, chanted at pro-illegal alien rallies from coast to coast, is “La raza unida nunca sera vencida.”

    “A united [Hispanic] race will never be defeated.”
    Still waiting for liberals to condemn Obama for this action. Whats more, still waiting on them to do something about it.

    ***drumming fingers***

    ***crickets***

    • ANSWER:
      HE hired a bunch of criminals, and he promised not to hire lobbyist but the dumbass lied again.

  19. QUESTION:
    Can my husband really use me for his 6 yr prison term & abandon & cheat on me upon release w/o any consequence?
    I know everyone is going to say I should be o.k. letting a man go who doesn't want to be with me, and I agree I have to and will be able to accept it at some point. But this has been the only man I've had the kind of connection with in my entire adult life that I wanted more of. No other man could compare for me, not exactly to my husband, like I think he's just so cool, but the connection we had, I haven't experienced w/any other man, or person. I started having my first psychic dreams about him& our spiritual connection has gone both ways for over 15 years. he's always had this connection w/another girl, but she didn't prove to be as loyal in his life as I was. I believed this man who spoke of honor and loyalty as if he lived by those values. He was always honest about this other woman. He told me of their continued friendship and committed his love and trust for a relationship was stronger with me. We had our differences and issues dealing w/a prison relationship, getting married 6 years toward the end of a 14 year sentence. All 14 years I wouldn't send money to deter him from trying to use me for money, but it was a costly relationship just to communicate and visit. I was always encouraged to live a fulfilling life, he did not wish for me to lack experiences due to his incarceration. My life was never fulfilling w/o him. In trying to experience a relationship w/available men, I was only disappointed & eager for my husband to come home so I could finally have the complete family I craved w/the right people. My commitment to him was in my refusal to settle. The year before he got out, I asked if he was coming home, he said yes, then after a difference of opinion he changed his mind. I didn't hear from him, then, around his expected release time, I was having many dreams about him& asked if his friends had heard from him. He called me and said he got out and he doesn't think its a good idea for us to spend time together. I didn't understand. Finally we met up so I could give him his stuff back. He was very distant, so I gave him his space to adjust to being out after so long. After a few months of not communicating, he told me he wants to work out his relationship w/his ex-girlfriend from before he went to prison, that other woman, and he does not want to work out any relationship w/me, doesn't even want to be friends. He was immediately loyal to her. I told him as always, I believed we had a destiny and I wanted to find out what it was, so I'd be here when he's ready. A year later, I'm having constant dreams of us hanging out, being friends, so I called him. He said he really is in love w/this other woman, and only wants to divorce me. After all I invested in our relationship, and all the support I gave him, and we both sign on a marriage, can he really just pull out of that legal commitment w/o even putting anything into it? I'm in California so it doesn't matter that he never even consummated our marriage out side of prison, or lived with me, or cheated on me w/the only one person I asked him not to. Can I sue him for fraud, for signing a contract he never believed in or committed to even though the contract is a commitment? Other than my heart being broken so bad it will take years to recover, and I have missed many days of work, and having to see a dr. for clinical depression, I'm pissed he let me, thru the ages of 17-33 and being a single mom(w/a different father of the child) spend all that time and money following him 4-8 hours across the state for visits, being totally truly in love with and committed to him, when he had to have known all along he was truly in love w/this other woman. He had to have no intentions of making good on his promises to always be a friend to me and always being available to help me and my son when we need it, as soon as he's available to help. He said he'd be helping me w/rent when he gets out, and blah blah blah, all the promises we'd want a man to make. When I was insecure about this other woman seemingly to never really get out of his life, he assured me he knew how wrong and messed up it would be of him to get out and leave me for her, he'd never do that no matter what happened between us, he said he would never hurt and disrespect me in that way. Exactly my worst fear came true. He didn't even give us one chance when he got out, went straight back to her. I was able to communicate better w/him while he was in prison. I don't see how this isn't just another crime of his, hurting another person, this time mentally and emotionally, not physically. I knew he had it in him to fight men over whatever, but I thought it was due to his honor and just being too naive to know how to be honorable in those situations w/o fighting. I honestly saw and believed he was an honest person if nothing else and that's what mattered to me. I can't believe th

    • ANSWER:

  20. QUESTION:
    Next taxpayer bailout: Abortion industry,What do you think about Obama's bailout for the Abortion industry?
    Will Barack Obama provide the abortion industry with a bailout of its own, costing taxpayers billions of dollars?

    The Obama-Biden Transition Project posted a plan on its website called "Advancing Reproductive Rights and Health in a New Administration."
    " It is signed by a coalition of 66 groups including Planned Parenthood, NARAL Pro-Choice America, the National Organization for Women and the American Civil Liberties Union.

    The outline lists proposed steps for Obama's first 100 days in office including the following:

    * Increase funding for Title X (which funds Planned Parenthood) to 0 million from the current 0 million
    * Expand coverage of taxpayer-funded abortions under Medicaid
    * Promote sex education in schools and communities at cost of million
    * Provide birth control at colleges
    * Expand taxpayer-funded abortions to federal employees, military facilities, the Peace Corps and federal prisoners
    * Increase funding for Title V Maternal and Child Health services to 0 million from 6 million
    * Provide international abortion providers with billion
    * Increase funding for the CDC's school HIV and STD prevention programs from .2 million to .6 million
    * Increase funding for substance abuse and mental health services programs for pregnant women and mothers from million to million
    * De-fund abstinence only programs
    * Re-examine Bush administration policies that block or limit women's access to emergency contraception
    * Pass the Freedom of Choice Act
    * Select judicial nominees who "demonstrate a commitment to justice civil rights, equal rights, individual liberties, and the fundamental constitutional right to privacy, including the right to have an abortion."

    Obama's transition office is also trying to find ways to undo Bush administration policies dealing with abortion.

    President Bush issued a regulation today allowing health care workers to refuse to provide abortions if doing so conflicts with their personal, moral or religious beliefs – but the Obama transition team is already seeking a way to repeal the measure.

    The rule is scheduled to take effect just three days before Inauguration Day, Jan 20.
    http://www.worldnetdaily.com/?pageId=83958

    • ANSWER:
      Typical liberal stupidity. What did you expect from the party of infanticide? This is what the American people voted for. Lets face it, our country is officially morally bankrupt.

  21. QUESTION:
    Next taxpayer bailout: Abortion industry,What do you think about Obama's bailout for the Abortion industry?
    Will Barack Obama provide the abortion industry with a bailout of its own, costing taxpayers billions of dollars?

    The Obama-Biden Transition Project posted a plan on its website called "Advancing Reproductive Rights and Health in a New Administration."
    " It is signed by a coalition of 66 groups including Planned Parenthood, NARAL Pro-Choice America, the National Organization for Women and the American Civil Liberties Union.

    The outline lists proposed steps for Obama's first 100 days in office including the following:

    * Increase funding for Title X (which funds Planned Parenthood) to 0 million from the current 0 million
    * Expand coverage of taxpayer-funded abortions under Medicaid
    * Promote sex education in schools and communities at cost of million
    * Provide birth control at colleges
    * Expand taxpayer-funded abortions to federal employees, military facilities, the Peace Corps and federal prisoners
    * Increase funding for Title V Maternal and Child Health services to 0 million from 6 million
    * Provide international abortion providers with billion
    * Increase funding for the CDC's school HIV and STD prevention programs from .2 million to .6 million
    * Increase funding for substance abuse and mental health services programs for pregnant women and mothers from million to million
    * De-fund abstinence only programs
    * Re-examine Bush administration policies that block or limit women's access to emergency contraception
    * Pass the Freedom of Choice Act
    * Select judicial nominees who "demonstrate a commitment to justice civil rights, equal rights, individual liberties, and the fundamental constitutional right to privacy, including the right to have an abortion."

    Obama is also trying to find ways to undo Bush administration policies dealing with abortion.

    President Bush issued a regulation allowing health care workers to refuse to provide abortions if doing so conflicts with their personal, moral or religious beliefs – but the Obama is already seeking a way to repeal the measure.

    http://www.worldnetdaily.com/?pageId=83958
    I think Obama is a very sick man.

    • ANSWER:
      Planned parenthood offers discounted for low income people in their city with the exception of abortion (you must pay full price) So a month of my tax payer dollars to go to help prevent a pregnancy which may cost me alot more of the tax payer money I say GO FOR IT

      To stop teaching abstinence and start teacher sex ed I am all for it. It has been proven that abstinence does not work. Teaching safe sex does work. However I feel it should be a parents responsibility but Obama bridging that gap is great because not all parents are comfortable talking to their children about it.

      Fed and military personnel if their insurance (which they pay for) covers abortion is a great thing. The procedure being a minor surgery would apply to their deductible therefore not our tax payer money!

      Technically the morning after pill is categorized as a contraceptive there for there should not be a restriction. The restriction should be to each individual the insert clearly states no more than 2 should be taken in a 12 month period

      I personally do not think anyone should have the right to refuse performing a procedure OR dispensing medication due to religious belief. When you apply to work at a planned parenthood it is known what they do. When they choose to be a pharmacist they know what it may mean dispensing the abortion pill, morning after pill and contraceptives. If they have an issue with it they should apply for a position in a catholic organization or choose a different profession

  22. QUESTION:
    Does renewing wedding vows strengthen a rocky marriage?
    Well since my main profile was suspended for a violation (waiting to get reinstated cause it was first one for obscenity) I figured i'd blow some points on this one asking a question here. My marriage has been on and off rough really most of the 14 years its gone on so far. We were this close to divorce as of last august right at our anniversary. Things have improved, we've been going to counseling, worked thru some of the sexual issues on our own (actually last few weeks have been some of our best sex including premarital) and things seem headed the right way. We're going to vacation with the 3 kids (13f, 5f,1m all birthdays in late april/may) in hawaii, and i'm thinking about renewing our vows in the park thats by diamond head. Specifically this set of vows/service

    Welina Me Ke Aloha.
    We gather here together on the majestic slopes of Waikiki to celebrate the joyful union of this man,______ and this woman,______ in matrimony on this date of ______here on the island of Oahu, Hawaii.
    Mahalo ia oe no ke aloha.

    We thank you for the beauty of this day, for the miracle of love, and for this exact moment. We are thankful for all the blessings given to ______and______for bringing their two hearts together as one with Love.

    Love is a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Love is a mountain Awash in lovely flowers. It is your home, Where all bright things shine. You feel it now, so strong and free, So part of every breath. That it must live beyond eternity. Love never ends. Oke aloha ka mea oi ae.

    Today, you are here to begin the weave of your marriage with the golden threads of love, hope and commitment. You are promising to share the happy and the sad, the joys and the sorrows, the riches and the hardships. The commitment is to one another, to be partners in life helping the other be stronger, wiser and the best friend.
    He palena ole ke aloha.

    ______and ______are you now ready to commit to one another?
    Do you take______ to be your wedded wife, To love, honor, and cherish her in all of your days?
    Do you take______ to be your wedded husband, To love, honor, and cherish him in all of your days?

    Throughout the world, rings are a sign of eternity, for as circles they have no beginning or ending. These rings are the symbol of your pure love and promises which you share together as husband and wife.

    (Repeat and place the ring) Me ke aloha pumehana. With all my love, and for all the world to see, I have chosen you as my husband/wife. It is my heart's desire to be with you throughout my life, and I shall love you always.

    "YOUR OWN WORDS TO EACH OTHERS"
    (poems, tributes, songs, gifts or any words from your heart)

    You were born to be together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together even in your silent memory. Memory is once more alive for the love of you. The secrets within me are seen through your love. May you create a home that surrounds your family and friends with Warmth, laughter and love and may your love be eternal.

    I ola mau oe me ka mauli ola. He ola lo'ihi a ola kino maika'i, a e pomaikai mau 'ia'oe, i pomaikai ia na kanaka e a'e i kou ola a pau.

    It is our wish that your pure love will never be dimmed by the demands of the world. May you always believe in the vows you have made here today throughout your lives. May you have long life and good health, and may you be greatly blessed so that you may be a blessing to many others.

    Now in the witness of the state of Hawaii, who performs all true marriages. It is my honor that I pronounce you, partners in life, soul mates, Husband and Wife. You may kiss your bride and you may kiss your groom.

    So what do you think? A piece of why I want to do it with the kids there is that the 13 year old has definitely caught us fighting (not physically, just scream/yell/curse) a number of times, and maybe the 5 year old has too. So I was thinking this would be a nice happy warm feely thing for us all. Our anniversary is in August, but we met in April 95. Dated in May, moved in together in June, proposed in July, married in August, pregnant in September :)
    Just to clarify a little, I'm not expecting this to fix anything. We've made good progress both with using counseling, as well as on our own as a part of what counseling is valuable for is giving you the toolbox to deal with the relationship.

    In a way I guess I'm sort of looking at it as maybe a fresh start, try and forget the sleeping on the couch on my 14th anniversary, some of the horrible things we've said to each other, etc.

    • ANSWER:
      Eric, if it's just not there to begin with, I don't feel redoing your vowels will help things anyway. Love pure love is the name of the game, the name of it all. Without love you don't have much. IF by some chance the two of you feel it WILL be of help, then by all means do whatever you feel will help it along. We're all different, what works for some doesn't for others & visa verse. But before you make up your mind for good, talk it over with your wife & see how she feels about it. It just may be the thing for YOU, no one can truly ans. that but you two...the best to you...:)

  23. QUESTION:
    When is boxing going to wise up? It's time for boxing to end the PPV madness and get back on ABC, CBS, and NBC
    Elite XC deal could change MMA with CBS deal

    http://sports.yahoo.com/mma/news;_ylt=AtQ5dZy4DvAsuBPeFbrEs7Q9Eo14?slug=dm-elitecbs022808&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

    The entire landscape of mixed martial arts changed today. Maybe.

    The announcement that CBS will broadcast live Elite XC shows on Saturday nights in prime time is potentially the biggest deal in the history of the sport in North America.

    But no matter what is said about a multi-year commitment and four shows per year, when it comes to television, like everything, it will live and die by the ratings.

    “The sport of MMA airing on CBS is the single biggest thing to happen to the sport,” saidElite XC promoter Gary Shaw. That sounds like a promoter over hyping his latest announcement, but if the show is successful, that’s exactly what it will be.

    But it’s going to take a huge promotional effort by the network and the company to build the event and make it fly.

    Even the most-watched Ultimate Fighting Championship event in history, the Sept. 8 show headlined by Quinton Jackson vs. Dan Henderson in a UFC-Pride light heavyweight championship unification match, drew 4.7 million viewers. While those are great numbers for cable television, they don’t come close to what would be a desirable audience number for CBS, even on a Saturday night.

    Within the Male 18-34 age group, the big show UFC numbers would be successful on a network level, but MMA at this point has proven to have a narrow reach. It doesn’t do well with older people. It doesn’t do badly with women within the 18-34 group, but for network prime time success, you need to draw strongly in more than one age group.

    Boxing’s much-lauded “Contender” series failed on the network level. World Wrestling Entertainment programming, far more popular on cable television than MMA, was successful on NBC in the 80s, but drew poor numbers the past two years in a similar prime time slot with the revival of Saturday Night’s Main Event.

    The first Elite XC show, which is tentatively scheduled for April 26th and likely headlined by Kimbo Slice, will either be the most watched MMA event ever in the United States, or it will be a failure. One could make a strong argument that above and beyond UFC’s first live television special in 2005, where Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar became instant stars by having almost the perfect match at the perfect moment for the sport, this is the most important night, going forward, in the sport’s U.S. history.

    If the shows get poor ratings, the entire sport will be stigmatized with the idea that it has its cult popularity and is simply cable TV fare. It will be a huge negative perception blow for a sport which, with its phenomenal growth over the past few years, has been written up as the next NASCAR. Conversely, successful numbers, particularly if they maintain, will entrench MMA as a major sport in this country.

    “Mixed martial arts is one of the fastest growing sports in the country and a wildly popular entertainment vehicle for upscale, young adult audiences,” said Kelly Kahl, Senior Executive Vice President of CBS Primetime. “It’s original programming for Saturday night; it’s live, creating an event-atmosphere; and it’s something that hasn’t been seen on network television, until now.”

    It’s not a surprise that CBS made a deal for MMA. Both CBS and NBC negotiated for MMA programming for months. CBS’ interest in UFC predated the writers’ strike, while NBC’s interest picked up with the idea of looking for new live programming during the strike. That CBS went with Elite XC over the established UFC is a surprise, and is believed to have happened because Dana White wouldn’t compromise on giving the network control of the broadcast.

    White noted earlier this week, before the deal was announced, that he wasn’t going to sign a bad deal for the company, even with a network station. The control issue also likely cost UFC a deal with HBO last year. UFC’s strategy of playing hardball and trying to get the deal on its terms simply wasn’t going to work with a network, but the gamble was that a big player wouldn’t take the chance with an organization that has nowhere near the name recognition and level of mainstream stars.

    Because Showtime, part owner of Elite XC, is part of the Viacom family, which owns CBS, they fell into a deal that as a fledgling group, gives them a level of exposure they couldn’t afford to turn down.

    “I don’t know why they didn’t get it,” said Gary Shaw, promoter of Elite XC. “If I had to guess, I’d say that it was Dana White. I don’t know that. I don’t worry about the UFC. If the prom queen wants to go out with me, I don’t ask why she isn’t dating the quarterback. I just show up at 8 p.m. at her door. I’ve said all along I think the UFC is great.

    “I like the Fertittas and Marc Ratner (UFC Vice President of Regulatory Affairs) is like a brother to me. But the problem is no fighter can be bigger than Dana White or the UFC. For us, the fighters will always be the biggest stars.”

    Shaw’s most successful MMA event was the Feb. 16 show in Miami, which drew a 1.9 rating on Showtime. It was the highest rating for a non-UFC MMA event in history, largely due to the unique Kimbo Slice vs. Tank Abbott main event. But that’s only 522,000 viewers, and they’ll need ten times that audience number, if not more, to do competitive numbers on CBS.

    The show also sold out the 6,187-seat BankUnited Center in Miami, which benefited from Slice being a hometown star. For CBS events, Shaw said they are looking at running 15,000-seat arenas with the new Prudential Center in Newark being among the venues under consideration for the debut show.

    Most of the details of the deal have not been made official. CBS will be paying Elite XC a fee per show. They haven’t agreed to a time slot, although with affiliate news commitments, it would have to be either 8-10 p.m. or 9-11 p.m. The broadcast team hasn’t been agreed to, but both sides will have input into the decision. Shaw said that once the date and the venue are finalized, they would begin finalizing the matches.

    Shaw said he expected the shows to be similar to the Elite XC events on Showtime.

    “It’s the same type of show,” he said. “I think we do a very good production with competitive fights.”

    Another key is that, with so many people watching the first show and presumably so much hype, that if someone makes a good showing, they can become an instant star, similar, to what happened to Griffin stemming from the first Ultimate Fighter finals. The impact of a great match will be multiplied tenfold.

    An unknown fighter who does a sensational finish will almost instantly become one of the best known fighters in the country. A genuine match of the year could end up being the most talked about fight in history. Similarly, the affects of a poor show will be magnified like never before.

    But it also adds to an over-saturation problem. UFC is producing roughly two shows per month. Elite is now adding four CBS dates to the 16 or so Showtime dates they had planned for this year. That’s a lot of events in a sport with a finite number of stars, and in which the stars can only fight a few times per year.

    Even with the deal giving his company the largest television exposure in a business where television exposure is the life blood, Shaw doesn’t feel Elite XC is on the verge of leapfrogging UFC as the top promotion.

    “No, I’m a realist,” he said. “UFC is No. 1. I am Pepsi to their Coke, Avis to their Hertz.”

    • ANSWER:
      I totally agree with you but there are a few problems that must be ironed out first.
      Problems llike the fact most fights are at casinos because casinos guareentee money and venues. Since boxing has 1 minute rest breaks, it is going to be difficult to find sponsers who could plug their ads while trainers are yelling at fighters instructions. think about wrestling. the numbers are great but the demographics are not always the best for pushing. you won't see lexus showing a commercial during WWE,nor will you see high prices on ads. thats why wrestling is on USA and not CBS anymore. (monday night raw). The networks would have to actually have a interest in the sport to push it. with network television its about numbers and ratings. if the fights are not geting ratings then they will pull the plug. if the fights are horrible match ups for a rising star to pad their records, people will turn the channel. Think about the klitchko-imbragomov fight being on FOX. by the 9th round people would have stop watching it. like a football game where its 34-0 first quarter, the numbers will slide and the cost for ads the next go around will be less, because of that. Sure you would watch it on network for exposure, but networks are not fans of the sport, they are bidders.

  24. QUESTION:
    Wife Vs Mother, terrible Situation for me?
    I love my wife as well as Mother. They both have their faults. I try to make a fair judgment on issues. However, It has been more than 4 years and I have been trying to explain to my wife to adjust to the nature of my family. There are things that she will will not like about my mother and so will my mother about my wife, that is just human, as no body's perfect. However, I have tried to convince either of them separately to be calm and respectful to each other. But it seems to work only for few days or weeks. Problem is that I get sandwiched in between. I love them both and It would make a paradise if they can get together at least for few hours in a day. They don't have to spend time with each other much, but just be respectful and do their duties.

    My wife will not even cook for me or my family even if i am dying, bcoz she does not like our kitchen. Her parents are rich, so she used to have a better life style than now. However, if the mistake of marrying someone in medium class has been performed, then she should learn to adjust. I have spent a lot of money on outings, there is not a single tourist place in USA that we have not been together after marriage. But still she disrespects me and my family. She does not want to accept her mistakes and in last 4 years have not shown a sign of improvement either. Is it failure on my part? or did i just picked the wrong girl?

    People recommend that I should buy a separate house and live nuclear. Is that solution to this problem? or is it just running away from it? How do I leave my mother for a woman whom i have known only for 4 years? Just bcoz I took some wows? So, my mother raised me was only a coincidence and i have no commitment to her when she grows old and helpless? There is no end to dilemma.

    I cannot even divorce my wife, as in India, the society creates a big issue on this, plus the family reputation goes down in the city.

    What can be done? I have tried all the possible methods and have no results. Any suggestions other than buying a separate house and living nuclear?
    Yes, it was an arranged marriage, pretty typical and normal in India. I guess, we both are repenting. However, it's too late now. As when we are away, we also miss each other. We have had some good times as well.

    Divorce is not possible bcoz of Indian society. The culture is different than west. People are conservative in my town and my parents will feel guilt for the rest of their life if I divorce. Its a very critical situation of dilemma.
    strong: I like your advice. I will try what you said. Hopefully it will work. Thanks

    • ANSWER:
      If she has Mars (mangal) in fourth house of horoscope,I assure that your problem will not solve even after going with her at separate home.
      If not ,good.Try living separate for 2-3 years ,when she will become MOTHER she will like reunion.

  25. QUESTION:
    Wife Battle with Mother - I am sandwiched?
    I love my wife as well as Mother. They both have their faults. I try to make a fair judgment on issues. However, It has been more than 4 years and I have been trying to explain to my wife to adjust to the nature of my family. There are things that she will will not like about my mother and so will my mother about my wife, that is just human, as no body's perfect. However, I have tried to convince either of them separately to be calm and respectful to each other. But it seems to work only for few days or weeks. Problem is that I get sandwiched in between. I love them both and It would make a paradise if they can get together at least for few hours in a day. They don't have to spend time with each other much, but just be respectful and do their duties.

    My wife will not even cook for me or my family even if i am dying, bcoz she does not like our kitchen. Her parents are rich, so she used to have a better life style than now. However, if the mistake of marrying someone in medium class has been performed, then she should learn to adjust. I have spent a lot of money on outings, there is not a single tourist place in USA that we have not been together after marriage. But still she disrespects me and my family. She does not want to accept her mistakes and in last 4 years have not shown a sign of improvement either. Is it failure on my part? or did i just picked the wrong girl?

    People recommend that I should buy a separate house and live nuclear. Is that solution to this problem? or is it just running away from it? How do I leave my mother for a woman whom i have known only for 4 years? Just bcoz I took some wows? So, my mother raised me was only a coincidence and i have no commitment to her when she grows old and helpless? There is no end to dilemma.

    I cannot even divorce my wife, as in India, the society creates a big issue on this, plus the family reputation goes down in the city.

    What can be done? I have tried all the possible methods and have no results. Any suggestions other than buying a separate house and living nuclear?
    Yes, my grandparents used to live with us, until they passed away. It is a very traditional culture in India. Like it or not, but it has been dat way for centuries.
    Nuclear family = Just my wife, myself and my kids, no parents or siblings living in my house.
    I understand that in marriage wows I have to stick with my wife. But, is making new relationships at the cost of breaking old ones, ethical ? One day my wife will be a MIL as well. Would she feel okay, if her son left her alone in the house and lived somewhere else, she would not have anyone to talk with at home, she does not have a job, that's almost like being in hell. Try to place urself in the shoes of MIL and then think.
    Why is it so difficult for 2 women to nest in the same place? Guys can hang on to each other so well, they will party and have beer together, irrespective of age.

    But, why does a fight exist between Wife and MIL? It's easy to say, move to a different house. If I imagine myself being 70, living alone, no job, no income, nobody to talk with, grand children are far away, damn, that's not something i would prefer when death can knock on my door anytime, do you?
    I am neither taking my wife's side, nor my mother, but thinking ethically and placing myself in either of their shoes. The dilemma is that both of them seem to be right.

    • ANSWER:
      Get your own house and live with your wife, yes your vows to her do rank above the fact that you were raised by your mother. Your mother's choice to have a child does not indebt that child for the rest of his life.

      Do your parents live with your Father's parents?

  26. QUESTION:
    Have you ever had a Mental Health professional fancy you? What was it like?‏?
    I was assigned a new community psychiatric nurse last month after I had personal issues with my old male CPN. I have a new one and she's perhaps the most interesting mental health professional I've ever met. However I've been reading the signals and I have concluded today that she actually fancies me and perhaps wishes to marry me. Whenever I look into her eyes I can actually see a pure sign of 'want' in there [if I've described that right] and she's incredibly nice to me. We don't just talk about "treatment" but she's told me a bit about herself, and she's 35 and married with no children and she's worked in the psychiatric field for 10 years, so it's a case of opposites attract? I honestly think, from the way she is around me, that she's unsatisfied with her marriage and has grown bored. Now she is looking for a more interesting, better looking and more intelligent and perhaps a much younger man [I am 20 years old] to instill some new excitement into her life, but I know she doesn't know how to approach me.

    I prefer, and generally do, be chased rather than do the chasing, of course, so I do wonder when she'll get the ability to admit how she feels for me, because I know that her feelings for me by far override her compliance to us just being a so called "professional relationship" and other such rules which prohibit professionals from having genuine human feelings [such as love and sexual attraction] with their proclaimed clients, in my case as a psychiatric service user, not only this, but her marital commitments to her husband even though she's already emotionally cheating on him and perhaps lying to herself, which is the worst thing a person can actually do. In a way, I should really bring this up with her, but as a semifamous pornstar once said "if you keep your fan[s] waiting and wanting, they'll love you more". I think this is 100% true.

    However the problem so far is that she won't admit to this yes, but I'm sure given time, she will follow her heart and do the best thing for all of us. When she finally admits to her feelings, I suppose it will be an interesting relationship. I am a big fan of mature relationships and women [or "girls"] around my own age are far too emotionally and mentally immature for me and do not know what they want, when I clearly know what I want, because I have the mental maturity and experience of a 35 year old man, rather than just a mere 20 year old because I'm actually quite a lot different to most my age and we don't relate at all.

    Has anybody ever been in a similar situation to me? How did you handle it and what was the outcome? Or do | did you abide by the old professional-client [most commonly known in the doctor-patient sense, but also covers other professionals] code which removes the humanity from you and makes you actually believe in those false social and perhaps legal codes? When it happens, though I really do not wish to be assigned to someone else. Non judgemental feedback would be great, thanks. This is important to me.

    • ANSWER:
      John, mate, you are starting to lose contact with reality. You've just described a classic case of erotomania. You're confusing professional interest with romantic intention. She's caring and interested in you, and probably one of the few people who listens to what's going on in your head, but you have to remember that at the end of the day she clocks off and goes home. And doesn't give you another thought. You're setting yourself up for failure and disappointment, and if you even give a hint of what you're feeling to her or anyone else, you're going to be assigned to male staff only for the rest of your life. I am a mental health service user, but I have also worked in community mental health teams and I am telling you, this situation is not what you believe it to be.

      I have been in a similar situation, but it was a service user who became infatuated with me. He kept telephoning me, emailing me and turning up outside my house. My supervisor was made aware of this, and it was written in his file. And he was cautioned by the police for harrassment, and later sectioned because he decompensated and became completely psychotic.

      You are not well John, and you need to see your psychiatrist. As good as you feel now, when this all hits the fan you are going to be in the depths of despair and I don't want you to go through that alone. SO please for your own sake make an appointment asap.

      Boundaries are in place for a reason, they're there to protect her, and they're there to protect you. And the most important boundary here is the professional relationship. You cannot attempt to cross that line and make this relationship anything else. She is your CPN, you are her service user. That's it, it will never go any further. As with my case, the minute you try and do anything to cross that invisible line, she will be forced to take action, both to keep herself safe and to make sure you're getting the treatment you need.

      If you even hint at a romantic idea, she's going to have to step down, to protect herself from accusations of abuse and manipulation. Don't force her hand. She clearly likes you and wants to help you, but understand that it isn't the same as being romantically attracted to someone.

      I never got over the sight of my service user being dragged away in cuffs by the Police. he still kept screaming 'marry me'. It was heartbreaking and tragic all at once, but in a professional sense, not a personal one. He'd been doing so well in his recovery, it was devastating to see that happen.

      If you want her to stay in your life, you have to keep this to yourself. And get over it quickly. It's never going to happen.

  27. QUESTION:
    What does your experience tell you about this issue ?
    Girls in their teenage years aspire to become as beautiful as possible trying to match up to the Ideal beauty queen in their mind. From where do they derive these ideals ? Ofcourse, they pick the vibes sent out by young men. We all know that beauty is Relative. Any woman who aspires to become beautiful does so to gain corresponding attention in return. What these young people often fail to remember is that of all the aspects of their personality, the skin would be the first one to show up signs of ageing. Thus, if being intellectualy sound was the idea of gaining attention in the teenage years, such efforts would reap long benefits as slowly that habbit of being intellectualy sound would become part of the person's character without his or her knowing about it consciously. Thus, all these activities that a person often does in his or her teenage years be it attracting the opposite sex, flirting, trying to look good, taking care of other aspects of grooming all centre around the idea of becoming desireable. Now if we go further into the idea of becoming desireable, it really deserves to be done by a person who has a giver in himself or herself. The logic is simple and that is "Why would a company for example, market or advertise any product which is not going to be beneficial to its customers anyway?". In the same manner, why should a person engage himself or herself to attract any person of opposite sex for a girlfriend or boyfriend if he or she is not going to be commited or loyal to the person whose attention is being sort ? Thus, in the teenage years people are only marketing themselves to find the right life partner but then as they grow into mature adults, they should nourish the same relationship with commitment, loyalty, honesty and sincerity. That would make the whole process more romantic than simply flipping the pages of books giving you tips on flirting or attracting opposite sex without any intention of commitment at the back of the mind.

    • ANSWER:
      My experience tells me you've asked this question before.

      Seriously, I'm not reading all that wall of text, but from what I glanced at you seem to be saying that people should look deeper than physical beauty. I don't think you'll get many arguments against that.

      I would add that you could take out the "girls" in the beginning of your monologue and put the word "people". You can also take out teenagers as many people of a variety of ages get their ideas of what
      beauty is, what is attractive, from other people in general, not specifically the opposite sex.

  28. QUESTION:
    Help please: I've been asked to draft a character reference for my Filipino GF to be issued by her Pastor?
    G'day!
    As part of her support documentation for application for a visitors visa to Australia my Filipino GF has asked me if I could write a draft for a character reference. This reference will then be edited and signed by her Pastor. I'm guessing here that considering the difficulty I had trying to explain what a character reference is and can do for her visa application that perhaps her Pastor is requesting the draft to get a clearer picture of what we are asking for and the purpose.

    Can anyone here assist with:
    A/. Writing an explanatory letter for the Pastor.
    B/. Writing the draft of the character reference from a Pastor's perspective
    C/. Grant her a Visa or tell me how to turn the moon a nice shade of blue? [Please excuse my witticism as I'm somewhat overwhelmed by the extreme difficulty we're experiencing trying to piece together what we hope to be a successful Australian Visa Application.]

    My girlfriend is 30 years of age, a volunteer with International Teams [who refused her a reference when she told them I'm a divorced father of four kids], a committed Christian, family orientated [as she has no employment she cycles herself amongst brothers and cousins helping raise their children], and has no formal qualifications other than having completed high school.
    I am a single father raising four kids alone. I have two daughters, 10 & 12, who really need a mother/friend living with them showing the right examples for them to grow into decent young women with a good sense of family themselves. I have two sons, 14 & 18, who would greatly benefit from her influence and my example with her.
    I need her here to help me maintain some balance within myself too.
    I love my girl with all that I am and I know that I would do all that could to give her reason to smile her beautiful smile every day just cos she is truly happy to be with us. I want her to be my Asawa.

    We have a mutual Australian friend who has already signed a letter of invitation for her to come to Australia as her guest. She and her husband have also provided documentation to show they can and will support her while she is here.
    The only thing we need is something to satisfy the Australian government that my GF WILL return to Philippines at the end of her Visa period. Without a employment commitment this character reference from her Pastor is all we have.

    Please can anyone help us?
    I guess I'm really at the point of begging for some real assistance now
    Other info: I just cannot afford to go to PH myself with my kids and I do not have anyone [that I know well enuff] capable of taking care of my kids while I go alone. Additionally I want my GF & my kids to have some time to get to know and accept each other before asking her to marry me.

    • ANSWER:
      Really, I think you should walk into your local MP office and ask for help and complain about ridiculous Visa restrictions. I have run into so many problems trying to get a friend to visit me in the US, it almost drove me crazy. But I am a single guy, so I just gave up and save and travel. But you just cannot, understandably so. Your MP can get the Visa quickly, I promise you. Just be straight and honest. You really have a good case and most MPs really want to do something good once in a while. You know they have to do a lot of terrible things that get hidden away from the public that keeps them awake at night, so they like to do good when they can. I really think you have a shot at getting an expedited Visa. If you go with one of your kids, it will really help. It is easy to say no to somebody over the phone or through email. Take a day off and make an appointment and just visit your MP in person, preferably with one of your daughters. I think they will help you. I really do.

  29. QUESTION:
    Looking for opinions on the gay marriage vote?
    The state I live in will be holding a ballot question looking to overturn the legislation to legalize gay marriage. I believe that homosexuality is a part of the human experience - but am torn for the following reasons:

    1.) There are domestic partner laws on the books as well as special protections in our constitution, for which I don't even qualify. Rape against women is indeed a hate crime, but it would only get true justice and attention if I were gay. So I have a bit of a problem putting yet another budget and legislation toward protecting special groups. I've been the victim of prejudice, violence, landlords turning me away, etc. yet there was no recourse for me and there will never be. I wouldn 't want to be in a place where I was not wanted nor accepted either. Another layer of laws is not going to force those to accept homosexual marriages if they already don't.

    2.) The two sides of this issue have been pumping out ridiculous ads, have spent well over 3 millions of dollars on this, while my kids can't even get on a computer at school to complete homework assignments. I can't get a decent job, small businesses are folding up by the day, including mine, yet this is where our focus is?

    3.) I signed a petition by a "free choice" group to put this in the voters hands, then they put me on all of these Christian mailing lists looking for MONEY! I asked specifically if they were a religious group, they stated no that they were for voters' rights. I got conned and lied to by Christians!

    4.) The other side has taken grandparents who are raising their grand kids and single mothers and lumping us together as a group of "misfits". I resent this. I was married, made commitments and was dumped to clean up the mess. I know gay friends that are also embarrassed about this situation and did not think this was appropriate. We got the point that we are to accept different families, but this isn't going to ever settle well with the male-oriented Christian based codes. Getting them out of power would be the better solution for us ALL. They want to live under these Draconian codes, then they should form their own commune and do so in peace. This should be done together, not piece by piece by each special interest group. Divide and conquer still works!

    5. With domestic laws on the books, I feel this should be an issue between churches and gay rights groups. As a female, I am not a valued member of the church either! They want my collection money, but not me nor my opinions or knowledge of the scriptures. If Christian groups do not wish to marry gay couples, it's their perogative. I'll do it as I am certified to marry couples within my state. I'm sure if the Catholic Church finds out, I'll probably be ex-communicated.

    Overall I am sick to death of this issue. We're never going to get true justice on this Earth.

    I really am looking for opinions that are balanced and intelligent. I don't need to hear chauvinistic quotes from a edited re-translated bible written by a bunch of fat monks who lived in all male communes and had no sense of reality. Nor do I need to hear from the other side telling me that I am closed minded. Homosexuality is a part of the human experience, yet if we were all gay, our species may not perpetuate itself and that part does go against nature. But the homophobes won't look at this logically that indeed it does exist and is "normal" within certain parameters. The science around this is completely lost and it is all too emotional at this point. I take my right to vote very seriously, obviously I am struggling with this and reaching out, I absolutely see both sides of this, but neither side is luring me in with any type of logic.

    I spent many years socializing in a group that included gay couples. The perspectives I heard from these intelligent professional committed loving folks is not even close to the message the gay groups are putting out.

    I just don't think either side has presented a decent intelligent argument here - it's all based upon emotion and this is not a good way to go about politics. I deliberately put this question in this category so I might get a variety of answers. So what do you think?
    Thanks for your answers & opinions. What I'd like to figure out is what the difference between "Domestic Partner" and "Marriage". Traditionally marriage has been formed around religious beliefs. This is where I'm having an issue mixing religion & politics. Then I guess it should go through - this issue should not have been on the table at the outset.
    I see abortion the same way, overturning Roe v. Wade is actually about states' rights, not abortion. Yet I don't think this should be up to politcs either. See why I'm confused - it's NOT about the actual issue - it's the approriateness of our even voting on this stuff.

    If we simply remove the word "man", or replace it with the word "citizen", and truly live by it, then it would be "freedom for all" and I guess we wouldn't need to be voting on this type of stuff. peace.
    By the way, Jesus isn't voting here in 2009. He hung out with sinners & Lepers, he seemed pretty open-minded. He also hung out with kids - I wonder what we would think of him doing that in this day in age. WWJD? Good question.
    Whether we believe he is the son of God or not, according to census records, he existed, had a great message and has shown us actions . The Bible is just words. The Parables speak more loudly putting words into actions. peace.

    • ANSWER:
      I believe what Jesus said we should do, Love one another no matter what we think and he would take care of the rest, We need to stop referring to them as those people they are our brothers and sisters.Its something they have to deal with not me im fine with what some one else does or wants.


Posted in issues | Tagged | Leave a comment

Women With Commitment Issues

Posted on November 15, 2011 by

Lack of commitment is often the reason we give for a failed relationships. One partner normally carries the blame for this, but the truth is that both partners will be responsible. Commitment is one of the least understood aspects of romantic partnerships because we often lack the emotional awareness to understand why it can be difficult to achieve in a long-term relationship. Commitment is really about our willingness to heal our own insecurities.

When we do not feel committed to somebody we are afraid that we will not be able to love them for ever. We may well have fallen in love and been convinced of our commitment in the early stages of the relationship, but as time progresses the doubt sets in. We may also fear that our commitment to one person will mean that we will lose something we feel is vital to our happiness such as freedom, autonomy or sex. We may feel trapped in a relationship, with feelings of claustrophobia and lack of control. There will be a strong temptation to end the relationship and see if there is somebody who will make us happier.

Deep down, our fear of commitment comes from a feeling that we are not good enough and that nobody, including us, deserves or can achieve continuous loving attention. Our lack of self-esteem is projected out into our relationship. We do not really have faith in the power of love to solve problems and maintain our relationship through the inevitable ups and downs. This lack of self-belief usually originates when we are very young and is then accentuated during the challenges of adult life. In looking for a partner we are trying to find somebody who will heal our insecurities and make us feel happy. Unfortunately nobody can do this for us and if we are unwilling to work on our own issues we will tend to search for the rest of our life for the ‘perfect’ partner. Of course, these people do not exist.

The Way Through Commitment Issues

Commitment in a relationship means that we believe wholeheartedly in the power of love and our ability to work to heal any issues with our partner which create problems and increase the emotional distance. Commitment is therefore about a willingness and determination to communicate about our feelings and work with our partner to heal our insecurities. Anybody can commit in the good times, but it takes courage to maintain it through the more difficult phases of a relationship.

We must change our mindset from the assumption that our lack of commitment is due to deficiencies in our partner. Any judgments that we have about our partner are really projections of our own self-judgment. This is why our ability to commit comes from our ability to find self-love. As we learn to drop our own self-judgment and build self-esteem, we will feel more love for our partner and then we will then find it easier to commit.

Perversely the solution to a lack of commitment is to commit! As you do so, your doubt will disappear and you will reveal the truth of the relationship. With commitment a relationship becomes deeper and more intense, making up for the perceived loss of breadth that you believed was the price for commitment. Commitment is a recognition of our state of connectedness to another person and is built on our intention to remove any issues that prevent a realization of this. As we commit, we see more and more beauty in our partner and our mutual love carries the relationship forward in a sustained and loving bond.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Do guys who have friends with benefits play women have commitment issues or just until they find the right one?
    And if until the right one comes along, what makes a guy like a girl for an exclusive relationship?

    • ANSWER:
      You know, we all know money makes the world go round. If you have money, you can indeed buy happiness, but not the sort of happiness we want in a true relationship.
      Money can buy lovers, cars, anything and possibly everything, but you can never buy respect, honesty, and kindness and unconditional love.
      If we feel that we have to constantly do something to try to make a guy commit to us, then thats not the sort of relationship we really want do we? as its not unconditional, its hard work, and its stressful! Life is stressful enough, so why make life more miserable by trying to fight a losing battle!?
      Women are emotional beings, men are 'just do it' beings! They do, then they get over it. Some men can be so commited to a woman, but when it comes to fidelity, its questionable with a lot of them.
      There is never such thing as 'the right one'. just 'the one right now!'
      Everyone and not just men have commitment issues, at one time or another, its just that we don't realise it! Lack of commitment leads to procrastination, which results in missing out on things, people, friendship.
      What makes a guy like a girl enough to get into an exclusive relationship with him? Be yourself, be confident, be strong, love yourself first, when you can do that, you have no idea how attractive you can be not just to the men, but to everyone! Confident people gives out an aura of tranquility,happiness and strength. I wish everybody can learn to love themselves before they extend their love to others, as unless that inner love is found, we will never be able to share that love with others! Goodluck!

      Goodluck!

  2. QUESTION:
    Do some women have commitment issues?
    Are there any women with commitment issues?
    DO you know anyone with this problem?
    Robin that is sad lol
    This is why the coupe is getting new shoes and you are not lol. My wallet is going on a diet lol
    I just want to make sure lol. I hear women always blame men for this.....
    I have no fear lol.
    I will be the same married or not
    as long as I have that little me time lol I will be alright lol
    yes I am single lol

    • ANSWER:
      Some women do.

      My friend has commitment issues big time. She can't be with just one man neither. And then again she's womdering why she's single.

      She a beautiful woman, nurse, and model. She's 29 years old and still has commitment issues, so yes it's possible

  3. QUESTION:
    Why do women have serious issues when it comes to dating and commitment?
    I am Black American from Detroit Mi. (may be relevant for answers). I am doing well for myself, by having my own car, my own career, and very stable family life (meaning I have a mom and a dad that is cool...something very rare nowadays). I have been dating for a while and I don't have any problems with getting and dating girls...but the problem lies with long term relationships. I only look for long term, but I have been noticing that many women I've been talking to have a problem with long term commitment.

    When it comes to relationships I have been seeing that many women have so much baggage it is ridiculous. Baby daddy troubles, rape crimes against them, ex-boyfriend problems, parental abuse, living in a single parent home, and the list goes on and on. It makes me mad because I hate to hear about these horrific events, but I also think that it plays a huge role in commitment.

    I'll give one example of what a typical date goes... I hook up with a girl (black or white...it don't matter), we hang out, go to Red Lobster, go to the movies, and when it gets late, I gotta take her home because I don't like to have girls out in the streets at dark. Sometimes there is sex, other times there isn't. Then later on, all of these problems arise and it is overwhelming for me because I am clean cut. The mom either hates me, or I get into a street fight with a n*gga name Dave, Zach, or Brian, the girl overdoses on medicine... just some completely random stuff happens and I realize I can't be in a relationship with her.

    Im sorry if this was long but although this question may sound sexist (as I know we n*ggas got problems too), but why do you think that women are having problems with dating and commitment?

    • ANSWER:
      i dont know what to tell you. As a black male you are going to have to chose wisely who you date and have the confidence to move on. Sorry, it is the way it is. Now as far as women not wanting a commitment as much, its not sexist, its correct. its more to lose for a woman. The chances of pregnancy, the chances that no other guys will talk to her when is with somebody else and the fact that once women get men they know they dont have much need to hang out with their friends constantly. Cause lets face it, we call women selfish, when it comes to attention men are selfish and very high maitenance. Women over all have way much to lose. Too much. And a lot of young women like to keep their options open. You can thank men for that. all the dead beat fathers, and guys who are just players and jerks have made them turn to the single or player level themselves. better to walk on somebody than to get walked on.

      Now just cause you think you are "clean cut guy" has nothing to do with it. Maybe women dont see you like that. Maybe its not them, its you. Something that tells them "this is not a long term relationship boyfriend". You should some of the women you have dated to ask you what you could change or why they cant go the full run with you. And ask them to be honest.

      And im not going to say being black has nothing to do with your problems but i will say, you arent going to change your race, so you might as figure a way around that. You also might want to change where you are finding these women. Shake down some different spots. if you go fishing and you arent getting any fish, do you stay at that spot the whole day or move on?

      and what are you so pissed off for michigan is going to the dance (the ncaa tournament). So get your slippahs on.

  4. QUESTION:
    Do most women over 40, who have never married and are still single without children, have commitment issues?
    I'm talking about guys who are attractive and with good personalities. What is stopping them from settling down? Opinions please

    • ANSWER:
      I am sure many of them do. But most??? I am not sure.

      Some may just always end up choosing the wrong guys.

      Also, by 40, it just gets harder to meet decent unmarried men.

      As far as the guys go, if they are younger they are looking for a cougar and not commitment. The ones in their late 30's to and older may either be single for a reason or feel it is "too late" for them to settle down.

      And some people just enjoy being single.

  5. QUESTION:
    Do woman who have Commitment Issues Change?
    I'm 32 and she is 28. Were dated for 2 years and she wants to get back (I do too) but says she always runs for this hills when it comes to that next stage and always says to herself "Is this it forever?". She admits she has commitment issues and has had numerous boyfriends in the past.... Do woman change as they get older...or ever? If she does this is it a pattern of behavior she'll never change? Want to get back with my lover but not if she gets scared about the future!! She is pouring it on so heavy that I feel like I'm the one but is this a nightmare waiting to happen....again?

    • ANSWER:
      28 is a very rough time....fair thought....is this it for forever....in fact surprised you aren't having the same thoughts....normally it is the man who has that thought....at least in my own experiences....is there a reason why she has this issue....what happened in her past...was there a parent that left....or is it the fact that she has had "many" boyfriends...i say be happy she is asking herself this question....it doesn't have doubts on you....it has doubts on herself...i would ask her....do you enjoy being w/ me....do you think you still need to play the field....why do you keep asking yourself this question in the first place....it could be a disaster waiting to happen....or it could not...for the moment it just is...life is all about chances and choices....and these are things you both have to explore....time to sit down and talk...and evaluate....best of luck...and a lifetime of happiness

  6. QUESTION:
    Relationship Advice! Is commitment an issue to women that act like this? Kindly read.?
    Me and this girl were dating for 3 months. All of a sudden she says that she feels its not going anywhere. BUT she calls me and texts me like we are still dating. Do you think she just needs time. Today she texts me twice and calls me and I didn’t respond until an hour later and she thinks I am ignoring her. Is this a game???? I really like her and i felt we really never got to know eachother well enough. Would she still miss me if i just back off and would that be my only chance. We clicked very very well. Had sex 2 times and enjoyed each other company. Anyone have any life experiences to share etc.. I am 30 she 26.Why would she think I am ignoring her if she broke it off? Any advice or anything .. PLEASE. Could she just be thinking of still being with me? What does a girl think in this situation.
    Last night she invited me out to dinner then back to her house. I told her I thought she was confused and unsure of what she wanted. She really didn’t say much to that. We were happy together last night. She keeps saying we are friends but I don’t understand. Could it be she is just starting to have a lot of feelings and she is now terrified of being hurt or is she just being nice?? Next day I told her I was moving on and she was scared? Later that night we hung out and she had sex with me and she is starting to get close with me again! She now keeps talking about relationship stuff with me? Is this my second chance? Is she just fearful of commitment or what? Any Advice/Life experiences to share??

    • ANSWER:
      She's scared of commitment but she doesn't want to be alone.
      I was in a relationship with a man two years older than myself who acted just like this. I figured that he did it because on the surface he fancied himself as a player but deep down he was terrified of being alone.
      She's keeping you dangling so that if she feels like no one wants her, she can call you and know that you'll come running.

      Tell her straight that you don't understand and if she continues to show nothing but disrespect for your feelings, ignore her.

      :) xxx

  7. QUESTION:
    Why does Sarah Palin hate women who have been raped?
    “Despite denials by the Palin campaign, new evidence proves that as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, Sarah Palin had a direct hand in imposing fees to pay for post-sexual assault medical exams conducted by the city to gather evidence.
    Palin's role is now confirmed by Wasilla City budget documents available online.
    Under Sarah Palin's administration, Wasilla cut funds that had previously paid for the medical exams and began charging victims or their health insurers the 0 to 00 fees. Although Palin spokeswoman Maria Comella wrote USA Today earlier this week that the GOP vice presidential nominee "does not believe, nor has she ever believed, that rape victims should have to pay for an evidence-gathering test...To suggest otherwise is a deliberate misrepresentation of her commitment to supporting victims and bringing violent criminals to justice," Palin, as mayor, fired police chief Irl Stambaugh and replaced him with Charlie Fannon, who with Palin's knowledge, slashed the budget for the exams and began charging the city's victims of sexual assault. The city budget documents demonstrate Palin read and signed off on the new budget. A year later, alarmed Alaska lawmakers passed legislation outlawing the practice.
    News of the controversial policy has leaked slowly into the press this week as the presidential campaign has heated up and Palin's record has been subject to increasing scrutiny. The practice of charging rape victims has called into question Palin's stated commitment to women's issues, her judgment as an executive and her honesty about her record.
    The story of the Wasilla policy has made its way from comments on Daily Kos to the pages of USA Today. But clear evidence suggesting Palin knew Wasilla was charging the victims of sexual assault has been hard to find. Placing the city budget records, however, alongside a timetable of Palin's firing Chief Stambaugh and hiring Chief Fannon makes it clear the policy was put in place as a direct result of Palin's leadership.
    The mayor of Wasilla before Sarah Palin, John C. Stein, was also a Republican, though the office was and continues to be non-partisan. Mayor Stein was defeated by Sarah Palin in a campaign that brought in the NRA, Republican partisans, and a whisper campaign that Mayor Stein was Jewish (he is a Christian, but is "proud of such a reputation"). He now runs the Sitka Sound Science Center, a marine research facility in Sitka, Alaska.
    Mayor Stein told OffTheBus that he didn't "think victims were billed while [he] was mayor," but that he wasn't certain. He did mention that "Wasilla participated in establishing a Sexual Assault Response Team to set-up a one-stop forensic exam room for victims," evidence of a pro-victim police department. In order to confirm his assertion about the billing policy, he recommended I contact current police chief Angella Long for confirmation. She did not return my request for comment.
    However, I was able to eventually track down Irl Stambaugh, police chief of Wasilla from the founding of the department until Sarah Palin fired him for "not fully supporting her efforts to govern." Stambaugh sued for breach of contract, but lost when a federal judge ruled that "police chiefs serve at the behest of the mayor unless otherwise specified." He later served as the executive director of the Alaska Police Standards Council.
    It turns out that Wasilla did not bill sexual assault victims for the cost of rape exams while Irl Stambaugh was chief of police. As chief, he had included a line item in the budget to pay for the cost of such exams. He had only just heard about the Mayor Palin/Chief Fannon policy today, and was just as shocked to hear about it as I was.
    Checking the budget confirmed former Chief Stambaugh's claim. He had included a contingency of ,000 in his budget for the department's 1st year of existence (1993-1994), ,000 for 1994-1995 and 1995-1996, and ,000 for his final year as police chief in 1996-1997, spending ,625.
    Duwayne Charles Fannon, his replacement, halved the budget request in 1997-1998, with a request of ,298, spending ,454. However, it seems he began the "victim pays" policy in the 1998-1999 fiscal year. That year, he requested ,000 but spent only 5. This data can be found in the Document Central section of Wasilla's website.
    The Document for the 1998-1999 fiscal year begins with a message "To the Citizens of the City of Wasilla:"
    The comprehensive annual financial report of the City of Wasilla for the fiscal year ended June 30, 1999, is hereby submitted. The City's Finance Department prepared the report. Responsibility for both the accuracy of the data, and the completeness and fairness of the presentation, including all disclosures, rests with the City. To the best of our knowledge and belief, the enclosed data is accurate in all material respects and is reported in a manner designed to fairly present the financial position and results of operations of the various funds a

    • ANSWER:
      I think it's a case of her totally failing to understand or empathize with ANYTHING outside her experience. I really do believe Atticus Finch when he says "sometimes, you just have to walk a mile in the other person's shoes..." - I don't think Sarah Palin is capable of doing that. I don't think she can understand that a 00 bill could defiantly deter some one who was just horribly violated from seeking help.

      She scares me... friends of mine tell me she literally does hate gays... I'm looking that up now....

  8. QUESTION:
    For women that got involved with a man that has commitment issues...?
    I am looking for women that have been involved with a Man that is 40+, fell in love, only to find out he had committment issues and left a perfectly wonderful relationship. Did he come back? Where you able to work it out? I looking for some advise on what you did and what made it work.
    This man says he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He says he loves me and cares very much for me. Says I am an incredible person...he said all this the day we split. I had no clue this was coming, he sucked me into his world. Made me beautiful things, showed me how much he loved me, etc. Involved me in everything..made all the holidays special. I did not push myself on him. At least I didn't feel like I did. I just followed his lead. It is so sad to think that a wonderful relationship like ours is going to go to waste. Sad thought of growing old alone. Having a wonderful place to live and nobody to share it with. The birds singing, the squirrals chattering and the frogs at night. Along with the dark skys and all the stars you get to see. I will never understand throwing something like that away.

    • ANSWER:
      I have been involved with men with commitment issues; one is still a bachelor and a the other met someone he eventually wanted to have a committed relationship with. I was married to a man who was 40+; his first marriage turned him against commitment and/or marriage. After we dated on and off for five years, we decided to get married. After six years of marriage we went our separate ways. We parted as friends. He says he doesn't want to commit or get married ever again in his life, mostly because of his long hours at work (which was one of the reasons why we divorced). Some guys that are in their 40+ sometimes are pretty set in their ways and like to have their freedom to date when they want to, whoever they want to (sometime there are "friends" that guys date on the regular for example: "flavor of the month."), or choosing to be by themselves to do whatever they want, whenever they want.

  9. QUESTION:
    My boyfriend has commitment issues? What do you honestly think about all this?
    I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. Hes 25 and im 19. We moved in with one another really soon after only 3 months of knowing each other. Before he knew me he dated/slept with a lot of different woman but none of them he saw a future with. I've only slept with pretty much him. About 6 months through our relationship he decided that he wanted a "open relationship". He wanted to know that he could have a one night stand with some woman if the opportunity came. He claimed that i'd always be his number one, and it would be just random sex and he'd never talk to them again. I was totally against this, since it hurt because i'm a model and try hard to take care of myself and look good, and I saw one of the woman he hooked up with who was overweight and not attractive and it hurt to hear him call her gross, knowing that random sex was so important that he'd risk loosing me for someone like that. He wanted this because he has a thing with "variety" with sex. The thought of sleeping with the same woman the rest of his life freaks him out.

    So we broke up for a month,and i stayed at my moms place, and left him at our apartment and he came back to me, crying and apologizing saying that wanting a "open relationship" was stupid and he only wanted me. So we got back together, and its been about two months that we've been back together living together, but I think he has serious commitment issues.

    Like one days hes talking about how he wants to get a house with me and have kids, and he could see us having kids together but then the next hes saying that maybe we should still date and see each other everyday and be serious still but just not live together and he could go move in with one of his friends. And then in a year or so we can move back in with one another.

    He has even admitted to me that he has some commitment issues. Its just hard cause its like one day he wants to settle down and grow up and the next he doesnt. Im totally in love with him so it makes it hard. When I ask him about his "variety of woman with sex issues" he tells me that all guys have that, he just has to control it.

    What do you think?

    • ANSWER:
      oh my gosh, i almost wanted to kill you when i read this. WAT IN THE HECK! UR SERIOUSLY ON BOARD WITH THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ok #1 random sex??? if he's committed to you and only you and claims that your his "number 1" he shouldn't get tired of having sex with you and ONLY you. #2 i would HIGHLY i mean HIGHLY suggest that you get a relationship counselor. Technically by the rules of women him sleeping with other women and not caring about them is called a creep. put yourself in these girls places! being taken advantage of my a guy that already has a woman? i don't know about you but honey i would be angry. okay next you say he wants to have kids. what kind of influence is he going to make on your children? your kids every night asking "mommy where is daddy?" what are you going to say "he's out having sex with your new mommy" if you have a son would you honestly want him to act like this? Your children will have 10-20 step brothers and sisters because this guy is running around having sex with random women! and the part about never speaking to them again??? once again put yourself in their shoes. you meet this guy and your thinking wow he's really amazing,(and by the way what if your a virgin), he's special i think its time for me to have sex. have sex with him, he leaves, and you never see him again? think about how depressed that girl would be! SHE GAVE UP HER VIRGINITY FOR A GUY WHO HAS A WOMAN! umm wow if you dont listen to a word i say im going to feel really sorry for you. you say he says the thought of sleeping with one woman the rest of his life freaks him out? IF YOU ARE HIS WIFE, HE HAS MADE A COMMITMENT TO LOVE AND HONOR YOU! HOW IS HE LOVING AND HONORING YOU IF HE IS SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN EVERY OTHER NIGHT? sweetie put your foot down NOW i personally wouldnt stand for it and no woman should. if you want great and amazing children that you want to be proud of what they do. [i know this is heartbreaking for you to hear] but honey don't marry this man, and do not let him get you pregnant
      -i as woman wish you the best, i hope you listen to me. Also as a woman no matter what your mama will love you
      p.s. you are young-dont throw your life away

  10. QUESTION:
    What can I do about my COMMITMENT issues with GIRLS?
    There are just so many pretty women. I date 1 while 10 others tempt me.

    How is it possible to be with just one girl?

    I've never dated a girl without fake melons lol is that strange?

    • ANSWER:
      you dont have to commit, why eat pizza every day when you can have a banquet? besides, women today are uselss, and there is absolutely no benefit for a man who gets married today. Its just a weakness.

  11. QUESTION:
    why do men waste there time on women
    ok women are mad an men for being players men are players because women say that they love you but when times get hard they bail. then men develope trust issues and commitment issues. all because women arent true to there love for their men. men put up with loads of crap all because they love their women. but all ive ever experanced is women leaving durring hart times. what ever the har time may be they up and leave. thats not love they say it and it has no meaning till they stickthrough the hard times. but they never do, so is it safe to say dating is a big waste of time or what ?

    • ANSWER:
      The only girls who go for players are shallow, superficial girls. So naturally, they'd leave when the going gets tough or when things stop being non-stop fun. If you want girls who are true to their word, then you've got to pick girls of good, strong character and morality. But they might not be interested in you, because what girl who is interested in substance and moral worth would date a player, who has clearly shown bad judgment. Your solution is to stop blaming your dating problems on the women, and start realizing that it's YOUR CHOICE IN WOMEN, not all women as a group, who are to blame for your negative experiences. Change the qualities you look for in a woman, and you'll find one who is true to her love for you and who is not the sort to leave a man in hard times. To attract such a woman, though, you need to be the sort of guy who will be true to your woman and not leave her in hard times.

  12. QUESTION:
    When do you stop trying to get the girl?
    First let me tell you a little about myself. I'm your average 28 year old male. I'm nice, smart and good enough looking. I've never really had issues with women, commitment, or dating.

    Now for my problem:

    I fell in love with a woman who doesn't seem to love me back.

    I'm not a psycho stalker. Me and this woman talk regularly.

    We talk on the phone almost everyday for about 5 months. We see each other about once a month. I love everything about this woman. She's everything I ever imagined perfect in someone. She's sweet, smart, funny and fairly traditional. The only problem is that she doesn't care for me in that way, yet she calls me every night before bed. It's gotten to the point where I can't sleep until I hear beautiful voice.

    We've kissed a few times and she freaks out every time.

    She has perfectionist parents and I think I fall short of what she and her parents expect in someone for her. Oh yeah, she's 24 and lives with her parents. They want her to marry up. I love her. Help

    • ANSWER:
      Ahhhh you are feeding her Narcisistic Supply!
      She is using you to fill her hunger. She gets hungry and she can turn to you to feed her. I'm sure you aren't the only one she is doing this with. This type of girl will end up with an abusive type of guy who treats her like yesterday's garbage.
      She knows she has you on a fish hook and she thinks she has control over the situation. Those little "kisses" she has give you were all about remaining in control of the relationship. She knows she has to throw some bait out there to keep that fish on the line.
      One day she'll just be gone - often abruptly and inexplicably, it is all over. The narcissist is cold, uninterested and remote. Trust me it will happen. As soon as she finds a better fish to fry......
      Play back if you want, although I don't recommend it.

  13. QUESTION:
    how do i get over commitment issues? i wanna be with someone and not these issues interfere but how?
    i was in the military for 8 years and it seems that ever since i got out it gets harder and harder to have a relationship. now this girl comes into my life and i like her a lot but i just dont wanna screw this up i need a good woman in my life and i think she is it but i just wanna stay with her and put these commitment issues behind me. can anyone help me with this?

    • ANSWER:

  14. QUESTION:
    Me and my boyfriend of 3 years just had our first child. I just caught him talking 2 a girl commitment issues?
    We have never had a problem with cheating before "that I know of" but now he is a father and hes talking to another woman is he just afraid of commitment he is 21 im 20

    • ANSWER:

  15. QUESTION:
    Is today's feminism really just a smokescreen?
    A veil of credibility under which women who don't like men, or women who have commitment issues, or women who just don't want to be married/have kids can hide? Isn't it time women were honest with themselves and stopped pretending they are fighting for a cause?
    You mean this video Eoghan?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in_4QhWQaq4&feature=related
    So-and-so, I think you're being a bit liberal with the use of the term feminist. I'm talking about the serious feminists, not the average woman who says she believes in equality.

    • ANSWER:
      Well they are fighting for a cause... but that cause isn't "equality."

      Feminists of today fight to have "equal outcome" through laws and measures that slant the playing field in favor of women.

      If you look at the groups that are the loudest and fight the hardest (think N.O.W.) ...you'll see they're a bunch of women with horribly sexist ideas about men and completely false ideas about the nature of gender identities. (Refusing to admit what science has proven with the male/female hard-wiring.)

      So the smokescreen is the word "feminist" that used to mean a person that fought for equal opportunity and equality.

      These "feminists" also were supposedly fighting for women's rights, but we got a nice perspective on what and who is behind the movement:

      http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article581663.ece

      It's just like the feminists here in the US that work alongside horribly anti-male radicals and want everyone to pretend not to notice.

      The smokescreen isn't working as well today in 2009, though. The voices on this forum and others like it are proof of that.

      (No ladies... if you believe in equality for women that doesn't mean you're a "feminist." It means you're sane and normal. The term "feminist" has changed. It's kind of like the word "gay." It used to mean something completely different from what it means today. Modern feminism isn't a happy and nice place.)

  16. QUESTION:
    my boyfriend has major trust and commitment issues..please help?
    i met my boyfriend over the summer. he was not the normal type of guy that i would date but dispite all of the flaws or waht not i started to fall for him like really fast. which in my case never happens..i just never felt this way about anyone. come to find out i had more feelings for him and we stopped seeing eachother he actually went back to his ex at this time (at this point we were only dating nt committed). he ended up realizing that he had made a mistake and wanted to be with me and commit to me. he told me he didnt realize what he had when we were dating and wanted to make it work. well at this point i was aware of his trust and commitment issues due to his past relationships of woman lieing and cheating. i choose to take him back simply because i had felt from the moment i started dating him that things were just right. he is an amazing guy and i feel i am also an amazing woman...we are seriously the couple that everyone looks at and envys. everyone that sees us says we are perfect for each other and can see the chemistry. well i stopped dancing and made many changes for our relationship because i truly do care very deeply for him. everything was going great i mean better than i could have ever asked for. there were a few times where i didnt tell him the truth for no reason even though i could have i felt as though i couldnt which was my mistake. but i never cheated or did anything towards him or against our relationship. tht happend within the first 6weeks of our committed relationship. since then i have been so honest with him god is smiling at me. But he now is saying that he isnt sure if he sees a future due to his lack of trust and not being sure if he ever sees himself getting married. seriously i love this guy and know that i will never hurt him or ever be dishonest about anything but i dont know how to prove that to him. i have apologized to him many times about not being honest with him. we live together right now and we are trying to figure out what to do ... stay together or split up . i want to stay together obviously but am at a loss of what to do...i know many people would say leave why would you want to be with a guy who feels that way but i care so much for him and want this to work i know how perfect we are together but idk if his fear of someone hurting him is gonna be the end of us... having him essentially shutting me out and pushing me away. please give me advice and no rude comments..thank you so much

    • ANSWER:
      You can't control how he feels or what he wants. If he has no trust and is unsure of the relationship, and if he is thinking of splitting, you can't force him to change his mind. It would be wrong on your part to make him stay in a relationship he doesn't want.

      Trust me, if he does want out, you'll find at some point that there is a silver lining to this black cloud. If you're an amazing woman, then there is a guy out there who WANTS to be in a committed, honest relationship without hesitation. A guy who has a healthy attitude and outlook.

  17. QUESTION:
    Confused and conflicted by ex's cheating...?
    My ex cheated on me with a formerr lover, and I've been having commitment issues with women ever since. Granted, my ex was younger and immature, but she was a prude in bed with me - not wanting to experiment, always wanting missionary, etc.

    How do I learn to trust women again? I always wonder if they'll cheat like she did.
    Her being such a prude was an issue because I never considered in my wildest dreams that she was cheating.

    • ANSWER:
      Trust takes time. You can't judge all women by the mistakes your ex made. Take that as a life lesson. let it go, and move on. Judge each person separately and allow them to show you their true colors.

  18. QUESTION:
    Casual dating?
    Is there a such thing. Dating a guy you really like, could possible love but you know it would not work out so you keep it casual. That's what I'm doing but everyone keeps asking me where is this going. They say don't waste my time if I know he's not the one. Since when did every guy you have chemistry with have to be the one to marry or have a relationship. go out have a GREAT time and and in many ways it feels like the real thing. It's just not. He has commitment issues so women usually break up with him. I don't want to follow that pattern. What should I do?

    • ANSWER:
      Dont worry about what other people are telling you. If you have fun with him then go with it. You are right! not every person you date has to be "the one"

  19. QUESTION:
    Why do women want commitment? In terms of... why is 'having a man' so important?
    My perspective - mid 30s, never married, two long term relationships (8 & 6 years) that I ended, no desire for children.

    I'm asking because people seem to think I'm way out there for not panicking to be committed/married. I am not ready for marriage. I'm satisifed with that so why do people, mostly women, try to misconstrue my wishes as something they are not... like I can't find/keep a man. And men act as though I should be 'taken'... attracting and keeping men is not the issue and that's all I'm going to say about that.

    I realize there are men who want commitment but it seems like, with women, it's some inherent mantra/drive that I do not possess.

    Please explain... thank you... :)

    • ANSWER:
      I admire your courage to not have to have a man, and I wish I could be more like you. I always have to have a bf. I think the longest time I have been single for is 4 days. The fact that you have the confidence and maturity to not want some guy to come along and give you committment is something to admire. I think the women who are giving you a hard time are jealous, they want the strength that you have, to be able to make a stand and get rid of a guy when he isn't good enough. Good on you, keep it up!

  20. QUESTION:
    Okay, I found the man I want to be with. The only problem is he has commitment issues.
    We discussed getting to know each other better, but from a man's point of view, what would be the the proper steps or ways to his heart... Is there something that your girlfriend and/or wife to set herself apart from other women?

    • ANSWER:
      How long have you been together, and how old is he? The best thing you can do to set yourself apart from the other women is to be patient..stick with him until the time is right..let him know you aren't going anywhere, so that he isn't forced to make a decision immediately

  21. QUESTION:
    Commitment Issues regarding ex?
    I recently broke things off with my girlfriend of roughly two years because i felt that it was time to move on and see other people (Senior in high school).

    However, i keep yo-yo-ing with the thought that maybe the breakup was a mistake. I'm still physically attracted to her, and we get along quite well and are able to talk for hours. I just keep telling myself that in order to grow up, I'm going to need to experience relationships with many women, instead of just one.

    Do i have some kind of commitment issue? What would be my best course of action. Seeing as none of you know me, a general answer will suffice. tyvm

    • ANSWER:
      I don't think you need to experience relationships with "many" women in order to grow up. If after 2 years you are feeling this I doubt you really loved her.

  22. QUESTION:
    Guys and Commitment Issues?
    My friend and I are in our mid-20's. We want to know why so many guys we know have commitment issues. It seems like I have many, many friends that have been dating guys for years(3+ years), but the guys can't seem to get their acts together in terms of marriage or even moving together. All the guys are in their late 20's and some in their early 30's.

    All my friends are nice women. They're not living with these guys are playing house and that's why are don't commit. These are girls that work, make their own money and are very nice, sweet and charming girls.

    So, what gives with the guys? These are pretty nice guys too. It's not like they're cheating or being jerks. They're the type of guys you can take home, they're respectable, have good jobs and treat the women right. They talk about marriage with the woman and says it's what they want, but never act on it.

    They can't seem to take the next step. What gives? I'm hearing this from so many girls my age, not only my friends. Can someone help me gain some insight?

    • ANSWER:
      We are living in a whole different world. I don't think many men and/or women want to be married or tied down. Now a days everyone wants their freedom. Divorce rates is so high that not many people want to put themselves through that.

  23. QUESTION:
    Men with Serious Commitment issues?
    My guy has serious commitment issues, hates all things realtionships, titles, etc. He pushes the other person away or does something stupid when things get serious. Is this a defense mechanism or just because he isnt into the person? What does it take to fix this or help him to see that i'm not going to hurt him like he's been hurt in the past? I do everyting for him, am so nice and good to him, yet he still seeks out other women after a period of things being great between the two of us. He says with me its more than just sex, he can just have me chill with him and be totally happy. Does that mean im more friend territory than gf territory? Shouldnt the perfect balance be someone you can shill with and go to bed with? Because if so, and i am that, why does he still need to seek these other physical attractions? INsecurity, ego boost? Please any advice on this or something along these lines would help

    • ANSWER:

  24. QUESTION:
    Can a woman be a commitment phobe too?
    I dated a girl two years ago who left me because we were getting 'too serious', I moved to another country but I am back now and I am still in love with her. This is the woman that I want to potentially marry and this time she does seem more interested, but what will I do when she rejects me again? I love her so much that waking up without her by my side is like not waking up at all! I would like her to deal with her commitment issues for the sake of our relationship!

    Do you guys think that women can be commitment phobes too?

    • ANSWER:
      yes women can be commitment phobes, too.

      but you don't know if she is a commitment phobe or if she still feels the same way she did the last time you were involved with her.

      if she has a history of running from men when things get serious, then she could be a commitment phobe.

      if she only ran from you then she just wasn't ready for a relationship and she felt like she shouldn't lead you on.

      You haven't seen this woman in two years. If you haven't even been in contact with her in that time then she's had 2 years of growth and she's not the same person she was when you knew her. Just as you are not the same person you were 2 years ago--you need to get reacquainted with her and see if she is interested in trying again with you.

      If she tells you "no" then it's not a commitment issue, it's that she's not interested in you.

      If she tells you "yes" and then she backs away again then it's a commitment issue and it only gets worked out when she's ready for it to be worked out.

      It's up to you then to decide if you are willing to wait for her or if you are also a commitment phobe because you have chosen to hold out for someone who won't commit to you.

      and if you already know going in that she really isn't interested in a relationship with you and that's how you know she's going to tell you "no" then she's not the one with the commitment issue. You are the one with a boundary issue.

  25. QUESTION:
    Any advice in getting over commitment issues. What causes them during childhood.?
    I hate to commit to anything. I was taught your word is worth more when you use it less. so if i say Ill do something hell or highwater ill do it. But it seems like i dont want to commit. Ive kept a secert for a freind that landed me not talking to my parents for weeks even though i didnt want to know it i agreed to keep it and followed it though. even with women i cant or wont commit. I can barely keep a job. I want to know that i can leave. I think this is rooted when my sister got cancer and i was living 18 hours away. I quit my job and by friday i drove to care for her after surgery. My older brother (whom i was working with ) wasnt happy but she had asked me to move back to our family home and help her. When I was in mechanic school my mom got cholestrocoma near the brain and it ate her eardrum i was pulled out from my school to move with her and take care of her and my younger brother. MY older brother however stayed I think he visited often but dont recall. do you think this is revelant to my commitment issues. I hate the idea of having to leave on a dime without fair warning. MY aunt died from cancer and i told my employer when she was diagnosted i would be leaving 6 months later she passed and i gave him my two weeks a week before she died. when she died sunday night i went in on monday and told him it was a three day service and i helped load her things out of the Nursing home. on monday and she was burried on thursday. Friday we mourned with out of state family and Hes given me a few bad references. I applied at 8 places in town and got none of these jobs because i listed him on as a employer. (I think its him) I hate to commit to anything Do you all have any advice to turn my life around?
    I think and hope your right im usually unattached. i know i can commit but feel like im missing out on something. I dont know what it is but ill find it eventually. Thanks

    • ANSWER:
      I can see that you're a responsible and caring person . Lack of commitment could be because of lack of attachment . If you really liked the job you're doing or the woman you're dating I do think that you'll commit . Our commitment to anything depends on how much we're interested in it . Be interested in what you do and you'll find yourself committed to it .

  26. QUESTION:
    Do American men get freaked out about commitment when they spend too much time with their GF?
    We've seen all the movies, chick flicks, romance films, about how men freak out about commitment and women seem to LoOove it (i.e in "How to lose a guy in 10 days," Kate Hudson's methods are all about trying to scare Matt McC. by putting "female products" in his bathroom and pretending to be super lovey-dovey).

    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety, but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother).

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, and showing him a lot of affection (like giving him lots of kisses and hugs) because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    The reason why I say "American" men is because I don't want to peg ALL men to be a certain way and wonder if the fear of commitment (and the idea that men really want independence) is a societal culture thing.

    Do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      That can't even be pinned to "American" men -- because it's not like they're all the same. There are men all over the world who have commitment problems, because it's in their nature. It sounds like you've got something good though, and if you don't feel comfortable confronting about it, I don't see much of a reason to. If you're going to get married, obviously he isn't having the same "issues" as other guys (who flinch at the very thought of holy matrimony), and I wish you two the best of luck. :)

  27. QUESTION:
    How long before a guy knows if you are "the one"? Mature men only please.?
    I am curious, from a man's honest point of view. We are not talking about a guy with commitment issues. As a women I say within a year you can tell if someone is marraige material. I look forward to input.

    • ANSWER:
      id say sooner than a year really within a few weeks you know if you want more and after meeting the familys you should be pretty sold

      then again i was then she changed alot, lucky for me itwas before anything was on paper

      and oh yeah i dont know how mature i am i still think farts are funny :)

  28. QUESTION:
    Commitment issues...need opinions on email exchange...?
    THIS IS LONG...THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ IT. WE'VE BEEN DATING 6 MONTHS AND ARE 43 AND 40. BOTH DIVORCED WITH SEVERAL CHILDREN.

    JAN SAID: Hey there,

    I really enjoyed last night! Sex with you is always great.

    I want to ask you something...and PLEASE don't get mad at me for asking. I just really want to know. Are you seeing/sleeping with any other women besides me?
    I know early on we talked about it, and you weren't. I just wondered if that has changed.

    I guess I'm not really sure where I stand with you...I really like you. But if I were to go by just your actions...it really does seem like you're not that into me. (and no, I'm not hormonal =)
    I know you're very busy, but you'll go a week without contacting me at all...and then only respond when I do. It just seems to me if a man is truly interested, he'll keep in contact, even if it's only a quick text to say "hello", or "I'm thinking about you"., etc, no matter how busy.

    If this has just turned into a sex only thing, I'd like to know, before I invest my emotions any further. I'm not saying I wouldn't continue if that were the case, but I'd like to be able to make that decision. I personally think that I am worth more than that...and I know that we both love the sex...it is a very important part of a relationship to me. But I guess I'm just not sure what the nature of our "relationship" is.

    I've been wanting to talk to you about this in person for quite sometime, but I just can't seem to bring it up when we're together. I hope I haven't upset you, or scared you off.
    Just need some clarification.

    Thanks,
    Janelle =)

    JAMES SAID: Hey, I'm not mad, but I feel bad about how you are feeling about us. Honestly, I'm not seeing any one. I have gone out with one person over a year ago back home. She's an old high school friend whose divorced with 2 kids, but it has been a long time since I've seen her. I do care about you and I wouldn't be doing what we're doing if I didn't think highly of you. You are worth it, trust me. I think the problem is that I am simply not ready to commit to any one in an emotional way. I'm comfortable where I am in life right now. You should really not expect much out of me in that department. At least for now. I hope we'll always be friends at any rate. I do stay busy doing things when the kids aren't around because I don't want to go crazy in the apartment. I don't know....what do you think?

    JAN SAID: So, should I give up? You said for right now...I don't really know what I should think. I'm not asking you for any type of commitment. I guess it would just be nice if I could help keep you busy during those times when you're alone in the apartment...

    I think deep feelings and emotions develop slowly over time. Are you saying you don't ever want to have another serious relationship? Or maybe you're just not over the whole divorce? Or you want to keep your options open?

    Please know that I'm not trying to change your life. I do like the way things are when we're together. It just feels very one-sided on my end. Thanks for your honesty....and you know I'll always stay your friend.

    JAMES SAID: I don't want to tell you what to do. If it really bothers you, I trust that you'll do what is best for you. I will try not to go a week with out saying something. You do keep me busy when I'm home, but a lot of times I'm not. I am not saying I don't ever want to have another serious relationship. I can see us together. Now is just not a good time for me for that intensity. People always have options. Look at me and Jenni. Divorce was the option. Now she's married. Sorry you feel bad!

    JAN SAID: Well, like I said...I like the way things are with us for now. I'm not wanting to rush into anything, and it's not like I'm in love with you or anything like that. I do like you, though. I would like to keep seeing you. And yes the main thing was you showing some interest...and initiating contact sometimes, instead of me being the only one to do that.

    So, if you want to keep things the way they are, just casual, that would be awesome. We can't really predict how things might progress later on. We can just see what happens. I'm enjoying getting to know you, and I'm not interested in anyone else. So, whenever you want to see me, just let me know. (and I am free Wednesday, if you are ;) .

    SHOULD I HANG IN THERE, OR MOVE ON?? THANKS FOR READING...

    • ANSWER:
      Well, I would start keeping my options open while at the same time staying friends with him. Whether or not you remain sleeping with him is up to you. If that is the only thing you guys have going, then he may stop coming around all together. I know you must feel like it is really important halfway through your life to make sure you find commitment with the one guy you will spend the rest of your life with, and if that is the case, you might not want to waste your time waiting on him. Keep your options open. You might meet someone else special that might grow into what you actually want.

  29. QUESTION:
    FWB? GF? Commitment issues?
    We are in fwb agreement, and we both agree that we are allowed to date other people.
    He told me he is dating other women too.

    However our fwb is quite complicated and I feel lost now.

    He always holds my hand, kiss my forehead, cuddles and spoons me even we are not having sex.
    He takes me out for lunch, dinner, and movies,and always pays for the dates. He said he likes me, which i replied that i like him too, but neither of us mention anything about being into relationship.

    There was once we didn't meet up for few days, i asked him if he misses me. He said yes, but when i asked why he didnt say it when we were texting each other, He answered "a guy can't let the girl know he likes her so much"

    And he texted me last week saying that he is scared, and have been refusing to meet me up for sex. But he still asks me out for lunch and dinner.

    I'm 26 he's 32.
    He once said I'm too young for him.

    His parents are divorced and he had serious relationship which ended 3 years ago

    Why is he giving me mixed signal?
    Is he just playing me out or plain fears of commitment?
    Am I wasting my time on this guy? Will he ever want to be in relationship with me?

    • ANSWER:

  30. QUESTION:
    Do men find it harder to let go of past hurts than women do?
    My now ex is still not over his ex from 5 years ago. (he's my ex because of this - I'd had enough)

    My other friend was 'burnt' as he called it, 20 years ago. He won't have any relationships with any women now because he has commitment issues and just wants to f*ck women. He's 40. Sometimes I wanna shake him and say NOT ALL WOMEN DO THAT!!!

    Do men find it harder to let go?
    Just to clarify - my friend who is 20 years not over someone, is not with me and has never made any move. He's my buddy. I was making an observation about his behaviour to other women since he's only after sex - hence why I want to shake him and make him see sense.

    • ANSWER:
      YES!!!

      its remarkable - i'm well over my exhubby and exbfs and even wished them happiness with their new relationships but they seem to still carry feelings even now and can't be happy for me (even the one who dumped me). it's like i hurt a lot at the beginning when it ended but they seemed to be hurt now, well after it happened. i don't get it - it's like they ignored their hurt when it happened and thus end up carrying it longer

      i think women are used to getting hurt and disappointed by guys and talking about it so we tend to be able to get over it esp with the help of our friends/family - while guys don't really talk about it as deeply and some are made fun of by their friends if they get emotional over females so they keep it inside and it festers and grows into intimacy and commitment issues

  31. QUESTION:
    Men and Commitment issues?
    Is it true that men with "commitment issues" can put them all aside once he finds the right girl? Or is it always going to be a struggle until he is completely comfortable? What does it take for a man to commit to one woman?

    • ANSWER:

  32. QUESTION:
    men with commitment issues?
    Is it true that men with "commitment issues" can put them all aside once he finds the right girl? Or is it always going to be a struggle until he is completely comfortable? What does it take for a man to commit to one woman?

    • ANSWER:
      It takes genuine interest, but also the right circumstances. Commitment issues will be put aside, as you said, with the right girl (with just A girl for him, he won't really be interested, speaking from my own experience). Also, if both work or are very busy, relationships might come later in the list than career.

  33. QUESTION:
    I have commitment issues or do I?
    I love my girlfriend and we have been through alot but when I am not with her I find myself wondering about being with other women. I know we are all human but I dont know if i can trust myself to be with one women. What should I do?

    • ANSWER:
      That is horrible. Men like you make women like us not want to date any guy.

  34. QUESTION:
    RICH GUY with COMMITMENT issues...is my LIFE RUINED with GIRLS?
    1 rich guy. 1 poor guy. 1 hot model. 

    She likes the rich guy bc he spoils her but she doesn't like that he sees other women & is a jerk. 

    She likes the broke guy bc he'll always be there, is better in bed, does the dishes etc, & is there to SATISFY HER NEEDS.

    IF THE RICH GUY WAS FAITHFUL, & NOT SUCH A BRUTE...

    WOULDN'T SHE LEAVE THE POOR GUY?

    The rich guy isn't getting PLAYED bc he gets w/e he wants in bed while the poor has to succumb to her needs in bed. The poor guy also has to clean the toilet LOL!
     

    • ANSWER:
      The poor guy should walk away. The rich guy is just using the hot model for sex. He will tire of her and replace her soon. The hot model is using the rich guy for what he buys her. The poor guy is being used, too. If he had any self-respect, he should walk away and find a real girlfriend. He's only going to be hurt in this bad situation.

  35. QUESTION:
    Does he love me but, have commitment issues or is it something else?
    I'm 23 yrs old and I met this guy who was 29 yrs old, after a 5 yr relationship that produced a son had ended. And he has a horrible past with women. first wife left him, he has been cheated on by every woman he has been with, second wife cheated, after her his next girlfriend cheated then was killed, and then I came into play. We were just friends until drank too much one night and slept together. Tried to continue being friends but, We finally met up one day and said we both wanted more of each other than friendship. It started off as casual dating but, I knew my feelings for him were growing and then one day he turns to me and says, "I'm falling in love with you" . At this point all I could say to him was "Ditto." And for the next 4 months we were happy. Then one day he changed, he was distant, cold, mean, it seemed like he didn't care about me anymore. I was so confused. what did i do wrong? i tried talking to him, spending more time with him, everything i did at this point made things worse. And then he broke up with me. I was devastated, I trusted him, we had made promises to each other and he broke them. One long depressing month went by and I get a call. he wants me to come see him see the new house. I do but, I was on high guard till he told me how much he missed me, lost it. I was back in his arms in a split second. He is everything that I never thought I would love but, I was wrong. He was so passionate with me. even the way he would run his fingers through my hair would send shivers down my spine. I fell in love with how he responds to me. Not just sexual but, in every aspect of our interactions. a week later i was homeless so him and his roommates asked me to move in with them. to make this clear we didn't "move in together" you would say, I justed needed a home. think of it like apartments. his is down the hallway from mine. so we try the casual thing again but, I was already still in love with him from before and he knew this. time passes we decide to have a steady relationship it going great then we hit a wall, he pulled way again. few weeks go by then he tells me he is sorry for treating me as harsh as he did and that i need to be patient with him. So I was. We like the whole Open relationship idea that way we still can have "variety" our deal was we were in a "relationship together" and if one of us wants to be with someone else the other person must be OK with that first. and we came first to each other and we didn't have emotional relationships outside ours. I met a old friend of his who I liked and he liked me in return. So I asked him if I could be with this guy and that if he was uncomfortable with it let me know. He said that he didn't care and that it was OK with him. in had already been in one of his "moods" for a week prior. Even his friend asked him several times before The "friend an I" finally acted on our wishes. the next day I told my guy about it so he would know it finally happened and he tells me he's upset. he said he couldn't be mad at me cause he had told me it was fine but, knowing that it happened bothered him some. so we on back on the good mood now and one night before bed he starts telling me how much he loves me and how great we get along and how great our kids get along(his daughter 5, my son 2). He tells me that maybe one day we should get Our own place. the next day I lose him again week later he tells me How I am the only woman that has never hurt him and I have always treated the way that he has always wanted to be treated. And that I was "kinda like his dream girl" I had butterflies again. flips his moods a few times again always the same we get closer and closer the longer and longer his moods started lasting. this past December he stayed in my room the whole month due to his window being broken. and it was great we haver never been that close to each other before our connection to me anyway seemed to feel stronger than ever. We were so happy again. New Years Eve we throw a party of course, and he has some drinks and told me he loved me again.(he has told me this more than i have mentioned 20 times total FYI ) I wake up to the New year and him back in his mood only this it has lasted to now with a few good nights thrown in. Now I feel so lonely and scared I have lost him. every time he is in these moods he tells me that I doesn't what love or that kind of relationship he can't yet. and he would rather be alone most days but, he still have that loving aura about him I know its in there and it slips out a few times during his moods. I barely get to talk to him anymore he never is interested in being with me and he has even snapped at me when I really didn't do anything to deserve it. In a moment of weakest I asked him if he still cared about me and the way he said"well of I "care" about you" made me think that he didn't mean the same as I did. so I went to my room crying make a yahoo personals profile filled it out what I'm like and what i look for in a guy .

    • ANSWER:
      wow he is totally mental mate. i mean it. he is mental. no offense. but by the way your story goes you've been way way patient with him. and his acting way beyond reason my friend. i can tell that your running out of reasons to stick with him and its rational to leave him. I'm picturing everything now. the way your relationship started its a routine with him. he will tell the new girl the same pathetic story that no one ever loved him but actually he is the real problem.. do you get what i mean? leave now. you are actually making sense of everything now with him he will never change. get out now before your mind gets all blurry again with his tactics.

  36. QUESTION:
    why are men accused of having 'commitment issues'?
    i'm not talking about the typical horny guys who want as many women as possible.....but *normal* everyday guys--
    assuming the marriage doesnt work out--

    1.he loses a hell lot of money.and possibly loses unmovable property which was his to begin with...
    2.he goes through a traumatic phase.
    3.if he has kids he is reduced to seeing them on weekends...that is bad for any *normal* father.
    4.there's a chance that he might be accused of being violent in order for the woman to get 'leverage' or to limit his visits to the kids as a 'revenge' tactic.
    i am not married..lol...i am simply reflecting the views of a lot of my older friends who happen to tell me those views....
    @iggy--please dont spew your bitterness here and use false excuses to justify all what you said.....nice 'try'?!...thank you

    • ANSWER:
      Gaia and Brownyn are wrong.

      It is not rare at all.

      http://www.suite101.com/content/false-allegations-a21219#ixzz15Zxm7A7m

      "In a study that span nine years, sociologist Eugene J. Kanin’s findings were that in the United States, 41% of rape allegations are false. Kanin discovered that most of the false accusers were motivated by a need for an alibi or seeking revenge."

      http://www.mens-rights.net/law/accusations.htm

      "False accusations of child abuse are commonly made by women during divorce hearings. Due to the commonality of such claims, an acronym known as Sexual Allegations in Divorce (S.A.I.D.) is used to describe instances in which women make false accusations of sexual abuse [against their husbands] during a divorce trial. The number of S.A.I.D. allegations has risen from 7% to 30% since the 1980's.

      The exponential increase of S.A.I.D. could be derived from the influence of feminist-indoctrination within the legal system. Under feminist ideology, a woman's accusation is considered irrefutable and must be used to decide the case in her favour -- they argue that failure to abide by this technique is an example of misogyny and oppression. Political correctness may play a role as well, since it depicts the act of not treating a woman more favourably than a man as a form of impolite resentment towards women. Another reason for the increase of S.A.I.D. could be derived from the fact mothers are more likely to be believed.

      In one noteworthy case, a young child told her father of improper touching by a babysitter, and he reported the allegations to the authorities. When social workers investigated, the mother accused the father of molesting the daughter. This resulted in a long legal battle, where the father had to fight for even limited access to his daughter. During the father's four-year legal battle, the mother was diagnosed as mentally ill, and was temporarily institutionalized. The social workers investigating the case wrote a report, fretting that the father might gain custody as a result of the hospitalization. Eventually, the father managed to convince a court that the charges were false, and he did gain custody of his daughter, but the emotional and financial consequences of the false allegations were enormous." False Accusations of Child Abuse, Aaron Larson

      Studies performed by the University of Michigan by Professor of Psychology, Melvin Guyer have shown that 60% - 80% of sexual abuse allegations made during highly contested child custody cases were found to be false or unsubstantiated, (Felten, 1991). Another study, this one of 200 cases, revealed at least three-fourths (75%) of the claims were unfounded."

      I'm not afraid of commitment. I'm afraid of the unspeakable things that might happen to my children and I if my wife decides to break our commitment.

  37. QUESTION:
    Can you please answer this- do I have commitment issues?
    only got 2 answers yesterday so reposting!!
    ok - little background, Im 33 years old- have dated many many men over the years, my longest ever relationship was 3 years - which ended VERY badly, but since then Ive sort of flitted in and out of short term relationships, Im totally over my ex so its nothing like that or anything.
    Recently Ive met a guy that ticks all my boxes - mentally, physically and financially. hes obviously really interested in me and is persuing me the way most women would love, which I admit I do, but I still find myself thinking ah will I bother... its like as soon as a guy that could be a longterm catch shows me interest... I panic.
    As a girl whose dated some of the biggest wankers going - cheats/abusers/liars - you name it, I should be thanking god for this guy - I do like him.... so why am I feeling these doubts? ANY idea whats up with me?? I want nothing more than to settle down and have a great boyfriend - of which i know he would be - so why cant I just relax and enjoy it??

    • ANSWER:
      You need to listen you your intuition. If this guy does not raise any red flags then give him a chance. I used to be like you and then I finally let my guard down and have been happily married for twelve years. Good luck!

  38. QUESTION:
    Why does it seem like every man I meet has commitment issues?
    The same thing happens over and over. I`ll meet a guy I`m extremely attracted to, we end up talking a bit, maybe even going as far as making out and then when I mention a relationship or tell him how much I like him, he runs the other way. Is it me? Maybe it`s the fact that I`m a single mom and men just don`t like the idea of being with someone who already has a child. Any men or women even have an idea of why this is happening or anyone experience the same thing? I`m kinda fed up and considering leaving the dating scene altogether :(
    @ Johnny - I`ve been in 2 relationships where the man had a child or children and I even went as far as wanted to adopt one. I believe if you love that person enough you will accept everything that comes along with them. I think that age is a huge factor too. Older men and woman if single generally already have been married and divorced or have children from previous relationships. Thanks for making me feel bad though. I was looking for kind advice but thanks for confirming my thoughts that most people are close-minded and despite the fact that that person with the child could be the best match you`d ever encounter, you choose to dismiss them. Smh.

    • ANSWER:
      don't give up on love all together. there is someone out there who does want a relationship. i think it makes it a lot harder since you do have a child but not impossible. maybe you're mentioning a relationship too early on...you said you make out and mention a relationship and liking them. idk about you but making out is usually first or second date for me, so if you're mentioning relationship that early on a guy is going to get scared. and admitting you like or love someone their screaming in the other direction. guys a lot of time are commitment-phobes. they need to be eased into the idea of a relationship. give them like a month or two and than ask "where do you see us right now? are we in a relationship or just having fun, where are we?" also let them admit first that they like or love you, don't let them see all your cards.

  39. QUESTION:
    Whats up with not being able to find someone my age to be in a serious relationship?
    I'm 22, stats say most people are married and have a kid now a days by 26. That gives me 4 years. I've already been in a long term relationship for 3 years, that ended because she wasn't ready to take the next step. It took us 3 years to get to the point where we were ready to think about getting engaged. My last relationship ended because we were getting too serious. What's up with girls now a days never being ready for something serious? I thought it was guys who were supposed to have commitment issues here, I'm ready to find someone to get serious with, settle down and eventually have some kids. But it seems like everyone who I date is never interested in being serious and people can't believe the average number of people one sleeps with is almost 20 before getting married. I mean why do women have such commitment issues? I've dated younger and older and it seems the same, they all want physical relationships, I've even just today had the latest person I've been seeing say she wants to keep being "friends who are intimate" but isn't ready for a "relationship". Like wtf, I want to grow up here, I'm ready... I want the family, the kids, the happy ever after, I've hit that point but since when does no one else?

    • ANSWER:
      In my experience, women seem to always be waiting for some amazing relationship that's going to sweep them off their feet and make them feel euphoric all the time. Then when they get a nice guy who treats them right... they say they care about the guy, feel comfortable with him, but not "in love" with him and end up running off with some bad boy. I think it's just immaturity, they don't know what they want from their life and they're terrified of being average, of having an average life, of being bored etc. They value excitement and new fling type feelings over love, commitment, comfortable, etc.

      I'm 23 and married but it's just a fluke I met my husband who wanted to marry me. All of my exes just wanted sex and left me when they got bored. They THOUGHT they wanted a relationship but really they just wanted sex, fun, excitement, something new etc. Then when I got 'old' they got bored and left to search for something better OR they actually found something they view as better while with me. It's just something immature confused people do - men or women.

      I agree with that person who says perhaps try a church or maybe even something like eharmony, places that people are more likely to be looking for a real and permanent relationship. If you're meeting girls in the street, at parties, at clubs etc... that's probably the wrong place to meet.

  40. QUESTION:
    Sims 3 moving in but with commitment issues?
    I have a young adult female and an elder male (with commitment issues) who i am trying to get to move in together. They have a baby together and I really want the man to move in. For some reason there is not an option for moving in OR for engagement, but obviously the relationship is high enough since they have a baby. The active household is the one with the woman. What's going on? Does it have to do with the fact that he has commitment issues? Or that he's an elder? (I know it's gross that he's an elder. It's a long story. lol)
    Epinions Reviewer: Dude. It's a game.

    • ANSWER:
      It's because he has commitment issues. I had a similar problem because my sim wouldn't have a wedding with this guy because she had commitment issues, so I had to get the mid life crisis lifetime reward to change that trait, but since it's not you who has the comittment issues, I don't think there's any way to get him to move in with you. Sorry, I know that doesn't really help your situation... :(

  41. QUESTION:
    Im a female with commitment issues,,, who saids its such a bad thing?
    Im a single mother of two wonderful children. Im a good mother, I have a good job and I pay my own bills with my own pay check. I admit it gets lonely sometimes but over all.... its less head ache and heart ache,,,I know i have commitment issues,,, but why does every one think 1. its a bad thing... like i should be home cooking and scrubbin cloths on a rock ..or ....2. only men can feel this way,,,.. I hate sterotypes and it seems this one is for "MEN ONLY" .... is this one more 1930's way a "good woman " isnt suppose to experience ...>>> ??????

    • ANSWER:
      Do whatever works best for you hun. Men and women should feel free to be single and not cave into pressure from their partners or others.

      The stereotypes of men and women who don't get married can both be unfairly negative, but you can overcome them and there are many people out there who will see past them to the person you really are if you give them the chance.

      Good luck, and take care.

  42. QUESTION:
    Should you go out with a man who may have issues with commitment? He already lives with another woman?

    • ANSWER:
      not if you are looking for a serious relationship.

  43. QUESTION:
    Is there any way I can help my guy stop having commitment issues?
    I dont want to buy into the thought that men with severe commitment issues cannot change and are only worth throwing to the curb and running from. There must be a way to fix this growing problem so we dont HAVE to dump the men we are deeply in love with! Is there anything I can do? Do I just need to stay this carefree girl I've been and hope that one day he admits his true feelings. We are exclusively intimate, but according to him we arent dating and according to BOTH of us, we arent screw buddies either. His idea of relationships are SO messed up and he is surrounded by fears from his past. He claims we are only friends but he has bi polar disorder too and he says one thing but does another. Before you think me a puppet, I'm NOT! I'm a very very strong independant woman with a very large heart whose fallen in love with a man who, (when he is away from the idiots that tear him down on a regular basis, we laugh ALL the time, joke around, wrestle, snuggle, hug, rub noses in that cutsie way.. etc.. but most of all he does make me SO happy on every level! Every other guy has tried to hurt me and I walked away cuz I saw their true colors. But this man I know on EVERY level after this many years and we have this connection that unmistakeable and unbreakable. So, that being said... How do I help him change this negative thought pattern he has going on? Help HIM be happier as well!

    • ANSWER:
      I knew one bipolar who was married, had three children and a wife with a good job, but he left for a younger women with rich parents. It didn't work out. If psychiatrists can't fix bipolar, I don't know how anyone can. On the other hand one I know has a woman who stays with him through it, infidelity and all, in a common law situation, no children and it has endured a long time. Many people are not getting married now. Since we have enough population in most countries, there is not the pressing need for the children anymore.

      Cognitive therapy tells us just what you said, negative thoughts cause negative emotions and those move us to do what we do. A person would have to drop negative words and thoughts, but then you can get manic. Accurate words and thoughts are a little more balanced. He has a lot of negative and later positive thoughts, without having enough balanced ones and even then medication seems to be what has the most effect. If your chemistry is off, it may be almost impossible to do much with feelings, but you have to do the best you can with ttrying.

      I would be tempted to ask him questions, the Socratic method, to find out those thoughts and keep asking revealing questions so h can see how sometimes everyone's ideas are only half true, exaggerated, biased, untrue and surrounded by other smaller emotions that are also half truths, if he will buy that that whole process. You are almost thinking for them and few so called normal people even know how to think and reason properly in the first place.

      You might check out something like, "The Tyranny of Words" by Stuart Chase. It was written in the thirties so I found it free online, after a little searching. After all we think in words and they are critical to critical thinking. It will take a lot of critical thinking, but I don't know how much that can change the chemical imbalance part of it. It could be a gland deficiency or other thing like that and I don't know how much better thinking skills can reverse some of that.

      I hope that makes sense and is clear. I always worry about people just not getting it or maybe I'm saying it wrong or garbled. Anyway I can only hope you can put that to use. It's not that easy at all, but what you can learn will benefit you enormously too, no matter what else happens. Someone has to be on a very firm bases when it come to reason, intuition, information and the mind.

      http://www.google.com/search?q=emotional+intelligence+articles&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=com.yahoo:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

      http://answers.yahoo.com/search/search_result;_ylt=ApEKGZbQl3ARHQjQQHMFJZgjzKIX;_ylv=3?scope=all&category=0&fltr=_en&question_status=all&answer_count=any&date_submitted=all&crumb=4xtM4DgBEW0&p=bipolar+relationships&orderby=rank&add_save_name=Name+your+search&filter_search=true

      Being as tremendously, way or the charts emotionally strong as you will have to be is almost a lost art, but one well worth developing.

  44. QUESTION:
    Kind of a strange one? Let me know what you think?
    I have been dating a girl for about 2 months. I have a lot of issues when it comes to women and dating and I'm pretty honest with her about them. The thing is she is falling in love with me and I'm not sure where I'm at. I often feel that there is no connection or chemistry on my part but not all the time, there are times that i'm happy and really feel something for her. I have trust, commitment, and issues with women in general due to terrible past relationships. What I want to know is, since she is a once in a lifetime type girl is there a way to nurture the good feelings she gives me instead of dwelling on the feelings of no connection. I do not want to throw this relationship away b/c she is a beautiful and wonderful person. The type of girl that I always thought I would marry. At this very moment I am struggling with everything and it is taking everything I have to not call her and break up with her. Please help.

    • ANSWER:
      Please listen to your heart. It seems as if you have put up a wall since you've been hurt by past relationships, brk that wall and give in to your relationship, you might find that you do have a connection with this woman but you'll never know if you dint let your past relationships be just that, your past. Please listen to your heart so you dint regret losing this person in your life.

  45. QUESTION:
    Should I stay or should I break up?
    I have been dating a girl for about 2 months. I have a lot of issues when it comes to women and dating and I'm pretty honest with her about them. The thing is she is falling in love with me and I'm not sure where I'm at. I often feel that there is no connection or chemistry on my part but not all the time, there are times that i'm happy and really feel something for her. I have trust, commitment, and issues with women in general due to terrible past relationships. What I want to know is, since she is a once in a lifetime type girl is there a way to nurture the good feelings she gives me instead of dwelling on the feelings of no connection. I do not want to throw this relationship away b/c she is a beautiful and wonderful person. The type of girl that I always thought I would marry. At this very moment I am struggling with everything and it is taking everything I have to not call her and break up with her. Please help.

    • ANSWER:
      two months is not a lot of time to get to know this person. If you have issues with and if you really care, maybe you should sit down with her and talk about where you want this relationship to go and find out where she wants the relationship to go. Follow your heart - your past relationships can not interfere with the current one. - I have been married 21 years and wouldn't change a thing - communication and deciding if this is the women you want to spend the rest of your life with is a big discission. Relationships and marriage both take alot of work and time to learn about each other. If your heart tells you this is not the time for you to be in this relationship than yes - get out of this relationship.

      FYH - FOLLOW YOUR HEART

      REC

  46. QUESTION:
    Are you scared of commitment? Why?
    Girl I have been dating for a couple of months, adores me to death, she wants to do all the things that couples do, but she does not want to "confide" or be "dependent" with a someone.

    Usually, by nature, women want to be in a relationship. They want to be felt secure and nurished. So I know I don't want to have a relationship either, and I am happy with our arrangement because I got alot of my stuff going on in life and I don't have time to concentrate on a GF.

    She says she likes to feel independent. But wants to be around me and act like a couple.

    Why would a woman do that? Do you have commitment issues too and why?

    • ANSWER:
      Idk but I'm not scared. I have been with Ryan for 8months. I know its not that long but it's long for me. I love him so much.

  47. QUESTION:
    How do you know if a guy with commitment issues cares/loves you? easy 10 points!?
    Seeing him for about 10 months now. But it's hard to know if he really cares about me or just likes my body/ looks. He's says i'm sexy etc and we go out and do stuff and he is affectionate in public and he's taken me to his work. But wont be exclusive and i'm afraid to ask where i stand because last time i did he told me we should 'stop seeing eachother as he doesn't want to hurt me'
    but he came begging back a few weeks later. He opens up to me and talks about his past and issues with his mother.

    How can you tell by actions or things a guy might say that he really does care about you?
    Is he staying around because he likes having a 'very attractive" woman around? (men tell me i'm attractive)
    Anyone got any advice how i can get him to want to see me more or intrigue him?

    • ANSWER:
      LOL@ Craig b he is gona be a keeper lol anyway follow your heart.

  48. QUESTION:
    Can a woman being afraid of commitment ever change?
    I dont know that much about it. she says its not me and she isn't seeing anyone else. she just has trust issues with a relationship.

    • ANSWER:
      Hi from France ♫

      Ask this to HER instead of us on here, ok ? Only her has the answer ( hers) ...

      Have a great day,

      Cat.

  49. QUESTION:
    What do u think ...my ex issues...(men answer pls...but women may as well)?
    kay so my xb from 5 years ag and i have a 2 month old together from a hookup last year. he was going through a bad breakup and was not ready for a relationship. he also didnt know if my child was his until last week after paternity results. when i told him he is the dad he came from 2 hrs away where he lives to stay with me and my older son and our child. he admitted he was just starting to see someone for the last 2 months but they have broken up now bc she didnt want to be with a man that had a child. Anyways i decided to tell him in email after he went home that i like him still always did and would he try things? no commitment just try and be casual. he replied back that he has to let the news of being a dad sink in, and we can work together to be parents for our son. he just committed to a house in his town as well..so he is far. he said he is confused on what direction to go in life..more schooling etc..and scared of taking care of me, my son from previous r'ship and our son...so where does that leave us? was he saying no? he said please give me time to think...is that just his way of gently letting me down? when he came for 2 nights he was very affectionate and we even made out..but not he 2nd day wen he told em about the girl. Now he is single and wants to come see my son next week an stay at my place one night b4 bringin my son to his place for the rest of the weekend..what does this all mean? is he only pretending to like me a little now to stay with his son? bc even if he does not want me i wll let him be in my sons life. UPDATE: he came and we had sex one night but it didnt mesan we are together..we're seeing how things go..then after that i brought up some trust issues and i got mad at him and sent him 'hate' mail while he was at work..he said that we will just be friends now, and he doesnt hate me as i think..(bc of things he says/does etc) so...wen i saw him 2 days ago he gave me 2 LONG drawn out hugs...i dont know what that meant...any ideas?

    • ANSWER:
      Like he said before he wants to be friends

  50. QUESTION:
    What makes a woman commitment material?
    I have a question here as I stumble across this with myself and my friend as we go out quite a lot weekends and meet all sorts during the week and we are both single. I dont really drink, I have a good career, car, house, no issues, baggage, nothing, all set to go whereas my friend has a drink problem, baggage no house, no car and hardly a job and yet has endless dates which ok dont lead to anything more than just sex but I sometimes wonder if I am being too picky because of the standards I have.

    I date men, but I really fancy them then realise they have just come out of a long term relationship, someone cheated on them and they want fun, so I say nope its not what I want then my friend gets in there and off they go (not with eachother just so you dont think she pinched him here lol).....I meet another one again great attraction, really lovely guy, he isnt over his 20 years marriage and then think to myself he just wants fun as he mentioned he didnt know what he wanted, so again I leave him alone.....then he meets someone and off they go so I think should I just go with it or am I right to be this picky and know what I want!!!

    What would you guys if anyone has read this from a male perspective, would you class as a good long term person as I have a lot of respect for myself and I am no pushover either so wont take fools lightly that want something else with me, would you respect that if you were looking for serious or are all men just after that one thing.....

    be good to hear from both sides...just a question as curious to what men really want if they are ready, or the ones who have just come out of long term relationships.

    thanks
    x

    • ANSWER:
      Do not lower your standards or you'll never be Truly happy.

      It depends on how one is raised....respect for GOD..usually a good foundation


Posted in issues | Tagged | Leave a comment

Women Who Have Commitment Issues

Posted on November 15, 2011 by

What men want in a woman is for her to be able to accept commitment from her husband. This might sound a bit strange. When wouldn't a woman accept a man's commitment? If she wasn't willing to accept her husband's commitment, she shouldn't get married in the first place, should she? Well believe it or not, but there are people who are married who simply aren't happy because one partner is too committed to the other partner. Here's how to find out if you're doing your marriage a disservice by accidentally refusing his loyalty.

1. Understand his reasons

Us men in general try not to complicate things. If we want to do something, it's usually for a pretty straight forward reason. If the situation is marriage, then most likely we would do something for you because we love you. Simple as that.


Posted in issues | Tagged | Leave a comment

Women Fear Of Commitment

Posted on November 14, 2011 by

Why Do Men Leave Women - And How to Get Yours Back

For many women, men are curious creatures. Just when they seem to be getting the best thing in their lives, they simply pack up and leave. Why do men leave women?

Here are some of the most common reasons why men leave women:

Fear of commitment: Many men shy away from total commitment. That's partly the reason behind all those wise-crack jokes on married men that you see on the net! When a man feels that things are getting too serious, he suddenly remembers his need for freedom. What does he do? He ups and leaves, no matter how good he was having it!

Gender problems: Most men desire to be admired. They want to feel macho and they fervently wish to be worshipped by their women. At the same time, apart from work, these machos have little idea of what is going on and are sometimes dependent on women to run the show. Some men find this dependency emasculating and they withdraw from a woman who, according to them, is dominating.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Is this true: Men fear Commitment; Women fear Boredom?
    Would you say that both of these statements are common clichees?

    • ANSWER:
      I never even heard the cliche women fear boredom. Unsure how common they are but I would say they are sterotypes. Nevertheless I guess I would call them common clicheees in some circles.

  2. QUESTION:
    Why does it seem that women have less fear of commitment than men?
    As a man, I know why I fear commitment. I look at my married buddies and what they're going through and I feel fear. Women however seem to have zero fear of commitment. Why is that?

    • ANSWER:
      I agree with you, I think women are more up on the whole marriage thing and a lot of them can be quite naive in thinking it will all be perfect, whereas men can be more pessimists, or realists if you prefer

  3. QUESTION:
    Can A Woman Fear Commitment?
    Whenever I try and get into a relationships I immediately feel like I'm suffocating OR that I'm a bird who's wings have been clipped.

    Is it normal for a woman to have a fear of commitment? How do I overcome this fear? Also why am I having it?

    • ANSWER:
      Maybe it just means that you are meant to live a life that's free of commitment to another person. Don't make it harder than it is by psycho-analyzing it, just go with what you feel.

  4. QUESTION:
    Women with fear of commitment, have you done this?
    I'm rephrasing this question: Have you ever "preemptively" broken up with a man who was really good to you and for you? I'm curious to know what you were thinking at the time and what you think about it now.
    Anna, I never thought about the sex thing before, but I see how that can be a factor. That has never been the case with me though.

    • ANSWER:
      I have .. it's because I don't want him to hurt me like i've been hurt with girls like that you have to prove to her what she means to you and that you will be here for you .. they just need to know.. That your not that other person.. hope this helped!

  5. QUESTION:
    advice needed by women... friends with benifits?
    hi again ladies,
    well i got a question for the ladies and the men even, my gal has decided she wants to be best friends with benifits but is terrified of commitment , she loves me (wich i know to be true) but wants to be free to live a life of her own choosing and see me occasionally and be the best of friends with life but also sleep together, she calls it kiss- keep it simple, she can not and will not want a difficult time as we have been thru enough as a couple.
    how can a guy who wants to spend his life with her settle for second best with a woman that cant commit?, and why do women fear commitment when at the same time they want to feel safe and loved? how should i treat the situation so i dont frighten her away, which is the last thing i want to do.. any advice??

    • ANSWER:
      tell her fcuk off and find someone who actually wants to be with you

  6. QUESTION:
    It is said that men are afraid of commitment, but seems to me that women are too, for fear of being hurt!?
    Am i a little bit right? Or not?

    • ANSWER:
      Oh absolutely! That goes for some women too. (ME)

  7. QUESTION:
    How can i help my boyfriend to lose his fear of commitment? We are in love and i know that he is the one.?
    His parents divorced when he was 3 and his mother left him, he deeply distrusts women, and fears betrayl and being hurt. He tells me that he is more afraid that he will cheat or hurt me than me hurting him. He has left relationships before when he got too close to someone. He tried to push me away when he first realised he was in love but came back but now wont get serious. We live away from each other and he tells me he doesn't mind if i see other people, but this hurts and confuses me as i love him and therefore the last thing i want him to do is see other people. He also says he's not sure if he will ever be able to get married. Thing is I have been patient and i have waited but how long should i wait before i give up on him and he succeeds in destroying our relationship to avoid the possibility of a lot of pain later on. We are only young in our early 20s but i'm not sure if his views are ever going to change and maybe i have to face the fact that he doesn't love me enough to overcome his fears and commit.

    • ANSWER:
      Take him at face value. He's telling you he isn't capable of commitment. He won't get serious, he doesn't mind you seeing other men. He knows where it stems from. It's up to him to seek to change it. You can't do that for him. So, either you wait around for something that may never arise, or you settle for what you're getting, or, you do the smart thing and suggest he gets some help to sort it out. Ultimately, whatever route you take, you have to be willing to protect your own emotional world, and accept that he may never want what you want, with you. Good luck.

  8. QUESTION:
    Is it in their nature for women to be constantly "shopping around" for a mate?
    I always hear women talking about "my new boyfriend" as casually as talking about "my new shoes."

    Since they can't help their nature, does that excuse the rampant infidelity and fear of commitment among women?

    • ANSWER:
      I've seen just as many men "shopping around" as women.

  9. QUESTION:
    I am in love with a woman that fears commitment, but I can't leave...fell in love with her.?
    I have never felt so torn...one moment I feel completely embraced by her, but the next I feel like she is looking for someone else and keeping me around until she finds him.

    It has been about 4 months, which I agree isn't a huge amount of time, but to be honest I just felt something so completely different in her that I could never let go and dropped everyone else I was seeing to basically "take a chance on her". She considers me a great friend and from what she told me I am the only one she is sleeping with...we spent about 2 weeks together everynight to put it in perspective...
    I know she means the world to me and I have met her family etc, but she is very firm about keeping it a "friendship"...even though we both realize it is more...if not I do want to move on, but the feeling of losing something amazing overcomes me...and I stick it out...I just hope she will come through and really give me a full chance....

    Can this happen? Will it ever.... 35 yrs old each....?

    • ANSWER:
      In love with something that is afraid to love you back. This is a personal problem of trust on her part and you can't do anything to change her ways and make you love her. She is how she is for reasons that are important to her.

  10. QUESTION:
    Is it dumb to propose to a woman who is recently divorced?
    I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me. Her divorce became final five months ago. We have been dating for 18 months.

    Is it too soon to propose? Do divorced women fear getting married again? Will my declaration of commitment make her run? What are the chances that I'm just a rebound guy?

    • ANSWER:
      Is it too soon? Not if you've been dating 18 months.
      Do divorced women fear marriage again? Some do, some don't.
      Will it make her run? Sorry, we can't see the future.
      Rebound guy? Since you were dating her over a year before her divorce was final, it's quite possible you are a rebound guy.

  11. QUESTION:
    women: why do you suppose men have a fear of commitment?
    discuss

    • ANSWER:
      I guess it's because they don't want to enter a marriage and be treated like a business partner where by its only goal is to buy a big house and own an expensive car. Seems many marriages based on money ended after the wife got what she wanted and realized she never loved her husband. And people wonder why married couples are more and more sleeping in separate bedrooms? One only has to look at my brother in-law and sister in-laws marriage. Its sucks severally and she now wants a divorce.

  12. QUESTION:
    women: how did you manage to quell your husband's fear of commitment before he married you?

    • ANSWER:
      yea, he asked me to marry him with no problem.

      I wouldn't be with someone who had fears of commitment.

      People who don't want commitment should be with other people who don't want commitment.

  13. QUESTION:
    women: what do you think are the reasons behind's mens' fear of commitment? are they justified reasons?
    discuss.

    • ANSWER:
      Being a Man I could tell u that...a MAN is not afraid of any commitment...MAN will approach any commitment when he is sure that he is going to take the relation further...unless a MAN is not sure about the relation, he wont commit anything...first cement the relation, then ask for his commitment...

  14. QUESTION:
    how can i get over a fear of commitment?
    its not that im sleeping around like a horn dog. but i truly want a life long relationship with a wife. when i find myself in a relationship i worry that i may be making a mistake and end up unhappy. i keep thinking that if i stick with this one girl, i could be missing out on an even better companion. like if i marry now but two years later i meet a woman who is even more compatible. that fear has killed many good relationships that i wish i had back.

    • ANSWER:
      Come to the realization that if you continue this fear, you will die alone & never be truly happy.

  15. QUESTION:
    How can a woman get over her fear of commitment?
    ...when she refuses to believe that she's scared at all? She points to her many long-term commitments to her family, career, and community as proof that she's not afraid of commitment, but every time she's been really close to saying "yes" to a good man, she finds a dozen reasons, mostly petty, why it can never work. I know a woman approaching 40 who has never been in a serious relationship until recently and now has an opportunity to marry a really great guy. She just told him no because he's very uncomfortable in group social situations. She's completely clueless that the problem isn't him, it's her. She's about to pass her expiration date and permanently seal her old-maidhood if she doesn't get over this.

    • ANSWER:
      maybe she is comfortable without a long term relationship. If she does want it to change she will first have to admit to herself that there is a problem, and nobody can do that for her.

  16. QUESTION:
    how does a person get over the fear of commitment to another person?
    For the longest time, I've abstained from being in a relationship because I have this irrational fear of being in a committed relation, and now I'm starting to meet some very nice women who like me for me and i want to get rid of this fear, what is the first step?

    • ANSWER:
      One step at a time.

  17. QUESTION:
    Why are men accused of having a fear of commitment?
    I have had a few relationships since my divorce seven years ago. I haven't met someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with yet. I have dated some wonderful women but I just didn't want to marry them. Why do they accuse me of having a problem because I don't want to spend my life with them? Can't women just face the fact that they aren't the right one without making the man out to be damaged?

    • ANSWER:
      I think people misinterpret reluctance on the part of a person to commit. People who take commitment seriously are the ones who don't jump into it. It doesn't mean you're damaged, it means you're being more careful with your heart. Just make sure that you haven't closed yourself off from forming emotional relationships.

  18. QUESTION:
    Do women who complain that men are "afraid of commitment" reveal themselves to not take commitment seriously?
    One should be afraid of commitment. If one takes vows seriously, one should realize that this is a lifetime commitment made in the face of all sorts of uncertainty and unpredictability. Anyone who isn't afraid of all the things that can go wrong obviously doesn't take the vows seriously. Since American women initiate most divorces, it is unsurprising that they'd view commitment is such a casual manner.

    A sensible man would only marry after much reflection and deliberation. And he wouldn't marry an American woman at all.

    Besides, when the best argument someone has for doing something is to accuse you of cowardice, they are probably not thinking of your best interests. In fact, they're more like kids who get each other to take stupid risks by accusing each other of being chicken.

    Besides, women also insist marriage is better for men than for women and that marriage is terribly unfair to women, so men are doing them a favor by not marrying them!

    (I am planning on marriage to the woman I love by the way, so I am not knocking commitment. I am just knocking the nonsense so many American women spout about men's supposed fear of it. )

    • ANSWER:
      Good point. But there is often a moment when one has had plenty time to reflect, no more significant new info is bound to come in, and one must FACE that reflecting. Not doing so, that's what I consider commitmenphobia - like people who have been together for 10+ years, who say they want to someday marry, but somehow just can't get around to it.
      I'm all for long courtships and careful consideration, but only when people are really considering it.

  19. QUESTION:
    Is it unusual if I don't want a relationship?
    When I look around the college campus, I see so many couples, but I'm just not interested. I guess I just like not having to answer to anyone. But my friends and family think it's odd. The fact is that I'm a real sort of loner, but I'm quite anti-social. But if it's true that all humans are social animals, is there something different about me that should concern me? I don't hate women or fear commitment or anything, but I just figure if I stick to myself, I can do what I want with no attachments. What do you think, am I strange in some way?

    • ANSWER:
      Not at all.It's your life.

  20. QUESTION:
    How to say "fear of commitment" in French?
    I mean as in "I'm known to have fear of commitment when it comes to romantic relationships".

    Thank you so much. ;) )

    And by the way...I don't have fear of commitment, anymore, since I have meet the perfect woman now. ;)

    • ANSWER:
      The previous translations are not wrong but as French I would say:
      Je suis connu pour avoir peur de m'engager à long terme dans une relation amoureuse .

      Fear of commitment is translated by : peur de l'engagement BUT French would rather say: peur de s'engager.

      I am a French tutor and an English to French translator.

      Thanks for the thumbs down! It's amazing to see how some people have fun!...

  21. QUESTION:
    Do men really fear commitment?
    Do men really have fears of commitments or are they just not really into their women? My boyfriend & I have been dating for 8 years. He was married before and has a child. He doesn't say he never wants marriage but he's just not ready right now. Given this little bit of history, does it really take this long? What do you think I should do? Only serious answers please.

    • ANSWER:
      Most guys under 40 are pretty two dimensional creatures, emotionally. I can say that; I was one...
      The big interest for men in their 20s and 30s is career and getting ahead in the world. There are some basic emotions they're pretty good at. Getting them to talk about them can be problemmatic.

      Afraid of commitment? Not necessarily. No more so than women anyway. How they express it, however, is what's at issue. Women get hung up on what commitment "means". It usually has something to do with a woman's definition of commitment - frequently associated with nest-building.

      I think you'll find that if you lay it out for him what you want in your life (a stable household, steady income, orderly life, etc. etc. whatever it is you want) you'll probably find that he's okay with all of that and willing to support it. You'll do well to get him talking about what he wants (I'll bet "Peace and quiet" is near the top of the list).

  22. QUESTION:
    Who do you think are worst,Men or Women?
    i personally i think Women are worst cause although i am a Woman,i believe we are more sneakier and conniving and when we do Men wrong most likely they may never know it or knew it was coming cause we don't tend to talk about what we're going to do,we just do it,especially when we cheat, most likely they would never know cause we more secretive about things.Men tend to brag more when they cheat.They are more predictable.Also, i believe Man tend to have a more fear of commitment then Women,and a women will commit faster and be so loyal,however, if you do us wrong we will attack for there's nothing worst then a Women scorned, This is not personally how i am as a woman, but since i'm a woman and i have been hurt. I know how we can be just as bad as men! What do you think?
    ok,Maria i wasn't saying i am i was saying women in general,but actually i worded wrong cause if you noticed i mentioned how women can be and how men can be.what i should said and meant to say is Women and Men are equally Bad cause we humans and all sin.I am a christian so i belive we are just as bad as the opposite sex and that's what i meant.i was just asking a general question so no need for hateful amswers!

    • ANSWER:
      I dont think women are WORST I think they're just more complicated. Men and women are as bad as eachother, women are just more complicated and have more depth than men.

      It depends on the individual if they're 'worst', I'm not sure how you mean worst though... Is it better to brag when you cheat? Or keep it secret to protect the ones you love?

      See.. women tend think of all the different aspects and outcomes.

  23. QUESTION:
    How common is commitment phobia among men?
    Anyone have an estimate as to what percentage of guys have a fear of commitment?

    Like, it's frustrating for a woman to be with a man who's afraid of commitment, but what are the odds of actually finding a man who isn't?

    (I know that women can be afraid of commitment too, but this question is about the men.)

    • ANSWER:
      extremely. especially when they are younger.

  24. QUESTION:
    Why does woman characterize a man's disinterest in committing to her as a "fear of commitment"?
    When in reality, that particular loon is simply not worthy of commitment.
    does A woman
    does A woman

    Say your damn articles, Shark™

    • ANSWER:
      It's a defense mechanism. Rather than accept the fact that she may not be right for him or *gasp* good enough....she points the blame at him.

  25. QUESTION:
    Why WONT women take some of the blame for the increase in men AVOIDING MARRIAGE?
    The number of men avoiding or post-poning marriage has been on a steady INCREASE for a while now and its not stopping.

    I frequently hear from women that "men fear commitment" or "Men are intimidated by smart, strong or independent women".

    Those are basically EXCUSES to avoid taking the blame themselves. It's MEN thats the problem because women are perfect...Right?

    If women were avoiding marriage like men, then it would be clear that MEN are the problem.

    I want your thoughts and opinions on this. Men are running in the opposite direction. Who's fault is it?
    And the men who are running are usually the ones with the MONEY and great jobs. Not so much the losers.
    "gadgigit" Maybe YOU are one of those RARE women that are actually WORTH a mans time!!
    "Lilith" Generalize or NOT... this issue is VERY REAL and accusing me of generalizing will not change the FACT that more men are avoiding marriage
    "RIO and "Mufinhead" If you don't CARE.... why did you answer the question?

    • ANSWER:
      You have already articulated the issue quite succinctly. If women were to admit to such, they would have to admit that THEY are NOT PERFECT, and we have some valid basis for avoiding them. And this goes double for us black men. Any time some fellow does not want to deal with "Sapphire", we are accused of not being able to deal with a strong black woman.

      As such, I no longer pay any attention to their dribble. And if you notice, older women who date younger men have another set of politically correct excuses for doing so. Yet, I never hear older women say that older men like younger women because younger women are not threatened by our success, more considerate than older women, yadda, yadda, yadda.

      I am in a relationship where we live separately. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. SO for now I will not fix it.

      P.S. I know of no man who does not want something with someone who is or has something "too good". Again, someone needs some excuse for all men not wanting her.

  26. QUESTION:
    how does a twentsomething woman get over her fear of intimacy and commitment?

    • ANSWER:
      Talk to your friends and they will be more than happy to help you out

  27. QUESTION:
    Why is it that when women hold off from marrying men we call it independence but when?
    but when men hold off from marrying women we call it fear of commitment?

    • ANSWER:
      One word: society.

      He waits to pop the question: fear of commitment, he’s using you, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t want to marry you

      She waits to say yes or doesn’t stress proposal: way to go girl! She’s independent! She doesn’t need a man! She’s smart!

      The mentality is sickening.

  28. QUESTION:
    Do you fear marriage and commitment?
    98 percent of women today use men. They marry men for money, they control men, and if a divorce happens, the man is screwed. The court system is gender biased. Plus, women would make false accusations (usually white chicks) and often trick men into having children.

    Are there any young men who fear marriage?

    I know people are going to call me a troll. Go hang yourself! Watch the damn news!

    • ANSWER:
      thats not true! maybe your meeting all the wrong women!

  29. QUESTION:
    How do you get over the "fear of commitment"?
    I've dated hundreds of woman and some of them were exceptional but in the end I always have problems commiting. What should I do?

    • ANSWER:
      You don't. You learn how to live with it like any other deep fear. Face the fear little by little and overtime it will get easier.

  30. QUESTION:
    For the women who are afraid of commitment/relationships, a question?
    If you started dating a guy you really liked a lot, but then pulled away when you got close because of your fears; would you want him to back off and let you figure things out, or would you want him to maintain communication and give you reassurance?

    • ANSWER:
      yup. I have that issue too, but me and my boyfriend worked past it..

      It's mostly a trust issue. You have to really know the person you're with is right for you and would never hurt you.
      I think reassurance is good, but no overbearing behavior, that can scare you away.

  31. QUESTION:
    I see a lot of questions by women on how their partners are afraid of commitment. Why dont these women make?
    their boyfriend spend more time over at her parents house ? Seeing her father happy and content in his own marriage as the head of the household will surely put any fears he has at rest and make him want marriage.

    Dont you agree ?

    • ANSWER:
      I disagree. If a guy is afraid of commitment, he is only going to "see" things that reinforce his negative view on marriage. He can be around a happy marriage and only really notice any negativity between the happy married couple.

      If women want marriage...then they have to stop dating men who are not marriage-minded. There is absolutely nothing wrong in asking a man what his dating goals are or where he sees himself in 5 years or what are his views on marriage.

      That's part of doing your homework in a relationship. You don't wait until it is 5 years down the road and you have a huge time and emotional investment in the guy. You find out BEFORE you fall in love...where the guy's head is at. Ask this within the first few dates when he is just "some guy." And when he tells you...believe him. If he thinks marriage is just a piece of paper and you are marriage minded...well then he is not the guy for you.

  32. QUESTION:
    How can I decrease my risk for divorce? How do I approach a woman regarding a prenup?
    I am extremely careful about getting married and many of woman state that I fear commitment but I say that with the high divorce rate I am being pragmatic.

    • ANSWER:
      You can't always tackle emotional matters with pragmatism. If you meet a woman that you find common language with - she will understand your concerns, and you will be able to bring up the pre-nup without reprocussions. However, if she gets offended, there probably are differences in your ways of thinking that would preclude a successful relationship anyway. Some people are more practical and pragmatic, some are more "emotional". As long as the two of you are compatible in this regard, and understand how the other one thinks and operates, these concers will not be a problem.

      Needless to say, a pre-nup will not "decrease" your risk for divorce. Making a good informed choice probably would. But if you're looking for guarantees, you won't find them; taking risks is part of life.

  33. QUESTION:
    How do I get the person who has fear of commitment (man) to commit and propose to me(woman)?

    • ANSWER:
      A friend of mine suggested I read "Mars & Venus on a Date" Awasome!!!!! It help me to understand relationships & how men think. I feel more confident & was able to set healthy boundaries. Realized that I am a Gem and my self-worth went through the roof. His (my boyfriend) inability to commit had nothing to do with me...although once I changed my attitude(trying to change him) and chaging how I saw myself "A Gem" things turned around.
      Good luck...."we teach others how to treat us"

  34. QUESTION:
    Torn between the love of my life who fear commitment and a wonderful man who can give everything I want? Help!?
    I am in a relationship with a wonderful man for nearly 4 years now. I met him when I was studying in the UK. He had a very horrific childhood, the worst one can imagine happen to a child repeatedly abused for 3 years by a sibling. How he turn out to be such an amazing , generous person after all these experiences is beyond me. He had no serious relationship and he was not looking for one until we met each other. Marriage was out of his equation. Now I am 31, he is 34 and I want to marry, settle down and have family. However he is still struggling with the idea of marriage. I came back to my country after completing my research studies in the UK mid June, this year because I want to serve my country here in Asia. In all these we talk everyday, text each other etc. We have talked a lot of our future and he can not live without me and I don't think I can live without him. If I had my way I would marry him any day even now. The truth is he is not ready. We decided that we wait another 2/3 years and see how he feels about it. I do not mind the waiting because I love him but this does not guarantee marriage. Do you think I am a fool? We also have the practical problem of my desire to be based in Asia and serve my country politically here in Asia. I can give my life for him and I know he will lay his life for me. His affection, love, tenderness and understanding make me cry even as I type these lines. But Marriage is very important to me. I can not just live with him without marriage because of religious and social reasons.

    On the other hand back here in my country I have a wonderful friend. He have loved me for the last 7 years. He want to and can offer me anything- marriage, materially and emotionally security. He is also a wonderful person- kind , generous and a man of integrity. I like him but I do not love him but I can learn to love him. But I can see myself happy with him. Life would be less complicated with him because he have no past baggage, same community, same country, same culture, same town and family friends.

    I am torn between the love of my life who is having commitment problem because of his childhood experience and the practicality to be with a man who can offer everything I needed. My life with my friend will be less complicated because we need not deal with the complications of culture, geographical location etc. I can see my boyfriend going on without loving anyone and stay single without looking for any serious relationship like he was before we met if we break. On the other hand my friend is consider a ‘ very good catch’ by many women in our country. He is from one of the most well-connected family in our region ( sorry this is just to give a complete picture of him, my respect for him is not conditioned by this factor). He knows about my boyfriend. He suggested he can wait for me for another 2/3 years. But I can not ask him to do that. If I say no he will be broken hearted but he will find another woman.

    If you were me what would you do? Would you follow your intense love and emotion, leave your country, your passion to server your country or go for the practicality of settling with the man who can give all you needed given the reality of the situation. Kindly advice me.

    • ANSWER:

  35. QUESTION:
    What is prompting my fear of commitment? How do you overcome it?
    I've been dating for 10 years and cant even decide what I'm looking for aside from "she looks hot". I always find flaws from the women I date that prevents me from committing.
    What should I look for in order to determine the reason why I do this?
    I nitpick a lot. I deconstruct my date to the lowest level. I cant help it. I do it subconsciously and I tell myself how smart, and talented she is, but cant convince myself.

    • ANSWER:
      If you are fighting “commitment phobia”, you will identify with one or more of the most common fears men and women have about the commitment. And who knows may be you too will soon be enjoying a fabulous committed relationship! Some these fears and anxieties are obvious; others are subtle.

      1. Fear of the unknown.

      New experiences and demands can be stressful. You don't know just what is round the corner, and you worry about this. You are more content to stick with status quo than to opt for an uncertain future. This fear is especially pronounced in those people who lack self-confidence and the fear can escalate when demands are made on us.

      2. Fear of making a mistake

      The decision not to decide is itself a decision, and frequently a mistake! This fear is common among men and women who have more choices they can pick from and the more the choices the greater the fear. You fear that you will regret the decision tomorrow, next week, or next month and so delay and drag out the process hoping that you won’t make a mistake or fail.

      3. Fear of losing family and friends

      We all rely on the support of family and friends. You fear losing those people who do not approve of your decision (family, friends, children from previous marriage etc) because you have a strong need for the social approval of others. But this fear is not simply about not being able to handle their anger or rejection but fear of when things go wrong – and having them say “I told you so”.

      4. Fear of losing control.

      We all want to feel that we have choices and are in control. And part of the sense of control is in being able to control the timing of a relationship (when and how it’ll happen). What usually happens is that everything is going on well, but once you feel that you are losing that control you freak out and back off.

      Often if we have a bad experience we are influenced by it and almost expect history to repeat itself, setting up negative expectations. To overcome your fears pay attention to what you are privately saying to yourself when confronted with fear? What are the are your underlying personal beliefs about the fear. Write these beliefs on the left side of a piece of paper. On the right side, challenge your beliefs as if you were on the opposite side of a debate.

      Next, go back to the last time(s) you experienced any of the fears above and didn't cope well with it leading you to doubt yourself. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that will happen this time?" Then again challenge your beliefs as if you were on the opposite side of a debate. You’ll be surprised how easy this is. By taking another side from your usually mindset, you’ll open your mind to another viewpoint.

  36. QUESTION:
    Why are some guys pressuring some single women to get married?
    I just don't understand why we have to get married if we aren't ready. I heard and seen the news about the 70 percentage of black women are single. My friends come to me saying they love being single and not ready for any relationships. They want to have fun, party, and hang out with friends til dawn. And they fear commitments and don't like the criticisms from a partner.
    Whats your answer to this?

    • ANSWER:
      What other women do, with their lives, be they black or otherwise, should make no difference to you.
      It's your life and you should live it as you see fit. and not on what others are doing with theirs.
      Most young women of all races, these days, are tending to get married later in life.
      Why not,They are often better educated than some of the men they know, and even better paid.
      They have lived with their parents, most of their lives, so now they are independent, and want to enjoy single life, as long as they can.
      Sooner or later, they will be ready to settle down, and when they find the right man, most likely will get married.
      These days, marriage isn't for every one, man or woman. But it more difficult, for women, who are independent and have been for a while, to pair up with some man, who may be looking for a more traditional or submissive type partner.
      You are right, if you aren't ready for marriage, then get married, it most likely won't work out for that couple.

  37. QUESTION:
    How does a man's fear of commitment relate to him being a cheater?
    I just dumped a man I was dating, supposedly exclusively for 1-1/2 years because the entire time we we seeing each other, he had a sex toy on the side. He would leave my house after dinner some times and go to her. The only time he spent with her was when I wasn't available (I'm a divorced mom with 2 kids). He was very invested in me, took me to meet his mom out of town within 4 weeks of knowing him, spent holidays with them, etc. He never took this other woman out of the house and she was clearly just for sex. Sex was not an issue for us. He has come to me apologizing in tears, said he wasn't looking for a relationship when he met me and then it was the lie that kept growing. Blah, blah, blah. He's 41 and never married. I knew he had a fear of commitment and he told me about a woman he dated 7 years who cheated on him. I know that's part of why he's screwed up. He would talk to me about it and was very convincing, saying he would never cheat on someone because he knows how that feels. He was a liar from day one... I'd just like to get some other thoughts on how men think about cheating if they have a fear of commitment.

    Some other info... I know about her because when I found an incriminating text, I called her and talked to her for several hours. I knew nothing of her before. She and I had both had conversations with him and he treated me like we were exclusive. There was no misunderstanding about exclusivity. He also knew I had zero tolerance for cheating so he's been crying saying how he knows he's screwed up and that he's lost me and the kids, and how he'll have to live with that the rest of his life. Once he met my kids, he was very invested in them too. He was acting like a step dad, very supportive of them too. Why keep the woman on the side? That's what I don't get.

    • ANSWER:

  38. QUESTION:
    What is fear of commitment?
    I love this beautiful, wonderful woman and I know the feelings are mutual, but it seems like she won't let herself experience or express that feeling. She is really not commited to anything in life. She works hard, but I really think it's only to try and forget that she is avoiding commitment. I am just wondering if anyone can shed light or share experiences on fear of commitment. How does it manifest itself? Has anyone had success dealing with it? I want to hope, but I don't really know what I'm getting into. I know I can't change her or help her unless she asks for it. I am just hoping to set some reasonable expectations for myself if I choose to pursue this further.

    • ANSWER:
      fear of commitment comes from past relationships, she might of been deep in love and gave her heart 2 another man and he shattered it, my wife was like that when we met, sit down and talk about trust with her and make a solid foundation that the relationship can grow on and time will do the rest, talk 2 her about past relationships good and bad and share ur experiences with her to. good luck

  39. QUESTION:
    Research Q #2: What do you think are the characteristics of a mature man in a healthy romantic relationship?
    By the law of attraction, there just comes a time when we should stop looking at the negative. Theoretically, this is how we re-create the negative and blind ourselves to the positive. So let's stop putting so much attention on the "players" and those who are just not ready or willing to grow or be in a monogamous ltr. Not to make them wrong: It is a free world. I just want to get a picture of what you think a mature man is like--e.g. honest, consistent, knows when to work and when to play, resolves conflicts reasonably, etc.. Guys, what is a mature man looking for in a woman or relationship? How did you get over your fear of commitment (if applic.)? Women in relationships with great guys, what did you see in your partner? What did he see in you? How did he come across? How did he treat you? Where did you meet? How did you "know?"

    • ANSWER:
      Aaah! What a wonderful question! I've been thinking about this very topic recently. A few months back, I started dating a guy who had been secretly pining for me for some time. I wasn't interested at first, but he remained friendly and respectful, not the least bit pushy, but still calmly and quietly maintaining his affection for me. After a series of bad relationships, I realized that, if left to my own devices, I wasn't very good at picking potential mates for myself. So I thought I would give "the nice guy" a try.

      He's wonderful. He's polite, appreciative, thoughtful, respectful, romantic, cuddly beyond belief, honest and open, funny...has a playful side, but knows when to be serious... When we disagree about something, we talk through it without any yelling or name-calling, we try to see eachother's point of view and always try to be fair. I feel like I can be myself with him, in whatever form that may be. If I'm upset, he comforts me. If I'm happy, he's happy along with me. Even first thing in the morning, no makeup and a scruffy t-shirt, he calls me beautiful, and cradles my face in both of his hands and kisses me like I'm the most important thing ever.

      The funny thing was, all of my previous relationships have been dysfunctional to some degree. I knew this one was different because at first, it felt abnormal. Then I analyzed why it felt abnormal, and saw that it was because all of the dysfunctional things I had grown accustomed to were missing. It was then that I realized that this is what a real, mature, healthy relationship is supposed to be like.

      But before all of that became apparent, the first time I realized it was different was the first time he hugged me. He held me like I was his favorite teddy bear from childhood -- like he never wanted to let go. Then, I knew.

      As for when and how we met -- I know the saying, "It's darkest before the dawn" seems a bit cliche, but it was not long after I had given up, and thought I would never find someone like that. Then, I came to my senses and saw that he was right there, all along, waiting patiently for me to realize it.

      Oh yes -- and get this -- while we're on the topic of mature relationships, he's younger than me... I never thought I'd date someone younger. Everyone else I'd dated was older, and it turned out that they were less mature by far. Just goes to show that age shouldn't be too relevant in determining maturity...

  40. QUESTION:
    Can any guys out there shed some light on fear of commitment?
    I have had a long distance relationship with a guy for almost 4 years now. We live 1000 miles apart. We see eachother just 2 or 3 times a year. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. He has no interest in changing the relationship at all. He was hurt once by a woman that he moved for, but that was over a year before our relationship started. I think it's time to get over it. I have been hurt too, but I don't project all that on to him. He knows what I want and what I need, but he doesn't seem to care enough to change. I am just looking for some kind of advice. Thanks.

    • ANSWER:
      It has been my experience that men do not fear commitment once they have met a person they are in love with. I have several female friends who would rather be with someone they are "not that in to" than to be alone. I have several male friends who are not afraid of being alone and in fact embrace it, comfortable alone and not too concerned about finding the right person. I guess they know when the right girl does come along, both of them will know.

  41. QUESTION:
    Poll - What's a man's biggest fear in a relationship?
    Poll

    1..Fear of getting hurt, rejection, abandonment
    2..Fear of commitment, settling down, monogomy
    3..Fear of intimacy (not sex), closeness, attachment
    4..Fear of change, losing self, unfamilarity
    5..None of the above..

    for me... (none of the above)
    I don't know what men fear but something I fear as a woman, is getting left for a much younger woman or being in a relationship where you don't know if he is trying to persue you or your daughter. One thing I look at in a man before getting into a serious relationship are the women( or wives) they have been with in the past. If he shows signs of dating much younger women, then he's not for me. I am not going to compete with the babies or the baby machines.

    • ANSWER:
      In many cases it's a combination of 1 through 4 though I think that underneath some of those tough exteriors and barbed wired hearts the fear of getting hurt and fear of rejection ranks highest among those mentioned for any man (and woman) with a caring heart.
      I don't think people stand in line waiting to be hurt so perhaps they don't want to take the risk, and there is always that risk in any relationship, even a purely physical one.

  42. QUESTION:
    Need opinions is there a tie between porn and fear of commitment?
    Ok basically here is my situation, I have been living with a person I love for a year. He is perfect to me in everyway except I am 8 years older than him which at times makes me feel insecure. Lately he has been hiding the fact that he looks at porn online. In all honesty I am always available for sex, when we have sex it is great but occasionally he will wake up early while I am asleep or wait till I go somewhere and use porn instead of having sex with me, even though I would like to have sex. I have tried to talk about it and he does not want to. I am starting to feel that he is unhappy with me. I had an Aunt who lost her husband to porn addiction literally as it progressed from pics, to chat sites, to meeting other women. I wonder if there is some kind of connection between all of this and fear of commitment. He has told me he wants to get married and that he wants to be with me forever, yet he hesitates to get married. He proposed to me than never showed a ring. thx 4help

    • ANSWER:
      He is simply "getting the milk for free"! Porn and commitment have no ties in my opinion, he just doesn't want to marry you. I'm not being mean, just honest. Move on!!

  43. QUESTION:
    Is this fear of commitment?
    I love this beautiful, wonderful woman and I know the feelings are mutual, but it seems like she won't let herself experience or express that feeling. She is really not commited to anything in life. She works hard, but I really think it's only to try and forget that she is avoiding commitment. I am just wondering if anyone can shed light or share experiences on fear of commitment. How does it manifest itself? Has anyone had success dealing with it? I want to hope, but I don't really know what I'm getting into. I know I can't change her or help her unless she asks for it. I am just hoping to set some reasonable expectations for myself if I choose to pursue this further.

    • ANSWER:
      fear of commitment can come from several different reasons....my fear of commitment comes from past relationships that were very painful. If you love her and she loves you then you are just gonna have to wait for her. She will come around when she is ready to. If you dont want to wait for her to commit then take a break from each other. The old saying "if you love someone let them go and if it is meant to be they will return". She may be comfortable in your relationship as it is and not feel that commitment is needed.....

  44. QUESTION:
    Why do some women pick apart a really good guy? Like finding all the flaws?
    Is it insecurity? Is it fear of commitment? Is it because they don't feel lovable?

    • ANSWER:
      Everybody does it. You want to make sure that's the right person for you, so you seek out their flaws and ask yourself, "Can I live with this for the rest of my life?"

  45. QUESTION:
    Do American men get freaked out about commitment when they spend too much time with their GF?
    We've seen all the movies, chick flicks, romance films, about how men freak out about commitment and women seem to LoOove it (i.e in "How to lose a guy in 10 days," Kate Hudson's methods are all about trying to scare Matt McC. by putting "female products" in his bathroom and pretending to be super lovey-dovey).

    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety, but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother).

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, and showing him a lot of affection (like giving him lots of kisses and hugs) because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    The reason why I say "American" men is because I don't want to peg ALL men to be a certain way and wonder if the fear of commitment (and the idea that men really want independence) is a societal culture thing.

    Do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      That can't even be pinned to "American" men -- because it's not like they're all the same. There are men all over the world who have commitment problems, because it's in their nature. It sounds like you've got something good though, and if you don't feel comfortable confronting about it, I don't see much of a reason to. If you're going to get married, obviously he isn't having the same "issues" as other guys (who flinch at the very thought of holy matrimony), and I wish you two the best of luck. :)

  46. QUESTION:
    fear of commitment or something else?
    My boyfirend & I have been together over 2 years. We've had our share of problems & broken up a couple times. Both times we ended up back together cause he said that he just couldn't get me off his mind & that when he thought about dating other women he thought about me & compared them all 2 me. We've been back together about 6 months & we're expecting a baby. We don't live together I have my house in another town-he still lives with his parents. (He's 28;I'm 25) He's very involved in his community & doesn't want 2 leave. I am willing 2 accept that & move there 2 be with him. We're both in debt & when we talk about moving in together he says we just can't afford it. While talking about our relationship recently he broke down & cried & told me that he has ruined every relationship he has ever been in. He said that he's afraid 2 commit but I wander if it's more. He loves me but he doesn't know if the relationship will work. Is he really afraid of commitment or just of settling with me??

    • ANSWER:
      If he's so afraid of things not working, he can easily get marriage counseling to learn how to make it work. He sounds extremely immature and self-centered. He's not afraid of anything except being an adult.

  47. QUESTION:
    fear of commitment or just commiting to me??
    My boyfirend & I have been together over 2 years. We've had our share of problems & broken up a couple times. Both times we ended up back together cause he said that he just couldn't get me off his mind & that when he thought about dating other women he thought about me & compared them all 2 me. We've been back together about 6 months & we're expecting a baby. We don't live together I have my house in another town-he still lives with his parents. (He's 28;I'm 25) He's very involved in his community & doesn't want 2 leave. I am willing 2 accept that & move there 2 be with him. We're both in debt & when we talk about moving in together he says we just can't afford it. While talking about our relationship recently he broke down & cried & told me that he has ruined every relationship he has ever been in. He said that he's afraid 2 commit but I wander if it's more. He loves me but he doesn't know if the relationship will work. Is he really afraid of commitment or just of commiting 2 me?

    • ANSWER:
      he is definitely scared of committment.

  48. QUESTION:
    what can you say about Hypnosis in the Delivery Room/Labor Room
    It isn't for every woman, but "hypnobirthing" certainly has its fans, including Carla Breakey, a 38-year-old home business owner from Idaho. And rave reviews from women like Breakey are helping this method of natural childbirth grow in popularity around the globe.
    Breakey used hypnobirthing for two of her three children. Hypnobirthing teaches women how to hypnotize themselves to manage their labor, helping them to relax and let their bodies take over. The theory is that, in the absence of fear and tension, severe pain does not have to accompany labor. In this calm state, endorphins -- naturally occurring chemicals in the body that can relieve pain -- replace the stress hormones that contribute to pain, proponents say.
    "I enjoyed the experience a lot more and was a lot more present when I used hypnobirthing," Breakey tells WebMD. For her first child, Breakey had a standard hospital birth with an epidural. That time, she says, "I felt like I was fighting the labor, and after the epidural was administered, I couldn't feel anything, which was scary."
    That's why she, along with her husband, Jeff, decided to try hypnobirthing for their second child. "I was very skeptical the first time, but the experience was unbelievable. I was relaxed, and it really does help with the pain," she says. "With hypnobirthing, I felt confident, and when the contractions would come, they weren't scary at all."
    And although some experts warn that undergoing any type of drug-free childbirth requires a high level of determination and commitment, proponents say hypnobirthing really can help ease women's fears about the birth process.
    "Hypnobirthing is a childbirth process that includes a major focus on many of the techniques used in hypnotherapy to relieve fear," Pat Burrell, RN, a hypnobirthing therapist based in State College, Pa., tells WebMD. "It integrates factual information on the childbirth process along with hypnosis." Burrell is also an instructor with the American Board of Hypnotherapy and an executive board member of the Hypnobirthing Institute in Epsom, N.H.
    "Other childbirth processes approach pain as a given and try to find ways to deal with pain, from medication to massage, but hypnobirthing teaches women to transform the sensation of pain so that it feels like something else," she says. "The healthiest way to deliver a baby is to be very relaxed and allow the body to do it. Once labor begins, it has its own momentum and mom really doesn't need to do much of anything."
    Hypnobirthing can also be used along with other birthing processes ranging from Lamaze to pain-killing drugs, Burrell says.
    Couples learn the technique by taking between four and six classes, starting after the first trimester of pregnancy. "The partner is the hypnotherapist and helps the woman get into a trance-like state, where she is fully conscious of what her body is doing," Burrell explains. "She is very relaxed, which provides a safe and healthy environment for the baby and the mom."
    Burrell says hypnobirthing creates a strong bond between the couple as well as between the mother and her baby.
    The cost varies across the country, and many insurance companies do reimburse for hypnobirthing classes, she says.
    Debbie Wagner, a clinical hypnotherapist in Bellevue, Wash., has taught hypnobirthing to hundreds of expectant mothers since the early 1990s."I have had great success with it," she tells WebMD. "Many women have told me that they had a sense of control that wasn't present [in previous births] after using hypnobirthing."
    But some experts warn that hypnotism may not be enough to help everyone endure the powerful pains of labor. Yvonne Thornton, MD, PhD, a senior perinatologist at St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital Center in New York, says she would counsel women to think long and hard before they decide to try hypnobirthing or any other method of drug-free delivery.
    "If you really want to have a drug-free birth, you have to be committed to the program or technique because if you are not really committed, it's a farce," she tells WebMD. "Some people have a fairy-tale idea about the true nature of labor, but it is painful. It is one of the most painful crisises that the woman has to endure."

    • ANSWER:
      I hope that insane was not hung on you by a "friend" if so they are not!
      I have been a hypnotist specializing in pain control for over fifty years.
      Yes! you can eliminate pain connected to childbirth along with bleeding, relax easier and more completely.. you are not going to do it by your self ,you will need trained support by your partner or a hypnotist ! and you are going to need to practice a lot.
      I would strongly reccomend you learn and understand the glove anesthesia to the point you can do it by your self (in Case your partner does not make it through. i have heard of more than one roll there eyes and bite the floor The technique for this is a deep trance one so if the hypnotist starts telling you that light trance is more beneficial -thank you but no thank you.
      the bleeding can be eliminated almost completely as can any cramping
      start doing some looking for a classical hypnotist of deep trance hypnotist tell them you are looking for someone to teach you glove anesthesia. their response should be positive or it is B.S. and you find another hypnotist.
      see what you can do.
      write me for help if you have trouble finding a practitioner
      tom

  49. QUESTION:
    What women say.............?
    If a man sleeps with a woman and has second thoughts about it
    later on, they call it "fear of commitment."
    If a woman sleeps with a man and has second thoughts about it
    later on, they call it "date rape."

    If a man gets drunk and sleeps with a woman, they hold him
    responsible for his actions.
    If a woman gets drunk and sleeps with a man, they hold him
    responsible for her actions.

    When men judge women based on their looks, they call it "lookism,"
    "sexism" and "oppression."
    When women judge men based on their looks and their salaries, they
    call it "dating."

    When a man says "You have to sleep with me to be an employee,"
    they call it sexual harassment.
    When a lesbian says "You have to sleep with me to be a feminist,"
    they call it "body de-colonization" and "political lesbianism."

    When a man says "some feminists hate men," he is engaging in
    stereotypes and bashing.
    When a feminist says "all men are potential rapists," she is
    raising issues.

    When feminists lie about rape, sexual harassment, domestic
    violence, anorexia and bulimia, they are nonetheless educating the
    public about legitimate issues.
    When you point out that feminists lie about rape, sexual
    harassment, domestic violence, anorexia and bulimia, you are guilty
    of backlash.

    When you ask why physical standards should be lowered so women can
    join the military, they say that it ensures equality.
    When you ask why only men are forced to register with the selective
    service and only men can be forced into combat against their will,
    they'll say that you are the one who starts all the wars.

    When you say that men should not be discriminated against, they
    will tell you that you hold all the power and privileges.
    When you say that you don't feel that way, they will point out
    rich men you don't even know.
    When you say that women in your work place have equal pay and
    equal numbers and no longer deserve special breaks and special
    promotions, they will cite some statistics from someplace else.

    If you say you are afraid of a violent woman, they will laugh at
    you and send you away without help.
    If you protect yourself from a violent woman, they will say that
    violence against women is always wrong, no matter what.

    If a woman accuses a Republican nominee of sexual harassment, they
    say "Why would she lie?"
    If several women accuse a Democratic president of sexual
    harassment, they say "She probably lied."

    If they want access to a predominantly male organization, club, or
    school, they say that "diversity" is good.
    If they want to keep men out of a predominantly female
    organization, club, or school, they say segregation is good.

    When a woman accuses a man of child abuse during a divorce or
    custody battle, they say "Believe the children."
    When the children themselves say they weren't abused, they don't
    believe the children.

    When a woman cannot support her children, they say we should raise
    taxes on everyone to set up more programs to help her.
    When a man cannot support his children, they says "Revoke the
    deadbeat's license and throw him in jail."

    When a man denies his children support money, they say he should
    be punished.
    When a woman denies her children a relationship with a warm and
    loving father, by thwarting his visitation rights, they say it's a
    "non-traditional family."

    When an unwed father wants custody of his child, they say "Think
    of the best interests of the children."
    When a mother wants custody of her child, they say "Don't punish a
    woman just because she works."

    If a man starts a statement with "All women are ..." he is
    using a stereotype.
    If a feminist starts a statement with "All men are ..." she is
    using a metaphor.

    • ANSWER:
      you sure do have a lot of time on your hands. dont you, mate?

  50. QUESTION:
    If not a cycle of isolation.....because of fear of commitment, do you tend to seek out relationships that can?
    never possibly survive?..............Married men (women) or attached person's, or simply aloof or to tied to their career to become to clingy or involved?................In a manner, keeping yourself "safe"?

    • ANSWER:
      I really must say that, until after my divorce, I never had a clear perception of what would and would not work. When that happened, I purposely gave myself two years away from looking for a long-term relationship in order to get a solid handle on what I really wanted out of a relationship, and how I was going to go about finding it. It seems to have worked.


Posted in issues | Tagged | Leave a comment

Women Fear Of Commitment Signs

Posted on November 14, 2011 by

A great deal of men believe that once things get serious, women will come down on them and expect a very serious relationship. It's important for men to understand that when things begin to get serious, women tend to expect the two of you to become exclusive and start planning a future together. However, if all your relationships never make it past a couple of months, you may be the cause of your breakups. Here are some signs that you're commitment phobic.

1. You have a bad history with women

The perfect sign to spot a commitment phobic man is to look at his history. Most commitment phobic men used to have a history of real short relationships where they have been mostly at fault and tend to blame the female for anything and everything. These men often use the excuse that they haven't found the right woman yet.

2. You constantly flirt with other women

Constantly flirting with other women and/or constantly getting caught staring at other women when you're in a relationship is a big sign that you're not ready for a commitment. Guys like this usually have a history of infidelity.

3. You become distant

Guys like this say they want a real relationship, but also want the freedom that comes with being single. Even if nothing is wrong in your relationship,you begin rejecting her by not calling and not wanting to see her fo

r days. This might be a sign that you're drifting away due to a fear of commitment and could be ruining a good relationship.

4. You treat her like your mistress, not your girlfriend

Severe commitment phobics often do not invite their girlfriends to their homes and avoid public outings with their girlfriends, especially events and outings that may include family and friends.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Do American men get freaked out about commitment when they spend too much time with their GF?
    We've seen all the movies, chick flicks, romance films, about how men freak out about commitment and women seem to LoOove it (i.e in "How to lose a guy in 10 days," Kate Hudson's methods are all about trying to scare Matt McC. by putting "female products" in his bathroom and pretending to be super lovey-dovey).

    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety, but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother).

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, and showing him a lot of affection (like giving him lots of kisses and hugs) because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    The reason why I say "American" men is because I don't want to peg ALL men to be a certain way and wonder if the fear of commitment (and the idea that men really want independence) is a societal culture thing.

    Do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      That can't even be pinned to "American" men -- because it's not like they're all the same. There are men all over the world who have commitment problems, because it's in their nature. It sounds like you've got something good though, and if you don't feel comfortable confronting about it, I don't see much of a reason to. If you're going to get married, obviously he isn't having the same "issues" as other guys (who flinch at the very thought of holy matrimony), and I wish you two the best of luck. :)

  2. QUESTION:
    Poll - What's a man's biggest fear in a relationship?
    Poll

    1..Fear of getting hurt, rejection, abandonment
    2..Fear of commitment, settling down, monogomy
    3..Fear of intimacy (not sex), closeness, attachment
    4..Fear of change, losing self, unfamilarity
    5..None of the above..

    for me... (none of the above)
    I don't know what men fear but something I fear as a woman, is getting left for a much younger woman or being in a relationship where you don't know if he is trying to persue you or your daughter. One thing I look at in a man before getting into a serious relationship are the women( or wives) they have been with in the past. If he shows signs of dating much younger women, then he's not for me. I am not going to compete with the babies or the baby machines.

    • ANSWER:
      In many cases it's a combination of 1 through 4 though I think that underneath some of those tough exteriors and barbed wired hearts the fear of getting hurt and fear of rejection ranks highest among those mentioned for any man (and woman) with a caring heart.
      I don't think people stand in line waiting to be hurt so perhaps they don't want to take the risk, and there is always that risk in any relationship, even a purely physical one.

  3. QUESTION:
    Men and women: When does a couple spend too much time together?
    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety (like saying he wants us to stay independent and for me to move in, but not to sell my apartment because the idea of me doing so is like "leaving all of my independent self behind," which he's not yet ready for), but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother), and I don't know if it's my own insecurity shining through, but it's definitely something I think about.

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    I don't believe in the ideas that "there's never too much time together if you're in love!"- I feel they're too simplistic and do not encompass the complexity of a relationship between two individual people as progressive, independent creatures. I enjoy talking about marriage with him, but don't want to do it if we're straying off the right path.

    So, do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      yeah there is such a thing in SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME TOGETHER..a guy needs his space sometimes and tend to get sick of girls easily..yeah if youre in love you want to be with them all the time but guys are different..sometime they need their space and you always want to make a guy MISS YOU becuz it will never be too exciting when you guys see each other..it will be more of a routine..if you guys are ready for marriage good for you but make sure you test your relationship with a little bit of distance..

  4. QUESTION:
    Torn in between the two (signs)!!!!!?
    Hi. Im a virgo woman and IM TORN between two AMAZING PEOPLE!!!! One guy is a Leo, and the other guy is a CANCER. I've know the leo since a few years. When i liked him, he didnt like me and now its kinda vice versa. I been talkin to the Cancer for about 6-7 months now and its going pretty well. Although these guys seem amazing.. they both have equal flaws. I really like the Cancer guy but at times he can be very distant. Also i get a sense of him being secretive. Wehn me and him are talking or hanging out he always makes me laugh and i feel great talking to him. But when he's distant... i also become distant and build up my walls again. The leo guy I've know forever. People always thought we would grow up married together. My friends even think he's my soul mate and I truly do love him. My horoscope is a virgo, wit a gemini rising lol. Although I wanna be with both guys, apart of me has a fear of COMMITMENT beacuase im almost 20 and im in college. I really love both these guys. But .... what do you guys think?
    Also i dont wanna lose friendship with NEITHER guys. ESPECIALLY the Leo cause we've been best friends since last year of HIGH SCHOOL till now in college, but at the same time I dont wanna miss a great opportunity with the Cancer who's very sweet.
    I am definitely looking for a more definite deep relationships. I wish i can combine the two. But i kinda feel that with the leo the fire and passion will soon die out and wit the Cancer, it seems like I could be waiting forever and miss out on things. lol

    • ANSWER:
      Cancer men are more homebodies than Leo. He may appear distant/secretive because
      1) maybe he has some other influence in his natal chart
      or
      2) Cancerians cannot trust a person very easily because they are very insecure and sensitive and get hurt very easily. They need to feel that a person is worthy of/can be trusted with their secrets.

      Cancerians need constant reassurances that they are as good as anybody else.They place very high priority on 1)family and 2) money
      They are very emotional.Can be headstrong and very stubborn also.

      Leos on the other hand are the kinds who love to be the center of attraction, they love to be famous, etc. They are not so emotional as Cancerians. They are usually quite social people.Stronger than Cancerians emotionally.

      Depends on what you are looking for.

  5. QUESTION:
    How do you unblock a mental block? Fear of constant rejection?
    I am 52 years old, male, and my CV is beyond hope. In determination not to be a burden or a scrounger, I took whatever dead-end temping job came my way, and was bullied out of the last five. It seems that being "only the temp" is a licence to treat someone like rubbish. They only give permanent jobs to women; men are ok for maternity cover but as soon as they can get a woman, it's instant termination "we wish you every success in your future career".

    I have been on antidepressants for the last ten years, and I am frankly sick of actively seeking work. I've had enough. If I am really the wrong sort of person, why can't people forget political correctness and say I need not apply?

    At the moment I am living on savings because I cannot sign on. The very thought of filling in any more applications which are destined automatically for the bin, fills me with dread and hatred for the very people I am supposed to be trying to impress.

    I do not want to retire, but I fear my faculties are already going and I am unemployable for as long as young women are around to do my job.

    I am too old now for a real man's job - working 10-12 hours a day hard physical labour. I get tired after an hour in the garden.

    I used to be able to reel off all the things I could do well. I can assimilate complicated sets of rules, terms and conditions. I can analyse and troubleshoot. I have absolute integrity and trustworthiness. I can find better ways to do my job, so that things get done ahead of time. I have a good speaking voice and a good attitude towards customers. In short I would be an ideal Civil Servant. But they all have to be women these days. Bearded 50-something men may apply, but they need not expect to be considered appropriate. In any case, pointing out experiences dating back to the early 1990s, or even 2002 at the latest, is not that helpful.

    I also know that without a regular job, no woman will want me, so I am destined to face old age alone. I do not look forward to it. Hope I die before I get old. Why can't I just die now? Early mornings are worst, drowning my thoughts at 4am by turning on the radio only to have to listen to successful BBC career women complaining that they are not rich enough.

    Now some suggest voluntary work, and people are only too happy to pile on work and commitment on those prepared to work for nothing, but then future employers look at this and ask "what is wrong with this guy - if he works for nothing, then he is worth nothing" and so they take on a woman from a paid position, who has a right to further her career (and I don't because I am old and I am male). And I still have to pay for my own petrol and make my own lunch and live with the fact that I am worthless.

    Ever more morning demons shout their unkind phrases at me - I am a loser, unemployable, old and stupid with the start of dementia, a dole scrounger that deserves to be castrated and sent to swab the sick off the floor at MacDonalds. I loathe those phrases as much as I hate myself, but most of all I loathe the society I live in that ends my dreams each night with insults.

    What is there out there to give me any confidence in British employment?

    • ANSWER:
      your question is very well written so it is obvious that you are everything that you say that you are. You ask for suggestions of how to unblock your mental block.

      I can relate to a lot of what you say - I too have skills that will not be used because of who I am, my mental health symptoms - my age etc.
      And this is how life comes - when we are outisders this is exactly the score - It isnt nice but there are plenty in the same boat and it will get a lot tighter with the credit crunch a lot more people are going to have mental health problems.

      To have a life worthwhile you have to value yourself without that "yes but where does it get me! attitude - Just value yourself for the skills and integrity, independently without relating it to 'outside' rules.
      You lose when you take the negativity in the way and start believing it.

      Look for the smiles not the kicks. For me I get my sights very low indeed so I dont get disappointed. I dont expect anything and then every smile is a bonus even neutrality is a bonus.

      Find a subgroup of people that you do feel easy with - I found that when I did a course in peer advocacy and started to work with other service users to improve mental health care provision for those in hospital and in greater need - that it was amazing because we valued each other in a way that had even with no pay it was a nice experience going to work.

      I got more unwell this year and couldn't go to volunteer and I miss the equality of it and being valued.

      You seem to have it all sewn up that there is nothing down for you so really I can imagine that you could "yes but!" peoples suggestions very articulately in order to stay stuck - perhaps something new is worth a try though when you have nothing left to lose.

      There is no winning or losing if you choose not to see it that way- just how to keep your spirits up in the moments and join up the moments

      Dont have confidence in British employment - as you yourself have said - there is nothing out there - believe it and have confidence in yourself instead.

  6. QUESTION:
    I think I am commitment-phobic. What should I do?
    I think I discovered myself tonight - by getting to know what 'commitment-phobic' means and realized that I'm one!

    I'm 28 and have been with girlfriend, who is 2 years younger than me, for 5 years. It's the age where some of our friends are getting married. I understand that marriage is natural and healthy, that two people can look after each other and raise children in a stable family, that men and women can achieve more in their careers because their day-to-day lives are more settled and they can plan long-term goals and they get more respect because they are seen as a responsible adults.

    I want all that, but I don't want the commitment. You know the feeling when you are signing a 18-month contract when buying a mobile phone so that (imagine you're into gadgets) you can't do anything when a newer, shinier phone comes out in this one-and-half-year-period? (Or, think that you can't buy new clothes or shoes because the one you buy you'll be forced to wear them for 1 year)?

    I love her. I think she will make a perfect wife and mother. I am not that stupid to assume I could manage more than one long-term relationship (openly or secretly) and keep both women and myself happy. It's just too much trouble sneaking around all my life. At the same time I have good friendship with many female friends, some of whom would not mind being more than friends with me. I know -- I need self-control, grass is always greener on the other side, ... but what I really need (and want) now is some incentives to motivate me to believe in commitment. I am biologically programmed to be attracted to female species but is there an equally powerful force to programme me to LIKE being with only one woman?

    Some may think I'm asking a stupid question where the answer is already in my question. But I know and understand all the reasons I just mentioned above -- I am just not convinced enough.

    Quote from Wikipedia:
    "Generally, commitmentphobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married, yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain longlasting connections. Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitmentphobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for a frightening reality leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating."

    • ANSWER:
      The answer to your question is, No, there really isn't. The fairest thing for you and for your gf is to be honest with her about who you are. You're not wrong and you are not a bad person; you're just who you are. There is no point in people telling you to "grow up"; yours isn't that sort of problem. You may be one of those people who is simply not hard wired for intimate, committed, family life. There is nothing inherently wrong with that, as long as you are aware of and accept the long term consequence for yourself. That is, as Christie B was bluntly correct about above, it's OK to be a player while you are young and hot, but eventually, you won't be. You will be just another one of those old guys you see shuffling into Bob Evans for the early bird special; in one way or another, it happens to us all. As long as you are prepared to 1) live alone, with no one but your "I've fallen and I can't get up" buzzer around your neck for company, or 2) be taken to the cleaners by a babe who will snuggle your wattles exactly as long as it takes to feel around for your checkbook, then fine. Again, there's nothing really wrong with those scenarios, but you have to be prepared for that future.

      What IS inherently wrong is you jerking around a perfectly lovely girl who loves you and is ready to marry you and have kids with you, because you can't decide whether you can handle giving up other women. As you know, women aren't like men; if she wants children, she doesn't have forever to give healthy birth to them. If you know in your heart that you aren't really into staid, committed, married life, even with a girl as wonderful as she is, then do the honorable thing and break up with her, while she's still got time to find someone else. Then go live your life, be a player, guilt free, because you did the right thing. Who knows, a decade from now, you may feel differently and be ready for marriage. But you aren't now, no amount of convincing yourself is going to change you, you will just end up cheating on her and getting divorced anyway, so cut her loose.

  7. QUESTION:
    Please help with my essay on baby abandonment?
    Any suggestions would be great (;

    One major issue that has occured in the United States in the past and is still occurioccurredy is baby abandonment, a/k/a "baby dumping." It may apply any time a child is left without appropriate supervision for extended periods of time. Hearing babies becoming abandoned is heartbreaking. There could be many reasons to the causes of this action. One, the baby was not planned. Therefore, the parents may not have been ready either mentally or financially, and decide to leave the baby. Two, many people are against abortion, which lead to many unwanted babies being born. Three, the woman may have fear of rejection from a boyfriend, friend, or family member if they keep the baby. Some psychiatrists believe that young mothers can become overwhelmed by the presence of something that they were in denial of for nine months, as well as the father not being supportive. The best way to end is by giving women more education about sex and it's outcomes, and to provide planning for those who need it. It has been estimated that there are over 50 babies abandoned daily across the United States, which adds up to over 20,000 babies a year.. many of which do not survive.
    One way to solve this issue is by encouraging women who decide to not keep their babies to follow the Safe Haven Act (depending on each state). For example, The Safe Haven Act of Massachusetts of 2004 allows a parent to legally surrender newborn infants 7 days old or younger with no signs of neglect to a designated hospital, police station, or fire station without facing prosecution. The parent will be encouraged to provide information to help in planning the future care of the baby, but is not required. Once the newborn is medically screened, it will be placed in a Department of Social Services foster or adoptive home. The Safe Haven Act of Massachusetts partnered with a few other associations, creating a multimedia campaign informing state residents about the new law. Their toll-free hotline recieves an averaging 50 calls per month.
    Another way to solve this issue is following Project Cuddle, founded by Debbe Magnusen and her husband David. The goal of this non-profit organization is to save as many babies' lives as possible, with a strong commitment to help any pregnant girl or woman. They do not charge any money to the girls or their families. It also offers a 24-hour crisis hotline. To date, they have rescured 564 babies from being abandoned. They give women a chance to choose an adoptive family for their baby, making sure they have made a decision they are comforable with allowing them to move on with their lives. About 60% of women call Project Cuddle for assistance in raising their babies.They strongly believe that no baby deserves to die before it has had a chance to live.
    Although today there are many ways to solve this issue, many babies who are saved and do grow up into adulthood often continue to wonder about their origins. These "foundlings" may or may not ever find out who their birth parents are, or why they were abandoned. Their past remains a complete mystery, along with a missing part of their identity. This often causes grief to some whose parents' never decide to step up. The best way to solve this issue is by preventing unwanted babies in the first place. One way is by showing women or girls how difficult it is to care for a child, being offered through a "Real Skillz Parenting Course." The woman or teen is given a programmed baby that will cry periodically for various reasons, in which they have to solve in order to make the doll stop crying. Another way is by working with parents to educate their children about sex and all of its consequences. Finally, a third option is abstinence education. Abstaining from sex is the most effective way of preventing not only unwanted births, but also any other diseases that a person may receive from having sex.
    In conclusion, baby abandonment is a huge reoccurring issue in the United States. The foremost reason in preventing this issue from happening is to save the lives of babies. Every baby deserves a chance to live. The first and second way help to solve the problem that women face when they do not know what to do with their unwanted baby. However, the third way ends up becoming the best way because it prevents unwanted babies to be born at all. Educating women in pregnancy helps them to make better and wiser decisions, lowering the rate of infant deaths and abandonments each year.
    Sorry that it's so long... T__T

    • ANSWER:

  8. QUESTION:
    Are aquarius men really not into love?
    I read about this sign and it is always saying that the aquarian guys have fear of commitment and that they are the "one night stand" types. Is it really true? but the people I saw in my life turned out to be opposite. my cousin is an aquarian and he loved only one woman in his life and though he is married to her he is totally drunk with love, then i dated someone last year. and the guy was desperate for a relationship and he never even kissed a girl, my new boyfriend is an aquarian and i see that he is the most faithful lover i have ever come across. he keeps in touch with me 24/7 and treates me with lots of respect. also, accepted me as i was. and before starting the relationship he did tell me that he wanted only a serious girl and not the types who keep their options open. but yeah, he basially fell for me because he thought i was intelligent, independent and unique.

    • ANSWER:
      I wouldn't say Aquarius is a "one night stand" type of person. I mean, you said one liked you because you are intelligent, independent and unique... That is the type of girl they like anyway.

      From what I've read, they are loyal once they find someone worthy. The person also needs to give them their space and to not be insecure. It's not that they can't fall in love... It's just that like I said they need their freedom. Some also fear close relationships because of the emotional aspect but again, it depends on the Aqua guy.

  9. QUESTION:
    My 40-something year old boyfriend will not commit?
    Both my boyfriend and I are in our late 40's, and neither of us has ever been married. We do not live togethor by my choice, but have been dating for several years. He is kind, caring, supportive, and will basically do anything for me. Here's the problem that many women have been facing for years, I want to get married, but he shows no signs of wanting to. Whenever I bring up the subject, he just says he loves me very much. When I ask him to be honest and to admitt that he will never marry me, he says he will never tell me that because it's not true. He says all the right things like I am the only women in the world for him, etc. etc. I am old enough to know talk is cheap. I have been very upfront from the beginning that I am not in this relationship just to date. I have been in long term relationships in the past and was always hurt. I think fear of being alone, and fear of getting hurt again is what keeps me in this relationship. I do love him, but I feel very lonely, and unfulfilled because of this lack of commitment. I tried to break it off a few years ago, but we got back togethor after a few days apart. I don't want to turn 50 and still be in this situation, and realize I am the only one who can make this change, if I could only find the strength. I would love to hear some thoughts from people who may be or know someone in this same situation. (To all you young women out there, establish your long term relationship goals from the start. If you want different things break it off in the beginning before it goes too far. Time goes by so quickly)! No rude or joke answers please.
    PS...I have a great career, and hobbies of my own. I just don't have a fulfulled relationship.
    Bismarc...thanks very much!

    • ANSWER:
      Dear GINC:

      You have been with your lover for
      several YEARS? That sounds VERY
      Committed to me!

      Why do you want to sign a Marriage Contract?
      Why RUIN a great Relationship?
      Marriage is an ILLUSION for many.
      To many~
      it only suites INSECURE Personalities!

      The is NO Benefit for a Male To Wed !!

      You think you will be "Fulfilled" ~
      by signing a Legal Document?

      You don't sound like you are in your 40's!

      Good Luck, GINC~
      Have Fun~
      Enjoy your Caring Lover!

  10. QUESTION:
    Does this explain Collins project ?
    Working for some leaders is as painful as taking a full dose of poison. Their behavior is so bad it is toxic to their organizations. You know the type: More of a despot than a leader, he pits employees against each other and paralyzes the organization with fear.
    Sometime during your career you may have encountered such a toxic leader, or maybe you see signs now of one emerging in your company (hopefully you aren’t one yourself). Here’s how to spot one, how to protect yourself and your team from his venom, and how to nip an emerging toxic leader in the bud.
    The Markings of a Toxic Boss
    Toxic leaders share some common traits. They often have a rigid commitment to an idealized goal. They view challenges to their vision as akin to treason. Either you’re with such a leader, unquestioningly, 100 percent, or you’re the enemy.
    The poisonous leader is arrogant; in her mind, she is always right, and she takes input only from a limited group of yes-men and -women. Her chosen few get information, but no one else does, and so there is no discussion about the work being done.
    Retribution from such a leader is swift for those not aggressively supportive of his decisions. He treats employees coldly, even cruelly. He assigns blame without regard to responsibility, and takes all the credit for himself. I once had such a boss, and he gave me a new definition of shared risk: If something I did was successful, he took the credit. If it wasn’t, I got the blame. Painful as this was, I learned a lot during his short tenure. He was my first negative role model. Fortunately, I was able to move on, and he left the company.
    Why leaders behave this way is the subject of much speculation. Some people attribute it to greed, not just for money but for power or recognition. Incompetence can also drive the toxic leader’s behavior, as his fear of being “found out” influences his interactions with others.
    The Toll of Venomous Leadership
    Poisonous leaders sap the strength of their organizations. Their demand for loyalty causes employees to fear whether they are doing something the leader will deem to be wrong. In this demoralizing and dehumanizing atmosphere, the toxic leader may drive the organization into paralysis.
    Employees will stop thinking creatively; their productivity will decline, and they will miss their goals. In extreme cases, employees desperate to please their leader and keep their jobs will slide into unethical behavior or outright corruption.

    One might question why such behavior is tolerated. First, it is not uncommon for toxic traits to be hidden behind a mask of charisma. Toxic leaders are actors, playing a role to achieve their self-styled goal. Second, in many companies business success tends to overshadow personal weaknesses.In one organization where I worked, a senior executive consistently bullied his employees, yet he was charming to those above him. Even after his superiors witnessed the behavior, nothing was done about it because he always delivered his profit goals. Only after his staff turned over significantly and he missed his goals did he face any consequences. He wasn’t fired. Instead, he worked with a coach and changed his leadership approach dramatically. This outcome suggests that an organization risks encouraging toxic leadership by rewarding results and ignoring how they were achieved.
    A Survival Guide
    If you’re faced with a toxic leader (whether or not he’s your boss), you can survive. But you will need a strategy to do so.
    First, you have to decide whether to stay or leave. Your personal circumstances may require you to stay. If leaders are rotated frequently in your company, you could wait out the poison leader’s tenure. Or your own skills and reputation may be strong enough so that you’re not damaged by the abuse you get.
    Once you decide to stay, you will need to decide whether to confront the behavior or lay low. Trying to counsel the boss is likely to work only if you’re already in the inner circle, and only if he decides to listen to you instead of cutting you off from the group. Joining with others to confront him carries similar risks. Only you can decide how far to go. If you decide to take on the leader, make sure you have all the relevant facts, pick an appropriate time and place for the confrontation, and have a plan for bringing the issues forward.
    Meanwhile, you can find support from other executives in the organization by strengthening those relationships. Take steps to establish your independence. Never defend the ruthless behaviors. Outside of work, find uplifting activities to nurture your self-esteem.
    Whatever you do, buffer your people from the toxic leader. Defend them against any hits that come from above. I once saw a manager sit quietly and allow a member of his staff to be pummeled by abusive questioning during a presentation. How cowardly was this manager that he couldn’t step in and deflect the criticism? Fear of retribution may tempt you to duck this responsi
    ...bility, but good leaders do not abandon their people. Let integrity and courage lead you to the honorable thing.

    Detoxifying the Next Generation
    Toxic leaders aren’t born, they’re shaped by their experiences. If you have one emerging in your organization, you can turn him on a different path. You can recognize an emerging toxic leader by these signs:
    Self-centeredness. An employee is willing to harm others in order to come out on top.
    Messianic visions. The employee’s vision seems impossible to achieve, or she positions misguided actions as attempts to achieve a noble cause, and she won’t take advice.
    Arrogance. He displays disdain for others.
    Blame-shifting. I saw one executive order a “take no prisoners” approach to setting and enforcing a technology standard, then disavow the “noncollegial” style of his employee, leaving her to repair her reputation alone.
    Redirect these rising leaders by making your expectations for behavior clear to everyone in your organization.
    Investigate low morale, and attack its causes. Ensure that performance reviews document toxic behavior, and make sure offenders know that mistreating others is going to short-circuit their careers. Promote and recognize those leaders who demonstrate nontoxic behaviors.
    Finally, set an example. Most leaders are neither good nor bad always, in all things. Recognize your weaknesses and work on eliminating them. Be someone who is able to take advice. Demonstrate integrity. Work unfailingly for the benefit of your team. Toxic leaders’ victories are often short-lived. Avoiding and defending against toxic behaviors should lead you, and those who follow you, down the path to sustained success.

    By Patricia Wallington.

    • ANSWER:
      - It explains a facet of the Collins project, but there is so much more to the story.

  11. QUESTION:
    Aquarius female: This is something totally accurate?
    Due to the Aquarius woman’s personality, the contradictions become intractable. By nature, she considers love as something very important in her life, but she is quite changeable in her impulses and her affections because she does not support constraints or monotony. The Aquarius woman also needs a great communion of ideas with her lover to flourish in a relationship: and so, if her partner does not continually stimulate her, she will inevitably be less interested in this union. Indeed, if she managed more often to know what she wants, her love life would be undeniably happier. When she has found the ideal partner, the Aquarius woman loves with sincerity, at least that’s what she believes. But she is so afraid to alienate her independence that when it comes to commitment, she always finds excuses to escape, even if this has to make her sad.

    Hence, the Aquarius woman has a choice to make between love affairs without overnights, charming adventures that do not satisfy the deepest aspirations of her heart, or impossible love for clearly inaccessible men. The latter will provide her the full range of emotions to which she aspires, without fearing of being caught in their nets.

    However, when she is attached, the Aquarius woman becomes the most charming, the most comprehensive and the most tolerant partner. She is capable of great devotion when her passions are affected, even when the object of her flame does not deserve such love and dedication.

    The celibacy status does not displease her; actually it’s quite the contrary! She then intends to take full advantage of this situation, since it serves both to preserve her precious freedom and to flee from loneliness. However, this type of existence cannot be hers indefinitely, and the Aquarius woman will one day or another start to be in search of a man that will establish with her profound relations of complicity. Last, she will always prefer cohabitation to marriage.

    Of all the zodiac signs, the Water Bearer is probably the hardest to win! Under its libertarian and indifferent airs, the Aquarius woman is an idealist who has indeed a very high idea of love.

    Beware: the Aquarius woman can be easily dragged into an adventure, but this does not prevent her from leaving quietly the next morning as if nothing happened, and then she may treat you as a friend and not as a lover! In order to make the adventure last more than a day, here’s a tip: be the first to break-up. Act as if you were indifferent and jaded. Surprised and intrigued, the Aquarius woman will want you back.

    Even after several years of common life, you are still to be surprised by some of the reactions of your Aquarius woman. It’s because the Aquarius zodiac sign has a multi-faceted personality, and is often unpredictable. Original, anti-conformist, the woman of this sign rejects the restrictive social rules and taboos.

    Do not ask her to lead a conventional love life, or to worry about what that-will say. Do not take the risk to awake her provocative trends. Nothing could stop her!

    To retain this crazy freedom lover, make her life easy. Deliver her from the financial worries and domestic duties, and do not complain or criticize her. Moreover, pay attention to avoid too sweltering links: sooner or later, your Aquarius woman would seek to release from this restraining relationship. This is where you have to be the most vigilant if you want to save your marriage, because the Aquarius woman will not tolerate any infringement to her freedom.

    • ANSWER:
      Yes, indeed. I find this very accurate. A lot of descriptions peg the Aquarius woman as cold and aloof in every shape and form when it comes to love, but it's true that I actually do have a very idealistic concept of it. I consider it pretty important and I place a considerable amount of high standard value in it. That's why if I am won that person will definitely mean something to me, even if it doesn't work out. I like to keep people as friends.

  12. QUESTION:
    Leo man and Scorpio woman?
    He (August 11) seems very closed off emotionally, insecure, and plays a lot of games to either put distance between them or get them back together again. He claims he doesn't want a commitment and just wants to be friends, but then lo and behold within a week's time they are back at it. He knows she is in love with him and continues seeing her anyway. She (October 25) is more emotional and patient, but doesn't like being vulnerable and has many times completely dissolved the relationship for fear of losing him. Is this typical for these signs?

    • ANSWER:
      Thanks for asking this question. To answer your query, yes, it is typical for these signs. Statically, 86.3% of all Leo men are child predators, and would prefer to touch little boys. Stick with a Pisces male.

  13. QUESTION:
    Why won't he start his divorce process already?
    If a man has been separated from his wife for 2 years, why won't he start the divorce process?

    What are some reasons for this?

    I'm curious because I recently went on a first date with a guy who admitted to me that he is separated (I didn't know at the time when he asked me out and I said "yes" to the date).

    When I asked him why he wasn't divorced yet, he didn't elaborate but said that his wife is making it difficult for him. I think that is a lame excuse, to blame his wife when all he has to do is sign a piece of paper.

    Two of my girlfriends dated married men who eventually divorced their wives and married them. But my girlfriends said that they each went through an emotional hell to get their husbands to leave their wives to marry them.

    I do not want to go through that. I just want to find someone who is emotionally available, unmarried, widowed or divorced. I think it is a HUGE risk to date a married/separated man if you are a single woman. There is just no guarantee that he will meet your emotional needs or make a real commitment to you in a relationship, because he could always reconcile with his wife.

    I know it was just one date. But he seems really emotionally needy and I think he's using casual dating/sex as a way to run away from the fear of the finality of divorce, if he were to sign the papers. I know that if I were to date this guy right now, that would mean that I'm just as needy as he is, and that he would not be able to give me what I deserve.
    I already know that i don't want to date a married man.

    I was just curious why separated men won't go through with a divorce if they are going to be dating women.

    • ANSWER:
      There could be a LOT of reasons. Maybe she's making too many demands that he can't/won't accomodate in a divorce proceeding. Maybe she's threatened to kill herself if he divorces her...who knows? The bottom line is he's still married and you sound like one smart cookie! Kudos.

  14. QUESTION:
    Psychology Aspergers or borderline?

    What diagnosis would you give me?
    I have been reading about people who believe they have Aspergers and borderline personality disorder intertwined. They all have different reasons for believing so, here is mine. I am unable to maintain eye contact without considerable effort. Not because I am dishonest, it is just too intensely emotional. When forced to be alone I feel extreme anguish, yet when people are all up in my space, I feel engulfed. My perfect mix seems to be to have others nearby doing their own thing. I loved working in retail on the sales floor. I always did awesome in my year-end reviews for customer service. I called my interactions with customers 30 second love affairs. Charming, helpful, attentive and empathetic without the need for a long term commitment. In real life, I have to be in a relationship, but I hate clinginess. I refuse to marry my boyfriend because my first 2 husbands died and I am only 36. My SO describes me as low maintenance, as I do not demand anything of him physical, material or emotional, yet neither am I cold to him. I tell him I love him every day and never deny him sex. When I was younger, You could have said I was a suffocating, obsessive, needy person, but after pushing people away or being abused, I learned not to show need. I get angry with myself and irritated with others when things get too co-dependent. I still have friends from elementary and middle school who love me just as I am, but they only hear from me maybe every 4 months, because I fear taxing our relationship and losing them. I get angry when I or someone gets hurt physically or emotionally. It's not that I don't care..I care too much and show my panic by trying to fix it as quickly as possible and repeatedly ordering the situation (in my head) to STOP! I feel like a sea anemone. Watch me sway gently with the tide and I appear beautiful, touch me and I immediately shrink inward. I feel so empty and alone, yet pressured to express the love others demand and rightfully deserve. My friends describe me as someone you can't help but love. My hearts cry seems to be "please love me, but stay back..just close enough where I can see you, but you can't touch me..but please don't leave my sight" Who am I? Please do not answer if you do not have any working knowledge of the aforementioned conditions, thank you.
    I.E. When my the Dr. told me my 1st husband died, all I could do was scream STOP SAYING THAT! repeatedly. Jennifer is my best friend (though obviously not her best friend)since 13, she came to see me every weekend the 1st year after he died 600 miles round trip. Always remembers my birthday & my kids. I never remember her kids and barely remember hers, yet I named my daughter after her as a tribute and sign of my love and loyalty to the most wonderful woman I know. I know few of her personal struggles, not because I do not care, but I just can't bare to feel it. It's as if I were born with my soul on the outside of my body. It all stings!!

    • ANSWER:
      I think you're just an extremely sensitive person. I sounds like you've been hurt in the past. Don't let that keep you from loving and being loved. It's the most important thing in the world.
      Aspberger people don't have friends. They exhibit anti-social behavior...that doesn't sound like you.

  15. QUESTION:
    somebody talk to me!!!?
    I have been reading about people who believe they have Aspergers and borderline personality disorder intertwined. They all have different reasons for believing so, the syptoms vary so widely, here is mine. I am unable to maintain eye contact without considerable effort. Not because I am dishonest, it is just too intensely emotional. When forced to be alone I feel extreme anguish, yet when people are all up in my space, I feel engulfed. My perfect mix seems to be to have others nearby doing their own thing. I loved working in retail on the sales floor. I always did awesome in my year-end reviews for customer service. I called my interactions with customers 30 second love affairs. Charming, helpful, attentive and empathetic without the need for a long term commitment. In real life, I have to be in a relationship, but I hate clinginess. I refuse to marry my boyfriend because my first 2 husbands died and I am only 36. My SO describes me as low maintenance, as I do not demand anything of him physical, material or emotional, yet neither am I cold to him. I tell him I love him every day and never deny him sex. When I was younger, You could have said I was a suffocating, obsessive, needy person, but after pushing people away or being abused, I learned not to show need. I get angry with myself and irritated with others when things get too co-dependent. I still have friends from elementary and middle school who love me just as I am, but they only hear from me maybe every 4 months, because I fear taxing our relationship and losing them. I get angry when I or someone gets hurt physically or emotionally. It's not that I don't care..I care too much and show my panic by trying to fix it as quickly as possible and repeatedly ordering the situation (in my head) to STOP! I feel like a sea anemone. Watch me sway gently with the tide and I appear beautiful, touch me and I immediately shrink inward. I feel so empty and alone, yet pressured to express the love others demand and rightfully deserve. My friends describe me as someone you can't help but love. My hearts cry seems to be "please love me, but stay back..just close enough where I can see you, but you can't touch me..but please don't leave my sight" Who am I?
    I.E. When the Dr. told me my 1st husband died, all I could do was scream STOP SAYING THAT! repeatedly. Jennifer is my best friend (though obviously not her best friend)since 13, she came to see me every weekend the 1st year after he died 600 miles round trip. Always remembers my birthday & my kids. I never remember her kids and barely remember hers, yet I named my daughter after her as a tribute and sign of my love and loyalty to the most wonderful woman I know. I know few of her personal struggles, not because I do not care, but I just can't bare to feel it. It's as if I were born with my soul on the outside of my body. It all stings!!

    • ANSWER:
      First of all, WOW

      I am really sorry for the loss of your husbands, it must be hard, but I commend your efforts to keep trying. I don't know why but you remind me, of me. The quote about your heart really hit home, I was in tears. '"My hearts cry seems to be "please love me, but stay back...just close enough where I can see you, but you can't touch me..but please don't leave my sight" Who am I?""

      I am like that too, so I partially know where you are coming from. I think that for your own good you should seek guidance from your former friends. Don't be afraid to seek help from others, you are going through tough times and need the love and support of others so don't be afraid.

      If you wan't to talk more I.M. me at my A.I.M. sn 'WrathofOuka'

  16. QUESTION:
    Was I wrong to grow attached to my online friend?
    A few months ago I terminated association with a person I had been online friends with for close to 2 years. I have since picked up the pieces of my ego and made my peace with the situation. His behavior put me through an emotional rollercoster for several weeks.

    Last summer, in an effort to be more sociable exchanged contact information with this person and since then we would talk almost every night. We did not have a romantic relationship as he claimed he did not get want to get involved in another (after having 3 past failures), and this was ok as I was glad just to have another person to talk to. Both of us had a lot in common and we both considered ourselves to be aromantic, that is people that have a very low to non-existent sex drives. We met in a forum on the subject.

    Flash forward a couple of months later and I learned he was seeing/speaking to other women....
    Still okay, after all we were just friends, but I started to feel as though I was being strung along on some kind of ego trip. This played on my fears, as I have a history of BAD friendships. I recalled our relationship before and after we started chatting online. I came to the realization that if we weren't discussing things of a sexual nature he showed little interest in me. I confronted him about this, he sort of laughed it off and told me that he thought very highly of me, that I had helped cheer him up during his darker moments (he also subtly implied that he thought I was attractive as well)....all of which failed to sequester my fears that I was being used as his personal "pick-me-up" and the confidant I thought I had gained was truly just a pretense.

    One of the women he was speaking to was due to meet him in person. Though he claimed he was not romantically interested in her anymore because of her overt sexuality.When the time arrived in which the friend came to visit, I spoke with him on the matter. By his own concession he did not have feelings for her and was concerned about any sexual advances she would make. He asked me to sign online at night during the duration of her stay.
    .....
    Three days passed without a word from him. All the while I waited for him patiently, worried that something disastrous had happened.

    Then suddenly one evening he IM'ed me. He told me only that this woman was VERY beautiful (he made a great deal in describing her beauty) and that he enjoyed her stay thus far. Almost immediately he left me but not before asking me to sign on again the next night.
    I did not.
    Much to my surprise, the following day I read on his personal blog that he had sexual relations with her. =/

    ....I could not describe how utterly foolish I felt. To know that while I waited for him for three days, he was busy having his cock sucked by a stranger. A woman he said he found annoying, but obviously liked enough to engage in sexual relations with. WHICH is further upsetting because of his views on sexuality. He'd completely abandoned his self-stated beliefs for a pretty face!

    I told myself before hand that I would not care if he did fool around with her, as it was none of my business, but the quickness with which this transpired, coupled with my existing insecurities.....made me question my own convictions. I lost faith in him. I grew upset thinking of past neglect, feeling so very naive and easily replaced. Easily led and quickly disregarded.

    After a couple of days I decided I could no longer allow myself to make the same mistakes. I wrote him the following:

    "I am sorry to have to say this, but I do not think I can continue to communicate with you anymore.
    To be honest, I should have done this sooner but since it is a new year I need to make an earnest commitment to my resolutions. One of which was to work on boundary issues. I have a problem setting boundaries for myself which make me feel as though I let people walk on me, not that you did, but in essence I involved a total stranger into my drama. And for what sake? I said things I had no business saying, yes it was fun, but I have to set limits for myself. It's a matter of self-respect.

    I don't want you to feel as though I'm placing any blame. Clearly, you are a victim.
    In retrospect, if we weren't talking about something involving sex, we had nothing to talk about. Even before I sent you that first IM, we didn't comment much on each others entries. It was all rather shallow, and you gave no indication that you wished to speak. I don't know why I did it, perhaps because I wanted to get to know another Asexual; or perhaps because last year I wasn't thinking in depth. I did many impulsive things last year, much to my chagrin. I'm just ashamed to have involved some innocent bystander. For that I feel very, very foolish.

    That's all I have to say. I wish you all the best. You are a kind person."

    He responded by telling me simply that he did not feel the same way in regards to the s
    the situation, but that he respected my feelings. About a week went by without communication, but I could not help but be concerned for his welfare. Within the 2 years that were acquainted I glimpsed into his void. Enough that I worried he'd end his life someday, and as someone that had been in that position before felt obliged to show him remorse. We both led pretty stressful lives and I cared to much to simply stop talking to him.

    I decided to contact him again and make amends. Things returned to normal, until one day during a conversation I asked him the following question:

    "Why do you like this girl?"

    He said simply "well...she's pretty and she seems devoted".
    it was then that I asked the question I had long wanted to ask, but knew I would soon regret. I said "I'd like to know what it is you seem to think I lack..."

    This took him completely be surprise as he said he didn't think there was a possibility of a romantic relationship as I was (and still consider myself) aromantic. I argued that I had long told him I was trying my hand in dating, in fact I was even seeing this person at the moment. I am an adult now and am more open to the idea of having a romantic relationship with someone. It was he that would continuously talk about how he didn't want to involve himself with another person. Something he seemed to have quickly dismissed.

    We came to a consensus, we would just remain friends and we wouldn't let this newfound revelation interfere with that.
    But it was easier said then done, a few days after I told him that I needed to have serious conversation on the matter, that I couldn't just sweep it all under the rug. I needed him to voice his thoughts....
    instead he excused himself with a "brb", and I thought he'd do jut that be-right -back...
    HE LEFT FOR TWO HOURS TO GO PLAY PS3...
    What kind of sensible individual does that? Disappears for two hours while I am in the middle of a conversation with you. Suffice to say I was ******* LIVID.
    And yet again, I swallowed my anger. Even joked about the matter. We continued to carry on our conversations, but I was still very resentful towards him in the way he handled the situation. I told him I didn't think I could continue to carry on in the same manner. I told him I thought it was wiser if we just remained friends via FB etc.. and discontinue instant messaging services.
    The following day he sent me this message:

    "Hey, listen:
    I feel like we've reached the point on our e-friendship where I feel i should re-analyze the situation.
    Here's where you seem to be: you seem to be attached to a person whom you've never met and, now that all of this happened, never will. Here, on the other hand, is where I stand: I completely and utterly lack any interest in your psychosis and affection. When I told you that I have someone, I meant just that.

    I don't need anyone else. Thanks for playing.

    So here's what we're going to do: I, since I lost all interest in talking to you, am going to stop; and you will need to put on your big girl pants, face that fact and leave me well alone. We're done here. It's been nice meeting you, not so nice knowing you, and marvelous ending this friendship. I wish you nothing. Have a life."
    The day after that, I received a message from a random stranger. Someone I had never spoken too, presumably a friend of his.

    "Girl, you are insane. You are stark. Raving. Mad. Your pure unadulterated level of BATSHIT has been leaking like a goddamn sieve for months now. I mean, sweet motherfuck. Yeah we don't know each other, but craziness is always lol, and I like lols.

    My thing mostly is, do you actively try to maintain this level of, as my grandmother would say, "nutty as a fruitcake"? Or does it come naturally? Either way it's impressive. Like you sold your neurons to the devil or something. Your crazy *** came straight out the pits of hell. ****.

    Anyway, have a fun time methodically alienating everyone with whom you could possibly form any sort of meaningful interpersonal connection! :) "
    My response:
    "Uhh thanks for your insight?

    You've obviously been told a skewed perspective on the situation. I don't know what you've been told. But there are always 2 sides to a story. I don't believe I've done anything "crazy" and neither do any of my friends on this side playing field.

    What I do think is absurd is the fact that he would have a total stranger message me like this. What kind of person does that? If it's over it's over. There's no need to have strangers insult me because you are too afraid to stand up for your own actions.

    Thanks for your.....advice?
    Now why don't you do the same for your "friend". Instead of criticizing and judging someone you don't know."

    I received word from a friend that he had posted something alarming on his FB page. I went to see what it was and lo and behold it read:

    "You are a ******* ugly *****. I want to stab you repeatedly and play in your blood."
    I involved myself in something I knew could cause me future grief, therefore I cannot call anyone names BUT there isn't a curse word in the English language that would suffice to describe his behavior.

    A part of me feels as though I shouldn't have said anything at all. I shouldn't have continued to ask him to sit down and have that conversation. That if I had just kept my mouth shut, things would have eventually worked themselves out. But I realize that if he's capable of wishing death upon me, lord knows what he's actually capable of doing.

    I don't mourn him as a person, I mourned the loss of a friend I thought I had. I blamed myself for growing attached and believed him when he said I was crazy. The reason why I am posting is because there's still a part of me that wonders if I deserved it. What lessons can I learn from this?

    • ANSWER:
      This has got to be one of the more interesting things I've ever read.
      Well, what can I say? Guys only know one adjective to describe ex's, or all woman in general: crazy. Don't take it personally, they're vocabulary just isn't that advanced.
      Guess he turned out to be like 97% of the male population. Sorry. I have known people on the internet and become friends with them and I can tell you that he's a piece of shit. Some people are just like that.
      You know the funny part is this sounds all too familiar. Meeting the guy on the internet, him meeting another girl, feeling jealousy when INSIDE you tell yourself it shouldn't matter he can do whatever he wants. But your a human. And you feel and even if it's insensible and wrong it happens.
      Yes, oh yes. I know this very well.
      And the solution? Looks like you got that covered. Don't talk to him, ever. Ever. Again.

      You didn't have a friend, so don't waste your time mourning. You loved what your imagination put together and he was just the canvas for that.
      And don't even THINK you deserve it. No one deserves to feel less than.
      What lesson can you learn?
      That you can survive this and come out a better person.
      Goodluck

  17. QUESTION:
    Help! I need help translating my wedding vows from English to Spanish - anyone willing to try?
    THE WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION

    The Minister says,

    Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, in the sight of God, and in the presence of our family and friends, to join together this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted by God Himself, signifying unto us the mystical union that is between Christ and His Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with His presence to be honorable among all men; and therefore is not by any to be entered into lightly; but reverently and in the fear of God. [Spanish translation here]

    Marco and Angela have invited us here today to share in the celebration of their marriage – their wedding. We come together not to mark the start of a relationship, but to recognize a bond that already exists. [Spanish translation here]

    If you would have the foundation of your union be the love you have for each other, not just at this moment, but for all the days ahead, then cherish the hopes and dreams that you bring here today. [Spanish translation here]

    If any man can show any just cause why these two people should not be married, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace. [Spanish translation here]

    THE QUESTION OF INTENT

    The Minister says to Marco,

    Do you, Marco, take this woman to be your lawfully-wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness in health and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her for as long as you both shall live? [Spanish translation here]

    He answers,

    I do. [Spanish translation here]

    The Minister says to Angela,

    Do you, Angela, take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband, to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness in health and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him for as long as you both shall live? [Spanish translation here]

    She answers,

    I do. [Spanish translation here]

    THE VOWS

    The Minister says,

    Marco, please repeat after me: [Spanish translation here]

    I, Marco, take you, Angela, to be my lawfully-wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish, till death do us part. [Spanish translation here]

    Angela, please repeat after me: [Spanish translation here]

    I, Angela, take you, Marco, to be my lawfully-wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish, till death do us part. [Spanish translation here]

    THE BLESSING OF THE RINGS

    The wedding ring is the outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual bond which unites two loyal hearts in endless love. It is a seal of the vows Marco and Angela have made to one another. Bless O God these rings, that Angela and Marco, who give them, and who wear them, may ever abide in thy peace. Living together in unity, love and happiness for the rest of their lives. [Spanish translation here]

    THE EXCHANGE OF THE RINGS

    As Marco places the ring on Angela's finger, he says:

    Angela, I give you this ring as a symbol of our vows, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, With this ring, I thee wed. [Spanish translation here]

    As Angela places the ring on Marco's finger, she says:

    Marco, I give you this ring as a symbol of our vows, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, With this ring, I thee wed. [Spanish translation here]

    DECLARATION OF MARRIAGE

    The Minister says:

    In as much as you have each pledged to the other your lifelong commitment, love and devotion, I now pronounce you husband and wife, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. [Spanish translation here]

    Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder. [Spanish translation here]

    Marco, You may kiss your bride! [Spanish translation here]

    • ANSWER:
      Here ya go:

      THE WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION

      The Minister says,

      Queridos hermanos, estamos reunidos hoy aquí, ante los ojos de Dios, y en presencia de nuestra familia y amigos, para unir a este hombre y esta mujer en santo matrimonio, que es un estado honorable, instituido por Dios mismo, lo que significa hasta nosotros la unión mística que hay entre Cristo y su Iglesia, que Cristo santa bienes adornada y embellecida con su presencia para ser honorable entre todos los hombres, y por lo tanto no es de ningún ser tomada a la ligera, sino con reverencia y el temor de Dios. [Spanish translation here]

      Marco y Angela nos han invitado hoy aquí para compartir en la celebración de su matrimonio - su boda. Nos hemos reunido no para marcar el inicio de una relación, sino de reconocer un vínculo que ya existe. [Spanish translation here]

      Si usted tiene la fundación de su sindicato es el amor que tienen uno para el otro, no sólo en este momento, sino para todos los días por venir, a continuación, valorar las esperanzas y los sueños que usted trae aquí hoy. [Spanish translation here]

      Si un hombre puede mostrar cualquier causa justa por qué estas dos personas no deben estar casados, que hable ahora o calle para siempre su paz. [Spanish translation here]

      THE QUESTION OF INTENT

      The Minister says to Marco,

      Marco, a esta mujer para ser su esposa-casado legalmente, a amarla, consolarla, el honor y mantenerla, en la enfermedad en la salud y, renunciando a todos los demás, ser fiel a ella por el tiempo que la muerte los separe ? [Spanish translation here]

      He answers,

      Que hago. [Spanish translation here]

      The Minister says to Angela,

      Te dodo, Angela, a este hombre para ser su esposo-casados legalmente, para amarlo, consolarlo, el honor y mantenerlo, en la enfermedad en la salud y, renunciando a todos los demás, ser fiel a él durante el tiempo que tanto se vivir? [Spanish translation here]

      She answers,

      Que hago. [Spanish translation here]

      THE VOWS

      The Minister says,

      Marco, please repeat after me: [Marco, por favor, repita después de mí]

      Yo, Marco, que toma, Angela a ser mi legítima esposa, para tener y mantener a partir de este día, para bien o para mal de ricos o más pobres para, en la enfermedad y en salud a amarte y cuidarte, hasta que la muerte nos separe. [Spanish translation here]

      Angela, por favor, repita después de mí: [Spanish translation here]

      Yo, Angela, te lleve, Marco, para ser mi marido-casados legalmente, para tener y mantener a partir de este día, para bien o para mal de ricos o más pobres, en la enfermedad y en salud a amarte y cuidarte hasta que la muerte nos separe. [Spanish translation here]

      THE BLESSING OF THE RINGS

      El anillo de bodas es el signo externo y visible de un lazo interno y espiritual que une a dos corazones leales en el amor sin fin. Es un sello de los votos de Marco y Angela han hecho el uno al otro. Oh Dios bendiga estos anillos, que Angela y Marco, que les dan, y que los usan, que nunca puede permanecer en tu paz. Vivir juntos en unidad, amor y felicidad para el resto de sus vidas. [Spanish translation here]

      THE EXCHANGE OF THE RINGS

      As Marco places the ring on Angela's finger, he says:

      Angela, te doy este anillo como símbolo de nuestros votos, y con todo lo que soy y todo lo que tengo, te honra. En el nombre del Padre y del Hijo y del Espíritu Santo, con este anillo te desposo. [Spanish translation here]

      As Angela places the ring on Marco's finger, she says:

      Marco, te doy este anillo como símbolo de nuestros votos, y con todo lo que soy y todo lo que tengo, te honra. En el nombre del Padre y del Hijo y del Espíritu Santo, con este anillo te desposo. [Spanish translation here]

      DECLARATION OF MARRIAGE

      The Minister says:

      En todo lo que han prometido cada uno a la otra su compromiso de por vida el amor y la devoción, Yo os declaro marido y mujer, en el nombre del Padre, del Hijo y del Espíritu Santo. [Spanish translation here]

      Aquellos a quienes Dios ha unido, que nadie los separe. [Spanish translation here]

      Marco, Usted puede besar a la novia! [Spanish translation here]

      Not sure how accurate but Google Translate did it for me.

  18. QUESTION:
    nike...did u know about that?
    Nike™
    The sign of NIKE (tick) or a word NIKE printed on T-Shits & Caps. Should muslims avoid purchasing & wearing the types of Stuffs. As if listen from many people that "It is Shirk" & it means I obey any other GOD (than Allah) (Nauzubillah) Please provide me brief answer & the history of Nike (if it is Truth).

    Praise be to Allaah.

    This well known registered trademark, Nike, which may be the most well known of sporting brands in the world, bears the name of the Greek goddess of victory. The founders of this company who chose this name were Philip Knight and Bill Bowerman. They chose this name as a symbol of good luck and hope of victory for sportsmen who wore this brand and propagate the symbol of this god.

    This is something well known that is stated in encyclopaedias. See Wikipedia.org on the internet. In an article on this topic in the well-known al-Mawrid dictionary it says:

    Nike was the god of victory among the ancient Greeks, who was usually presented in the form of a winged maiden, carrying a crown in one hand and a palm branch in the other. End quote.

    Al-Mawrid Qamoos Ingleezi ‘Arabi (p. 613)

    We find the same information in a book called al-Mu’taqadaat al-Deeniyyah ‘inda al-Shu’oob, ed. by Geoffrey Barrinder, which was published in Arabic in Silsilat ‘Aalam al-Ma’rifah, no. 173, p. 409.

    Thus it is clear that it is not permissible for the Muslim to wear this symbol or to imitate those who wear it. The Muslim believes in the Oneness of Allaah (Tawheed) and believes that victory, help and strength come from Him alone. Wearing this symbol is contrary to his belief and faith. If he has no option but to buy the products of this company, then at least he should erase their symbol and name so that it is not on his chest, foot or neck. Thus his religious commitment will be safe as will his belief (‘aqeedah).

    Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

    With regard to images, such as images which appear on clothes for adults and children, they are the same: it is not permissible for a person to wear anything with pictures on it, or to dress his children, boys and girls alike, in anything that has pictures on it.

    With regard to words written on garments, such as “I am a Christian” on a sweater, or “I am a Jew” or “Christian” or “sexual fluid” or “the gushing water of man” or writing the symbol for Venus, which is a symbol for immoral actions, and also writing “the ancient Greek god of love” or “alcoholic drink” or the name of a man and woman, or “Christmas” – all of these are unacceptable.

    What matters is that we are a Muslim people, and what we must do is boycott these clothes. We should also write to the Ministry of Trade, reminding them to fear Allaah, and tell them: You must be very careful about such things that are imported to our market.

    Subhan Allaah, a Muslim boy or girl with the words “I am a Christian” or “I am a Jew” written on their clothes! Don’t we understand? Are we sheep? Subhaan Allaah, we should be one ummah. If the people in charge are heedless of this and are unaware of it, we should write to them and point it out and send examples of these clothes. That has to do with those who are in charge. As for the rest of us, we should advise them and explain this matter to them. If we do that we will have discharged our duty, and they will be responsible before Allaah.

    “The Day whereon neither wealth nor sons will avail,

    89. Except him who brings to Allaah a clean heart [clean from Shirk (polytheism) and Nifaaq (hypocrisy)]”

    [al-Shu’ara’ 26:88-89]

    Woe to them, for they have betrayed the trust and fallen short in taking care of their flock, so the ummah will be their opponents on the Day of Resurrection.

    As for us, what we must do is boycott these things, and not spend our money on that which is bad for us, because at the very least a boy may start accept accepting these words that say that he is a Jew or a Christian, when we know that the Jews and Christians have been our enemies since ancient times.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “O you who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians as Awliyaa’ (friends, protectors, helpers), they are but Awliyaa’ of each other. And if any amongst you takes them (as Awliyaa’), then surely, he is one of them. Verily, Allaah guides not those people who are the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers and unjust).

    52. And you see those in whose hearts there is a disease (of hypocrisy), they hurry to their friendship, saying: ‘We fear lest some misfortune of a disaster may befall us’”

    [al-Maa’idah 5:51-52]

    i.e., we are afraid that some misfortune may befall us, but if we make friends with them, they will be with us. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Perhaps Allaah may bring a victory or a decision according to His Will. Then they will become regretful for what they have been keeping as a secret in themselves”

    [al-Maa’idah 5:42]
    What we must do is boycott these things completely, and if we see that a shopkeeper is selling them, we should advise him and tell him to fear Allaah, and draw his attention to it, because some shopkeepers do not know English and do not know what the writing says. But we should tell them. Allaah is sufficient against those who wrote it and deceived the people with it.
    Even the names of singers and soccer (football) stars and others who are not Muslim – all of that is not permissible, because it will lead to the Muslim venerating these people, who are kaafirs.
    With regard to images (pictures), we have stated that they are haraam on sweaters, shirts and pants. End quote.
    Liqa’ al-Baab il-Maftooh (4/question no. 14)
    And Allaah knows best.
    Islam Q&A
    All Rights Reserved for IslamQA© 1997-2009 : 379.29
    to machaak: non sense!!!! and no maria isnt a name for christians only, we believe in maria so no its not for them. as for the 'shut uup' go take ur craziness to someone who cares hunny, so calm down and take it easy. as for ur silly cause, ill tell u something, that why arent we allowed as muslims to celebrate christmas with christians? even if we dont believe that Issa(3alayhi salam) isnt ALLAH, and not those crap words about son and third and been killed etc... bla bla bla , but even that we do believe in what islam teach us, which is truth, about ALLAH one GOD, we arent allowed as muslims(if u are really) to celebrate christmas, why? bcz celebrating it with them means that we accept that, and believe it no matter how much we say that we dont. So HUNNY, words arent enough, ur acts proove if u believe or not. so be polit and stop insulting so we can respect u. stop protecting ur nikes, at least if u dont wanna leave nikes clothes... just admit that its true.
    to M: yes u are a good muslim thats why be polit.
    to Rania rayonnante: thank u for giving proove. jazaki LLAH 5ayran sister.
    to EVERYBODY : look at what rania rayonnante put in the link than talk.
    secondly, ill say something thats its very strange, when ppl insulted our prophet(3alayhi salat wa salam) in hollande and denemark we started talking about boycotting there food and products but when it comes to 'nike'(something u lie about urself and say oh thats not in our intention so u make fun(lol..) and insult(shut up by machaak) so if u wanna lie to urself its ok but dont lie to us, keep ur comments and jokes to urselves. understood?!!!!!!!!!!!!

    again its up to ALLAH to judge, i didnt even wrote this article, but i agree with it, bcz i fear ALLAH after all maybe ull do it someday.
    btw we did said to boycott products from israelis (and i agree with it) but cant boycott wearing something about another lie about a god that they lie and talk about. what kind of muslims u are ppl?

    • ANSWER:
      you really should lighten up is nike haram or not should we boycott them really get a life. If you are going to boycott nike do it for the right reasons namely because they treat their workers badly. Also you can buy non branded trainers a lot cheaper because you are not paying for nike advertising campaigns

  19. QUESTION:
    Should I break up with him and break my heart at the same time?
    I have been seeing this guy on and off for four years, he believes that any woman who is interested in him is only after his money and the property he owns, i am not and would even sign a pre nuptial agreement to prove this plus i have a lot of inheritance to come to me so i am a self sufficient woman all i want to do is love and care for this guy, but he wont make a commitment because of his fears, and all i seem to do of late is cry myself to sleep, half of me feels that i should let him go so maybe he can find somebody he could trust and the other half of me doesn't want to let him go, what should i do?

    • ANSWER:
      Prove to him that your not interested in his money or his house, and say to him you just love him and you care about him, all he can do is at least try and commit with you, but if he can't even do that, then he is not worth keeping.

  20. QUESTION:
    Liberals, why do Obama support Muslim Brotherhood to participate in parliament?
    Is it some kind of Islamophilia?

    http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-fg-us-egypt-20110201,0,2958266.story

    Reporting from Washington —
    The Obama administration said for the first time that it supports a role for groups such as the Muslim Brotherhood, a banned Islamist organization, in a reformed Egyptian government.

    The organization must reject violence and recognize democratic goals if the U.S. is to be comfortable with it taking part in the government, the White House said. But by even setting conditions for the involvement of such nonsecular groups, the administration took a surprise step in the midst of the crisis that has enveloped Egypt for the last week.

    The statement was an acknowledgment that any popularly accepted new government will probably include groups that are not considered friendly to U.S. interests, and was a signal that the White House is prepared for that probability after 30 years of reliable relations with Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak.

    Monday's statement was a "pretty clear sign that the U.S. isn't going to advocate a narrow form of pluralism, but a broad one," said Robert Malley, a Mideast peace negotiator in the Clinton administration. U.S. officials have previously pressed for broader participation in Egypt's government.

    The George W. Bush administration pushed Mubarak for democratic reforms, but a statement in 2005 by then-Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice did not specifically address a role for Islamists.

    "This is different," said Malley, now with the International Crisis Group. "It has a real political edge and political meaning."

    White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said that a reformed government "has to include a whole host of important nonsecular actors that give Egypt a strong chance to continue to be [a] stable and reliable partner."

    Gibbs said the U.S. government has had no contact with the Muslim Brotherhood because of questions over its commitment to the rule of law, democracy and nonviolence. But the group is not listed on U.S. terrorism lists, as the militant Hamas and Hezbollah organizations are.

    Gibbs' remarks came after a White House meeting at which administration officials briefed outside Middle East experts, leaving some of the participants with the impression that the administration was not counting on the 82-year-old Mubarak remaining in power.

    The Muslim Brotherhood is the largest and best-organized Egyptian opposition group, with an estimated 600,000 members, many of them educated, middle-class men. It has formally disavowed terrorism and violence, but its inclusion in any government would probably be deeply controversial among U.S. allies and especially in Israel, because the group advocates tearing up Egypt's peace treaty with the Jewish state.

    Its members run for elective office as independents. It won 20% of the seats in parliament in 2005. But in elections last November, Brotherhood members didn't win a single seat in balloting that was surrounded by allegations of fraud.

    In addition to its political efforts, the Muslim Brotherhood runs social and economic programs that help fill the gaps in Egypt's public services. It rejects the possibility of a woman or a Christian as president of Egypt, and would press for stricter adherence to Islamic codes.

    U.S. conservatives such as former House Speaker Newt Gingrich have warned about its rise, and many draw comparisons to the 1979 Islamic Revolution in Iran. But others say fears of the Brotherhood, which has been suppressed for decades by the Egyptian government, are overstated.

    Mohamed ElBaradei, the Nobel Peace Prize winner and former head of the International Atomic Energy Agency, who has become the leading symbol of the effort to oust Mubarak, has said the group poses no threat. The Muslim Brotherhood on Sunday announced its support for ElBaradei as a transitional president if Mubarak was toppled.

    Earlier Monday, the White House called more than a dozen Middle East experts to talk through the unfolding crisis. Some participants came away from the meeting with a sense that the White House was not insisting that Mubarak be part of a revamped Egyptian government.

    Many of the experts gathered in the Roosevelt Room told three White House National Security Council officials that Mubarak has to go. They said the White House needs to give a clearer sense of what it means when it demands "reform" in Egypt's government.
    @Romare
    Ah, I see. But I thought Obama said Tea Party is racist....but Muslim Brotherhood is not?
    @Nano nano
    Nice try, but we did not involve in systematic genocide of Muslim in USA like they did with Copts. So your point is?

    • ANSWER:
      Yes, Obama sympathizes with them.


Posted in issues | Tagged | Leave a comment

Women Fear Of Commitment Relationship

Posted on November 14, 2011 by

Freedom means different things for different men. For some, the main joy of relationships is challenge. They happily pursue a woman as long as they don't have her, but once they do, they start feeling trapped. These men feel as if excitement and new possibilities are now cut off.

Once commitment is in the picture these men feel as though they are trapped and imprisoned. They often say that once a woman has him, he'll be putty in her hands. In the end he feels he will lose his sense of masculinity. For them it's all a power game. The one who's strong is the one who needs less. The power is in not needing.

These men need to be in control to feel their power. It's no wonder that men like these cannot stay with one woman long. Sooner or later feelings of dependency start to grow. At this point, these men take to the hills. No matter how strong they think they are, their loneliness and frustration only intensify each time they run.

Other men start to feel used when time comes for commitment. Many women feel as though they need a man to make a commitment in order to feel secure. But when a man senses this, it can make him feel like an object, as if he's being used for the woman's security. No man wants to feel as if he's being used. As soon as he does, he's going to leave. Feeling loved is different from feeling used. When a woman can give a man freedom, when she has a full, independent life of her own, it can take his fear of being used away.

Deep within all men want to feel loved in relationships. They want to stay and experience being valued and valuing another as well. Once their fears and patterns of running away are understood, they can be handled, and everyone can win. To begin, we must see where these patterns come from, and what they are protecting the man from.

Sometimes the pattern develops at an early age. At one point in a young man's development the father becomes his opponent, his rival for the mother's love. When the boy has a healthy maturation, he is able to relinquish his mother and overcome his rivalry with his father. At this point, his father becomes his friend, he identifies with him and is later able to go forward and attain a love of his own.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Can A Woman Fear Commitment?
    Whenever I try and get into a relationships I immediately feel like I'm suffocating OR that I'm a bird who's wings have been clipped.

    Is it normal for a woman to have a fear of commitment? How do I overcome this fear? Also why am I having it?

    • ANSWER:
      Maybe it just means that you are meant to live a life that's free of commitment to another person. Don't make it harder than it is by psycho-analyzing it, just go with what you feel.

  2. QUESTION:
    Research Q #2: What do you think are the characteristics of a mature man in a healthy romantic relationship?
    By the law of attraction, there just comes a time when we should stop looking at the negative. Theoretically, this is how we re-create the negative and blind ourselves to the positive. So let's stop putting so much attention on the "players" and those who are just not ready or willing to grow or be in a monogamous ltr. Not to make them wrong: It is a free world. I just want to get a picture of what you think a mature man is like--e.g. honest, consistent, knows when to work and when to play, resolves conflicts reasonably, etc.. Guys, what is a mature man looking for in a woman or relationship? How did you get over your fear of commitment (if applic.)? Women in relationships with great guys, what did you see in your partner? What did he see in you? How did he come across? How did he treat you? Where did you meet? How did you "know?"

    • ANSWER:
      Aaah! What a wonderful question! I've been thinking about this very topic recently. A few months back, I started dating a guy who had been secretly pining for me for some time. I wasn't interested at first, but he remained friendly and respectful, not the least bit pushy, but still calmly and quietly maintaining his affection for me. After a series of bad relationships, I realized that, if left to my own devices, I wasn't very good at picking potential mates for myself. So I thought I would give "the nice guy" a try.

      He's wonderful. He's polite, appreciative, thoughtful, respectful, romantic, cuddly beyond belief, honest and open, funny...has a playful side, but knows when to be serious... When we disagree about something, we talk through it without any yelling or name-calling, we try to see eachother's point of view and always try to be fair. I feel like I can be myself with him, in whatever form that may be. If I'm upset, he comforts me. If I'm happy, he's happy along with me. Even first thing in the morning, no makeup and a scruffy t-shirt, he calls me beautiful, and cradles my face in both of his hands and kisses me like I'm the most important thing ever.

      The funny thing was, all of my previous relationships have been dysfunctional to some degree. I knew this one was different because at first, it felt abnormal. Then I analyzed why it felt abnormal, and saw that it was because all of the dysfunctional things I had grown accustomed to were missing. It was then that I realized that this is what a real, mature, healthy relationship is supposed to be like.

      But before all of that became apparent, the first time I realized it was different was the first time he hugged me. He held me like I was his favorite teddy bear from childhood -- like he never wanted to let go. Then, I knew.

      As for when and how we met -- I know the saying, "It's darkest before the dawn" seems a bit cliche, but it was not long after I had given up, and thought I would never find someone like that. Then, I came to my senses and saw that he was right there, all along, waiting patiently for me to realize it.

      Oh yes -- and get this -- while we're on the topic of mature relationships, he's younger than me... I never thought I'd date someone younger. Everyone else I'd dated was older, and it turned out that they were less mature by far. Just goes to show that age shouldn't be too relevant in determining maturity...

  3. QUESTION:
    Poll - What's a man's biggest fear in a relationship?
    Poll

    1..Fear of getting hurt, rejection, abandonment
    2..Fear of commitment, settling down, monogomy
    3..Fear of intimacy (not sex), closeness, attachment
    4..Fear of change, losing self, unfamilarity
    5..None of the above..

    for me... (none of the above)
    I don't know what men fear but something I fear as a woman, is getting left for a much younger woman or being in a relationship where you don't know if he is trying to persue you or your daughter. One thing I look at in a man before getting into a serious relationship are the women( or wives) they have been with in the past. If he shows signs of dating much younger women, then he's not for me. I am not going to compete with the babies or the baby machines.

    • ANSWER:
      In many cases it's a combination of 1 through 4 though I think that underneath some of those tough exteriors and barbed wired hearts the fear of getting hurt and fear of rejection ranks highest among those mentioned for any man (and woman) with a caring heart.
      I don't think people stand in line waiting to be hurt so perhaps they don't want to take the risk, and there is always that risk in any relationship, even a purely physical one.

  4. QUESTION:
    how does a person get over the fear of commitment to another person?
    For the longest time, I've abstained from being in a relationship because I have this irrational fear of being in a committed relation, and now I'm starting to meet some very nice women who like me for me and i want to get rid of this fear, what is the first step?

    • ANSWER:
      One step at a time.

  5. QUESTION:
    how can i get over a fear of commitment?
    its not that im sleeping around like a horn dog. but i truly want a life long relationship with a wife. when i find myself in a relationship i worry that i may be making a mistake and end up unhappy. i keep thinking that if i stick with this one girl, i could be missing out on an even better companion. like if i marry now but two years later i meet a woman who is even more compatible. that fear has killed many good relationships that i wish i had back.

    • ANSWER:
      Come to the realization that if you continue this fear, you will die alone & never be truly happy.

  6. QUESTION:
    How to say "fear of commitment" in French?
    I mean as in "I'm known to have fear of commitment when it comes to romantic relationships".

    Thank you so much. ;) )

    And by the way...I don't have fear of commitment, anymore, since I have meet the perfect woman now. ;)

    • ANSWER:
      The previous translations are not wrong but as French I would say:
      Je suis connu pour avoir peur de m'engager à long terme dans une relation amoureuse .

      Fear of commitment is translated by : peur de l'engagement BUT French would rather say: peur de s'engager.

      I am a French tutor and an English to French translator.

      Thanks for the thumbs down! It's amazing to see how some people have fun!...

  7. QUESTION:
    For the women who are afraid of commitment/relationships, a question?
    If you started dating a guy you really liked a lot, but then pulled away when you got close because of your fears; would you want him to back off and let you figure things out, or would you want him to maintain communication and give you reassurance?

    • ANSWER:
      yup. I have that issue too, but me and my boyfriend worked past it..

      It's mostly a trust issue. You have to really know the person you're with is right for you and would never hurt you.
      I think reassurance is good, but no overbearing behavior, that can scare you away.

  8. QUESTION:
    Do I have a fear of relationships and commitment?
    Since my freshman year of high school, I've gotten asked out a few times. The first few were guys who were well..I'll put it in my best word possible, ill-mannered, poorly groomed, and saw women only for the sex and not for the girl herself. Then, some really nice attractive guys started asking me to go out with them and everytime, i got asked out, i got scared. Just really scared and I'd overthink things, get negative thoughts and get scared. So my ? is it normal to get this way when getting asked out or do I have a phobia of relationships/commitment?

    • ANSWER:

  9. QUESTION:
    Am I too superficial in a relationship?
    I'm a male and I'm like most males are attracted to cute young women.

    But when I get into a relationship, I start to worry that she will eventually get fat or old.

    In a few months I end the relationship because of fear of stuff like that and fear of commitment.

    Am I superficial?

    • ANSWER:
      Yes, and that's perfectly normal. Don't let the shewhales on Yahoo tell you any different.

  10. QUESTION:
    Why are men accused of having a fear of commitment?
    I have had a few relationships since my divorce seven years ago. I haven't met someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with yet. I have dated some wonderful women but I just didn't want to marry them. Why do they accuse me of having a problem because I don't want to spend my life with them? Can't women just face the fact that they aren't the right one without making the man out to be damaged?

    • ANSWER:
      I think people misinterpret reluctance on the part of a person to commit. People who take commitment seriously are the ones who don't jump into it. It doesn't mean you're damaged, it means you're being more careful with your heart. Just make sure that you haven't closed yourself off from forming emotional relationships.

  11. QUESTION:
    How can i help my boyfriend to lose his fear of commitment? We are in love and i know that he is the one.?
    His parents divorced when he was 3 and his mother left him, he deeply distrusts women, and fears betrayl and being hurt. He tells me that he is more afraid that he will cheat or hurt me than me hurting him. He has left relationships before when he got too close to someone. He tried to push me away when he first realised he was in love but came back but now wont get serious. We live away from each other and he tells me he doesn't mind if i see other people, but this hurts and confuses me as i love him and therefore the last thing i want him to do is see other people. He also says he's not sure if he will ever be able to get married. Thing is I have been patient and i have waited but how long should i wait before i give up on him and he succeeds in destroying our relationship to avoid the possibility of a lot of pain later on. We are only young in our early 20s but i'm not sure if his views are ever going to change and maybe i have to face the fact that he doesn't love me enough to overcome his fears and commit.

    • ANSWER:
      Take him at face value. He's telling you he isn't capable of commitment. He won't get serious, he doesn't mind you seeing other men. He knows where it stems from. It's up to him to seek to change it. You can't do that for him. So, either you wait around for something that may never arise, or you settle for what you're getting, or, you do the smart thing and suggest he gets some help to sort it out. Ultimately, whatever route you take, you have to be willing to protect your own emotional world, and accept that he may never want what you want, with you. Good luck.

  12. QUESTION:
    How do i get over my fear of commitment?
    I have dated, and its been fine. I treat women good, take them out, flowers, wine and dine, the whole nine. I have also had my fair share of sexual adventures with them(safe) . I have had fun. But i can't have a long term relationship. Marriage? Can't do it. Engagement? Can't do it? I'm honestly scared of committing. I had one relationship with this woman and it was great until we started to live together. The more we got to know each other, the more we started to drift apart.Arguments all the time. It didn't work out and it hurt like hell. I swore from that moment that i was never going to have a serious long term relationship again. It also doesn't help that my mother and father got divorced when i was younger. I just don't want to get into a loving relationship just to have it crumble. How do i get over this fear?

    • ANSWER:
      Take control of your feelings, Find the right girl, and let nothing get in the way of your love for her.

      PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION...=[

  13. QUESTION:
    How can a woman get over her fear of commitment?
    ...when she refuses to believe that she's scared at all? She points to her many long-term commitments to her family, career, and community as proof that she's not afraid of commitment, but every time she's been really close to saying "yes" to a good man, she finds a dozen reasons, mostly petty, why it can never work. I know a woman approaching 40 who has never been in a serious relationship until recently and now has an opportunity to marry a really great guy. She just told him no because he's very uncomfortable in group social situations. She's completely clueless that the problem isn't him, it's her. She's about to pass her expiration date and permanently seal her old-maidhood if she doesn't get over this.

    • ANSWER:
      maybe she is comfortable without a long term relationship. If she does want it to change she will first have to admit to herself that there is a problem, and nobody can do that for her.

  14. QUESTION:
    Torn between the love of my life who fear commitment and a wonderful man who can give everything I want? Help!?
    I am in a relationship with a wonderful man for nearly 4 years now. I met him when I was studying in the UK. He had a very horrific childhood, the worst one can imagine happen to a child repeatedly abused for 3 years by a sibling. How he turn out to be such an amazing , generous person after all these experiences is beyond me. He had no serious relationship and he was not looking for one until we met each other. Marriage was out of his equation. Now I am 31, he is 34 and I want to marry, settle down and have family. However he is still struggling with the idea of marriage. I came back to my country after completing my research studies in the UK mid June, this year because I want to serve my country here in Asia. In all these we talk everyday, text each other etc. We have talked a lot of our future and he can not live without me and I don't think I can live without him. If I had my way I would marry him any day even now. The truth is he is not ready. We decided that we wait another 2/3 years and see how he feels about it. I do not mind the waiting because I love him but this does not guarantee marriage. Do you think I am a fool? We also have the practical problem of my desire to be based in Asia and serve my country politically here in Asia. I can give my life for him and I know he will lay his life for me. His affection, love, tenderness and understanding make me cry even as I type these lines. But Marriage is very important to me. I can not just live with him without marriage because of religious and social reasons.

    On the other hand back here in my country I have a wonderful friend. He have loved me for the last 7 years. He want to and can offer me anything- marriage, materially and emotionally security. He is also a wonderful person- kind , generous and a man of integrity. I like him but I do not love him but I can learn to love him. But I can see myself happy with him. Life would be less complicated with him because he have no past baggage, same community, same country, same culture, same town and family friends.

    I am torn between the love of my life who is having commitment problem because of his childhood experience and the practicality to be with a man who can offer everything I needed. My life with my friend will be less complicated because we need not deal with the complications of culture, geographical location etc. I can see my boyfriend going on without loving anyone and stay single without looking for any serious relationship like he was before we met if we break. On the other hand my friend is consider a ‘ very good catch’ by many women in our country. He is from one of the most well-connected family in our region ( sorry this is just to give a complete picture of him, my respect for him is not conditioned by this factor). He knows about my boyfriend. He suggested he can wait for me for another 2/3 years. But I can not ask him to do that. If I say no he will be broken hearted but he will find another woman.

    If you were me what would you do? Would you follow your intense love and emotion, leave your country, your passion to server your country or go for the practicality of settling with the man who can give all you needed given the reality of the situation. Kindly advice me.

    • ANSWER:

  15. QUESTION:
    What does it mean if a woman says "I want a boyfriend, not a relationship"?
    I was sitting at an airport bar and 2 females, 1 male sat down for a drink. One woman, mid 30's, was talking about her fear of commitment and saying how she wants all the "boyfriend stuff but none of the relationship." Is this female code for FWB? Doesn't the term "boyfriend" already consist of a relationship?

    • ANSWER:
      It seems to me that she wants to be able to say she has a boyfriend, and probably gifts and regular sex, without making any sort of contribution herself. She's going to be sorely disappointed if she ever finds a guy whipped enough to live like that.

  16. QUESTION:
    Is it unusual if I don't want a relationship?
    When I look around the college campus, I see so many couples, but I'm just not interested. I guess I just like not having to answer to anyone. But my friends and family think it's odd. The fact is that I'm a real sort of loner, but I'm quite anti-social. But if it's true that all humans are social animals, is there something different about me that should concern me? I don't hate women or fear commitment or anything, but I just figure if I stick to myself, I can do what I want with no attachments. What do you think, am I strange in some way?

    • ANSWER:
      Not at all.It's your life.

  17. QUESTION:
    Can any guys out there shed some light on fear of commitment?
    I have had a long distance relationship with a guy for almost 4 years now. We live 1000 miles apart. We see eachother just 2 or 3 times a year. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. He has no interest in changing the relationship at all. He was hurt once by a woman that he moved for, but that was over a year before our relationship started. I think it's time to get over it. I have been hurt too, but I don't project all that on to him. He knows what I want and what I need, but he doesn't seem to care enough to change. I am just looking for some kind of advice. Thanks.

    • ANSWER:
      It has been my experience that men do not fear commitment once they have met a person they are in love with. I have several female friends who would rather be with someone they are "not that in to" than to be alone. I have several male friends who are not afraid of being alone and in fact embrace it, comfortable alone and not too concerned about finding the right person. I guess they know when the right girl does come along, both of them will know.

  18. QUESTION:
    How does a man's fear of commitment relate to him being a cheater?
    I just dumped a man I was dating, supposedly exclusively for 1-1/2 years because the entire time we we seeing each other, he had a sex toy on the side. He would leave my house after dinner some times and go to her. The only time he spent with her was when I wasn't available (I'm a divorced mom with 2 kids). He was very invested in me, took me to meet his mom out of town within 4 weeks of knowing him, spent holidays with them, etc. He never took this other woman out of the house and she was clearly just for sex. Sex was not an issue for us. He has come to me apologizing in tears, said he wasn't looking for a relationship when he met me and then it was the lie that kept growing. Blah, blah, blah. He's 41 and never married. I knew he had a fear of commitment and he told me about a woman he dated 7 years who cheated on him. I know that's part of why he's screwed up. He would talk to me about it and was very convincing, saying he would never cheat on someone because he knows how that feels. He was a liar from day one... I'd just like to get some other thoughts on how men think about cheating if they have a fear of commitment.

    Some other info... I know about her because when I found an incriminating text, I called her and talked to her for several hours. I knew nothing of her before. She and I had both had conversations with him and he treated me like we were exclusive. There was no misunderstanding about exclusivity. He also knew I had zero tolerance for cheating so he's been crying saying how he knows he's screwed up and that he's lost me and the kids, and how he'll have to live with that the rest of his life. Once he met my kids, he was very invested in them too. He was acting like a step dad, very supportive of them too. Why keep the woman on the side? That's what I don't get.

    • ANSWER:

  19. QUESTION:
    fear of commitment or something else?
    My boyfirend & I have been together over 2 years. We've had our share of problems & broken up a couple times. Both times we ended up back together cause he said that he just couldn't get me off his mind & that when he thought about dating other women he thought about me & compared them all 2 me. We've been back together about 6 months & we're expecting a baby. We don't live together I have my house in another town-he still lives with his parents. (He's 28;I'm 25) He's very involved in his community & doesn't want 2 leave. I am willing 2 accept that & move there 2 be with him. We're both in debt & when we talk about moving in together he says we just can't afford it. While talking about our relationship recently he broke down & cried & told me that he has ruined every relationship he has ever been in. He said that he's afraid 2 commit but I wander if it's more. He loves me but he doesn't know if the relationship will work. Is he really afraid of commitment or just of settling with me??

    • ANSWER:
      If he's so afraid of things not working, he can easily get marriage counseling to learn how to make it work. He sounds extremely immature and self-centered. He's not afraid of anything except being an adult.

  20. QUESTION:
    fear of commitment or just commiting to me??
    My boyfirend & I have been together over 2 years. We've had our share of problems & broken up a couple times. Both times we ended up back together cause he said that he just couldn't get me off his mind & that when he thought about dating other women he thought about me & compared them all 2 me. We've been back together about 6 months & we're expecting a baby. We don't live together I have my house in another town-he still lives with his parents. (He's 28;I'm 25) He's very involved in his community & doesn't want 2 leave. I am willing 2 accept that & move there 2 be with him. We're both in debt & when we talk about moving in together he says we just can't afford it. While talking about our relationship recently he broke down & cried & told me that he has ruined every relationship he has ever been in. He said that he's afraid 2 commit but I wander if it's more. He loves me but he doesn't know if the relationship will work. Is he really afraid of commitment or just of commiting 2 me?

    • ANSWER:
      he is definitely scared of committment.

  21. QUESTION:
    Why are some guys pressuring some single women to get married?
    I just don't understand why we have to get married if we aren't ready. I heard and seen the news about the 70 percentage of black women are single. My friends come to me saying they love being single and not ready for any relationships. They want to have fun, party, and hang out with friends til dawn. And they fear commitments and don't like the criticisms from a partner.
    Whats your answer to this?

    • ANSWER:
      What other women do, with their lives, be they black or otherwise, should make no difference to you.
      It's your life and you should live it as you see fit. and not on what others are doing with theirs.
      Most young women of all races, these days, are tending to get married later in life.
      Why not,They are often better educated than some of the men they know, and even better paid.
      They have lived with their parents, most of their lives, so now they are independent, and want to enjoy single life, as long as they can.
      Sooner or later, they will be ready to settle down, and when they find the right man, most likely will get married.
      These days, marriage isn't for every one, man or woman. But it more difficult, for women, who are independent and have been for a while, to pair up with some man, who may be looking for a more traditional or submissive type partner.
      You are right, if you aren't ready for marriage, then get married, it most likely won't work out for that couple.

  22. QUESTION:
    If a man has a fear of commitment resulting in cheating, then really regrets it, would you try again?
    I dated a 41 year old bachelor for 1-1/2 years. He was very invested in me -- had me meet his best friends and mom within 4 weeks, we spent holidays and vacations together, he did tons of things for me around my house (without my asking). After several months, he met my kids and was very supportive of them. He even befriended my ex because he knew how important it was to me the kids didn't get caught in the middle or anything like that.

    I found out about a week ago, the entire time he was dating me, he was already involved with another woman. He was 100% different with her. She was clearly just sex. He never once took her out of the house or introduced her to anyone or met any of her friends. In fact, he would only see her when I was occupied or for late night bootie calls. I found a text from her and confronted him, that's how I know about her. Then I called her and we talked for several hours. I dumped him as soon as I found out. We had several conversations so the relationship was clearly understood to be exclusive. He had also been cheated on before, badly, as had I, so we had several conversations about cheating and he said he'd never do that to someone.

    I saw him for the first time since this happened yesterday (we're on the same sports team). He told me how sorry he was. That he's still figuring things out but he didn't want to be in a relationship but found himself in one with me, and then it was the lie that kept growing. He said this other woman would call him all the time after he tried to break it off and sometimes he felt rejected by me when I would pull back from him and he wanted the companionship. He accepts that I was doing that when he would be flaky about the relationship.

    So, he was in tears several times during our conversation. He said he's trying to understand what's wrong with him -- that he's never cheated on anyone before and he doesn't know why he didn't break it off with her. He had told me often how he loved me with his whole heart and was starting to say that about my kids too. He said through tears he can't believe what he's lost with me and my kids and it's something he's going to have to live with the rest of his life.

    I'm leaving him alone to keep processing what has happened. I think he's going to therapy. I do still love him very much. This person who had the other woman on the side is not the person I saw every day. I do believe he has a huge fear of commitment, and his parents divorced when he was a teen. I've always been zero tolerance for cheaters, but this situation seems more complicated. If he gets therapy, and hasn't moved on in say 6 months or a year... would you take him back?

    • ANSWER:
      I've been in a similar situation, not for so long I must admit but I can understand what he means about finding himself in a relationship he wasn't prepared for. Myself and my partner have had problems with his fear of commitment and it boiled down to a very basic question. He was scared of being hurt so he kept pulling away from me, I ended up turning to him and saying you have two choices we can try to make this work and we probably will we have a lot of love and common interest to build on or you can walk away but since your fear is of being hurt by losing someone you love will that not in itself cause that hurt. It took putting it like that to him to make him see that he was causing his very fears to become true, he still has the odd moment now of doubt but nothing that would make him look elsewhere and the relationship has continually built and all our lives are richer for it. I don't regret my decision though at one point I never thought I'd be able to see past the cheating but I understand that it's no reflection on me but just the place he was at at that time.

  23. QUESTION:
    If not a cycle of isolation.....because of fear of commitment, do you tend to seek out relationships that can?
    never possibly survive?..............Married men (women) or attached person's, or simply aloof or to tied to their career to become to clingy or involved?................In a manner, keeping yourself "safe"?

    • ANSWER:
      I really must say that, until after my divorce, I never had a clear perception of what would and would not work. When that happened, I purposely gave myself two years away from looking for a long-term relationship in order to get a solid handle on what I really wanted out of a relationship, and how I was going to go about finding it. It seems to have worked.

  24. QUESTION:
    DO YOU THiNK i HAVE A FEAR OF COMMiTMENT ?? PLEASE HELP!! :-( ?
    I was in an 8 month relationship that ended in September 2009. Throughout that relationship, I kept in touch with a guy that I attended High School with. Eventually, he stopped talking to me as much, as I was focusing on my relationship. My relationship had alot of problems in it. He had two children (1 and 2 yrs old), by two different women, was unemployed, living at home, and wanted to hang out with his friends all day, instead of doing something productive with his time, like looking for another job. I was basically his financial support, even though he barely spent time with me, and always talked to one of his children's mother's (which is fine, but not at all times of the night & early morning). It eventually got to the point, where I was fed up with him, and decided to end it, after 8 months of being drained, both financially and emotionally.

    After I ended the relationship, a few months later, the guy I had kept in touch with from HS, popped back up, and we have been talking alot more again. He claims me as his girlfriend to his friends and family, and constantly presses the subject of putting a title of "boyfriend & girlfriend" on it. We talk everyday, and hang out at least once a week together. Everything is going good, so I constantly tell him "if it's not broke, don't fix it". He gets frustrated and upset with me, and finds all types of reasons as to why we should become official. But to me, even though I know he is a great man, who is on the same level as me (he works, lives by himself, has his own car, good credit, no kids, never been married, and just overall, takes care of what he has to do), I'm just scared. Even though he has everything a woman could ever ask for in a man, I feel almost as if he can just as easily disappoint me as my ex boyfriend did. I feel that, if it's not "official", then he can't disappoint me, because I don't have any real expectations of him, seeing as though we technically are not together. I find myself thinking of a million reasons why to not just say yes to him. I worry about any and everything - is he really the one for me? Is someone else going to come along, and I'm going to miss out on it? Or, is someone else going to come along, and I'm going to end up breaking my HS friend's heart?....I'm just one confused person. And the fact that we were both popular in HS, and knew alot of people, also doesn't help, because we keep in touch with alot of them. And we both know that there will be alot of negative comments if we do become official. I just don't know!! I'm scared/nervous about the whole thing. Thanks in advance for all comments!
    When I first got into the relationship with my ex, he had 2 jobs, a car, and was doing fairly well for himself. That all slowly started disappearing as time went on though. And obviously I'm not going to break up with him, just because he lost his job. I was there helping & supporting him, even when he wasn't doing it for himself. So I don't look at it as a mistake, just a learning experience. He also is college educated, but just doesn't use that to his advantage. I also was only aware of his 2 year old at the time. It was until later in the relationship that I found out about the 1 year old.
    @ Smart Boy - You're absolutely right - I shouldn't care about what people from HS say. It's just hard, because even though we've been out of HS for 6 years now, and we all have moved on in different directions, we still all run into each every now and then. Also, with creation of Facebook, that doesn't help lol. But I did decide to just take a risk and see what happens. I'm only 24, so I guess I have a little time to make mistakes, if this doesn't work out lol. But thanks for your advice, and as of yesterday, I decided to just go for it, and let him have the title, even though it's still on my mind whether or not I made the right decision. But thanks so much. Your words really did help me :-)

    • ANSWER:
      if u knew the guy had children and unemployed whey would u go with him in the first place. you went throw hell for 8 month working ur a.ss off, u provided money for ur unemployed boyfriend, and you knew he had 2 children with different women. i mean this is a nobrainer i don't know why u even went in to the relationship in the first place. ok moving on. ur second guy who u knew in HS is great us u described him he is what u are looking for so just go with him. what do u got to lose? u will be happy with this guy. u can't leave on ur past, u can't be scared cause ur first relation ship didn't work, it didn't work cause u made a bad choice, and know u have a chance to redeem ur self so i say u go and have fun and be with this guy. you deserve it. and if ur scared about the negativity of ur HS friends, u shouldn't be. cuaz it doesn't matter what they think, u make ur owen decision they don't live ur life u do. good luk, and i hope u find happines with this guy, and from ur describtion u will.

  25. QUESTION:
    i have a fear of commitment help me guys and girls!?
    i've never really been in a relationship my freinds are all really attractive and i feel avg ( i'm a senior in highschool) everyone is shocked when i tell them i'm single. so whts wrong with me!! i go to an all girl school but i meet guys i'm fun and loving all i want to do is help people so i spend more time helping them with their relationships and not my own. i've been on one date and talked to one guy. i believe i'm attractive i mean that is what ppl tell me. i'm educated black women and i'm not judgemental i think thats boring. i do get distracted but who doesn't i have goals and i am nore into white guys but i'm also into any guy that is respectable and accepts my morals! so y don't have i have a bf?! am i broken!?!!??!!? omg i'm ranting... wht i'm trying to say is, even when a guy talks to me i always think he wants to get closer to my freinds so i push them away or walk away ( its more of a run away) i don't know why i do that my parents did divorce but i nevereally believed in love anyways will this mind set change omg i dont know what i'm talkin bout never mind but if you want to answer you can hehe only if you understand what i'm talkin bout

    • ANSWER:

  26. QUESTION:
    What women say.............?
    If a man sleeps with a woman and has second thoughts about it
    later on, they call it "fear of commitment."
    If a woman sleeps with a man and has second thoughts about it
    later on, they call it "date rape."

    If a man gets drunk and sleeps with a woman, they hold him
    responsible for his actions.
    If a woman gets drunk and sleeps with a man, they hold him
    responsible for her actions.

    When men judge women based on their looks, they call it "lookism,"
    "sexism" and "oppression."
    When women judge men based on their looks and their salaries, they
    call it "dating."

    When a man says "You have to sleep with me to be an employee,"
    they call it sexual harassment.
    When a lesbian says "You have to sleep with me to be a feminist,"
    they call it "body de-colonization" and "political lesbianism."

    When a man says "some feminists hate men," he is engaging in
    stereotypes and bashing.
    When a feminist says "all men are potential rapists," she is
    raising issues.

    When feminists lie about rape, sexual harassment, domestic
    violence, anorexia and bulimia, they are nonetheless educating the
    public about legitimate issues.
    When you point out that feminists lie about rape, sexual
    harassment, domestic violence, anorexia and bulimia, you are guilty
    of backlash.

    When you ask why physical standards should be lowered so women can
    join the military, they say that it ensures equality.
    When you ask why only men are forced to register with the selective
    service and only men can be forced into combat against their will,
    they'll say that you are the one who starts all the wars.

    When you say that men should not be discriminated against, they
    will tell you that you hold all the power and privileges.
    When you say that you don't feel that way, they will point out
    rich men you don't even know.
    When you say that women in your work place have equal pay and
    equal numbers and no longer deserve special breaks and special
    promotions, they will cite some statistics from someplace else.

    If you say you are afraid of a violent woman, they will laugh at
    you and send you away without help.
    If you protect yourself from a violent woman, they will say that
    violence against women is always wrong, no matter what.

    If a woman accuses a Republican nominee of sexual harassment, they
    say "Why would she lie?"
    If several women accuse a Democratic president of sexual
    harassment, they say "She probably lied."

    If they want access to a predominantly male organization, club, or
    school, they say that "diversity" is good.
    If they want to keep men out of a predominantly female
    organization, club, or school, they say segregation is good.

    When a woman accuses a man of child abuse during a divorce or
    custody battle, they say "Believe the children."
    When the children themselves say they weren't abused, they don't
    believe the children.

    When a woman cannot support her children, they say we should raise
    taxes on everyone to set up more programs to help her.
    When a man cannot support his children, they says "Revoke the
    deadbeat's license and throw him in jail."

    When a man denies his children support money, they say he should
    be punished.
    When a woman denies her children a relationship with a warm and
    loving father, by thwarting his visitation rights, they say it's a
    "non-traditional family."

    When an unwed father wants custody of his child, they say "Think
    of the best interests of the children."
    When a mother wants custody of her child, they say "Don't punish a
    woman just because she works."

    If a man starts a statement with "All women are ..." he is
    using a stereotype.
    If a feminist starts a statement with "All men are ..." she is
    using a metaphor.

    • ANSWER:
      you sure do have a lot of time on your hands. dont you, mate?

  27. QUESTION:
    How to tell him I now want commitment or nothing instead of an open relationship?
    We've been together four years but in the last three years we've been in an 'open relationship' which I thought I could deal with. Turns out I can't. The idea of him sleeping with other men or women is driving me crazy. It was only three years ago he came out to me as being bisexual. He said he still wanted me but he wanted to be in a 'open relationship' and stupidly I said yes, not wanting to push him away partly because I didn't want to be alone and partly because I was pregnant with our son and knew our son and my daughter (he isn't her father but they treat each other like father and daughter) deserved a father in their life. I'm pregnant with our second child now and it is getting to me a lot. I know I'm the person he wants spend his life with but I'm struggling with it. I have chosen not to sleep with anyone else though the whole idea of the open relationship would let me, I'm not like him. I have to stay committed to one person, I can't have multiple lovers.
    The thing is I know I can't change him and I fear I'll lose him all together if I tell him I want commitment and spend half my time worrying where he is at night or who he is with when he's not at home. I don't want to have to worry if he's picked up anything between the sexual health check ups he has done every 6 weeks or so as he's really bad at remembering to get them done and I have to push him to get it done.
    I know sitting him down would be the best way to do it but he never seems to be at home more than 5 minutes. It's 2:42 am in the UK and he's still not home and hasn't been since he came home and had a shower at 5pm.

    • ANSWER:
      You need to dump him - NOW.

      Please give yourself the chance of happiness with someone more worthwhile.

  28. QUESTION:
    Do American men get freaked out about commitment when they spend too much time with their GF?
    We've seen all the movies, chick flicks, romance films, about how men freak out about commitment and women seem to LoOove it (i.e in "How to lose a guy in 10 days," Kate Hudson's methods are all about trying to scare Matt McC. by putting "female products" in his bathroom and pretending to be super lovey-dovey).

    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety, but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother).

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, and showing him a lot of affection (like giving him lots of kisses and hugs) because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    The reason why I say "American" men is because I don't want to peg ALL men to be a certain way and wonder if the fear of commitment (and the idea that men really want independence) is a societal culture thing.

    Do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      That can't even be pinned to "American" men -- because it's not like they're all the same. There are men all over the world who have commitment problems, because it's in their nature. It sounds like you've got something good though, and if you don't feel comfortable confronting about it, I don't see much of a reason to. If you're going to get married, obviously he isn't having the same "issues" as other guys (who flinch at the very thought of holy matrimony), and I wish you two the best of luck. :)

  29. QUESTION:
    When You Keep Looking Around is it Fear of Commitment or Are you Just Not That into Him?
    i have this incredible man- he loves me, wants to work towards marriage and be in a commitment with me. we met as roommate-s there was little pursuit- and he also is skinny and petite- for both reasosn, i dont feel like such a woman arudn him. i've always pictured myslf with tall dark and handsome manliness- and also i like the pursuit in the beginning. it is good for the mind on both sides.

    and we've broken up 2x. now we are about to o get back together and yet another man i staking my attention away from him. the guy im dating is perfect on the inside- gentleman, christian, loyal. respectful- he'd work at our relationship. i have insecurities around him and i actually wonder if they're more about my feeling he might be better off with someone else bc im not 100% sure...im so confused. am i like those men who always have a wandering eye?

    i will say there has been 1 man in the past only who i wanted to marry and was like "DONE!" - i want kids, a house with this man, etc...but i was younger and not all grown up, yet..perhaps now that im smooth and smart i think i can have anyone in the candy store.

    actually, i was very depressed and disappointed to find myself attracted to someone else this evening. i was enjoying looking forward to seeing my ex this weekend.

    one thing- i don t always feel like a WOMAN around my ex...hes skinny, i like a big tall man..hes also fairly petite- and fair skinned. again, i always imagined myself with someone dark. it may not only be this- it may be that he sort of is a rescuer- so we dont meet as man and woman, necessarily- there's this element of "friends" or teacher student, sometimes..

    hmm. does this mean he's not the One if im not 100% sure ? is he my Aiden? (sex and the city reference!)

    • ANSWER:
      you're just not that into him

  30. QUESTION:
    Not sure what to do about my relationship...?
    Ok...it's like this, I met a woman from a dating site about 3 years ago. At first everything was great. She was perfect, affectionate, loving, caring, happy the sex was great and she would text me now and then telling me she missed me when I wasn't there. Then, about 8 months in her brother decides he wants to sell the house she is renting from him. We discussed this and rather than having to find new digs and because we were getting on so well, we decided to buy the house between us and live together.....and then the problems started.
    It began with her finding faults with my appearance, I was shocked and didn't react well to this and we began to argue a little bit. Then she began to find fault with my personality. The arguing became more frequent and more horrible. The sex began to teeter out and eventually stopped all together.
    It took me over a year of trying to talk to her to find out that buying the house together had made her feel trapped with me. Apparently she has a very hard time with commitment and the thought of long term relationships makes her feel physically sick even though that is what she ultimately would love to happen,
    Whenever I try to talk to her about it she either gets nasty or she just says something derogatory to shut me up. When I ask her if she wants to call it a day she always says no.

    The other day we had a long chat and she says that she doesn't find me physically attractive and that she will never have sex with me again. She wants me to stay. She says she likes me and she likes having me around and she has no problem being with me but she can't take the pressure of a relationship and commitment. Now, I know this part is ridiculous but she said that she understands that I have needs and that she would be ok with me sleeping with other women as long as I always came home to her....I know, "what the hell?" right? Firstly I don't want that kind of relationship and secondly, how many women would be happy with me sleeping with her and then returning home to another woman afterwards?? not many i'm sure....

    The thing is, I love her obviously or I wouldn't stay for this shit. But I just don't know what to think about it all. In the beginning she obviously did find me attractive because she was all over me. She even looked at me one day with tears in her eyes and said "You'd better not be messing me around"...you don't say that if you don't care about somebody..... We haven't had sex in two years now and there is no kissing, hugging, holding hands etc...

    So what do you think? I know she needs to speak to somebody but she won't, she would rather die than open up to anybody even her closest friends. Is it over? Is it just a result of all the arguing and that's why she doesn't find me attractive anymore? Is it because of the fear she has about commitment and that's why she doesn't want me in a romantic way? I don't know what to think anymore.

    • ANSWER:

  31. QUESTION:
    I think i have a fear of commitment. I like seeing two guys. What is wrong ? can't blame it on my past!?
    I truly believe this is just the way i am. I get bored easily with one guy. I really don't think i can find everything in one guy. I'm not asking for perfection because nobody's perfect. I believe my problems are directly realated to the sexual part of the relationship. For example: One guy has a nice body and doesnt drink or smoke and he has alot of stamina in bed , but no passion( not a kisser, and doesnt do much of anything else) , the the other guy is different from any other man i have ever dated( He is short, pot belly, has no stamina in bed, doesnt get hard unless he has a lot of stimulation and even then sometimes it's not a full erection, but he's great at oral sex and he's a good kisser. Why can't i just take some of the characteristics of one and add to the other to make" MR. ALMOST-RIGHT". I feel like i am the only woman that feels this way. Please tell me someone understands?

    • ANSWER:
      I guess you could look at it like this: it would be much easier to get a guy into better physical shape than it would be making him a more passionate being. A couple, for the long term, should be open to accepting certain "flaws", if you are unable to see past them, you just have not met the right guy yet. The part that will make you do that is on the inside. No rush, give yourself time. Perhaps you haven't matured to that point yet, it is completely normal, some people never do.

  32. QUESTION:
    Question about fear of commitment?
    I am a woman in her mid 40s, very lucky to look at least ten years younger and have great friends. I am single and have never been married or had children. I have had a few long term relationships but not met a guy that I though I could settle with. I now like a guy but he lives in another country and I don't know whether it can ever turn into anything. Still I keep clinging to the emails/chats and this long-distance 'fantasy'. A friend (guy) I have met recently, a very intelligent one just made this comment to me: 'you're afraid of commitment, that's why you get stuck in impossible relationships'. Is there really something that bad about not committing if you are not sure of something? I mean isnt't it better than committing and then not taking the thing seriously?

    • ANSWER:
      I would suggest asking why are you not sure of the relationships. Having doubts or being not sure could just be a way of making excuses because you are scared of commitment. But then again, don't rush into something just because everyone else says you should.

      Mind you, I'm only 25 and haven't experienced too much but I seem to find myself completely stuck on (infatuated with) girls that I know will never work. I may have the same issue that your friend says you have.

  33. QUESTION:
    Am I a commitment phobic woman?
    I am a 32 years old woman and i just don't want any relationship, i've just got out of a 5 years relationship and though i loved my boyfriend but i wish i could just run away and live a single life, i want to travel and do whatever i wanted by myself, is that normal? i have a few guys like me but after a few meeting i fear a relationship with them, coz that would suffocate me, am i normal???

    • ANSWER:

  34. QUESTION:
    What could be more important then great sex in a relationship?
    No. this is not a troll question. This is serious. Just please hear me out.

    I know I'm just a guy, but sometimes I am capable of thinking deep and meaningful, ok? So just hear me out. If a couple has really good sex and both are into each other physically, isn't this all thats needed? Wouldn't everything else just fall in place? So what, if they get on each other's nerves and fight or whatever, if at the end of the day, both come home and are turned on by each other and you know.. just do it. If they can communicate excellent with each other physically in bed, then communication isn't a problem, is it? If its good sex, its safe to assume its full of passion. So, lack of intimacy is not a problem.

    ----
    I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl, I lived with for a few months last year. We were so happy its unreal. She's the skinniest girl I've ever been with and she turns me on like none other. Very very romantic. It felt like I was adam and she was eve.. you know what I mean? We never fought. Not one single time when she was in NY with me. Since she left and moved 3000 miles away, we've fought so much over telephone and emails. We broke up in feburary after just not being able to deal with it. Then she came back in June and we got back together. Now she's in california and im in ny, idk things dont feel right. I miss her a whole bunch but we can't communicate. idk if she misses me. she's not quite as needy as she was. I don't know if this has to do with the things going on her life. maybe things are happening in her life and she's just busy.

    I don't want to lose her. She's the best sex I've ever had, and honestly anyone else compared to her just feels like garbage. I've been with women where I felt guilt right after having sex and thinking.. is this it? why'd I do that? With her, its different. I feel really happy for days after being with her. And again, its not just the sex, like she feels right. Hugging her makes me the most happiest. We have amazing chemistry but only when we are within physical reach of each other.

    I been afraid of marriage all my life, I've pushed other women in the past out of fear of commitment but this one, I want to get married to. Like, I'm not afraid anymore. I.. fcuking.. love her. @!@!@! I don't want any other guy to have her, ever. She's mine.. :( I just don't know how to get it all done?

    • ANSWER:
      Great Sex is definitely in the top 5, but so is trust, communication, humor, interests.

      Maybe you two just need to get back together!

  35. QUESTION:
    WOMEN PLEASE HELP!!! She needs to take a break, will it work? How long does she need?
    We are in our late 20's. We have been together for 5 months. We started talking about serious relationship stuff and she got scared. So she said that she needs some time to think about whether she wants to get back into a serious relationship. She left her boyfriend of 6 years about a year ago. I love her and she says she loves me. We have been on a break for about a week now and when i talk to her it feels like she doesnt really miss me even though she says it when I say it. She is really busy with school, work and kids. She definitely has a fear of commitment from her last relationship. She is not trying to break up with me because I came out and asked her that, she said that if thats what she wanted she would do it. I am going crazy without her she is all I think about. What do i do? Do you think it will work? How long does it take to decide something like that?

    • ANSWER:
      Let her take her time don't rush her the more you push things the more you are going to be pushing her away. call her and tell her that you understand she is not ready and you would love to continue seeing her and when she is ready all you ask that she will let you know. You will sound like an understanding man and she will love that and when she is ready she will come to you

  36. QUESTION:
    I need a woman's honest opinion on something?
    This is not hoax or joke, after being in a relationship for 4 years I finally realized what kind of person I am, I know for a fact that:
    1. I'm not really into kids and don't want any period
    2. I know i'll never be able to provide a descent life for any woman I date
    3. I fear marriage
    4. Relationships to me are harder than working, and involves drama, headaches, and its a rollercoaster
    5. I often hear there is a ratio of for every 5 single men there are 3 single women

    so my question is after saying all this should I just 100% give up women, relationships and stay single forever as it seems to me all women want financial stability, marriage, kids, commitment, responsiblity. All honest opinions are greatly appreciated

    • ANSWER:
      No, you should not give up women. You are being completely honest with yourself and you just don't want the struggle or the responsibility. I am not knocking you for that. Just realize that all women do not require those things. There are women out there just like you who don't want committment. Just be honest about what you want and don't want with whoever you date. And don't expect the woman you meet that has the qualities that you have to be a sweetheart....Cause she will have ways that you may not like...

  37. QUESTION:
    How do I get my mojo back?!?
    I used to be able to talk to women, now I can't. I want a relationship, yet I have a new found fear of commitment. I simultaneously dont care, and obsess about women. All of this is out of nowhere. I have been single for a year, and up until a month ago I was content and functional. Whats wrong, and how can I fix it?!

    • ANSWER:

  38. QUESTION:
    do u Fear of Hijab?
    The Fear of Hijab: Nothing strikes fear in the Western psyche like a piece of cloth on a woman's head
    by Naheed Mustafa
    In September 1994, 13-year-old Emilie Ouimet was sent home from Montreal (Quebec, Canada)’s Louis Riel High School because her Hijab did not conform to the school's dress code.

    Two months later, a second Quebec girl, 15-year-old Dania Baali, was told she would have to transfer to another school from College Regina Assumpta if she wanted to observe Hijab.

    It is incredible to know nothing strikes fear in the hearts of Western man like a piece of cloth on a woman's head.

    The Hijab is Perceived As A Radical Statement

    To some, she is making a radical statement about her violent political ideas.

    To others, she is the symbol of absolute subjugation and is in dire need of rescue.

    For them, having such women as part of the North American landscape is frightening.

    She is “the veiled woman,” belonging in a foreign place, an actor on an exotic stage.

    We are seen as poisoning this “free and democratic” culture with our “weak and submissive ways.”

    Thus, various school boards in Quebec have decided that rooting out the unwanted influence at the earliest point possible is the best way to avoid contaminating their haute culture.

    The Fear of Hijab is Legitimate

    I have often wondered why a woman in Hijab participating freely in this society is perceived as so threatening.

    I have always thought that fear of such women was unfounded. After all, her wearing Hijab has nothing to do with anyone else-it only has to do with her commitment to Allah. But now I realize the fear is legitimate.

    Muslim women are a threat.

    Hijab Sends a Message of Acceptance and Rejection

    A woman who covers herself out of the love of Allah is not just stating something about what she accepts but she is also saying something about what she rejects.

    Any woman who refuses to play the gender games that are so basic to all societies is going to be pushed out.

    Women have always been expected to play some kind of role in every society.

    In North America, a great part of this role revolves around sex and the aura of sexuality. Any relationship involving men and women has some kind of sexual undertone.

    When a woman covers herself she is rejecting that role, she is saying sex will have nothing to do with her public life. It is the fact that she has taken out of the discussion her physical self that people find so upsetting.

    A Woman in Hijab : More than "Just a Woman"

    A female doctor, writer, electrician or plumber may be appreciated in the work environment for her skill, but is still basically seen as “just a woman.”

    But put her in Hijab so that what makes her a woman cannot be appraised and all of a sudden you are dealing with a person.

    It is a radical idea not liked by many.

    She is Rejecting The Politics of Gender

    This person is not only rejecting preset gender roles but also the associated politics of gender.

    She is therefore rejecting the basic social structure which also means she is seen to be rejecting the political system and its tied economic setup.

    So educators in Quebec should feel threatened. Emilie and Dania are more than just two girls whose headgear does not conform to school dress code. They are representatives of something bigger, of a different way of life and of living.

    It took me some time to come to this conclusion.

    Hijab : An Act of Faith

    I had always seen Hijab as a private matter between myself and Allah.

    I chose to wear Hijab because I felt my Iman (faith) had to be translated into action and if Allah asks me to cover, then I should.

    If I could not act out my faith then what was the point of saying I had any faith?

    But, unfortunately, those around me did not see my wearing Hijab as a personal act of worship.

    Rather, they saw it as a personal attack on them. I wore Hijab and that automatically meant I disapproved of everything they did.

    I found the hostility difficult to understand. Just because my head was covered, people were unable to relate to me.

    I had a newfound freedom and a greater sense of confidence in myself as a Muslim but most others saw me as a throwback.

    Women's Progress Still Tied To Appreance

    Progressiveness for women is unfortunately still defined by how much they are willing to reveal.

    The more power women seem to gain, the more compelled they are to take off their clothes.

    This paradox is at the root of the confusion faced by North American women.

    They are supposed to be strong, independent and assertive yet, at the same time, they are made slaves to an ideal physical image which cannot be achieved by the vast majority of women. This duality is a marketable commodity.

    Take the fashion industry for example; the latest from Paris says “glamor” is the hottest look of the season with its glossy lipsticks, slip dresses, and spiked heels.

    Women object saying that fashion designers are expecting them to dress like prostitutes at the office.

    They loathe the fact that the female body is used for selling everything from cosmetics to clothing to cars.

    Yet when Muslim women cover themselves up and protest the very same thing, they are conversely regarded as being oppressed.

    Terminal Confusion About Women's Freedom

    The confusion is terminal. While some fight against what they see as objectifying women, others feel the ideal way to ultimate freedom for women is the right to got barechested in public.

    The rationale seems to be that once our bodies are desexualized then it will be safer for us to go out on the streets.

    We just have to give up our dignity, our modesty and our privacy.

    And it is in the midst of all this confusion that women in Hijab have arrived. Their unwillingness to play into the hands of either side has earned them scorn.

    Hijab has become a Political Statement

    Hijab is fundamentally part of worship but, right or wrong, it has become a political statement as well.

    We may only be expressing our commitment to our Deen (religion) but Hijab is seen to symbolize a rejection of the West.

    The Mistake of the Secularists

    This perceived rejection has affected liberal secularists so profoundly that they are willing to push aside their own basic principle of individual freedom to stave of the “oppressive” influences of Islam.

    It would be a wise person indeed who would realize that it is the very culture secularists are trying to preserve that has led people to search for something else.

    And for those who are truthful to themselves, they will see that Emilie and Dania have it figured out.

    http://www.islamawareness.net/Hijab/

    • ANSWER:
      Read The importance of hijab

      - IMPORTANCE OF HIJAB
      The importance of Hijab will be briefly discussed in the light of the verses of the Holy Qur'an on the subject. Allah says:
      "Say unto the believer men to cast down their gaze and guard their private parts; that is purer for them. Verily Allah is Well-Aware of what you do.
      And say unto the believing women that they cast down their gaze and guard their private parts; and not to display their adornment (Zeenat) except what becomes apparent of it; and to draw their headcovers (Khumur) over their neck slits (Juyoob); and not to display their "Zeenat" except to their husbands… (an Noor, 24:31,32 part)
      The verse first informs men of their duty in Hijab and then the women. Some important words in the second verse are:
      Zeenat: This is something we use to beautify ourselves like clothes, ornaments, jewellery, etc.
      Khumur: These are head covers or scarves.
      Juyoob: The neck slit was usually low in Arab dress and the women did not cover their necks. So in this verse they were ordered to cover their exposed necks with the head covers.
      In another verse Allah says:
      O Prophet! Say unto your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers that they let down upon themselves a robe (Jilbab); so that they may be distinguished, so that they will not be troubled; Allah is Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful. (al Ahzab, 33:59)
      Here the word Jilbab refers to a covering that is bigger than a headcover and shorter than a shawl and is designed to cover the head and shoulders.
      According to the command of Allah, the coverings for women that form their Hijab is Wajib, and disobedience of this command earns Allah's anger.
      The entire body of the woman except hands and face should be covered. The overall appearance of the dress is that it must be loose so it does not reveal the form of the woman, and it should not be attractive in a way that it draws the eyes of the people to the wearer.

  39. QUESTION:
    i feel like i've let my mentality prevent me from being in a relationship, and i'm kicking myself over it?
    i'd like to know if this has happened to anyone else...

    Over the past few weeks, i've been giving thought to something that's sort of upset me. i realized, throughout my whole life, every woman that i've been interested in (wanting as a girlfriend / or just being attracted to) has felt the same way towards me. i literally have the potential of being in a relationship with a woman right there in front of my face, but i just then totally back off and blow my chances over it. Whether it's a fear of commitment or a fear of being hurt, i don't know what it is, but there's something that i've let get the better of me and it's prevented me from being in a relationship.

    Granted i've had a difficult past, but i've never been in a relationship and i have come to a decision that i never want to be in a relationship. At this point, this decision is quite feasible as the last person i know who i liked (and she liked me) has found herself someone. So i yet again blew my chances.

    And i'm kicking myself over it (yeah, i know-don't be so hard on yourself).

    i suppose my question is, has this happened to you? If so, have you overcome this problem? And if so, what did you do to overcome this problem?

    Thanks for any input in advance.

    • ANSWER:
      Haha buddy....i totally feel you on this one. I can totally relate to how youre feeling.

      But you should get so down on yourself. Being single has many benefits. I personally didnt realize it until a couple months ago. Im single right now and Im fine with it. I wanted a gf so badly that i placed all my happiness on being with someone.I had the same self esteem issues you do. It was damaging. Finally I just said fuck it. Theres nothing wrong with me, Im gonna be happy, so what? So now I dont need anyone to make me happy. Although its nice to have a companion to do things with, they shouldnt be the focus of all your happiness.

      This happened to me last night in fact lol. This girl I was kind of seeing was all chill and cool on the phone a few days ago, and then the past couple days- ice queen. She turned into a total biatch. I was like...screw this..

      Its really just about CONFIDENCE. Not giving a crap about what people think or say about you. Having the gumption to start small talk and eventually ask for her number.

  40. QUESTION:
    I'm a commitment-phobe. Is that so bad?
    I have had my share of play in the past. Now I'm almost 30 and I would like to settle down and start a family and get out of bachelorhood (I'm an idiot, right?) but without missing it. Thing is, my last relationship of 2.5 years ended disastrously, and while we were having our last argument she decided to tell me that she had cheated on me one night about 1.5 years into our relationship. We had argued that night and she left the house to "stay at her girlfriend's".

    Anyway, now I'm thinking, if my ex could cheat on me (and she used to be a model for fidelity) then any woman I'm gonna be with may cheat on me too, right? And breaking up a marriage is far more complicated than breaking up with a gf. I don't really have any trust in women anymore. I'm good-looking, smart, funny, and I run my own business. What do I do? How do I lose my fear of commitment and get back in the game for the long-run?

    • ANSWER:
      Don't bother. You'll just end up hurt. Most people lie and cheat and are mean. Most people get divorced or end up unhappy. I know, I'm really messed up too. But I have that issue too. Knew a really nice person, found out they're a cheater, now I see everybody that way. And they probably are. Your ex sounds like a bitch. And I thought it was normally guys who were like that.

  41. QUESTION:
    I think I have an addiction to women?
    I'm 18 and have always had a woman in one shape or form even if it's just casual or anything. Lately iv'e started to notice the amount of women has been increasing dramatically to 3 or 4 a week! And In The LAst year i havent hady a relationship longer than a week because it always ends badly and now I don't give anyone a chance. Is it a fear of commitment and how can i overcome this and find a girl to make it work And I am always thinking who Is going to be next! Is there something wrong with me I'l probably try and use this site to start talking to women too. I always do it. HELP!

    • ANSWER:
      Enjoy your drive. Let your partners know you are complicated. Leave it at that. Don't let girls that are good for you go because u might meet a girl who satisfies all your needs.

      Good luck! Wrap it up!!!!

  42. QUESTION:
    Men, emotionally in a relationship?
    Why do we women always have to follow a man's pace or speed of development of feelings and exclusiveness, or commitment in a new relationship? Why do we always have to fear not to show feelings because he might freak out... not to tell him how you feel because he might back off...? why can't things happen at our pace sometimes?

    • ANSWER:
      Give him a B L O W J O B every night for the next 2 months and he will become your personal slave who will lick your toes clean on demand and grovel at your feet when you open his zipper.

      Forget all the other crap you have read, men are easily controlled with sex, food and beer. they really are very simple uncomplicated people.

      Get with the program girlfriend!!!

  43. QUESTION:
    should i seek a commitment?
    i'm seeing this guy. we've been dating for about a year without a commitment. he's told me in the past that i wasn't the only woman he's seeing although i'm the only woman he is sleeping with.

    just recently, he confirmed that it's not just a sexual relationship but a romantic relationship that he wants to stay involved in. he doesn't want to give us a label (i.e. boyfriend/girlfriend) out of fear of things "changing".

    what should i do? i really like him. should i leave because of his fear of commitment? or stay and hope that he sees that i'm not into changing him?

    • ANSWER:
      Wow! Why are so many guys alike? Anyway, one thing that I have found with guys is that they are sincere about taking things one day at a time. Women are more likely to want to look ahead or begin to plan out the future-its almost apart of our natural nuturing instinct.

      If you really like this guy and he likes you just that same, I say stick with it. Continue to show him that you are committed to him. Maybe that will help ease his fear and make him see that its okay to openly commit to you and your relationship. Guys don't like to be wrong, so they try to steer clear of going places where they don't know what the outcome can be. Show him that you care for him and would not hurt his feelings and hopefully the relationship can blossom further sexuallly and romantically.

  44. QUESTION:
    How do I know if I'm Afraid of Commitment? What can I do about it? How do you get this way? LONG?
    I'm a 26 year old woman and of course I've had bad relationships but none so deeply scarring to warrant a fear of commitment. The usual cheating, lying, and most of all trust issues. I feel like a trust issue can be overcome if it is worked on with patience and dedication. But lately I'm starting to wonder if I have a commitment phobia. I have been serial dating in between my last 2 real relationships (both full of hurt and mistrust) and I don't see settling down in my near future or even distant for that matter.

    I have met 2 really nice guys and have gone out with both of them one time each. One is very financially stable and he kind of does his own thing and is very busy with work (he's a lawyer) which is great for me because I don't have to see him or hang out with him ALL the time. He's an intellectual which I love and we have great meaningful conversations about life, philosophy and such. We've known each other for a bit but have only gone on a REAL date once. Since we don't see each other that much he's asked me to travel with him the next time for work. I've avoided him since and have yet to give him an answer. I'm flattered but so confused about why I feel the need to run right now.

    The other guy is also very nice stable as well and we just click. We can laugh and be silly and just get along great. I love how comfortable I am with him. It's like having a best friend that you are incredibly attracted to. He's busy with work also which is another great pro but he lives almost an hour away from me, he's about 10 years my senior and he has a 9 year old son. This makes me want to run also. And I am saying that it's because he comes with baggage. Not sure if that's true because he's given me no hint of drama just yet.

    This isn't a which one do I choose question. Both of these guys give me things that I want, crave, need but I also like my space and feel like I would never pick just one of them anyway. Making a decision feels so final. What is up with me? I went to a therapist after my last relationship and I still don't know what my problem is?

    • ANSWER:
      You have a problem "committing"....Now say it out loud so that you can hear it from your own mouth....."I HAVE A PROBLEM COMMITTING.".....Now, see how easy that was?....

      So you must now find a solution to the problem and to get there, you must first tap into your childhood to see if there is something there that triggered this...Maybe your Dad walk off leaving you and your siblings alone or something of that nature...I don't know but I know that something off-set these feelings that you are having....

      You must write things down so that you can discuss them with your Therapist the next time that you visit because I don't think that you are ready to stop seeing a professional just yet.....

      Another thing....Drop both guys because it is not time for you to date yet...You need HEALING first and foremost and in order to give them what they need, you have to be whole yourself....

      Work on you dear...I wish you wellness>:)

  45. QUESTION:
    my boyfriend has major trust and commitment issues..please help?
    i met my boyfriend over the summer. he was not the normal type of guy that i would date but dispite all of the flaws or waht not i started to fall for him like really fast. which in my case never happens..i just never felt this way about anyone. come to find out i had more feelings for him and we stopped seeing eachother he actually went back to his ex at this time (at this point we were only dating nt committed). he ended up realizing that he had made a mistake and wanted to be with me and commit to me. he told me he didnt realize what he had when we were dating and wanted to make it work. well at this point i was aware of his trust and commitment issues due to his past relationships of woman lieing and cheating. i choose to take him back simply because i had felt from the moment i started dating him that things were just right. he is an amazing guy and i feel i am also an amazing woman...we are seriously the couple that everyone looks at and envys. everyone that sees us says we are perfect for each other and can see the chemistry. well i stopped dancing and made many changes for our relationship because i truly do care very deeply for him. everything was going great i mean better than i could have ever asked for. there were a few times where i didnt tell him the truth for no reason even though i could have i felt as though i couldnt which was my mistake. but i never cheated or did anything towards him or against our relationship. tht happend within the first 6weeks of our committed relationship. since then i have been so honest with him god is smiling at me. But he now is saying that he isnt sure if he sees a future due to his lack of trust and not being sure if he ever sees himself getting married. seriously i love this guy and know that i will never hurt him or ever be dishonest about anything but i dont know how to prove that to him. i have apologized to him many times about not being honest with him. we live together right now and we are trying to figure out what to do ... stay together or split up . i want to stay together obviously but am at a loss of what to do...i know many people would say leave why would you want to be with a guy who feels that way but i care so much for him and want this to work i know how perfect we are together but idk if his fear of someone hurting him is gonna be the end of us... having him essentially shutting me out and pushing me away. please give me advice and no rude comments..thank you so much

    • ANSWER:
      You can't control how he feels or what he wants. If he has no trust and is unsure of the relationship, and if he is thinking of splitting, you can't force him to change his mind. It would be wrong on your part to make him stay in a relationship he doesn't want.

      Trust me, if he does want out, you'll find at some point that there is a silver lining to this black cloud. If you're an amazing woman, then there is a guy out there who WANTS to be in a committed, honest relationship without hesitation. A guy who has a healthy attitude and outlook.

  46. QUESTION:
    i need to understand psyche of men. i am married for 14 mnths but fear my husband is chatting withsome women?
    i had a good job, doing well in my career and nice lifestyle. my husband had shifted from another town for better prospects and wanted to start something new. we got married inbetween as he and his family was in a hurry. my husband was doing no work and said he wanted to start a new business and needed sometimeto start a nw life. i decided suportting him.

    After marraige i started seeing my husband at home and always being on the net, either adding new friends, chatting with strangers especially girls. he also would recieve text of girls, one such stating 'he was her world'. after questioning my husband he said it was just girl after him and he had no such relationship with her. after which i would check him but found he had no such contacts with the girl. it was only before marraige he was in touch with her, but this was also the period when we were courting each other.

    After marriage i started being irregular to office due to house commitments and my husband wanted me to leave my job and move to a new country. We shifted to uk after 9 months of marraige.
    we planned to move to canada and start a new life but formalities took time and we moved to london where i joined business school. i thought life would be better and my husband would settle down and mend his ways.
    Outhere i recently saw him on messeanger with a new id and he had girls 15 years younger on it. to be honest i have not seen him chatting but yes he has added them to his contact list. further he has many phone numbers stating it is cheaper to call his hime country and user email ids. i have also seen in the net history some sites like adult friend finders, married and looking, and other sites.i have seen him exchanging mails with a girl who had advertised for company.

    my husband who has not worked till now is suddenly looking for jobs outside london. he says he can earn as a care worker and getting free stay and would visit me in weekly holidays.

    should i trust my husband ? wat shud i do? am i being too suspicious.
    i am student in this country, how do i check whether my husband is being true. can somebody give me a better view.

    • ANSWER:

  47. QUESTION:
    How do you manage to maintain communication with a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend?
    If communcation comes easily to you...are you an extrovert? Does being reserved ever suit a positive purpose in a relationship?

    I have this fear of being stiffled or suffocated by too much affection. If I make a commitment like marriage, I won't be able to have my own privacy, because the person will be around forever. That freaks me out. Do any men or women feel the same? Why or why not?

    • ANSWER:
      Just establish certain boundaries from the start.

      You know how some married couples will actually use the toilet in each other's presence? They don't have much privacy--perhaps none at all! But I don't even go IN the bathroom when my husband is in there, though he wouldn't care. It's just that I like to know I'm going to be alone the whole time I'm in there, so that's one boundary I've established. It causes no problems in our relationship.

      You can establish whatever boundaries you need to maintain your sanity. Not all relationships have to work the same way.

  48. QUESTION:
    FWB? GF? Commitment issues?
    We are in fwb agreement, and we both agree that we are allowed to date other people.
    He told me he is dating other women too.

    However our fwb is quite complicated and I feel lost now.

    He always holds my hand, kiss my forehead, cuddles and spoons me even we are not having sex.
    He takes me out for lunch, dinner, and movies,and always pays for the dates. He said he likes me, which i replied that i like him too, but neither of us mention anything about being into relationship.

    There was once we didn't meet up for few days, i asked him if he misses me. He said yes, but when i asked why he didnt say it when we were texting each other, He answered "a guy can't let the girl know he likes her so much"

    And he texted me last week saying that he is scared, and have been refusing to meet me up for sex. But he still asks me out for lunch and dinner.

    I'm 26 he's 32.
    He once said I'm too young for him.

    His parents are divorced and he had serious relationship which ended 3 years ago

    Why is he giving me mixed signal?
    Is he just playing me out or plain fears of commitment?
    Am I wasting my time on this guy? Will he ever want to be in relationship with me?

    • ANSWER:

  49. QUESTION:
    Wife, love and fear?
    3 years ago my parents referred me to a girl. She lived in US and I was in India. We exchanged emails daily for 6 months to know each other and then we told our parents that we are happy with each other to marry. So she came india and we got married. We spent 2 weeks together, had big fun, jokes, romance and she told me that she has "fallen in true love" with me and why she was late to marry me. I also fell in love with her. Then she went bak US. And later she began finding faults in me. She told me I dont "fit in the picture of a perfect guy". Then we divorced.

    Now I have to re-marry. How can I "know about a woman" that she is compatible with me for lifetime commitment. I am so hesitant to get into any relationship. I fear divorce again. I dont know how to "see through" a woman. plz advise. thx

    • ANSWER:
      Well for one thing, you need to conduct a dating relationship in person. There is no real way to know a person using only emails, phones or letters. You have to have daily in person contact to see how the whole person is, since you can't see in an email how a good or a bad day might be effecting someone. Personality and other non tangible things important to know cannot be conveyed any other way. I suggest that you look in your area for a girl and not try the Internet type of dating any more.

      The other thing I would suggest is take it slowly and don't be in a rush like the first relationship was. You can't really know a person in 2 weeks, even if you had the 6 months of emails. My wife and I dated in person for over a year before we were engaged for 6 months. We got to know each other pretty well in that time before getting married, which may be one reason why it has lasted over 29 years. Also know this, if love dies, it wasn't love in the first place. My wife and I have had many separations because of my tours with the Army. That didn't stop us from loving each other and keeping the marriage going.

      I suspect that there were other problems besides you not being the "perfect guy" since there is no such thing as a perfect person anywhere. If you really loved her and she was set on coming back to the US, you should have been on the plane with her as she was coming back. I certainly would never have let my wife fly to another country to live permanently without me. Your relationship was doomed the moment she stepped onto the plane. Don't let that happen again. Whatever it takes next time, you do it to keep your wife. Love will gladly give up its own life to save the life of another. That means nothing should become a wedge between you and your true love. If you have to give up something to keep your wife, you do it and likewise for her to keep you. That is true love.

  50. QUESTION:
    Needy vs. Confident women?
    I used to be needy when I started dating than I learned you have to be confidant. I've also noticed alot of needy women last longer in relationships. What do men want than? Please help.

    Reasons why guys like needy women.

    1. The men don't realize that their partners are needy until after they become attracted to other qualities. To borrow an idea from economics, they end up invested in part of the person and become unwilling to relinquish that investment after having sunk so much time, money, and effort.

    2. Some men like needy girls because it gives them power. It makes them feel accepted and cared for. Needy girls also do not pose threats to men. They are inherently subservient/ submissive, and that gives men an upper hand in the relationship. It gives them power. According to Emerson (1962) dependency is the basis of power. Supply/demand relationships (which in relationships, you can think of as merely having other quality dating options) are the basis of dependency. The theory is called Power-Dependence Theory and is full of awesome.

    Power gives guys freedom from insecurity and self-consciousness. They can feel free to act however they want because they know they'll be accepted in the end. In my experience, if there is too great a disparity in power and dependence, the guy will lose interest.

    3. Needy girls conjure up pity and sympathy in their counterparts and make guys feel "gooey" or feel the intensity of drama. This is the modus operandi of the needy person: they play psychological games for "strokes." Strokes are offerings of superficial praise, pity, or commitment-assurances. Strokes give the needy person a temporary feeling of acceptance and security that should really be coming from the needy person themselves. For example, the needy person might pick a fight over something she twisted to look like a rejection. The fight ends when the guy professes his love, apologizes (triggering pity), or gives the girl some sweeping praise. The common thread is the feeling that's produced, which I can only describe as gooey, fuzzy, and warm that drowns out insecurity and fear. The warm fuzz, however, fades like a cheap high and the needy individual starts to want it more and more. It becomes a form of addiction and the neediness spirals out of control as they become desensitized to the drug, needing bigger and strong doses.

    What about the guy? The girl's games evoke one of two reactions in the guy. Some games will evoke pity. The girl will feign weakness or vulnerability to trigger the guy's nurturing response. The nurturing response is gooey and fuzzy and the guy enjoys it. He likes the warm fuzz and even starts to think it has something to do with love. Part of his confusion is based on media protrayals of love as a painful, dramatic, intense pushing-and-pulling. Those stereotypes help him justify what is obviously an unhealthy pattern. Sometimes he will respond with anger, where the guy will reject the girl's attempts at control and manipulation. The anger is a form of drama and is, imho, the most addictive substance.

    The fuzzy-feeling he gets, the drama, and the way it conforms with his expectations of love make him pursue rather than withdraw from the relationship. You end up with 2 addicts whose addictions are mutually reinforcing. That's a very strong pattern.

    4. Needy relationships fill up silences. The neediness creates a dynamic that gives both players a role, as well as a script. This helps the couple avoid feelings of silence, emptiness, and loneliness. Those feelings crop up when people don't know themselves (or trust themselves) well enough to create their own script naturally. They look for a script that'll help them structure their interaction in a way that is supposed to ensure the survival of the relationship. I see this all the time without drama too -- people playing the role of a husband and wife. Of course, not having your own script, you have no chance for real intimacy, just its synthetic counterpart; you are just an actor in your own life.

    • ANSWER:
      Whoa
      Your like cosmopolitan.
      I think every guy should read this
      They're very hard to pick out as the proper theory
      I try my hardest not to be weak and needy
      but guys still treat me that way descibed here.
      As if they love "saving" the damsel.
      I honestly feel that all of these theories are correct in a sense
      but isn't in a mans nature to do so?
      I mean a girls nature is to be housewife ( Besides work woman)
      Its inbred in our system to be that way.
      The biggest thing the root to all of this is, that guys want a purpose no matter how tough they act they still like expressing their emotional side through women as helping them and caring.
      Its like opening that one forbidden door in man hood where he can show that he has love in him. With out woman, man goes to.A world of Competition where no emotions are supposed to be expressed (being around people of his own status, guys)
      All woman want a strong guy, we feel safe, right?
      Guys like to know that they can make us feel safe.
      In their eyes its a job, a duty.
      That's my opinion but those paragraphs were very detailed and interesting and i think that all of those ties into one and affect man depending on how big is heart is.


Posted in issues | Tagged | Leave a comment

Women Commitment Issues Signs

Posted on November 13, 2011 by

Introduction

Suleiman (2006) defined entrepreneurship as athe willingness and ability of an individual to seek for investment opportunities to establish and run an enterprise successfullya while Drucker viewed an entrepreneur as a person who perceives business opportunities and takes advantage of the scarce resources and uses them profitably. Entrepreneurs are job creators and/or become self-employed rather than seekers of jobs in an overstretched public service. Using USA standard, a woman-owned enterprise is a small enterprise that is at least 51% owned, managed and operated by one or more women.

A small-scale farming is a farm holding established on a land area of not less than 5 hectares. In Nigeria, most of the small-scale farming enterprises are owned by men. This does not imply that Nigerian women agriculturists are not desirous of expanding their businesses due to so many challenges which border on gender issues, economic or socio-cultural barriers as well as government unfavourable policies. This paper, a purely descriptive research, employs secondary data to expound on the issues and challenges confronting the development of the Nigerian women to full blown agro- entrepreneurs for national economic advancement. The rest of the discussion in this paper is organized along the following issues;

Women's potentials in entrepreneurial skills.

Why women entrepreneurship development?

Policy Framework for Women Entrepreneurship Development.

Challenges faced by women agro-entrepreneurs.

Strategies for development of women agro-entrepreneurs.

Conclusion.

Women's Potentials in Entrepreneurial Skills

Women in general are naturally endowed with some exceptional abilities, which if properly harnessed for entrepreneurship purpose, could result in positive and enviable results. Women by nature;

v Have creative abilities

v Are blessed with ability to persist and pursue their desires

v Are good and patient nurtures of children, and this tenacity is usually transferred into business

v Are good innovators

v Have ability to develop passion for what they believe in

Waton (undated) cited in Okara (2005) identified the basic requirements of an entrepreneur to include: hardwork, teamwork, commitment, appreciation, listening, high expectations, setting achievable goals. Women, by nature and exposure to family relationships, possess most of these qualities that are essential and can be enhanced for entrepreneurial success.

Why Women Entrepreneurship Development?

Many researchers have shown that poverty is a malady that incapacitates its victim economically and indirectly subject him/her to a state of destitution, voicelessness, powerlessness and even violence (World Bank 2000; Okojie, 2002) Unfortunately, the most affected sex by the above incapacitation are women and children. Statistics show that women are poorer than men. The UNDP (1995) estimated that, about 60% of the world-poors, are women. Women are poorer because they are more vulnerable economically.

The findings of Thane (1978), Showalter (1987) and Lewis and Piachered (1987) cited in Magaji (2004) showed that women have been the poor sex throughout the 20th Century and have formed a substantial majority of the poor since poverty was first recognized. On why women are the poorest sex, the physical strength of women and various challenges limit them to specific soft duties making it difficult to be enterprising. Entrepreneurship development therefore is a crucial tool for women's economic empowerment.

The benefits derivable from empowering the women folk are far reaching, starting with family advancement and eventually touching on the national and global economic advancement. According to the Nigerian Minister of Women Affairs and Social Development, Hajiya H. S. Bungudu, the latest Nigerian census revealed that women constitute 49.9% of the nation's population; the underrepresentation of women (2%) in the nation's development processes in finance, business and investment fronts renders 40% of the population inadequately positioned to contribute to the economic growth of the country. It is the nation that blends the strengths of women and men that will lead the world in development (Kiyosaki 1993) in the field of agriculture and other sectors.

Entrepreneurship or investing is not an exclusive reserve of any gender. Both women and men generate the same result provided they follow the principles of investment. Kiyosaki (1993) proves with statistical data in United States, that women are better investors than men. A year 2000 National Association of Investors Corporation (NAIC) study found that women-only clubs achieved average annual returns of 32% since 1951 versus 23% for men-only investment clubs. The verdict is; women know how to handle money and can be greater entrepreneurs than men if the various obstacles to development is removed or minimized.

Policy Framework for Women Entrepreneurship Development

There are neither policies nor strategies for entrepreneurship development that is specifically tailored to women (Olutunla, 2008). The Nigerian government's policy of promoting entrepreneurship dated back to the early 1970s. The hope of promoting small scale enterprises to stimulate entrepreneurship was documented in the 2nd National Development Plan (1970-74). This policy continued in the 3rd (1975-80) and the 4th National Development Plan through various strategies of technical, financial and management of the small scale industries. The Federal Government's concern for the menacing problem of mass unemployment in the mid-1980s spurred the setting up of the National Directorate of Employment (NDE) in 1986 and the Work For Yourself Programme (WFYP) in 1987. Both were essentially joint programmes of training and financial support to entrepreneurs. The NDE operations included three core programmes (i) Youth Employment and Vocational Skills Development Program (YEVSDP) (ii) agricultural programs (iii) the small scale industries and graduate employment scheme. The NDE, though starved of fund for some time, has achieved a lot in promoting employment, create wealth and alleviating women poverty. The Better Life for Rural Women Programme (BLRWP) initiative of a first lady of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Maryam Babangida, was an entrepreneurship development programme specifically for promoting education, health and economic development of women. It made unprecedented contribution to women through the cooperative organizations. The spirit of BLRWP is still operating today through the subsequent first ladies. A number of Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs) also came up to promote entrepreneurship development. Prominent amongst them was the Country Women Association of Nigeria (COWAN) which contributed immensely towards women entrepreneurship development through organization of many cooperatives and micro-credit schemes and in partnership with the United Nations.

The Role of Women in Agriculture

A significant amount of work has been carried out in developing countries on the potential of women in boosting food production. Boserup (1970) described Black Africa as the region of female farming par excellence. FAO (1982) estimated that the rural women contribute two-third of all the time that is put into traditional agriculture in Africa. Accat (1983) also pointed out that 80% of African women are engaged in agriculture. Patel and Antonio (1973) reported that 95% of the Yoruba women of the Southwestern Nigeria are engaged in farm works, growing yams, maize, tobacco and cassava, poultry and fish farming. They also participate in bush clearing, land preparation and weeding. In addition to their role in production, they are actively engaged in harvesting, processing and marketing of farm produce. The participation of Igbo men in nonfarm activities and waged employment has resulted in an increased workload for women in food crop production as well as a breakdown of the gender division of labor in agriculture. Igbo women now undertake some of the conventional male agricultural tasks in addition to those in the female domain (Ezumah and Di Domenico, 1995). The predominance of women in the small-scale fisheries post-harvest activities: micro-fish retailing, fish processing, fish distribution and marketing, make women the major players in the socio-economic development of the West African countries.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Do American men get freaked out about commitment when they spend too much time with their GF?
    We've seen all the movies, chick flicks, romance films, about how men freak out about commitment and women seem to LoOove it (i.e in "How to lose a guy in 10 days," Kate Hudson's methods are all about trying to scare Matt McC. by putting "female products" in his bathroom and pretending to be super lovey-dovey).

    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety, but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother).

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, and showing him a lot of affection (like giving him lots of kisses and hugs) because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    The reason why I say "American" men is because I don't want to peg ALL men to be a certain way and wonder if the fear of commitment (and the idea that men really want independence) is a societal culture thing.

    Do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      That can't even be pinned to "American" men -- because it's not like they're all the same. There are men all over the world who have commitment problems, because it's in their nature. It sounds like you've got something good though, and if you don't feel comfortable confronting about it, I don't see much of a reason to. If you're going to get married, obviously he isn't having the same "issues" as other guys (who flinch at the very thought of holy matrimony), and I wish you two the best of luck. :)

  2. QUESTION:
    Men and women: When does a couple spend too much time together?
    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety (like saying he wants us to stay independent and for me to move in, but not to sell my apartment because the idea of me doing so is like "leaving all of my independent self behind," which he's not yet ready for), but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother), and I don't know if it's my own insecurity shining through, but it's definitely something I think about.

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    I don't believe in the ideas that "there's never too much time together if you're in love!"- I feel they're too simplistic and do not encompass the complexity of a relationship between two individual people as progressive, independent creatures. I enjoy talking about marriage with him, but don't want to do it if we're straying off the right path.

    So, do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      yeah there is such a thing in SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME TOGETHER..a guy needs his space sometimes and tend to get sick of girls easily..yeah if youre in love you want to be with them all the time but guys are different..sometime they need their space and you always want to make a guy MISS YOU becuz it will never be too exciting when you guys see each other..it will be more of a routine..if you guys are ready for marriage good for you but make sure you test your relationship with a little bit of distance..

  3. QUESTION:
    Why does Sarah Palin hate women who have been raped?
    “Despite denials by the Palin campaign, new evidence proves that as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, Sarah Palin had a direct hand in imposing fees to pay for post-sexual assault medical exams conducted by the city to gather evidence.
    Palin's role is now confirmed by Wasilla City budget documents available online.
    Under Sarah Palin's administration, Wasilla cut funds that had previously paid for the medical exams and began charging victims or their health insurers the 0 to 00 fees. Although Palin spokeswoman Maria Comella wrote USA Today earlier this week that the GOP vice presidential nominee "does not believe, nor has she ever believed, that rape victims should have to pay for an evidence-gathering test...To suggest otherwise is a deliberate misrepresentation of her commitment to supporting victims and bringing violent criminals to justice," Palin, as mayor, fired police chief Irl Stambaugh and replaced him with Charlie Fannon, who with Palin's knowledge, slashed the budget for the exams and began charging the city's victims of sexual assault. The city budget documents demonstrate Palin read and signed off on the new budget. A year later, alarmed Alaska lawmakers passed legislation outlawing the practice.
    News of the controversial policy has leaked slowly into the press this week as the presidential campaign has heated up and Palin's record has been subject to increasing scrutiny. The practice of charging rape victims has called into question Palin's stated commitment to women's issues, her judgment as an executive and her honesty about her record.
    The story of the Wasilla policy has made its way from comments on Daily Kos to the pages of USA Today. But clear evidence suggesting Palin knew Wasilla was charging the victims of sexual assault has been hard to find. Placing the city budget records, however, alongside a timetable of Palin's firing Chief Stambaugh and hiring Chief Fannon makes it clear the policy was put in place as a direct result of Palin's leadership.
    The mayor of Wasilla before Sarah Palin, John C. Stein, was also a Republican, though the office was and continues to be non-partisan. Mayor Stein was defeated by Sarah Palin in a campaign that brought in the NRA, Republican partisans, and a whisper campaign that Mayor Stein was Jewish (he is a Christian, but is "proud of such a reputation"). He now runs the Sitka Sound Science Center, a marine research facility in Sitka, Alaska.
    Mayor Stein told OffTheBus that he didn't "think victims were billed while [he] was mayor," but that he wasn't certain. He did mention that "Wasilla participated in establishing a Sexual Assault Response Team to set-up a one-stop forensic exam room for victims," evidence of a pro-victim police department. In order to confirm his assertion about the billing policy, he recommended I contact current police chief Angella Long for confirmation. She did not return my request for comment.
    However, I was able to eventually track down Irl Stambaugh, police chief of Wasilla from the founding of the department until Sarah Palin fired him for "not fully supporting her efforts to govern." Stambaugh sued for breach of contract, but lost when a federal judge ruled that "police chiefs serve at the behest of the mayor unless otherwise specified." He later served as the executive director of the Alaska Police Standards Council.
    It turns out that Wasilla did not bill sexual assault victims for the cost of rape exams while Irl Stambaugh was chief of police. As chief, he had included a line item in the budget to pay for the cost of such exams. He had only just heard about the Mayor Palin/Chief Fannon policy today, and was just as shocked to hear about it as I was.
    Checking the budget confirmed former Chief Stambaugh's claim. He had included a contingency of ,000 in his budget for the department's 1st year of existence (1993-1994), ,000 for 1994-1995 and 1995-1996, and ,000 for his final year as police chief in 1996-1997, spending ,625.
    Duwayne Charles Fannon, his replacement, halved the budget request in 1997-1998, with a request of ,298, spending ,454. However, it seems he began the "victim pays" policy in the 1998-1999 fiscal year. That year, he requested ,000 but spent only 5. This data can be found in the Document Central section of Wasilla's website.
    The Document for the 1998-1999 fiscal year begins with a message "To the Citizens of the City of Wasilla:"
    The comprehensive annual financial report of the City of Wasilla for the fiscal year ended June 30, 1999, is hereby submitted. The City's Finance Department prepared the report. Responsibility for both the accuracy of the data, and the completeness and fairness of the presentation, including all disclosures, rests with the City. To the best of our knowledge and belief, the enclosed data is accurate in all material respects and is reported in a manner designed to fairly present the financial position and results of operations of the various funds a

    • ANSWER:
      I think it's a case of her totally failing to understand or empathize with ANYTHING outside her experience. I really do believe Atticus Finch when he says "sometimes, you just have to walk a mile in the other person's shoes..." - I don't think Sarah Palin is capable of doing that. I don't think she can understand that a 00 bill could defiantly deter some one who was just horribly violated from seeking help.

      She scares me... friends of mine tell me she literally does hate gays... I'm looking that up now....

  4. QUESTION:
    Your feelings on the Women "hook ups" issue?
    I've been hearing a lot about a book written by a woman on her beliefs that while women over recent years have grown more "independent", "freedom" even "power" especially regarding hookups/ casual sex to her it has been at a price. Casual Sex or hook ups once tied to bad boys but that this new found power has cost women the ability to know the benefits & signs of a more loving & caring relationship making women either afraid of commitment because of being scared or the belief that commitment will some how take away this new independence & hold her back. She believes that while its good that women have gained this freedom she worries about what seems to be the lack to see the “signs” or benefits of a real loving relationship.
    She says that it seem women still want the fairy tale relationship but accepted that it’s just a Fairytale & settled for casual sex as ok but when offered a potential real relationship they see it as negative instead of the positive. Often running from it preventing them from finding that happiness & fairytale. Do you agree? Women especially. Hope I have not offended anyone.
    I see your point but am torn as to the drama I mean drama is unavoidable but yet it can often come in large amount especially when younger. I've always sort of tried to keep sex in the background not because I dont love it but because I think that's often where most of the drama comes from. I guess I can see why that might be bad but relationships are ruined because of drama & most of the drama can be avoided for the most part I think. I've just heard & seen to many women appear to run from good things even things they talk about wanting & yet can't understand why it seems so simply.

    • ANSWER:
      The lack of equality on this issue in the first place was due to socialization; men were afforded freedom to do as they wished whilst women were not. Now women can do what they want and act as they wish, just like men. This is not the problem; this is the solution. Equality is paramount. We are all human.

  5. QUESTION:
    He's not that into me?
    It's a bit long and I would really appreciate your reading.

    I know it's all up to my own judgment, but I wanna have more inputs on my bf (or whoever, we're sort of on a break, I've just moved back home) of 2 months. He's much older and we were colleagues.

    We're not 'in love', we never said the L word to each other (he said to me once when we had a fight and I was about to dump him). But I obviously have some feelings for him. I'm not sure how he feels about me.

    positive signs
    1. Extremely nice (cooks, cleans, pays for every meal, bought me groceries when I didn't even ask, polished my boots, bought me new boots, took me to the hospital, always goes to the restaurants/places I want and cooks whatever I want to eat etc.)
    2. good memory (my bd, my favourites, my work stuff, whatever I said)
    3. Although the relationship started with sex (and I originally intended it to be a one night stand but he kept asking me out afterwards), he has shown intimate gestures outside sex (frequent kisses on the forehead, eskimo kiss, holding hand, massage my whole body)
    4. carried my suitcases and saw me off at the airport after I decided to come home,we kissed as a couple and as if I would just be on a short trip
    5. honest in a sense of telling me everything about his previous relationships (even though they were somtimes promiscuous - an affair with a married woman, past experiences with hookers)

    negative signs
    1. Still lives with another woman, but insists that they're finished for a while before he met me. It was a long term thing so he can't kick her out (she has her own place) neither can he brought me in.
    EXTREMELY FISHY I know, but his argument has a point. How could he spend nights/weekends with me then if they were still 'together'? I went to his holiday house and he came to my place. He kept saying she has already moved some of her stuff back, but a month has passed, SHE'S STILL THERE!!
    2. Inconsistency: he was the one who OFFERED to me to move in with him (cos I'm a foreigner) to solve the apartment issue. I accepted his offer and gave up my accommodation, turned out, I still couldn't move in cos SHE'S STILL THERE!! Why bothered offering then?
    3. He promised to give her the deadline, but couldn't promise I would be able to move in right away when I come back next month.
    4. unlike most guys, he appreciated my looks more than my brain.
    5. He seems emotionally detached at times (like lack of surprise that I decided to come home), but maybe it's just his personality and his age.
    6. He's almost 50 and has never been married and had kids, obviously he has commitment issues. He said i was too impatient with the pace of our relationship. He said he has only me since he met me but he still felt pushed by my approach to commitment.

    but before you say anything, we both used each other for sex, not just him...but it doesn't mean there aren't feelings involved...I just wonder if it will develop into something deeper.

    THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

    • ANSWER:
      well sounds to me all thoe negative points are genuine negative points that is causing all the problems.

      however all the positive points seem to small and trivial that they are not positive ones really, they seem to be the ones u say to urself to make urself feel good. agree? 10 of those positive points outweigh one of ur negative ones. u need to find 100 more postive ones of those level.

      understand? are u fooling urself?

  6. QUESTION:
    Will he ever commit?
    I've been dating this guy for a little over a year now. He is in the army and just told me that he signed up for Special Forces training. Something he really wants to do! Which would involve him having to move to the east cost! We love each other. He says it. I say it. He says that he wants to help me raise my daughter. She isn't his. But he's been with me sense she was 2 moths old. He is very sweet to me and my girl. We are family! Says he cares for US a lot. If he makes the training. He will be gone for 2 years. But he says he'll be back. He has had commitment issues in the past. The last girl asked for a ring right before he went to boot camp.He said he wasn't ready for that and went off to the army. she later cheated on him with his best friend. Does my man use running away, to get away from woman that want commitment? Is my man afraid of commitment. Or just being cautious.... We are serious about each other. But i just cant stop thinking about needing some kind of reassurance! He says time will tell if we're meant to be. Am I just a toy for the army guy?

    I need this relationship to be validated before he goes. So i can have some peace that he wont go shopping for something else.

    • ANSWER:
      military love is probably the hardest thing ever.. im sure hes scared. it happened to him while he was away. i mean yeah hes gonna be gone for 2 years.. and sometimes women cant take that. so they find someone else because its convineant and their closer. 2 years is such a long time to wait for someone to come home and it makes me so sad to even hear that. if your willing to wait for him and remain faithful. then tell him. i dont know what kind of "reassurance" he can give you but his word.. :( myabe he will pop the question before he leaves. other than that.. your gonna have to trust him.. & vice versa.

  7. QUESTION:
    He said there's a lot on his mind and that I "deserve more than he can give me right now" Hmmmm. ?
    We've been dating almost 4 months. He's 34, never been married, admits to commitment issues, has said from the beginning that I am a different kind of woman than he usually dates, (in a good way) and wanted to try for something more serious with me. First 3 months were wonderful, seeing each other every other day, talking 2 or 3 times a day by phone (him making most of the calls). About 3 weeks ago, I noticed a definite change, going out with his friends more, seeing me less (2 or 3 times a week), and calling less, (once per day or texting and not calling.) There have been no arguments or drama though he had talked alot about "how did he end up with a good woman" and "what am I going to do with you?" Monday, (2 nights ago), he hadn't called all day, though he had texted. So I called him late that evening, to which he sent the call to voice-mail, and I texted to ask if he was okay. He replies with " A lot is on his mind so he's been laying low by himself and that I deserve so much more than he can give me right now." I ask if there was someone else, to which he replied "NO!" I replied that "I truly cared for him more than he knew and would give him some space, that if he wanted to break things off I'd respect that but I think it would be a loss for both of us." He didn't reply to the text but called yesterday just to say "hello" and texted today commenting on it being a "nice day." I'll also mention that he has a history of addiction, (alcohol/substance abuse) and there are a few signs of perhaps a relapse in that area of his life, although he tries to keep it from me. What do you think's really going on with him and what should I do? I have not initiated contact since my "serious" text Monday night. Thanks for the help!

    • ANSWER:
      He is old enough to know what he wants, unless his judgment is clouded by drugs or alcohol, or an ex. You may care too much about him, and this would make you codependent. It's hard to explain. If you love someone with an addiction, be very wary of getting serious. Only you can decide if you can continue this relationship.
      He may be hiding behind a bottle, as they say. And you cannot rescue him from his addiction.

  8. QUESTION:
    Is he just letting me down easy or does this "you deserve more" line ring true?
    We've been dating almost 4 months. He's 34, never been married, admits to commitment issues, has said from the beginning that I am a different kind of woman than he usually dates, (in a good way) and wanted to try for something more serious with me. First 3 months were wonderful, seeing each other every other day, talking 2 or 3 times a day by phone (him making most of the calls). About 3 weeks ago, I noticed a definite change, going out with his friends more, seeing me less (2 or 3 times a week), and calling less, (once per day or texting and not calling.) There have been no arguments or drama though he had talked alot about "how did he end up with a good woman" and "what am I going to do with you?" Monday, (2 nights ago), he hadn't called all day, though he had texted. So I called him late that evening, to which he sent the call to voice-mail, and I texted to ask if he was okay. He replies with " A lot is on his mind so he's been laying low by himself and that I deserve so much more than he can give me right now." I ask if there was someone else, to which he replied "NO!" I replied that "I truly cared for him more than he knew and would give him some space, that if he wanted to break things off I'd respect that but I think it would be a loss for both of us." He didn't reply to the text but called yesterday just to say "hello" and texted today commenting on it being a "nice day." I'll also mention that he has a history of addiction, (alcohol/substance abuse) and there are a few signs of perhaps a relapse in that area of his life, although he tries to keep it from me. What do you think's really going on with him and what should I do? I have not initiated contact since my "serious" text Monday night. Thanks for the help!

    • ANSWER:
      I think there are 2 real answers to whats going on.
      1. Hes got someone else or want to go play the field more (lost the kick of not playing the field. )
      2. Hes using again or almost did.
      And you have 3 options, go were he normally goes (if you know were that is) and spy. Or call him up and say ok what gives once and for all (what I would recommend). Or just throw your hand up in the air and see what happens. (the hardest of them all if you ask me) But the way that hes acting I would say maybe hes not feeling it as much as you are. But he wants to kind of keep you in waiting like hes got something else going on. Good luck hope it works out!

  9. QUESTION:
    Single female 27-31 yrs old...... bad sign ?
    I'm sorry if anyone reading this falls into this category it is not meant to stereotype it is just largely my own observations.

    I'm a 26 yr old male and I've talked to females in the early twenties to early thirties.

    Initially I found some younger females (22-24) to have maturity issues so I broadened my spectrum to women in their late twenties to early thirties.

    Unfortunately I've found that the latter group has commitment issues and also some of the older females really have expections that may not be realistic because no guy is a model/wealth trust baby/neurosurgeon all at once (yes I'm kidding).

    It is different for a male to be in hat position due to the gender roles in society but females are largely pursued and usually I've noticed marry by 28,29.

    I'm not making a broad statement because I'm sure some women have literally had the luxury to meet the worst guys out there but it's kinda a red flag to me and makes me wonder why they are still single.

    • ANSWER:
      Not a bad sign, it just defintiely comes with baggage of sum sort like u exampled, lol...Just like Dory said in Finding Nemo, lol...Just keep swimming. U will find the right one.

  10. QUESTION:
    In the future will there be double families?
    I, ...being a thinker and all, have thought of a concept which just might mark the beginning of a revolution in the way we look at families. Perhaps in the future, two men and two women (preferably bisexual) would all marry each other. can step in as marriage partners at both weddings, then just do their business behind closed doors. They would sign a regular contract but later agree on cheating on each other within their circle.....This would dramatically lower the number of cases of HIV given that the individuals will have freedom of choice and therefore will not try to cheat outside their circle and end up catching an STD from someone else as a result........and they'd also be able to have babies but within their individual families of which they choose. so that way they can procreate if they wanted to...... now i fully understand that some would say that my idea is absurd and it would never happen, and that it may also cause a number of commitment issues .I'm just saying ..wouldn't you want more than one spouse?

    • ANSWER:
      polygamy isn't new. mormons were doing it more than a century ago. muslims have been practicing it forever. and wild orgies date back at least to the romans and probably much earlier.

  11. QUESTION:
    Why is he doing this?
    I work with a guy who I like, as a friend and more, but we haven't been able to take things further as he is currently in a relationship (a very unstable one). We flirt like crazy but it's just how we are. When he and his girlfriend broke up again last month he admitted to her that he was attracted to me. She's a very jealous woman so the consequences have been quite big. She'll always turn up at our work when she knows we're both on shift, he's not allowed to contact me at all, had to delete me from social networking sites etc etc ... I can understand her reactions, but I can't understand him. I may be starting to see another guy, as I haven't got any attachments. The friend I work with knows this, as we're quite close, but he seems to have to put little jibes in where he can. This guy turned up when I was on shift the other night and gave me a kiss goodnight. My friend couldn't stop making little comments about my 'new boyfriend' ... He just wouldn't stop, knowing that I have commitment issues that mean it'll be a very long time before I could consider anyone a boyfriend. Then he'll say things that nearly compare himself to the guy I'm seeing ... such as what they look like, how they make me feel (my friend knows he's one of the only guys I'm ever completely myself around). This morning he even said maybe I should spend some more time single, bearing in mind I've been single for two and a half years! After he said that he continued to mess around with me, which resulted in him signing his name on the back of my neck, so 'it could be seen' that he was there ...??? Is this a protection thing for being a friend? Or a jealousy thing? And if it is, does he have a right to be jealous when he goes home to a girlfriend each night??
    If this doesn't make much sense, I'm sorry, I'm trying to make sense of it all myself!!

    • ANSWER:
      You shouldn't be held back by a guy definitely when he goes home to his girlfriend every night just forget about this guy friend and go date other guys, If he really wanted to be with you im sure he would be forward about it and dump his gf for you

  12. QUESTION:
    I need help, I went through my boyfriend/fiance's iphone and found some painful surprises...?
    Background:
    So my fiancee purposed valentines day in Seattle 2010, we have been really good friends for 5 years. He has always had a crush on me but I didn't want any kind of commitment, I wanted to be free. He is an amazing guy but he is wild and loves to impress the ladies because of self worth issues. He has only had 2 major relationships: 1st the girl cheated all the time, couldnt keep her legs closed, had multiple abortions...you get the idea, so he started cheating. 2nd the girl was overbearing and emasculated him, basicaly made him feel like b*tch boy, she would stay at her x boyfriends house but "nothing happened. She was cheating, so in turn he cheated back. This behavior gave him issues with women. I always came to the rescue, offered my encouraging words and a good shoulder to lean on. He became lost in the drinking and partying, broken heart and all, I felt really bad for him. He always has to be center of attention, but it can be funny and entertaining. We really bonded and were very close, personaly and emotionaly, I was the only woman he could trust. But I saw his ways when he got drunk with the girls, very flamboyant, very flirtatious and very loose with his words...party animal and a social butterfly.

    After 5 years of friendship he finally got me, we both very indie, love music, traveling, very artistic, we are both extremely emotional and passionate specially twords each-other. We are amazing together, but im haunted by his ways and with very good reason, The first part of our relationship was really rocky and there was a lot of pain, hurt and disrespect. I couldn't deal with how he acted as my boyfriend when we went out, when we were friends that was a completely different story, I could care less. But being his girlfriend it was disrespectful to me and made me look like one of those stupid girls that follows their boyfriends like a lost puppy, it was sooo dumb. But now we are wonderful, we have found our nitch, figured out a way to communicate wonderfully, we don't fight and we respect on another. Things really couldn't be better.

    So here is the deal;

    I was playing on the apps on his iphone, he was on the computer playing one of his online man games. I got curious and decided to look through his text messages...

    1st message I found was from 6 months ago telling a girl he met; "my friend is just mad cause she wants to be with me but I dont want nothing to do with her like that". We were heavily involved, he had begged me to stay with him right before this incident confessing his undying love for me. He denied me, made me look stupid and like a crazy obsessed stalker chick...umm no, not going to fly, I will chew him up and spit him out. When really I was mad cause he ditched me and took off to the bar, I couldn't go I was throwing a party at my house, he just mobbed out.

    2nd message I found was to another girl about 4 months ago, the girl asked "is that your girlfriend with you?" he replied "Oh god no, she is just a friend, so what are you doing later?" at that time he was begging me to move out with him.

    3rd message was less than 2 months ago right before Christmas of "09", the text read "hey I dont know if you remember who I am but I was wondering if you want to meet up and go for coffee sometime or maybe a beer". The number wasn't saved and apparently it was some random chick he met. At that time we were talking marriage, I found this last night, he purposed on valentines day a week ago.

    Being it was his iphone his hot mail was automatically signed in, I found many random conversations with many different women through out our relationship, including pictures from women that read look and it this one I just shaved...you get the idea.

    I trusted in him, his love for an old friend, maybe that was my downfall. I had my suspicions, I had to make sure I wasn't being thrown under the bus.

    Now I am engaged to a man that is somewhat living a double life, I feel like its disgusting, but I cant tell him, I was the asshole that didn't respect his privacy that he trusted me with.

    I need an opinion that isn't bias, if I leave him he couldn't live with it, I don't know if I could but I cant marry someone that is doing this, specially trying to hook up with some random girl less than two months before he knew he was going to ask me to marry him...

    What the hell am I going to do, I need some major help, major help.

    • ANSWER:
      You will not be happy from here on out. You should walk away now - as hard as it seems, it's the best decision. You will live with this guy always curious about that text, call or email he just received. It can drive you nuts!

      Been there and done that. It's a waste of time. It is good that you have stumbled across this now so you can do something before it is too late. Yes, we should not be going through their things, but it is the same way I found out and was able to leave, and I am glad I did. And although it is difficult to do, you deal with it for a few weeks, get over it will be glad later you did it. I contemplated the whole "pity stay" I'm too far into this struggle, but in the end it just was not worth it. I'm with a wonderful person now and it feels good not wondering what is going on in his inbox.

  13. QUESTION:
    Did you feel pressured to take your husband's name?
    A friend of mine is getting married this weekend and is very upset about giving up her name. Myself and others have told her she can keep her name or hyphenate it, but she doesn't want to do that. It's almost like she feels it's just something she has to accept whether she likes it or not. She made a comment about it being a sign of commitment. Well, if commitment is the issue, her husband could just as easily take her name. What are your thoughts on this? Why is it such a big deal for a woman to take her husband's name?

    • ANSWER:
      yes

  14. QUESTION:
    Please help with my essay on baby abandonment?
    Any suggestions would be great (;

    One major issue that has occured in the United States in the past and is still occurioccurredy is baby abandonment, a/k/a "baby dumping." It may apply any time a child is left without appropriate supervision for extended periods of time. Hearing babies becoming abandoned is heartbreaking. There could be many reasons to the causes of this action. One, the baby was not planned. Therefore, the parents may not have been ready either mentally or financially, and decide to leave the baby. Two, many people are against abortion, which lead to many unwanted babies being born. Three, the woman may have fear of rejection from a boyfriend, friend, or family member if they keep the baby. Some psychiatrists believe that young mothers can become overwhelmed by the presence of something that they were in denial of for nine months, as well as the father not being supportive. The best way to end is by giving women more education about sex and it's outcomes, and to provide planning for those who need it. It has been estimated that there are over 50 babies abandoned daily across the United States, which adds up to over 20,000 babies a year.. many of which do not survive.
    One way to solve this issue is by encouraging women who decide to not keep their babies to follow the Safe Haven Act (depending on each state). For example, The Safe Haven Act of Massachusetts of 2004 allows a parent to legally surrender newborn infants 7 days old or younger with no signs of neglect to a designated hospital, police station, or fire station without facing prosecution. The parent will be encouraged to provide information to help in planning the future care of the baby, but is not required. Once the newborn is medically screened, it will be placed in a Department of Social Services foster or adoptive home. The Safe Haven Act of Massachusetts partnered with a few other associations, creating a multimedia campaign informing state residents about the new law. Their toll-free hotline recieves an averaging 50 calls per month.
    Another way to solve this issue is following Project Cuddle, founded by Debbe Magnusen and her husband David. The goal of this non-profit organization is to save as many babies' lives as possible, with a strong commitment to help any pregnant girl or woman. They do not charge any money to the girls or their families. It also offers a 24-hour crisis hotline. To date, they have rescured 564 babies from being abandoned. They give women a chance to choose an adoptive family for their baby, making sure they have made a decision they are comforable with allowing them to move on with their lives. About 60% of women call Project Cuddle for assistance in raising their babies.They strongly believe that no baby deserves to die before it has had a chance to live.
    Although today there are many ways to solve this issue, many babies who are saved and do grow up into adulthood often continue to wonder about their origins. These "foundlings" may or may not ever find out who their birth parents are, or why they were abandoned. Their past remains a complete mystery, along with a missing part of their identity. This often causes grief to some whose parents' never decide to step up. The best way to solve this issue is by preventing unwanted babies in the first place. One way is by showing women or girls how difficult it is to care for a child, being offered through a "Real Skillz Parenting Course." The woman or teen is given a programmed baby that will cry periodically for various reasons, in which they have to solve in order to make the doll stop crying. Another way is by working with parents to educate their children about sex and all of its consequences. Finally, a third option is abstinence education. Abstaining from sex is the most effective way of preventing not only unwanted births, but also any other diseases that a person may receive from having sex.
    In conclusion, baby abandonment is a huge reoccurring issue in the United States. The foremost reason in preventing this issue from happening is to save the lives of babies. Every baby deserves a chance to live. The first and second way help to solve the problem that women face when they do not know what to do with their unwanted baby. However, the third way ends up becoming the best way because it prevents unwanted babies to be born at all. Educating women in pregnancy helps them to make better and wiser decisions, lowering the rate of infant deaths and abandonments each year.
    Sorry that it's so long... T__T

    • ANSWER:

  15. QUESTION:
    Calling all psychologists, counselors, and kind-hearted people: So...want to hear the story of my life?
    I need help. I am just confused and at a loss. So if anyone wants to listen and give advice, then here you go!
    To start off, I'll let you know that I am a mixed guy half black and half asian. Not a big deal...well not through grade school, but as you get older people start making assumptions about you become stereotypical and believe what they want to believe about other people and I've first hand experienced this type of sad behavior. Anyway, dad was in the military, he hardly was ever home, mom was a stay-at-home mom raising 3 kids, I was the youngest (two older sisters). Still to this day even though my dad is in the same house, I don't think we've ever held a conversation, never taught me how to shave, about cars, women, LIFE. My mom, any little thing wrong we would get whooped or lectured for hours to the point I remember I was truly frightened of her. Then she would cook dinner and pretend nothing ever happened like giving us food was suppose to renew things. I was raised as a naive kid, kept on a tight leash. I was always good in school - gifted program, and honors society. In high school I was in at least 10 clubs and programs including football, math team, business and engineering clubs. But the main reason I did all of these was because I never wanted to be home...my parents fought enough to the point my mind couldn't handle. Have you heard your parents yell, "Your mom's a ****** whore" "You're a stupid ******" "Get out before I call the cops" to eachother while dishes and tvs smashed in the background? I called the police once or twice, once I even took out a baseball bat and told them I would start smashing things if they don't stop. Now don't get me wrong, they really are loving people (unless im in denial? and how would I know what love is anyway) but horrible parents. Out of high school I went to a local private university for engineering all expenses paid, stayed at home thought things would be better, (and well the truth is I went to school to study electrical engineering so I could learn how to build robots that killed people. I wonder where I got an idea like that, how could anyone be so sick?)but the factors in life at the time were just overwhelming to the point I stopped going to classes and focused my attention on keeping my sanity. Well I lost my scholarships, so I had to pay out of pocket for community college. Understand, at this point in time, I pretty much just mentally blocked out my family instead of pretending all the time I was happy.

    Well, since I never wanted to be home, I was always out, slowly entering the night scene, meeting people that maybe I never should have. Started smoking, doing drugs, drinking, sex, all that good stuff. Got myself into trouble with the law, jailtime, kicked out the house, etc. The past two years is all a blur to me, now I am back living with them, they are trying to be better, they don't fight as much. The thing is they blame me and other people for whats happened to me. I feel they aren't sympathetic to the fact of what I've been through because of them. And I just can't let it go, I can't drop it because its a whole lifetime of pain and confusion. And now as I'm getting older the world just doesn't seem like a good place anymore, I have trust, commitment, and self-esteem issues (just to name a few). I'm on a rollercoaster of depression, anxiety, stress, short-term memory, I don't talk to anyone anymore, I feel isolating myself is best for now. So add dissociation on top of that. I just can't be happy. I can only find temporary relief by listening to music or going out to a club or something, but now they just tell me not to go out, because they think only BAD people are out at night. Well I'm six months sober now, back in school, moving to a new city, new people, and trying to hang on to the motivation and hope that I've got. All of this I'm paying for with a personal private loan of ,000. No help from parents, they didn't even want to sign a guarantor form which all college students are required for student housing. Let me conclude with the fact that through all this time, never in my life had a gf, reasons being in high school I somehow had the idea I always wanted to be settle with a job, car, my own place etc. so I can treat her good. After hs, as you know things got turned upside down, and the ladies left in this town were pretty much trashy anyway. And I wasn't exactly in the right mentality.

    I'm 21 now, the entire past 5 years I worked fulltime, two of the years at a professional jewellers as manager-on-duty while completing my associates. I've been a man of oppressed feelings and emotion, no true friends, and on top of that, through it all, my folks think I'm a scumbag, they look at me funny, like I'm a freak "What went wrong" kinda look. When I'm not home...I'm happy. No one causes problems for me outside of home. I try to stay neutral as far as most everything in life. I have an eclectic personality and get along with mostly everybody, except doctors, they tend to look at me like I'm scum. I guess I don't know how to talk to them? I never identified with any religion but its always been hard for me to believe theres a supreme being, and I don't let anyone get to close to me. I'm just so confused about everything at this point in life and sometimes my head feels like its going to explode. Probably much like yours after reading all of this.

    Now this here is just way too long and if anyone took the time to throroughly read it, then I am truly thankful for your time and thoughtfulness. I am open for your thoughts, opinions, and suggestions. Would you suggest seeing a school counselor? Everyone always told me I am going to be something great one day, but I just don't know anymore. Thanks everyone.
    I am an accounting undergrad. Its tough, I have no one that supports me, I am nothing like a "typical accounant"

    Im stressed because I took out this loan and am depending on finishing my degree when I am already on academic probation, have no more course forgivenesses and everyone claims accounting is one of the hardest majors next to pre-med. I feel I can do it, but who knows, one slip and thats it for me. I have no extra lives left.
    and its mainly when im at home that i feel like this. I feel unappreciated, misunderstood, and not good enough when Im home. Hopefully the new setting will encourage me
    and I feel because what I've been through, I won't be able to relate to others. Like they'll look at me as if I'm a loser too. *sigh* my entire life is like finding out theres no santa clause over and over again...so depressing... ok sorry im done with the writing

    • ANSWER:
      Let's put it this way, your parents can see what you're going through, they're your parents, I don't think they're that blind. However, they would prefer blaming what happened on you instead. Why? because if they took the blame, it would be like admitting they're bad parents who screwed up their kids life, so it seems like they would rather lie to themselves. The thing is, nobody will truely understand you but yourself. You grew up without good & understanding parents, you can live your whole life without them. You're going toward the right path there trying to get that degree on accounting. You say you feel like you can do it, but one slip and thats it for you. That's pretty tough there in your part, because it's like if you get that degree, you can start all over and go on with your life, but if you don't, you're screwed. If it's like a 50/50, don't do it, one mistake and your whole life will be affected. But if you really really feel like you can do it like you said, work very hard and go for it. You're doing this for your own good. You made your mistakes and you learned from it. Forgive yourself, move on. It's a part of life. You have your whole future ahead of you. Get that degree, show everyone who looked down on you what you can do. Anyways, the first thing you said was "I need help." Right now I think you have the ability to help yourself out, just need hopes and motivations. I suggest you should get the degree first then decide to see a counsilor later. As for your parents, there's no point of trying to make them understand you, they know or at least have a clue, they're just lying to themselve, its not worth it. There are still good things/people out there in the world. Don't give up!!!

      I wish the best luck to you! Honestly.

  16. QUESTION:
    Has my boyfriend lost interest in our relationship. Is he looking for something else?
    We have been dating for 6 months. It has been a rocky relationship. First, he was emotionally unavailable and commitment shy. Also, he was still talking to his ex wife, and his 20 year old daughter had issues with him seeing a woman. We have overcome these hurdles to an extent. But lately, he has withdrawn and doesn't seem to want to put any energy into our relationship. A few weeks ago, I came across some emails to another woman in which he was telling her he had been chasing a woman for awhile, but she turned out to be a dud. He tells her he misses her. She replies she missed him to and called him "My cowboy". He swears it was just harmless flirting, but there are other signs too. We have had a strong sexually healthy relationship, and he has degressed in this area drastically. Not only does he not make advances or loving touch me very often, but he rejects my advances. We still have sex, but it's not as often or as loving. Admittidly, I do worry and obsess about what he's doing, and I know it's driving him crazy. But he's given me plenty of signs and signals. He does really strange things, like get up in the middle of the night, set his alarm for the middle of the night , and on occasion leaves. The last 2 mornings in a row, when his alarm goes of in the morning, He has reset it for 9:30, when I questioned him about it, he became defensive and told me he was still asleep, It was just a coincidence that it was for 9:30 both times, and I was crazy. On the other hand, we spend alot of time together, he calls everyday, and we're together most nights. He tells me he loves me and I believe he does, but my instincts are telling something's wrong. He spends hours at a time on the computer instead of going to bed. I don't know what he's doing, and he's secretive about his emails. Two of our friends have had dreams that he was with another woman and dumped me. I don't believe that these dreams are neccessarilly true, but I wonder if they see signs that I am trying to ignore and these dreams are a result of that. Confused.

    • ANSWER:
      WOW....well all i can tell you is this ,well first of all i need to say i've been there and done that...so that being said..he will ALWAYS talk to his ex they have a daughter together ,and yes they will always have something to say about who he's with..good or bad.anyways,i really think you should just sit down w/him and just talk things out,instead of why are you doing this and doing that ,all that does is make them frustrated .you need answers soo just sit w/him and get those answers .and are you really ready for all this drama?lhope thins work out.

  17. QUESTION:
    Was I wrong to grow attached to my online friend?
    A few months ago I terminated association with a person I had been online friends with for close to 2 years. I have since picked up the pieces of my ego and made my peace with the situation. His behavior put me through an emotional rollercoster for several weeks.

    Last summer, in an effort to be more sociable exchanged contact information with this person and since then we would talk almost every night. We did not have a romantic relationship as he claimed he did not get want to get involved in another (after having 3 past failures), and this was ok as I was glad just to have another person to talk to. Both of us had a lot in common and we both considered ourselves to be aromantic, that is people that have a very low to non-existent sex drives. We met in a forum on the subject.

    Flash forward a couple of months later and I learned he was seeing/speaking to other women....
    Still okay, after all we were just friends, but I started to feel as though I was being strung along on some kind of ego trip. This played on my fears, as I have a history of BAD friendships. I recalled our relationship before and after we started chatting online. I came to the realization that if we weren't discussing things of a sexual nature he showed little interest in me. I confronted him about this, he sort of laughed it off and told me that he thought very highly of me, that I had helped cheer him up during his darker moments (he also subtly implied that he thought I was attractive as well)....all of which failed to sequester my fears that I was being used as his personal "pick-me-up" and the confidant I thought I had gained was truly just a pretense.

    One of the women he was speaking to was due to meet him in person. Though he claimed he was not romantically interested in her anymore because of her overt sexuality.When the time arrived in which the friend came to visit, I spoke with him on the matter. By his own concession he did not have feelings for her and was concerned about any sexual advances she would make. He asked me to sign online at night during the duration of her stay.
    .....
    Three days passed without a word from him. All the while I waited for him patiently, worried that something disastrous had happened.

    Then suddenly one evening he IM'ed me. He told me only that this woman was VERY beautiful (he made a great deal in describing her beauty) and that he enjoyed her stay thus far. Almost immediately he left me but not before asking me to sign on again the next night.
    I did not.
    Much to my surprise, the following day I read on his personal blog that he had sexual relations with her. =/

    ....I could not describe how utterly foolish I felt. To know that while I waited for him for three days, he was busy having his cock sucked by a stranger. A woman he said he found annoying, but obviously liked enough to engage in sexual relations with. WHICH is further upsetting because of his views on sexuality. He'd completely abandoned his self-stated beliefs for a pretty face!

    I told myself before hand that I would not care if he did fool around with her, as it was none of my business, but the quickness with which this transpired, coupled with my existing insecurities.....made me question my own convictions. I lost faith in him. I grew upset thinking of past neglect, feeling so very naive and easily replaced. Easily led and quickly disregarded.

    After a couple of days I decided I could no longer allow myself to make the same mistakes. I wrote him the following:

    "I am sorry to have to say this, but I do not think I can continue to communicate with you anymore.
    To be honest, I should have done this sooner but since it is a new year I need to make an earnest commitment to my resolutions. One of which was to work on boundary issues. I have a problem setting boundaries for myself which make me feel as though I let people walk on me, not that you did, but in essence I involved a total stranger into my drama. And for what sake? I said things I had no business saying, yes it was fun, but I have to set limits for myself. It's a matter of self-respect.

    I don't want you to feel as though I'm placing any blame. Clearly, you are a victim.
    In retrospect, if we weren't talking about something involving sex, we had nothing to talk about. Even before I sent you that first IM, we didn't comment much on each others entries. It was all rather shallow, and you gave no indication that you wished to speak. I don't know why I did it, perhaps because I wanted to get to know another Asexual; or perhaps because last year I wasn't thinking in depth. I did many impulsive things last year, much to my chagrin. I'm just ashamed to have involved some innocent bystander. For that I feel very, very foolish.

    That's all I have to say. I wish you all the best. You are a kind person."

    He responded by telling me simply that he did not feel the same way in regards to the s
    the situation, but that he respected my feelings. About a week went by without communication, but I could not help but be concerned for his welfare. Within the 2 years that were acquainted I glimpsed into his void. Enough that I worried he'd end his life someday, and as someone that had been in that position before felt obliged to show him remorse. We both led pretty stressful lives and I cared to much to simply stop talking to him.

    I decided to contact him again and make amends. Things returned to normal, until one day during a conversation I asked him the following question:

    "Why do you like this girl?"

    He said simply "well...she's pretty and she seems devoted".
    it was then that I asked the question I had long wanted to ask, but knew I would soon regret. I said "I'd like to know what it is you seem to think I lack..."

    This took him completely be surprise as he said he didn't think there was a possibility of a romantic relationship as I was (and still consider myself) aromantic. I argued that I had long told him I was trying my hand in dating, in fact I was even seeing this person at the moment. I am an adult now and am more open to the idea of having a romantic relationship with someone. It was he that would continuously talk about how he didn't want to involve himself with another person. Something he seemed to have quickly dismissed.

    We came to a consensus, we would just remain friends and we wouldn't let this newfound revelation interfere with that.
    But it was easier said then done, a few days after I told him that I needed to have serious conversation on the matter, that I couldn't just sweep it all under the rug. I needed him to voice his thoughts....
    instead he excused himself with a "brb", and I thought he'd do jut that be-right -back...
    HE LEFT FOR TWO HOURS TO GO PLAY PS3...
    What kind of sensible individual does that? Disappears for two hours while I am in the middle of a conversation with you. Suffice to say I was ******* LIVID.
    And yet again, I swallowed my anger. Even joked about the matter. We continued to carry on our conversations, but I was still very resentful towards him in the way he handled the situation. I told him I didn't think I could continue to carry on in the same manner. I told him I thought it was wiser if we just remained friends via FB etc.. and discontinue instant messaging services.
    The following day he sent me this message:

    "Hey, listen:
    I feel like we've reached the point on our e-friendship where I feel i should re-analyze the situation.
    Here's where you seem to be: you seem to be attached to a person whom you've never met and, now that all of this happened, never will. Here, on the other hand, is where I stand: I completely and utterly lack any interest in your psychosis and affection. When I told you that I have someone, I meant just that.

    I don't need anyone else. Thanks for playing.

    So here's what we're going to do: I, since I lost all interest in talking to you, am going to stop; and you will need to put on your big girl pants, face that fact and leave me well alone. We're done here. It's been nice meeting you, not so nice knowing you, and marvelous ending this friendship. I wish you nothing. Have a life."
    The day after that, I received a message from a random stranger. Someone I had never spoken too, presumably a friend of his.

    "Girl, you are insane. You are stark. Raving. Mad. Your pure unadulterated level of BATSHIT has been leaking like a goddamn sieve for months now. I mean, sweet motherfuck. Yeah we don't know each other, but craziness is always lol, and I like lols.

    My thing mostly is, do you actively try to maintain this level of, as my grandmother would say, "nutty as a fruitcake"? Or does it come naturally? Either way it's impressive. Like you sold your neurons to the devil or something. Your crazy *** came straight out the pits of hell. ****.

    Anyway, have a fun time methodically alienating everyone with whom you could possibly form any sort of meaningful interpersonal connection! :) "
    My response:
    "Uhh thanks for your insight?

    You've obviously been told a skewed perspective on the situation. I don't know what you've been told. But there are always 2 sides to a story. I don't believe I've done anything "crazy" and neither do any of my friends on this side playing field.

    What I do think is absurd is the fact that he would have a total stranger message me like this. What kind of person does that? If it's over it's over. There's no need to have strangers insult me because you are too afraid to stand up for your own actions.

    Thanks for your.....advice?
    Now why don't you do the same for your "friend". Instead of criticizing and judging someone you don't know."

    I received word from a friend that he had posted something alarming on his FB page. I went to see what it was and lo and behold it read:

    "You are a ******* ugly *****. I want to stab you repeatedly and play in your blood."
    I involved myself in something I knew could cause me future grief, therefore I cannot call anyone names BUT there isn't a curse word in the English language that would suffice to describe his behavior.

    A part of me feels as though I shouldn't have said anything at all. I shouldn't have continued to ask him to sit down and have that conversation. That if I had just kept my mouth shut, things would have eventually worked themselves out. But I realize that if he's capable of wishing death upon me, lord knows what he's actually capable of doing.

    I don't mourn him as a person, I mourned the loss of a friend I thought I had. I blamed myself for growing attached and believed him when he said I was crazy. The reason why I am posting is because there's still a part of me that wonders if I deserved it. What lessons can I learn from this?

    • ANSWER:
      This has got to be one of the more interesting things I've ever read.
      Well, what can I say? Guys only know one adjective to describe ex's, or all woman in general: crazy. Don't take it personally, they're vocabulary just isn't that advanced.
      Guess he turned out to be like 97% of the male population. Sorry. I have known people on the internet and become friends with them and I can tell you that he's a piece of shit. Some people are just like that.
      You know the funny part is this sounds all too familiar. Meeting the guy on the internet, him meeting another girl, feeling jealousy when INSIDE you tell yourself it shouldn't matter he can do whatever he wants. But your a human. And you feel and even if it's insensible and wrong it happens.
      Yes, oh yes. I know this very well.
      And the solution? Looks like you got that covered. Don't talk to him, ever. Ever. Again.

      You didn't have a friend, so don't waste your time mourning. You loved what your imagination put together and he was just the canvas for that.
      And don't even THINK you deserve it. No one deserves to feel less than.
      What lesson can you learn?
      That you can survive this and come out a better person.
      Goodluck

  18. QUESTION:
    Isn't it time that we accept all Americans regardless of their sexual orientation?
    Obama pledges 'unwavering'
    support to gay causes, community

    Posted on Oct 12, 2009 | by Michael Foust

    WASHINGTON (BP)--Using some of his strongest language to date in siding with the homosexual community, President Obama told a gathering of the Human Rights Campaign Saturday that his commitment to their cause was "unwavering" and that his administration, before he leaves office, would end the military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy.

    "I'm here with a simple message: I'm here with you in that fight" for homosexual causes, Obama, the keynote speaker, told those gathered at an event held by the nation's largest homosexual activist organization. "For even as we face extraordinary challenges as a nation, we cannot -- and we will not -- put aside issues of basic equality."

    Unlike a speech delivered to homosexual leaders in June, Obama in his Oct. 10 address put no qualifiers on his pledge to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell. He did, though, repeat language in that June speech criticizing what he called "outworn arguments and old attitudes" about homosexuality -- language that was viewed by evangelicals then and now as condemning orthodox interpretations of Scripture.

    Additionally, Obama repeated his stance for overturning the 1996 federal Defense of Marriage Act -- which, if reversed, could force every state to recognize "gay marriages" from other states. He also stated his opposition to those who would "enshrine discrimination into our constitution" -- a reference to a federal marriage amendment and presumably also state marriage amendments.

    He made news by saying he would sign -- if it makes it to his desk -- a defense authorization bill that includes an amendment broadening the hate crimes law to include homosexual persons. There was some question as to whether he would sign it because it contains funding for a fighter plane engine he opposes. Conservatives say the hate crimes protections put religious liberties at risk.

    "My expectation is that when you look back on these years, you will see a time in which we put a stop to discrimination against gays and lesbians -- whether in the office or on the battlefield," Obama said. "You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men or two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman. You will see a nation that's valuing and cherishing these families as we build a more perfect union -- a union in which gay Americans are an important part. I am committed to these goals. And my administration will continue fighting to achieve them."

    Obama spoke to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) on the eve of a National Equality March in Washington that focused on homosexual issues. He thanked HRC for "the work you do every day in pursuit of equality" for those "who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender."

    "Despite the real gains that we've made, there's still laws to change and there's still hearts to open," he said. "There are still fellow citizens, perhaps neighbors, even loved ones -- good and decent people -- who hold fast to outworn arguments and old attitudes, who fail to see your families like their families, who would deny you the rights most Americans take for granted. And that's painful and it's heartbreaking. And yet you continue, leading by the force of the arguments you make, and by the power of the example that you set in your own lives -- as parents and friends, as PTA members and church members, as advocates and leaders in your communities. And you're making a difference."

    Bob Stith, the Southern Baptist national strategist for gender issues and representative of the denomination's Task Force on Ministry to Homosexuals (SBCTheWayOut.com), once again expressed frustration at how Obama characterized Christian conservatives. He also said Obama marginalized ex-gays.

    "President Obama continues to portray all who disagree with him as those who 'hold fast to outworn arguments and old attitudes,'" Stith told Baptist Press. "The inference is that if an attitude is old it must be wrong. The constitution is an old document. The Bible is older still. ... It is adherence to those timeless teachings of Scripture that has made it possible for thousands of men and women to find freedom from a struggle for which they did not ask and one from which they desperately sought freedom. If our president truly wants to end discrimination, he will be equally passionate about the discrimination these heroic people face. He will care about their stories and fight for the right for their stories to be heard. Until he does, his passion and eloquence will ring hollow."

    Obama said he and his wife Michelle sent "a message" when they "invited LGBT families to the White House to participate in events like the Easter Egg Roll." Obama's speech came one day after John Berry, a homosexual who is director of the U.S. Office of Personnel Management said the time is ripe to pass legislation favored by the
    The gay community must also take some responsibility and be respectful
    The gay community must also take some responsibility and be respectful
    I would like to see the gay community enlisted in the Medical Corps of the armed services. I see them as ideally suited for such a service.
    The gay community also have a service to give if they are so disposed in the ministry of the lord.

    • ANSWER:
      I think its a great idea. We could call it "The land of the free" (only took a couple hundred years longer)

  19. QUESTION:
    Is it possible to forgive and move on?
    Sorry this is so long...complicated situation!

    My b/f and I have been dating for 10 months. I have major trust issues from a past relationship, and in March, I went through his phone and saw that he lied about going out to a bar with a co-worker (his boss' boss) one Saturday night. He claimed he was going to tell me in the morning, he was mad, and we broke up. I immediately went to therapy because I never thought I'd be that girl who went through her b/f's phone, and we got back together a day or so later.

    Things were going much better, then a month later, he broke up with me completely out of the blue. He kept saying it was better for me, I deserved better, etc., then it finally came out that he had lied about something in his past (something he had told me he did in the military that he didn't.) HE immediately went into therapy (which he had always been very opposed to since he has a Psych degree), I forgave him because I know he has a lot of issues about feeling like a failure, low self-esteem, etc., and he was elated that I forgave him and took him back.

    Again, things were going very well and a month later (last week), he broke up with me again. This time, I found out that he had hung out with a 23-yr-old female friend (we're both in our 30s) Friday afternoon while I was home (they went over to his friend's house and had a beer), AND he invited another 23-year-old co-worker out with he and his friend that Sunday night, without asking me, and lied about who was there. A friend of mine walked down the street and saw them though, so he had to fess up.

    We were broken up for a week and he called me Friday night, freaking out that he doesn't know what he's doing, I was scared, I went over, and we had a long discussion that he's afraid of commitment and no one's ever stood by him and everyone he's ever loved has left him, so he gets scared and runs away (his mom passed away 3 years ago, and his relationship with his son's mom was horrible and ended after 2 years.) He said that things were going really well, I was practically living there (which he wanted), then we went to a wedding, it all came to a head and he freaked out. He said he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, and he doesn't want to lose me. He said he knows it's messed up, but it was almost like he had to "test" me by breaking up with me all those times to see if I'd come back since no one has ever stood by him (he was in a severe car accident and had 2 surgeries 10 or so years ago and none of his friends stuck around.)

    He had therapy last night and his therapist said that it sounds like he found a good woman, he's just afraid to take it all the way because he's afraid of what bad things might happen. His friends/brothers have been telling me some things about how he's very flirtatious when he goes out, how he and the first above-mentioned 23-year-old girl have been booty call buddies for years (he swears they never slept together...he had told me they had only been friends, but with all this, he admitted that they did make out once and admitted that he did take her over to his friend's house the other day, which he admits was wrong), but part of me wonders if he's just putting on an act to be cool in front of his friends/brothers because of the self-esteem issues. None of his friends or family know that he's in therapy, he's been taught that opening up, crying, therapy, etc. are all signs of weakness...so I'm wondering if that's what's going on.

    I don't want to make excuses for him, and I don't want to be the idiot naive girl, and I definitely don't want this to happen another month down the road. I also don't want to walk away from a good guy who just has a lot of issues from his past that he needs to work out, especially when he IS making the effort by going to therapy.

    Any thoughts?
    To answer Deuce, I know for a fact that he goes to therapy because I have seen the receipts and the "homework" the dr. gives him.

    What I don't get is, if he wanted to be with these other girls, why not just be with them when he had the chance....why keep me around?
    Also, I don't think he's going elsewhere for the sex...if anything, I have the higher sex drive of the two of us...

    • ANSWER:

  20. QUESTION:
    Would you sign a petition of 'no confidence' for any politician supporting nuclear power?
    I'm having a hard time seeing any difference between Democrats and Republicans on this issue, even after the Japanese melt down. The so-called 'liberal' by the name of Mr. Barack Obama held a press conference on the day of the earthquake explaining that nuclear power is a "clean energy source." He went on to call for increased use of nuclear power. (March 11, 2011)

    There is no sign that he is backing off this policy commitment. Why should economically less advantaged people be put in harms way. This applies to a potential human species killing path with nuclear radioactive planet and depleted uranium weapons radiation subjected to our young and brave men and women in the military service.

    I have no confidence in the major parties despite the expected billion dollar plus ad campaign for president next year.

    • ANSWER:
      1. Pro-nuke and pro-war does NOT = "liberal".
      2. Given that nuclear waste remains lethally radioactive for THOUSANDS of years, yet the best containers our current technology can provide begin to deteriorate after a few HUNDRED years, nuclear power is NOT a "safe" or "clean" energy source.

  21. QUESTION:
    Why are men who don't want to marry still seen as immature in today's society?
    I’ve heard a lot of people in general say that men who don’t want to marry are immature and cowardly. Could someone please explain to me why this view is still widely held? I am having a difficult time seeing how that view is immature. Marriage is a very complicated legal contract with a myriad of legal issues associated with it. It’s no secret that the divorce rate is high, lawyers exploit splitting couples financially, and the contract gives the woman a legal advantage in several key areas. Why is it cowardly to avoid a legal contract that is harmful? Honestly, I think it’s a very intelligent thing to do (just as it’s intelligent to not jump out of a building to show how manly you are). In what way is it cowardly to tell a woman that you don’t want to get married? It takes balls to tell a woman “Look, I love you and I appreciate your presence in my life, but I’m not going to put my head on railroad tracks for you by signing an unfair and archaic legal commitment. I would be more than happy to live with you in a de facto relationship for as long as our love last.”

    Could someone please enlighten me as to why so many people still hold those notions? I’ll give 10 points to the best answer.
    I'm not in a relationship right now. I didn't tell any woman that. But when I do get into one, that will be my response.
    What legal contract would be an acceptable substitute? No legal contract at all is my answer. Two people should be together on the basis of love alone and nothing more. Guys are iffy about marriage because they want to keep what they work for.

    • ANSWER:
      Because there is nothing in it for us

      Feminist have ruined the family unit and now you get to reap the rewards

      Enjoy

  22. QUESTION:
    How many more lobbyists does Obama need?
    The White House Tuesday evening disclosed that almost three weeks ago the Obama administration granted ethics wavers for two additional officials who had previously worked as lobbyists. On February 20 the administration signed waivers for Jocelyn Frye, former general counsel at the National Partnership for Women & Families, and Cecilia Muñoz, the former senior vice president for the National Council of La Raza, allowing them to work on issues for which they lobbied.

    These two are in addition to deputy Defense Secretary Bill Lynn, a former Raytheon lobbyist whose waiver was granted two days after President Obama announced on January 21 what he heralded as the most sweeping ethics rules in American history -- ones that would "close the revolving door that lets lobbyists come into government freely."

    The Executive Order on Ethics Commitments by Executive Branch Personnel requires that lobbyists who become members of Obama administration will not be able to work on matters they lobbied on for two years, or in the agencies they lobbied during the previous two years. Out of approximately 800 executive branch appointments, three waivers have been granted, the Obama administration said.

    Not all of the former lobbyists entering the administration have required the formal waivers; the White House has also required incoming administration officials who worked as lobbyists to write letters of recusal, indicating issues that they will stay away from dealing with because of their previous jobs. But those letters of recusal have not yet been disclosed.

    Frye's waiver, signed by Norm Eisen, the special counsel to the President and designate agency ethics official, states that it's "in the public interest to grant the waiver because Ms. Fry's expertise in the areas in which she acted as a registered lobbyist is essential to her service to the Office of the First Lady." Frye, director of policy and projects in the Office of the First Lady, has "a particular focus on women, families and on engagement with the greater D.C. community," the White House says. Having directed the National Partnership’s Workplace Fairness Program in her previous job, she focused on "employment and gender discrimination issues, with a particular emphasis on employment barriers facing women of color and low-income women."

    Muñoz's waiver was granted also in the public interest "because Ms. Munoz's knowledge and expertise are vital to the functioning of the Office of Intergovernmental Affairs," Eisen wrote. As director of intergovernmental affairs in the Executive Office of the President, Muñoz is chief liaison to the Latino community, in addition to coordinating with state and local governments. signed by Norm Eisen, the special counsel to the President and designate agency ethics official, states that it's "in the public interest to grant the waiver because Ms. Fry's expertise in the areas in which she acted as a registered lobbyist is essential to her service to the Office of the First Lady."

    "We took the rare step of granting the waivers to Ms. Frye and Ms. Muñoz because of the importance of their respective positions and because of each woman’s unequalled qualifications for her job," Eisen said. "Each is a leading substantive expert on the relevant issue areas and each also has long-standing relationships with constituencies important to their respective offices."

    http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/03/obama-white-hou.html

    "Cecilia Muñoz, the former senior vice president for the National Council of La Raza"

    From Michelle Malkin's blog, May 6, 2008:

    10. La Raza supports driver’s licenses for illegal aliens.

    9. La Raza supports in-state tuition discounts for illegal alien students that are not available to law-abiding US citizens and law-abiding legal immigrants.

    8. La Raza opposes cooperative immigration enforcement efforts between local, state, and federal authorities.

    7. La Raza sponsors militant ethnic nationalist charter schools subsidized by your public tax dollars, including the “Aztlan Academy” in Tucson, AZ, the Mexicayotl Academy in Nogales, AZ, and Academia Cesar Chavez Charter School in St. Paul, Minn.

    6. La Raza gives mainstream cover to a poisonous subset of ideological satellites, led by Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano de Aztlan, or Chicano Student Movement of Aztlan (MEChA), which the late GOP Rep. Charlie Norwood rightly characterized as “a radical racist group…[and] one of the most anti-American groups in the country, which has permeated U.S. campuses since the 1960s, and continues its push to carve a racist nation out of the American West.”

    5. La Raza opposes a secure fence on the southern border.

    4. Former La Raza president Raul Yzaguirre, Hillary Clinton’s Hispanic outreach advisor said this:

    “US English is to Hispanics as the Ku Klux Klan is to blacks.” He was referring to US English the nation’s oldest, largest citizens’ action group dedicated to preserving the
    4. Former La Raza president Raul Yzaguirre, Hillary Clinton’s Hispanic outreach advisor said this:

    “US English is to Hispanics as the Ku Klux Klan is to blacks.” He was referring to US English the nation’s oldest, largest citizens’ action group dedicated to preserving the unifying role of the English language in the United States.

    La Raza also pioneered Orwellian open-borders Newspeak and advised the Mexican government on how to lobby for illegal alien amnesty while avoiding the terms “illegal” and “amnesty.”

    3. La Raza is currently leading a smear campaign against staunch immigration enforcement leaders and has called for TV and cable TV networks to keep immigration enforcement proponents off the airwaves–in addition to pushing for Fairness Doctrine policies to shut up their foes.
    2. La Raza has consistently opposed post-9/11 national security measures at every turn.

    1. The National Council of La Raza means The National Council of “The Race,” for God’s sake.

    Their signature slogan, chanted at pro-illegal alien rallies from coast to coast, is “La raza unida nunca sera vencida.”

    “A united [Hispanic] race will never be defeated.”
    Still waiting for liberals to condemn Obama for this action. Whats more, still waiting on them to do something about it.

    ***drumming fingers***

    ***crickets***

    • ANSWER:
      HE hired a bunch of criminals, and he promised not to hire lobbyist but the dumbass lied again.

  23. QUESTION:
    Can my husband really use me for his 6 yr prison term & abandon & cheat on me upon release w/o any consequence?
    I know everyone is going to say I should be o.k. letting a man go who doesn't want to be with me, and I agree I have to and will be able to accept it at some point. But this has been the only man I've had the kind of connection with in my entire adult life that I wanted more of. No other man could compare for me, not exactly to my husband, like I think he's just so cool, but the connection we had, I haven't experienced w/any other man, or person. I started having my first psychic dreams about him& our spiritual connection has gone both ways for over 15 years. he's always had this connection w/another girl, but she didn't prove to be as loyal in his life as I was. I believed this man who spoke of honor and loyalty as if he lived by those values. He was always honest about this other woman. He told me of their continued friendship and committed his love and trust for a relationship was stronger with me. We had our differences and issues dealing w/a prison relationship, getting married 6 years toward the end of a 14 year sentence. All 14 years I wouldn't send money to deter him from trying to use me for money, but it was a costly relationship just to communicate and visit. I was always encouraged to live a fulfilling life, he did not wish for me to lack experiences due to his incarceration. My life was never fulfilling w/o him. In trying to experience a relationship w/available men, I was only disappointed & eager for my husband to come home so I could finally have the complete family I craved w/the right people. My commitment to him was in my refusal to settle. The year before he got out, I asked if he was coming home, he said yes, then after a difference of opinion he changed his mind. I didn't hear from him, then, around his expected release time, I was having many dreams about him& asked if his friends had heard from him. He called me and said he got out and he doesn't think its a good idea for us to spend time together. I didn't understand. Finally we met up so I could give him his stuff back. He was very distant, so I gave him his space to adjust to being out after so long. After a few months of not communicating, he told me he wants to work out his relationship w/his ex-girlfriend from before he went to prison, that other woman, and he does not want to work out any relationship w/me, doesn't even want to be friends. He was immediately loyal to her. I told him as always, I believed we had a destiny and I wanted to find out what it was, so I'd be here when he's ready. A year later, I'm having constant dreams of us hanging out, being friends, so I called him. He said he really is in love w/this other woman, and only wants to divorce me. After all I invested in our relationship, and all the support I gave him, and we both sign on a marriage, can he really just pull out of that legal commitment w/o even putting anything into it? I'm in California so it doesn't matter that he never even consummated our marriage out side of prison, or lived with me, or cheated on me w/the only one person I asked him not to. Can I sue him for fraud, for signing a contract he never believed in or committed to even though the contract is a commitment? Other than my heart being broken so bad it will take years to recover, and I have missed many days of work, and having to see a dr. for clinical depression, I'm pissed he let me, thru the ages of 17-33 and being a single mom(w/a different father of the child) spend all that time and money following him 4-8 hours across the state for visits, being totally truly in love with and committed to him, when he had to have known all along he was truly in love w/this other woman. He had to have no intentions of making good on his promises to always be a friend to me and always being available to help me and my son when we need it, as soon as he's available to help. He said he'd be helping me w/rent when he gets out, and blah blah blah, all the promises we'd want a man to make. When I was insecure about this other woman seemingly to never really get out of his life, he assured me he knew how wrong and messed up it would be of him to get out and leave me for her, he'd never do that no matter what happened between us, he said he would never hurt and disrespect me in that way. Exactly my worst fear came true. He didn't even give us one chance when he got out, went straight back to her. I was able to communicate better w/him while he was in prison. I don't see how this isn't just another crime of his, hurting another person, this time mentally and emotionally, not physically. I knew he had it in him to fight men over whatever, but I thought it was due to his honor and just being too naive to know how to be honorable in those situations w/o fighting. I honestly saw and believed he was an honest person if nothing else and that's what mattered to me. I can't believe th

    • ANSWER:

  24. QUESTION:
    Next taxpayer bailout: Abortion industry,What do you think about Obama's bailout for the Abortion industry?
    Will Barack Obama provide the abortion industry with a bailout of its own, costing taxpayers billions of dollars?

    The Obama-Biden Transition Project posted a plan on its website called "Advancing Reproductive Rights and Health in a New Administration."
    " It is signed by a coalition of 66 groups including Planned Parenthood, NARAL Pro-Choice America, the National Organization for Women and the American Civil Liberties Union.

    The outline lists proposed steps for Obama's first 100 days in office including the following:

    * Increase funding for Title X (which funds Planned Parenthood) to 0 million from the current 0 million
    * Expand coverage of taxpayer-funded abortions under Medicaid
    * Promote sex education in schools and communities at cost of million
    * Provide birth control at colleges
    * Expand taxpayer-funded abortions to federal employees, military facilities, the Peace Corps and federal prisoners
    * Increase funding for Title V Maternal and Child Health services to 0 million from 6 million
    * Provide international abortion providers with billion
    * Increase funding for the CDC's school HIV and STD prevention programs from .2 million to .6 million
    * Increase funding for substance abuse and mental health services programs for pregnant women and mothers from million to million
    * De-fund abstinence only programs
    * Re-examine Bush administration policies that block or limit women's access to emergency contraception
    * Pass the Freedom of Choice Act
    * Select judicial nominees who "demonstrate a commitment to justice civil rights, equal rights, individual liberties, and the fundamental constitutional right to privacy, including the right to have an abortion."

    Obama's transition office is also trying to find ways to undo Bush administration policies dealing with abortion.

    President Bush issued a regulation today allowing health care workers to refuse to provide abortions if doing so conflicts with their personal, moral or religious beliefs – but the Obama transition team is already seeking a way to repeal the measure.

    The rule is scheduled to take effect just three days before Inauguration Day, Jan 20.
    http://www.worldnetdaily.com/?pageId=83958

    • ANSWER:
      Typical liberal stupidity. What did you expect from the party of infanticide? This is what the American people voted for. Lets face it, our country is officially morally bankrupt.

  25. QUESTION:
    Next taxpayer bailout: Abortion industry,What do you think about Obama's bailout for the Abortion industry?
    Will Barack Obama provide the abortion industry with a bailout of its own, costing taxpayers billions of dollars?

    The Obama-Biden Transition Project posted a plan on its website called "Advancing Reproductive Rights and Health in a New Administration."
    " It is signed by a coalition of 66 groups including Planned Parenthood, NARAL Pro-Choice America, the National Organization for Women and the American Civil Liberties Union.

    The outline lists proposed steps for Obama's first 100 days in office including the following:

    * Increase funding for Title X (which funds Planned Parenthood) to 0 million from the current 0 million
    * Expand coverage of taxpayer-funded abortions under Medicaid
    * Promote sex education in schools and communities at cost of million
    * Provide birth control at colleges
    * Expand taxpayer-funded abortions to federal employees, military facilities, the Peace Corps and federal prisoners
    * Increase funding for Title V Maternal and Child Health services to 0 million from 6 million
    * Provide international abortion providers with billion
    * Increase funding for the CDC's school HIV and STD prevention programs from .2 million to .6 million
    * Increase funding for substance abuse and mental health services programs for pregnant women and mothers from million to million
    * De-fund abstinence only programs
    * Re-examine Bush administration policies that block or limit women's access to emergency contraception
    * Pass the Freedom of Choice Act
    * Select judicial nominees who "demonstrate a commitment to justice civil rights, equal rights, individual liberties, and the fundamental constitutional right to privacy, including the right to have an abortion."

    Obama is also trying to find ways to undo Bush administration policies dealing with abortion.

    President Bush issued a regulation allowing health care workers to refuse to provide abortions if doing so conflicts with their personal, moral or religious beliefs – but the Obama is already seeking a way to repeal the measure.

    http://www.worldnetdaily.com/?pageId=83958
    I think Obama is a very sick man.

    • ANSWER:
      Planned parenthood offers discounted for low income people in their city with the exception of abortion (you must pay full price) So a month of my tax payer dollars to go to help prevent a pregnancy which may cost me alot more of the tax payer money I say GO FOR IT

      To stop teaching abstinence and start teacher sex ed I am all for it. It has been proven that abstinence does not work. Teaching safe sex does work. However I feel it should be a parents responsibility but Obama bridging that gap is great because not all parents are comfortable talking to their children about it.

      Fed and military personnel if their insurance (which they pay for) covers abortion is a great thing. The procedure being a minor surgery would apply to their deductible therefore not our tax payer money!

      Technically the morning after pill is categorized as a contraceptive there for there should not be a restriction. The restriction should be to each individual the insert clearly states no more than 2 should be taken in a 12 month period

      I personally do not think anyone should have the right to refuse performing a procedure OR dispensing medication due to religious belief. When you apply to work at a planned parenthood it is known what they do. When they choose to be a pharmacist they know what it may mean dispensing the abortion pill, morning after pill and contraceptives. If they have an issue with it they should apply for a position in a catholic organization or choose a different profession

  26. QUESTION:
    Does renewing wedding vows strengthen a rocky marriage?
    Well since my main profile was suspended for a violation (waiting to get reinstated cause it was first one for obscenity) I figured i'd blow some points on this one asking a question here. My marriage has been on and off rough really most of the 14 years its gone on so far. We were this close to divorce as of last august right at our anniversary. Things have improved, we've been going to counseling, worked thru some of the sexual issues on our own (actually last few weeks have been some of our best sex including premarital) and things seem headed the right way. We're going to vacation with the 3 kids (13f, 5f,1m all birthdays in late april/may) in hawaii, and i'm thinking about renewing our vows in the park thats by diamond head. Specifically this set of vows/service

    Welina Me Ke Aloha.
    We gather here together on the majestic slopes of Waikiki to celebrate the joyful union of this man,______ and this woman,______ in matrimony on this date of ______here on the island of Oahu, Hawaii.
    Mahalo ia oe no ke aloha.

    We thank you for the beauty of this day, for the miracle of love, and for this exact moment. We are thankful for all the blessings given to ______and______for bringing their two hearts together as one with Love.

    Love is a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Love is a mountain Awash in lovely flowers. It is your home, Where all bright things shine. You feel it now, so strong and free, So part of every breath. That it must live beyond eternity. Love never ends. Oke aloha ka mea oi ae.

    Today, you are here to begin the weave of your marriage with the golden threads of love, hope and commitment. You are promising to share the happy and the sad, the joys and the sorrows, the riches and the hardships. The commitment is to one another, to be partners in life helping the other be stronger, wiser and the best friend.
    He palena ole ke aloha.

    ______and ______are you now ready to commit to one another?
    Do you take______ to be your wedded wife, To love, honor, and cherish her in all of your days?
    Do you take______ to be your wedded husband, To love, honor, and cherish him in all of your days?

    Throughout the world, rings are a sign of eternity, for as circles they have no beginning or ending. These rings are the symbol of your pure love and promises which you share together as husband and wife.

    (Repeat and place the ring) Me ke aloha pumehana. With all my love, and for all the world to see, I have chosen you as my husband/wife. It is my heart's desire to be with you throughout my life, and I shall love you always.

    "YOUR OWN WORDS TO EACH OTHERS"
    (poems, tributes, songs, gifts or any words from your heart)

    You were born to be together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together even in your silent memory. Memory is once more alive for the love of you. The secrets within me are seen through your love. May you create a home that surrounds your family and friends with Warmth, laughter and love and may your love be eternal.

    I ola mau oe me ka mauli ola. He ola lo'ihi a ola kino maika'i, a e pomaikai mau 'ia'oe, i pomaikai ia na kanaka e a'e i kou ola a pau.

    It is our wish that your pure love will never be dimmed by the demands of the world. May you always believe in the vows you have made here today throughout your lives. May you have long life and good health, and may you be greatly blessed so that you may be a blessing to many others.

    Now in the witness of the state of Hawaii, who performs all true marriages. It is my honor that I pronounce you, partners in life, soul mates, Husband and Wife. You may kiss your bride and you may kiss your groom.

    So what do you think? A piece of why I want to do it with the kids there is that the 13 year old has definitely caught us fighting (not physically, just scream/yell/curse) a number of times, and maybe the 5 year old has too. So I was thinking this would be a nice happy warm feely thing for us all. Our anniversary is in August, but we met in April 95. Dated in May, moved in together in June, proposed in July, married in August, pregnant in September :)
    Just to clarify a little, I'm not expecting this to fix anything. We've made good progress both with using counseling, as well as on our own as a part of what counseling is valuable for is giving you the toolbox to deal with the relationship.

    In a way I guess I'm sort of looking at it as maybe a fresh start, try and forget the sleeping on the couch on my 14th anniversary, some of the horrible things we've said to each other, etc.

    • ANSWER:
      Eric, if it's just not there to begin with, I don't feel redoing your vowels will help things anyway. Love pure love is the name of the game, the name of it all. Without love you don't have much. IF by some chance the two of you feel it WILL be of help, then by all means do whatever you feel will help it along. We're all different, what works for some doesn't for others & visa verse. But before you make up your mind for good, talk it over with your wife & see how she feels about it. It just may be the thing for YOU, no one can truly ans. that but you two...the best to you...:)

  27. QUESTION:
    When is boxing going to wise up? It's time for boxing to end the PPV madness and get back on ABC, CBS, and NBC
    Elite XC deal could change MMA with CBS deal

    http://sports.yahoo.com/mma/news;_ylt=AtQ5dZy4DvAsuBPeFbrEs7Q9Eo14?slug=dm-elitecbs022808&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

    The entire landscape of mixed martial arts changed today. Maybe.

    The announcement that CBS will broadcast live Elite XC shows on Saturday nights in prime time is potentially the biggest deal in the history of the sport in North America.

    But no matter what is said about a multi-year commitment and four shows per year, when it comes to television, like everything, it will live and die by the ratings.

    “The sport of MMA airing on CBS is the single biggest thing to happen to the sport,” saidElite XC promoter Gary Shaw. That sounds like a promoter over hyping his latest announcement, but if the show is successful, that’s exactly what it will be.

    But it’s going to take a huge promotional effort by the network and the company to build the event and make it fly.

    Even the most-watched Ultimate Fighting Championship event in history, the Sept. 8 show headlined by Quinton Jackson vs. Dan Henderson in a UFC-Pride light heavyweight championship unification match, drew 4.7 million viewers. While those are great numbers for cable television, they don’t come close to what would be a desirable audience number for CBS, even on a Saturday night.

    Within the Male 18-34 age group, the big show UFC numbers would be successful on a network level, but MMA at this point has proven to have a narrow reach. It doesn’t do well with older people. It doesn’t do badly with women within the 18-34 group, but for network prime time success, you need to draw strongly in more than one age group.

    Boxing’s much-lauded “Contender” series failed on the network level. World Wrestling Entertainment programming, far more popular on cable television than MMA, was successful on NBC in the 80s, but drew poor numbers the past two years in a similar prime time slot with the revival of Saturday Night’s Main Event.

    The first Elite XC show, which is tentatively scheduled for April 26th and likely headlined by Kimbo Slice, will either be the most watched MMA event ever in the United States, or it will be a failure. One could make a strong argument that above and beyond UFC’s first live television special in 2005, where Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar became instant stars by having almost the perfect match at the perfect moment for the sport, this is the most important night, going forward, in the sport’s U.S. history.

    If the shows get poor ratings, the entire sport will be stigmatized with the idea that it has its cult popularity and is simply cable TV fare. It will be a huge negative perception blow for a sport which, with its phenomenal growth over the past few years, has been written up as the next NASCAR. Conversely, successful numbers, particularly if they maintain, will entrench MMA as a major sport in this country.

    “Mixed martial arts is one of the fastest growing sports in the country and a wildly popular entertainment vehicle for upscale, young adult audiences,” said Kelly Kahl, Senior Executive Vice President of CBS Primetime. “It’s original programming for Saturday night; it’s live, creating an event-atmosphere; and it’s something that hasn’t been seen on network television, until now.”

    It’s not a surprise that CBS made a deal for MMA. Both CBS and NBC negotiated for MMA programming for months. CBS’ interest in UFC predated the writers’ strike, while NBC’s interest picked up with the idea of looking for new live programming during the strike. That CBS went with Elite XC over the established UFC is a surprise, and is believed to have happened because Dana White wouldn’t compromise on giving the network control of the broadcast.

    White noted earlier this week, before the deal was announced, that he wasn’t going to sign a bad deal for the company, even with a network station. The control issue also likely cost UFC a deal with HBO last year. UFC’s strategy of playing hardball and trying to get the deal on its terms simply wasn’t going to work with a network, but the gamble was that a big player wouldn’t take the chance with an organization that has nowhere near the name recognition and level of mainstream stars.

    Because Showtime, part owner of Elite XC, is part of the Viacom family, which owns CBS, they fell into a deal that as a fledgling group, gives them a level of exposure they couldn’t afford to turn down.

    “I don’t know why they didn’t get it,” said Gary Shaw, promoter of Elite XC. “If I had to guess, I’d say that it was Dana White. I don’t know that. I don’t worry about the UFC. If the prom queen wants to go out with me, I don’t ask why she isn’t dating the quarterback. I just show up at 8 p.m. at her door. I’ve said all along I think the UFC is great.

    “I like the Fertittas and Marc Ratner (UFC Vice President of Regulatory Affairs) is like a brother to me. But the problem is no fighter can be bigger than Dana White or the UFC. For us, the fighters will always be the biggest stars.”

    Shaw’s most successful MMA event was the Feb. 16 show in Miami, which drew a 1.9 rating on Showtime. It was the highest rating for a non-UFC MMA event in history, largely due to the unique Kimbo Slice vs. Tank Abbott main event. But that’s only 522,000 viewers, and they’ll need ten times that audience number, if not more, to do competitive numbers on CBS.

    The show also sold out the 6,187-seat BankUnited Center in Miami, which benefited from Slice being a hometown star. For CBS events, Shaw said they are looking at running 15,000-seat arenas with the new Prudential Center in Newark being among the venues under consideration for the debut show.

    Most of the details of the deal have not been made official. CBS will be paying Elite XC a fee per show. They haven’t agreed to a time slot, although with affiliate news commitments, it would have to be either 8-10 p.m. or 9-11 p.m. The broadcast team hasn’t been agreed to, but both sides will have input into the decision. Shaw said that once the date and the venue are finalized, they would begin finalizing the matches.

    Shaw said he expected the shows to be similar to the Elite XC events on Showtime.

    “It’s the same type of show,” he said. “I think we do a very good production with competitive fights.”

    Another key is that, with so many people watching the first show and presumably so much hype, that if someone makes a good showing, they can become an instant star, similar, to what happened to Griffin stemming from the first Ultimate Fighter finals. The impact of a great match will be multiplied tenfold.

    An unknown fighter who does a sensational finish will almost instantly become one of the best known fighters in the country. A genuine match of the year could end up being the most talked about fight in history. Similarly, the affects of a poor show will be magnified like never before.

    But it also adds to an over-saturation problem. UFC is producing roughly two shows per month. Elite is now adding four CBS dates to the 16 or so Showtime dates they had planned for this year. That’s a lot of events in a sport with a finite number of stars, and in which the stars can only fight a few times per year.

    Even with the deal giving his company the largest television exposure in a business where television exposure is the life blood, Shaw doesn’t feel Elite XC is on the verge of leapfrogging UFC as the top promotion.

    “No, I’m a realist,” he said. “UFC is No. 1. I am Pepsi to their Coke, Avis to their Hertz.”

    • ANSWER:
      I totally agree with you but there are a few problems that must be ironed out first.
      Problems llike the fact most fights are at casinos because casinos guareentee money and venues. Since boxing has 1 minute rest breaks, it is going to be difficult to find sponsers who could plug their ads while trainers are yelling at fighters instructions. think about wrestling. the numbers are great but the demographics are not always the best for pushing. you won't see lexus showing a commercial during WWE,nor will you see high prices on ads. thats why wrestling is on USA and not CBS anymore. (monday night raw). The networks would have to actually have a interest in the sport to push it. with network television its about numbers and ratings. if the fights are not geting ratings then they will pull the plug. if the fights are horrible match ups for a rising star to pad their records, people will turn the channel. Think about the klitchko-imbragomov fight being on FOX. by the 9th round people would have stop watching it. like a football game where its 34-0 first quarter, the numbers will slide and the cost for ads the next go around will be less, because of that. Sure you would watch it on network for exposure, but networks are not fans of the sport, they are bidders.

  28. QUESTION:
    Wife Vs Mother, terrible Situation for me?
    I love my wife as well as Mother. They both have their faults. I try to make a fair judgment on issues. However, It has been more than 4 years and I have been trying to explain to my wife to adjust to the nature of my family. There are things that she will will not like about my mother and so will my mother about my wife, that is just human, as no body's perfect. However, I have tried to convince either of them separately to be calm and respectful to each other. But it seems to work only for few days or weeks. Problem is that I get sandwiched in between. I love them both and It would make a paradise if they can get together at least for few hours in a day. They don't have to spend time with each other much, but just be respectful and do their duties.

    My wife will not even cook for me or my family even if i am dying, bcoz she does not like our kitchen. Her parents are rich, so she used to have a better life style than now. However, if the mistake of marrying someone in medium class has been performed, then she should learn to adjust. I have spent a lot of money on outings, there is not a single tourist place in USA that we have not been together after marriage. But still she disrespects me and my family. She does not want to accept her mistakes and in last 4 years have not shown a sign of improvement either. Is it failure on my part? or did i just picked the wrong girl?

    People recommend that I should buy a separate house and live nuclear. Is that solution to this problem? or is it just running away from it? How do I leave my mother for a woman whom i have known only for 4 years? Just bcoz I took some wows? So, my mother raised me was only a coincidence and i have no commitment to her when she grows old and helpless? There is no end to dilemma.

    I cannot even divorce my wife, as in India, the society creates a big issue on this, plus the family reputation goes down in the city.

    What can be done? I have tried all the possible methods and have no results. Any suggestions other than buying a separate house and living nuclear?
    Yes, it was an arranged marriage, pretty typical and normal in India. I guess, we both are repenting. However, it's too late now. As when we are away, we also miss each other. We have had some good times as well.

    Divorce is not possible bcoz of Indian society. The culture is different than west. People are conservative in my town and my parents will feel guilt for the rest of their life if I divorce. Its a very critical situation of dilemma.
    strong: I like your advice. I will try what you said. Hopefully it will work. Thanks

    • ANSWER:
      If she has Mars (mangal) in fourth house of horoscope,I assure that your problem will not solve even after going with her at separate home.
      If not ,good.Try living separate for 2-3 years ,when she will become MOTHER she will like reunion.

  29. QUESTION:
    Wife Battle with Mother - I am sandwiched?
    I love my wife as well as Mother. They both have their faults. I try to make a fair judgment on issues. However, It has been more than 4 years and I have been trying to explain to my wife to adjust to the nature of my family. There are things that she will will not like about my mother and so will my mother about my wife, that is just human, as no body's perfect. However, I have tried to convince either of them separately to be calm and respectful to each other. But it seems to work only for few days or weeks. Problem is that I get sandwiched in between. I love them both and It would make a paradise if they can get together at least for few hours in a day. They don't have to spend time with each other much, but just be respectful and do their duties.

    My wife will not even cook for me or my family even if i am dying, bcoz she does not like our kitchen. Her parents are rich, so she used to have a better life style than now. However, if the mistake of marrying someone in medium class has been performed, then she should learn to adjust. I have spent a lot of money on outings, there is not a single tourist place in USA that we have not been together after marriage. But still she disrespects me and my family. She does not want to accept her mistakes and in last 4 years have not shown a sign of improvement either. Is it failure on my part? or did i just picked the wrong girl?

    People recommend that I should buy a separate house and live nuclear. Is that solution to this problem? or is it just running away from it? How do I leave my mother for a woman whom i have known only for 4 years? Just bcoz I took some wows? So, my mother raised me was only a coincidence and i have no commitment to her when she grows old and helpless? There is no end to dilemma.

    I cannot even divorce my wife, as in India, the society creates a big issue on this, plus the family reputation goes down in the city.

    What can be done? I have tried all the possible methods and have no results. Any suggestions other than buying a separate house and living nuclear?
    Yes, my grandparents used to live with us, until they passed away. It is a very traditional culture in India. Like it or not, but it has been dat way for centuries.
    Nuclear family = Just my wife, myself and my kids, no parents or siblings living in my house.
    I understand that in marriage wows I have to stick with my wife. But, is making new relationships at the cost of breaking old ones, ethical ? One day my wife will be a MIL as well. Would she feel okay, if her son left her alone in the house and lived somewhere else, she would not have anyone to talk with at home, she does not have a job, that's almost like being in hell. Try to place urself in the shoes of MIL and then think.
    Why is it so difficult for 2 women to nest in the same place? Guys can hang on to each other so well, they will party and have beer together, irrespective of age.

    But, why does a fight exist between Wife and MIL? It's easy to say, move to a different house. If I imagine myself being 70, living alone, no job, no income, nobody to talk with, grand children are far away, damn, that's not something i would prefer when death can knock on my door anytime, do you?
    I am neither taking my wife's side, nor my mother, but thinking ethically and placing myself in either of their shoes. The dilemma is that both of them seem to be right.

    • ANSWER:
      Get your own house and live with your wife, yes your vows to her do rank above the fact that you were raised by your mother. Your mother's choice to have a child does not indebt that child for the rest of his life.

      Do your parents live with your Father's parents?

  30. QUESTION:
    Have you ever had a Mental Health professional fancy you? What was it like?‏?
    I was assigned a new community psychiatric nurse last month after I had personal issues with my old male CPN. I have a new one and she's perhaps the most interesting mental health professional I've ever met. However I've been reading the signals and I have concluded today that she actually fancies me and perhaps wishes to marry me. Whenever I look into her eyes I can actually see a pure sign of 'want' in there [if I've described that right] and she's incredibly nice to me. We don't just talk about "treatment" but she's told me a bit about herself, and she's 35 and married with no children and she's worked in the psychiatric field for 10 years, so it's a case of opposites attract? I honestly think, from the way she is around me, that she's unsatisfied with her marriage and has grown bored. Now she is looking for a more interesting, better looking and more intelligent and perhaps a much younger man [I am 20 years old] to instill some new excitement into her life, but I know she doesn't know how to approach me.

    I prefer, and generally do, be chased rather than do the chasing, of course, so I do wonder when she'll get the ability to admit how she feels for me, because I know that her feelings for me by far override her compliance to us just being a so called "professional relationship" and other such rules which prohibit professionals from having genuine human feelings [such as love and sexual attraction] with their proclaimed clients, in my case as a psychiatric service user, not only this, but her marital commitments to her husband even though she's already emotionally cheating on him and perhaps lying to herself, which is the worst thing a person can actually do. In a way, I should really bring this up with her, but as a semifamous pornstar once said "if you keep your fan[s] waiting and wanting, they'll love you more". I think this is 100% true.

    However the problem so far is that she won't admit to this yes, but I'm sure given time, she will follow her heart and do the best thing for all of us. When she finally admits to her feelings, I suppose it will be an interesting relationship. I am a big fan of mature relationships and women [or "girls"] around my own age are far too emotionally and mentally immature for me and do not know what they want, when I clearly know what I want, because I have the mental maturity and experience of a 35 year old man, rather than just a mere 20 year old because I'm actually quite a lot different to most my age and we don't relate at all.

    Has anybody ever been in a similar situation to me? How did you handle it and what was the outcome? Or do | did you abide by the old professional-client [most commonly known in the doctor-patient sense, but also covers other professionals] code which removes the humanity from you and makes you actually believe in those false social and perhaps legal codes? When it happens, though I really do not wish to be assigned to someone else. Non judgemental feedback would be great, thanks. This is important to me.

    • ANSWER:
      John, mate, you are starting to lose contact with reality. You've just described a classic case of erotomania. You're confusing professional interest with romantic intention. She's caring and interested in you, and probably one of the few people who listens to what's going on in your head, but you have to remember that at the end of the day she clocks off and goes home. And doesn't give you another thought. You're setting yourself up for failure and disappointment, and if you even give a hint of what you're feeling to her or anyone else, you're going to be assigned to male staff only for the rest of your life. I am a mental health service user, but I have also worked in community mental health teams and I am telling you, this situation is not what you believe it to be.

      I have been in a similar situation, but it was a service user who became infatuated with me. He kept telephoning me, emailing me and turning up outside my house. My supervisor was made aware of this, and it was written in his file. And he was cautioned by the police for harrassment, and later sectioned because he decompensated and became completely psychotic.

      You are not well John, and you need to see your psychiatrist. As good as you feel now, when this all hits the fan you are going to be in the depths of despair and I don't want you to go through that alone. SO please for your own sake make an appointment asap.

      Boundaries are in place for a reason, they're there to protect her, and they're there to protect you. And the most important boundary here is the professional relationship. You cannot attempt to cross that line and make this relationship anything else. She is your CPN, you are her service user. That's it, it will never go any further. As with my case, the minute you try and do anything to cross that invisible line, she will be forced to take action, both to keep herself safe and to make sure you're getting the treatment you need.

      If you even hint at a romantic idea, she's going to have to step down, to protect herself from accusations of abuse and manipulation. Don't force her hand. She clearly likes you and wants to help you, but understand that it isn't the same as being romantically attracted to someone.

      I never got over the sight of my service user being dragged away in cuffs by the Police. he still kept screaming 'marry me'. It was heartbreaking and tragic all at once, but in a professional sense, not a personal one. He'd been doing so well in his recovery, it was devastating to see that happen.

      If you want her to stay in your life, you have to keep this to yourself. And get over it quickly. It's never going to happen.

  31. QUESTION:
    What does your experience tell you about this issue ?
    Girls in their teenage years aspire to become as beautiful as possible trying to match up to the Ideal beauty queen in their mind. From where do they derive these ideals ? Ofcourse, they pick the vibes sent out by young men. We all know that beauty is Relative. Any woman who aspires to become beautiful does so to gain corresponding attention in return. What these young people often fail to remember is that of all the aspects of their personality, the skin would be the first one to show up signs of ageing. Thus, if being intellectualy sound was the idea of gaining attention in the teenage years, such efforts would reap long benefits as slowly that habbit of being intellectualy sound would become part of the person's character without his or her knowing about it consciously. Thus, all these activities that a person often does in his or her teenage years be it attracting the opposite sex, flirting, trying to look good, taking care of other aspects of grooming all centre around the idea of becoming desireable. Now if we go further into the idea of becoming desireable, it really deserves to be done by a person who has a giver in himself or herself. The logic is simple and that is "Why would a company for example, market or advertise any product which is not going to be beneficial to its customers anyway?". In the same manner, why should a person engage himself or herself to attract any person of opposite sex for a girlfriend or boyfriend if he or she is not going to be commited or loyal to the person whose attention is being sort ? Thus, in the teenage years people are only marketing themselves to find the right life partner but then as they grow into mature adults, they should nourish the same relationship with commitment, loyalty, honesty and sincerity. That would make the whole process more romantic than simply flipping the pages of books giving you tips on flirting or attracting opposite sex without any intention of commitment at the back of the mind.

    • ANSWER:
      My experience tells me you've asked this question before.

      Seriously, I'm not reading all that wall of text, but from what I glanced at you seem to be saying that people should look deeper than physical beauty. I don't think you'll get many arguments against that.

      I would add that you could take out the "girls" in the beginning of your monologue and put the word "people". You can also take out teenagers as many people of a variety of ages get their ideas of what
      beauty is, what is attractive, from other people in general, not specifically the opposite sex.

  32. QUESTION:
    Help please: I've been asked to draft a character reference for my Filipino GF to be issued by her Pastor?
    G'day!
    As part of her support documentation for application for a visitors visa to Australia my Filipino GF has asked me if I could write a draft for a character reference. This reference will then be edited and signed by her Pastor. I'm guessing here that considering the difficulty I had trying to explain what a character reference is and can do for her visa application that perhaps her Pastor is requesting the draft to get a clearer picture of what we are asking for and the purpose.

    Can anyone here assist with:
    A/. Writing an explanatory letter for the Pastor.
    B/. Writing the draft of the character reference from a Pastor's perspective
    C/. Grant her a Visa or tell me how to turn the moon a nice shade of blue? [Please excuse my witticism as I'm somewhat overwhelmed by the extreme difficulty we're experiencing trying to piece together what we hope to be a successful Australian Visa Application.]

    My girlfriend is 30 years of age, a volunteer with International Teams [who refused her a reference when she told them I'm a divorced father of four kids], a committed Christian, family orientated [as she has no employment she cycles herself amongst brothers and cousins helping raise their children], and has no formal qualifications other than having completed high school.
    I am a single father raising four kids alone. I have two daughters, 10 & 12, who really need a mother/friend living with them showing the right examples for them to grow into decent young women with a good sense of family themselves. I have two sons, 14 & 18, who would greatly benefit from her influence and my example with her.
    I need her here to help me maintain some balance within myself too.
    I love my girl with all that I am and I know that I would do all that could to give her reason to smile her beautiful smile every day just cos she is truly happy to be with us. I want her to be my Asawa.

    We have a mutual Australian friend who has already signed a letter of invitation for her to come to Australia as her guest. She and her husband have also provided documentation to show they can and will support her while she is here.
    The only thing we need is something to satisfy the Australian government that my GF WILL return to Philippines at the end of her Visa period. Without a employment commitment this character reference from her Pastor is all we have.

    Please can anyone help us?
    I guess I'm really at the point of begging for some real assistance now
    Other info: I just cannot afford to go to PH myself with my kids and I do not have anyone [that I know well enuff] capable of taking care of my kids while I go alone. Additionally I want my GF & my kids to have some time to get to know and accept each other before asking her to marry me.

    • ANSWER:
      Really, I think you should walk into your local MP office and ask for help and complain about ridiculous Visa restrictions. I have run into so many problems trying to get a friend to visit me in the US, it almost drove me crazy. But I am a single guy, so I just gave up and save and travel. But you just cannot, understandably so. Your MP can get the Visa quickly, I promise you. Just be straight and honest. You really have a good case and most MPs really want to do something good once in a while. You know they have to do a lot of terrible things that get hidden away from the public that keeps them awake at night, so they like to do good when they can. I really think you have a shot at getting an expedited Visa. If you go with one of your kids, it will really help. It is easy to say no to somebody over the phone or through email. Take a day off and make an appointment and just visit your MP in person, preferably with one of your daughters. I think they will help you. I really do.

  33. QUESTION:
    Looking for opinions on the gay marriage vote?
    The state I live in will be holding a ballot question looking to overturn the legislation to legalize gay marriage. I believe that homosexuality is a part of the human experience - but am torn for the following reasons:

    1.) There are domestic partner laws on the books as well as special protections in our constitution, for which I don't even qualify. Rape against women is indeed a hate crime, but it would only get true justice and attention if I were gay. So I have a bit of a problem putting yet another budget and legislation toward protecting special groups. I've been the victim of prejudice, violence, landlords turning me away, etc. yet there was no recourse for me and there will never be. I wouldn 't want to be in a place where I was not wanted nor accepted either. Another layer of laws is not going to force those to accept homosexual marriages if they already don't.

    2.) The two sides of this issue have been pumping out ridiculous ads, have spent well over 3 millions of dollars on this, while my kids can't even get on a computer at school to complete homework assignments. I can't get a decent job, small businesses are folding up by the day, including mine, yet this is where our focus is?

    3.) I signed a petition by a "free choice" group to put this in the voters hands, then they put me on all of these Christian mailing lists looking for MONEY! I asked specifically if they were a religious group, they stated no that they were for voters' rights. I got conned and lied to by Christians!

    4.) The other side has taken grandparents who are raising their grand kids and single mothers and lumping us together as a group of "misfits". I resent this. I was married, made commitments and was dumped to clean up the mess. I know gay friends that are also embarrassed about this situation and did not think this was appropriate. We got the point that we are to accept different families, but this isn't going to ever settle well with the male-oriented Christian based codes. Getting them out of power would be the better solution for us ALL. They want to live under these Draconian codes, then they should form their own commune and do so in peace. This should be done together, not piece by piece by each special interest group. Divide and conquer still works!

    5. With domestic laws on the books, I feel this should be an issue between churches and gay rights groups. As a female, I am not a valued member of the church either! They want my collection money, but not me nor my opinions or knowledge of the scriptures. If Christian groups do not wish to marry gay couples, it's their perogative. I'll do it as I am certified to marry couples within my state. I'm sure if the Catholic Church finds out, I'll probably be ex-communicated.

    Overall I am sick to death of this issue. We're never going to get true justice on this Earth.

    I really am looking for opinions that are balanced and intelligent. I don't need to hear chauvinistic quotes from a edited re-translated bible written by a bunch of fat monks who lived in all male communes and had no sense of reality. Nor do I need to hear from the other side telling me that I am closed minded. Homosexuality is a part of the human experience, yet if we were all gay, our species may not perpetuate itself and that part does go against nature. But the homophobes won't look at this logically that indeed it does exist and is "normal" within certain parameters. The science around this is completely lost and it is all too emotional at this point. I take my right to vote very seriously, obviously I am struggling with this and reaching out, I absolutely see both sides of this, but neither side is luring me in with any type of logic.

    I spent many years socializing in a group that included gay couples. The perspectives I heard from these intelligent professional committed loving folks is not even close to the message the gay groups are putting out.

    I just don't think either side has presented a decent intelligent argument here - it's all based upon emotion and this is not a good way to go about politics. I deliberately put this question in this category so I might get a variety of answers. So what do you think?
    Thanks for your answers & opinions. What I'd like to figure out is what the difference between "Domestic Partner" and "Marriage". Traditionally marriage has been formed around religious beliefs. This is where I'm having an issue mixing religion & politics. Then I guess it should go through - this issue should not have been on the table at the outset.
    I see abortion the same way, overturning Roe v. Wade is actually about states' rights, not abortion. Yet I don't think this should be up to politcs either. See why I'm confused - it's NOT about the actual issue - it's the approriateness of our even voting on this stuff.

    If we simply remove the word "man", or replace it with the word "citizen", and truly live by it, then it would be "freedom for all" and I guess we wouldn't need to be voting on this type of stuff. peace.
    By the way, Jesus isn't voting here in 2009. He hung out with sinners & Lepers, he seemed pretty open-minded. He also hung out with kids - I wonder what we would think of him doing that in this day in age. WWJD? Good question.
    Whether we believe he is the son of God or not, according to census records, he existed, had a great message and has shown us actions . The Bible is just words. The Parables speak more loudly putting words into actions. peace.

    • ANSWER:
      I believe what Jesus said we should do, Love one another no matter what we think and he would take care of the rest, We need to stop referring to them as those people they are our brothers and sisters.Its something they have to deal with not me im fine with what some one else does or wants.


Posted in issues | Tagged | Leave a comment

Women Commitment Issues

Posted on November 13, 2011 by

She had resigned herself to the fact that he was a commitment phobic man and would never marry. She was getting the feeling she was wasting her time.It was painful, but she was preparing to move on.

The fact is, almost all men do want a lasting loving relationship. Even the commitment phobic. After talking with this woman it was obvious the man cared for and loved her, but he wasn't ready nor saw any reason to commit. It's not broken, why fix it attitude. Many commitment phobic men have this attitude that all is well. Here is where the women are at fault at this. They allowed him to get comfortable. Gave him all before getting his all, which is a ring and a trip down the isle.

She had tried everything. She gave more love, more affection, more attention. He didn't seem to notice or appreciate her efforts. She was becoming resentful. I pointed out to her that if it wasn't working, why keep doing the same thing. We all know that insanity definition.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Do guys who have friends with benefits play women have commitment issues or just until they find the right one?
    And if until the right one comes along, what makes a guy like a girl for an exclusive relationship?

    • ANSWER:
      You know, we all know money makes the world go round. If you have money, you can indeed buy happiness, but not the sort of happiness we want in a true relationship.
      Money can buy lovers, cars, anything and possibly everything, but you can never buy respect, honesty, and kindness and unconditional love.
      If we feel that we have to constantly do something to try to make a guy commit to us, then thats not the sort of relationship we really want do we? as its not unconditional, its hard work, and its stressful! Life is stressful enough, so why make life more miserable by trying to fight a losing battle!?
      Women are emotional beings, men are 'just do it' beings! They do, then they get over it. Some men can be so commited to a woman, but when it comes to fidelity, its questionable with a lot of them.
      There is never such thing as 'the right one'. just 'the one right now!'
      Everyone and not just men have commitment issues, at one time or another, its just that we don't realise it! Lack of commitment leads to procrastination, which results in missing out on things, people, friendship.
      What makes a guy like a girl enough to get into an exclusive relationship with him? Be yourself, be confident, be strong, love yourself first, when you can do that, you have no idea how attractive you can be not just to the men, but to everyone! Confident people gives out an aura of tranquility,happiness and strength. I wish everybody can learn to love themselves before they extend their love to others, as unless that inner love is found, we will never be able to share that love with others! Goodluck!

      Goodluck!

  2. QUESTION:
    Do some women have commitment issues?
    Are there any women with commitment issues?
    DO you know anyone with this problem?
    Robin that is sad lol
    This is why the coupe is getting new shoes and you are not lol. My wallet is going on a diet lol
    I just want to make sure lol. I hear women always blame men for this.....
    I have no fear lol.
    I will be the same married or not
    as long as I have that little me time lol I will be alright lol
    yes I am single lol

    • ANSWER:
      Some women do.

      My friend has commitment issues big time. She can't be with just one man neither. And then again she's womdering why she's single.

      She a beautiful woman, nurse, and model. She's 29 years old and still has commitment issues, so yes it's possible

  3. QUESTION:
    Do most women over 40, who have never married and are still single without children, have commitment issues?
    I'm talking about guys who are attractive and with good personalities. What is stopping them from settling down? Opinions please

    • ANSWER:
      I am sure many of them do. But most??? I am not sure.

      Some may just always end up choosing the wrong guys.

      Also, by 40, it just gets harder to meet decent unmarried men.

      As far as the guys go, if they are younger they are looking for a cougar and not commitment. The ones in their late 30's to and older may either be single for a reason or feel it is "too late" for them to settle down.

      And some people just enjoy being single.

  4. QUESTION:
    Why do so many women accuse men of having commitment issues in relationships(avoiding commitment)......?
    .....when women never or very rarely initiate new stages for relationships but do initiate 70-75% of divorces, both of which examples of commitment problems on women's side.
    @Lynn, sticking together and trying to solve the problem when it gets rough is a sign of commitment, filing for divorce is exactly the opposite.

    • ANSWER:
      Part of this is biological. Reproduction for a woman is a great cost. She generally can have only 1 child at a time (sometimes more), and it takes 9 months. So it is natural to have a psychology for quality over quantity. But for men, the cost is little, and evolution gives them the need to get around to spread their seed. So they are less likely to commit.

      And the statement is true. So many men are unwilling to commit. It also seems the genders define the term differently. Staying at a stage indefinitely is commitment for a woman. And once you respect that, she may want further. But you have to prove your love by being content at being at that stage and not supplementing elsewhere. It is the fear of not getting more that chases them away. It is fear that kills whatever goals or ambitions you have, since fear creates behavior which creates the things you fear.

      As for the divorces, they always come from being unhappy or abused. Women want best friends. They want to be seen as equals. But men want to dominate and compete and own their partner. It is the man's job to initiate things, not the woman. Nature intended for men to be more assertive than women and to take the lead. It isn't fair, but that is how it is.

  5. QUESTION:
    For women that got involved with a man that has commitment issues...?
    I am looking for women that have been involved with a Man that is 40+, fell in love, only to find out he had committment issues and left a perfectly wonderful relationship. Did he come back? Where you able to work it out? I looking for some advise on what you did and what made it work.
    This man says he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He says he loves me and cares very much for me. Says I am an incredible person...he said all this the day we split. I had no clue this was coming, he sucked me into his world. Made me beautiful things, showed me how much he loved me, etc. Involved me in everything..made all the holidays special. I did not push myself on him. At least I didn't feel like I did. I just followed his lead. It is so sad to think that a wonderful relationship like ours is going to go to waste. Sad thought of growing old alone. Having a wonderful place to live and nobody to share it with. The birds singing, the squirrals chattering and the frogs at night. Along with the dark skys and all the stars you get to see. I will never understand throwing something like that away.

    • ANSWER:
      I have been involved with men with commitment issues; one is still a bachelor and a the other met someone he eventually wanted to have a committed relationship with. I was married to a man who was 40+; his first marriage turned him against commitment and/or marriage. After we dated on and off for five years, we decided to get married. After six years of marriage we went our separate ways. We parted as friends. He says he doesn't want to commit or get married ever again in his life, mostly because of his long hours at work (which was one of the reasons why we divorced). Some guys that are in their 40+ sometimes are pretty set in their ways and like to have their freedom to date when they want to, whoever they want to (sometime there are "friends" that guys date on the regular for example: "flavor of the month."), or choosing to be by themselves to do whatever they want, whenever they want.

  6. QUESTION:
    Do woman who have Commitment Issues Change?
    I'm 32 and she is 28. Were dated for 2 years and she wants to get back (I do too) but says she always runs for this hills when it comes to that next stage and always says to herself "Is this it forever?". She admits she has commitment issues and has had numerous boyfriends in the past.... Do woman change as they get older...or ever? If she does this is it a pattern of behavior she'll never change? Want to get back with my lover but not if she gets scared about the future!! She is pouring it on so heavy that I feel like I'm the one but is this a nightmare waiting to happen....again?

    • ANSWER:
      28 is a very rough time....fair thought....is this it for forever....in fact surprised you aren't having the same thoughts....normally it is the man who has that thought....at least in my own experiences....is there a reason why she has this issue....what happened in her past...was there a parent that left....or is it the fact that she has had "many" boyfriends...i say be happy she is asking herself this question....it doesn't have doubts on you....it has doubts on herself...i would ask her....do you enjoy being w/ me....do you think you still need to play the field....why do you keep asking yourself this question in the first place....it could be a disaster waiting to happen....or it could not...for the moment it just is...life is all about chances and choices....and these are things you both have to explore....time to sit down and talk...and evaluate....best of luck...and a lifetime of happiness

  7. QUESTION:
    What can I do about my COMMITMENT issues with GIRLS?
    There are just so many pretty women. I date 1 while 10 others tempt me.

    How is it possible to be with just one girl?

    I've never dated a girl without fake melons lol is that strange?

    • ANSWER:
      you dont have to commit, why eat pizza every day when you can have a banquet? besides, women today are uselss, and there is absolutely no benefit for a man who gets married today. Its just a weakness.

  8. QUESTION:
    Why do women have serious issues when it comes to dating and commitment?
    I am Black American from Detroit Mi. (may be relevant for answers). I am doing well for myself, by having my own car, my own career, and very stable family life (meaning I have a mom and a dad that is cool...something very rare nowadays). I have been dating for a while and I don't have any problems with getting and dating girls...but the problem lies with long term relationships. I only look for long term, but I have been noticing that many women I've been talking to have a problem with long term commitment.

    When it comes to relationships I have been seeing that many women have so much baggage it is ridiculous. Baby daddy troubles, rape crimes against them, ex-boyfriend problems, parental abuse, living in a single parent home, and the list goes on and on. It makes me mad because I hate to hear about these horrific events, but I also think that it plays a huge role in commitment.

    I'll give one example of what a typical date goes... I hook up with a girl (black or white...it don't matter), we hang out, go to Red Lobster, go to the movies, and when it gets late, I gotta take her home because I don't like to have girls out in the streets at dark. Sometimes there is sex, other times there isn't. Then later on, all of these problems arise and it is overwhelming for me because I am clean cut. The mom either hates me, or I get into a street fight with a n*gga name Dave, Zach, or Brian, the girl overdoses on medicine... just some completely random stuff happens and I realize I can't be in a relationship with her.

    Im sorry if this was long but although this question may sound sexist (as I know we n*ggas got problems too), but why do you think that women are having problems with dating and commitment?

    • ANSWER:
      i dont know what to tell you. As a black male you are going to have to chose wisely who you date and have the confidence to move on. Sorry, it is the way it is. Now as far as women not wanting a commitment as much, its not sexist, its correct. its more to lose for a woman. The chances of pregnancy, the chances that no other guys will talk to her when is with somebody else and the fact that once women get men they know they dont have much need to hang out with their friends constantly. Cause lets face it, we call women selfish, when it comes to attention men are selfish and very high maitenance. Women over all have way much to lose. Too much. And a lot of young women like to keep their options open. You can thank men for that. all the dead beat fathers, and guys who are just players and jerks have made them turn to the single or player level themselves. better to walk on somebody than to get walked on.

      Now just cause you think you are "clean cut guy" has nothing to do with it. Maybe women dont see you like that. Maybe its not them, its you. Something that tells them "this is not a long term relationship boyfriend". You should some of the women you have dated to ask you what you could change or why they cant go the full run with you. And ask them to be honest.

      And im not going to say being black has nothing to do with your problems but i will say, you arent going to change your race, so you might as figure a way around that. You also might want to change where you are finding these women. Shake down some different spots. if you go fishing and you arent getting any fish, do you stay at that spot the whole day or move on?

      and what are you so pissed off for michigan is going to the dance (the ncaa tournament). So get your slippahs on.

  9. QUESTION:
    Why is it ok for a guy to have commitment issues, but woman are suppose to want to get married?
    I'm 26, single and loving it! Why am I suppose to want to get married and have children?
    I'm not partying and drinking every night. I have a good job, my own house and a good group of friends both female and male. I have a friend with benefits but that is all I want from him.

    • ANSWER:
      you're not supposed to, but most people by then are supposed to be mature enough to realize that partying and doing another girl each night is not realistic, and when you start getting old and saggy it wont do you much good.

      so most people find someone that loves them before they start getting old

      but whatever works for you

  10. QUESTION:
    Is there a "one year freak out" that men go through in a relationship due to commitment issues?
    I heard it was in "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus" books, but I was just wondering if anyone had a similar instance.

    I've recently gone through it, and am currently single after guess how long.. 14 months. I'm freaked out because we both knew it was meant to be and grew SO much together, then we had a fight and he freaked out and broke up. It was completely unexpected.

    Just wondering if anyone had some insight.

    • ANSWER:
      I've never heard of a "one year freak out". I have read "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus". I don't remember anything about that.

      Usually a single fight is just the excuse while the problems go much deeper. I can certainly understand your need to know what is going on but only he can help you there.

      Bottom line..if he has a fear of commitment he may not be able to vocalize why he is running away from the relationship. All you can do is try getting him to explain things.. Good luck.

  11. QUESTION:
    how do i get over commitment issues? i wanna be with someone and not these issues interfere but how?
    i was in the military for 8 years and it seems that ever since i got out it gets harder and harder to have a relationship. now this girl comes into my life and i like her a lot but i just dont wanna screw this up i need a good woman in my life and i think she is it but i just wanna stay with her and put these commitment issues behind me. can anyone help me with this?

    • ANSWER:

  12. QUESTION:
    How to get over trust issues?
    Got cheated on by ex gf and since then I became a player and had a fair amount of women but now I have commitment issues... Guys any advice?

    • ANSWER:
      You have to realize that every girl is not the same. Don't punish other girls for something your ex did. Try to go for girls that weren't like your ex, if she was in to partying then go for someone that doesn't party. Try dating girls. Find one that you like and don't be afraid of what could happen. Because fearing what could happen can keep you from experiencing some pretty amazing things. Seeking therapy may help you as well. Good luck!

  13. QUESTION:
    My boyfriend has commitment issues? What do you honestly think about all this?
    I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. Hes 25 and im 19. We moved in with one another really soon after only 3 months of knowing each other. Before he knew me he dated/slept with a lot of different woman but none of them he saw a future with. I've only slept with pretty much him. About 6 months through our relationship he decided that he wanted a "open relationship". He wanted to know that he could have a one night stand with some woman if the opportunity came. He claimed that i'd always be his number one, and it would be just random sex and he'd never talk to them again. I was totally against this, since it hurt because i'm a model and try hard to take care of myself and look good, and I saw one of the woman he hooked up with who was overweight and not attractive and it hurt to hear him call her gross, knowing that random sex was so important that he'd risk loosing me for someone like that. He wanted this because he has a thing with "variety" with sex. The thought of sleeping with the same woman the rest of his life freaks him out.

    So we broke up for a month,and i stayed at my moms place, and left him at our apartment and he came back to me, crying and apologizing saying that wanting a "open relationship" was stupid and he only wanted me. So we got back together, and its been about two months that we've been back together living together, but I think he has serious commitment issues.

    Like one days hes talking about how he wants to get a house with me and have kids, and he could see us having kids together but then the next hes saying that maybe we should still date and see each other everyday and be serious still but just not live together and he could go move in with one of his friends. And then in a year or so we can move back in with one another.

    He has even admitted to me that he has some commitment issues. Its just hard cause its like one day he wants to settle down and grow up and the next he doesnt. Im totally in love with him so it makes it hard. When I ask him about his "variety of woman with sex issues" he tells me that all guys have that, he just has to control it.

    What do you think?

    • ANSWER:
      oh my gosh, i almost wanted to kill you when i read this. WAT IN THE HECK! UR SERIOUSLY ON BOARD WITH THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ok #1 random sex??? if he's committed to you and only you and claims that your his "number 1" he shouldn't get tired of having sex with you and ONLY you. #2 i would HIGHLY i mean HIGHLY suggest that you get a relationship counselor. Technically by the rules of women him sleeping with other women and not caring about them is called a creep. put yourself in these girls places! being taken advantage of my a guy that already has a woman? i don't know about you but honey i would be angry. okay next you say he wants to have kids. what kind of influence is he going to make on your children? your kids every night asking "mommy where is daddy?" what are you going to say "he's out having sex with your new mommy" if you have a son would you honestly want him to act like this? Your children will have 10-20 step brothers and sisters because this guy is running around having sex with random women! and the part about never speaking to them again??? once again put yourself in their shoes. you meet this guy and your thinking wow he's really amazing,(and by the way what if your a virgin), he's special i think its time for me to have sex. have sex with him, he leaves, and you never see him again? think about how depressed that girl would be! SHE GAVE UP HER VIRGINITY FOR A GUY WHO HAS A WOMAN! umm wow if you dont listen to a word i say im going to feel really sorry for you. you say he says the thought of sleeping with one woman the rest of his life freaks him out? IF YOU ARE HIS WIFE, HE HAS MADE A COMMITMENT TO LOVE AND HONOR YOU! HOW IS HE LOVING AND HONORING YOU IF HE IS SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN EVERY OTHER NIGHT? sweetie put your foot down NOW i personally wouldnt stand for it and no woman should. if you want great and amazing children that you want to be proud of what they do. [i know this is heartbreaking for you to hear] but honey don't marry this man, and do not let him get you pregnant
      -i as woman wish you the best, i hope you listen to me. Also as a woman no matter what your mama will love you
      p.s. you are young-dont throw your life away

  14. QUESTION:
    Relationship Advice! Is commitment an issue to women that act like this? Kindly read.?
    Me and this girl were dating for 3 months. All of a sudden she says that she feels its not going anywhere. BUT she calls me and texts me like we are still dating. Do you think she just needs time. Today she texts me twice and calls me and I didn’t respond until an hour later and she thinks I am ignoring her. Is this a game???? I really like her and i felt we really never got to know eachother well enough. Would she still miss me if i just back off and would that be my only chance. We clicked very very well. Had sex 2 times and enjoyed each other company. Anyone have any life experiences to share etc.. I am 30 she 26.Why would she think I am ignoring her if she broke it off? Any advice or anything .. PLEASE. Could she just be thinking of still being with me? What does a girl think in this situation.
    Last night she invited me out to dinner then back to her house. I told her I thought she was confused and unsure of what she wanted. She really didn’t say much to that. We were happy together last night. She keeps saying we are friends but I don’t understand. Could it be she is just starting to have a lot of feelings and she is now terrified of being hurt or is she just being nice?? Next day I told her I was moving on and she was scared? Later that night we hung out and she had sex with me and she is starting to get close with me again! She now keeps talking about relationship stuff with me? Is this my second chance? Is she just fearful of commitment or what? Any Advice/Life experiences to share??

    • ANSWER:
      She's scared of commitment but she doesn't want to be alone.
      I was in a relationship with a man two years older than myself who acted just like this. I figured that he did it because on the surface he fancied himself as a player but deep down he was terrified of being alone.
      She's keeping you dangling so that if she feels like no one wants her, she can call you and know that you'll come running.

      Tell her straight that you don't understand and if she continues to show nothing but disrespect for your feelings, ignore her.

      :) xxx

  15. QUESTION:
    Guys and Commitment Issues?
    My friend and I are in our mid-20's. We want to know why so many guys we know have commitment issues. It seems like I have many, many friends that have been dating guys for years(3+ years), but the guys can't seem to get their acts together in terms of marriage or even moving together. All the guys are in their late 20's and some in their early 30's.

    All my friends are nice women. They're not living with these guys are playing house and that's why are don't commit. These are girls that work, make their own money and are very nice, sweet and charming girls.

    So, what gives with the guys? These are pretty nice guys too. It's not like they're cheating or being jerks. They're the type of guys you can take home, they're respectable, have good jobs and treat the women right. They talk about marriage with the woman and says it's what they want, but never act on it.

    They can't seem to take the next step. What gives? I'm hearing this from so many girls my age, not only my friends. Can someone help me gain some insight?

    • ANSWER:
      We are living in a whole different world. I don't think many men and/or women want to be married or tied down. Now a days everyone wants their freedom. Divorce rates is so high that not many people want to put themselves through that.

  16. QUESTION:
    Men with Serious Commitment issues?
    My guy has serious commitment issues, hates all things realtionships, titles, etc. He pushes the other person away or does something stupid when things get serious. Is this a defense mechanism or just because he isnt into the person? What does it take to fix this or help him to see that i'm not going to hurt him like he's been hurt in the past? I do everyting for him, am so nice and good to him, yet he still seeks out other women after a period of things being great between the two of us. He says with me its more than just sex, he can just have me chill with him and be totally happy. Does that mean im more friend territory than gf territory? Shouldnt the perfect balance be someone you can shill with and go to bed with? Because if so, and i am that, why does he still need to seek these other physical attractions? INsecurity, ego boost? Please any advice on this or something along these lines would help

    • ANSWER:

  17. QUESTION:
    Any advice in getting over commitment issues. What causes them during childhood.?
    I hate to commit to anything. I was taught your word is worth more when you use it less. so if i say Ill do something hell or highwater ill do it. But it seems like i dont want to commit. Ive kept a secert for a freind that landed me not talking to my parents for weeks even though i didnt want to know it i agreed to keep it and followed it though. even with women i cant or wont commit. I can barely keep a job. I want to know that i can leave. I think this is rooted when my sister got cancer and i was living 18 hours away. I quit my job and by friday i drove to care for her after surgery. My older brother (whom i was working with ) wasnt happy but she had asked me to move back to our family home and help her. When I was in mechanic school my mom got cholestrocoma near the brain and it ate her eardrum i was pulled out from my school to move with her and take care of her and my younger brother. MY older brother however stayed I think he visited often but dont recall. do you think this is revelant to my commitment issues. I hate the idea of having to leave on a dime without fair warning. MY aunt died from cancer and i told my employer when she was diagnosted i would be leaving 6 months later she passed and i gave him my two weeks a week before she died. when she died sunday night i went in on monday and told him it was a three day service and i helped load her things out of the Nursing home. on monday and she was burried on thursday. Friday we mourned with out of state family and Hes given me a few bad references. I applied at 8 places in town and got none of these jobs because i listed him on as a employer. (I think its him) I hate to commit to anything Do you all have any advice to turn my life around?
    I think and hope your right im usually unattached. i know i can commit but feel like im missing out on something. I dont know what it is but ill find it eventually. Thanks

    • ANSWER:
      I can see that you're a responsible and caring person . Lack of commitment could be because of lack of attachment . If you really liked the job you're doing or the woman you're dating I do think that you'll commit . Our commitment to anything depends on how much we're interested in it . Be interested in what you do and you'll find yourself committed to it .

  18. QUESTION:
    I need advice. I think i may have commitment issues.?
    Hi,

    I'll get straight to the point. I believe I'm not a bad looking guy, i have had afew girlfriends and i dont really have much of a problem meeting new girls. I think i have commitment issues, this is because i have second thoughts about a relationship as soon as the next day after we hook up. I always feel i have done something wrong and feel bad for the women for misleading them but i dont mislead them, i be myself.

    what can i do about this problem? I have hurt afew girls because of this thinking.

    • ANSWER:
      Your just not ready for a full time relationship and the hard work that come with it. We are all aloud to be selfish in our life time and maybe this is yours. Just don't promise anyone anything you no you cant deliver.
      When your ready to settle down it will just naturally happen. It's okay to be single or just date. Your gut instincts are telling you the girls that your dating ain't right for you that's okay to chill out and enjoy life it will be over in a blink of an eye.

  19. QUESTION:
    Me and my boyfriend of 3 years just had our first child. I just caught him talking 2 a girl commitment issues?
    We have never had a problem with cheating before "that I know of" but now he is a father and hes talking to another woman is he just afraid of commitment he is 21 im 20

    • ANSWER:

  20. QUESTION:
    Commitment Issues regarding ex?
    I recently broke things off with my girlfriend of roughly two years because i felt that it was time to move on and see other people (Senior in high school).

    However, i keep yo-yo-ing with the thought that maybe the breakup was a mistake. I'm still physically attracted to her, and we get along quite well and are able to talk for hours. I just keep telling myself that in order to grow up, I'm going to need to experience relationships with many women, instead of just one.

    Do i have some kind of commitment issue? What would be my best course of action. Seeing as none of you know me, a general answer will suffice. tyvm

    • ANSWER:
      I don't think you need to experience relationships with "many" women in order to grow up. If after 2 years you are feeling this I doubt you really loved her.

  21. QUESTION:
    Who have more commitment issues?
    Men or women? and why?

    • ANSWER:
      Men, because it's more socially acceptable for them too play the field, and for them to wait longer before they do settle down. Women feel as though there is a sell by date on them.

  22. QUESTION:
    Okay, I found the man I want to be with. The only problem is he has commitment issues.
    We discussed getting to know each other better, but from a man's point of view, what would be the the proper steps or ways to his heart... Is there something that your girlfriend and/or wife to set herself apart from other women?

    • ANSWER:
      How long have you been together, and how old is he? The best thing you can do to set yourself apart from the other women is to be patient..stick with him until the time is right..let him know you aren't going anywhere, so that he isn't forced to make a decision immediately

  23. QUESTION:
    Do you have commitment issues?
    Sadly, I do. After dumping 3 guys my freshman year because of it, I called it quits. I've steered clear of men for the entirety of my sophomore year. :P

    What about you guys? I'm curious to see if there are more men or women plagued by this.

    • ANSWER:
      I don't understand the concept of commitment issues. Are you implying you don't commit to ANYTHING? ever?? How can that be?

  24. QUESTION:
    my boyfriend has major trust and commitment issues..please help?
    i met my boyfriend over the summer. he was not the normal type of guy that i would date but dispite all of the flaws or waht not i started to fall for him like really fast. which in my case never happens..i just never felt this way about anyone. come to find out i had more feelings for him and we stopped seeing eachother he actually went back to his ex at this time (at this point we were only dating nt committed). he ended up realizing that he had made a mistake and wanted to be with me and commit to me. he told me he didnt realize what he had when we were dating and wanted to make it work. well at this point i was aware of his trust and commitment issues due to his past relationships of woman lieing and cheating. i choose to take him back simply because i had felt from the moment i started dating him that things were just right. he is an amazing guy and i feel i am also an amazing woman...we are seriously the couple that everyone looks at and envys. everyone that sees us says we are perfect for each other and can see the chemistry. well i stopped dancing and made many changes for our relationship because i truly do care very deeply for him. everything was going great i mean better than i could have ever asked for. there were a few times where i didnt tell him the truth for no reason even though i could have i felt as though i couldnt which was my mistake. but i never cheated or did anything towards him or against our relationship. tht happend within the first 6weeks of our committed relationship. since then i have been so honest with him god is smiling at me. But he now is saying that he isnt sure if he sees a future due to his lack of trust and not being sure if he ever sees himself getting married. seriously i love this guy and know that i will never hurt him or ever be dishonest about anything but i dont know how to prove that to him. i have apologized to him many times about not being honest with him. we live together right now and we are trying to figure out what to do ... stay together or split up . i want to stay together obviously but am at a loss of what to do...i know many people would say leave why would you want to be with a guy who feels that way but i care so much for him and want this to work i know how perfect we are together but idk if his fear of someone hurting him is gonna be the end of us... having him essentially shutting me out and pushing me away. please give me advice and no rude comments..thank you so much

    • ANSWER:
      You can't control how he feels or what he wants. If he has no trust and is unsure of the relationship, and if he is thinking of splitting, you can't force him to change his mind. It would be wrong on your part to make him stay in a relationship he doesn't want.

      Trust me, if he does want out, you'll find at some point that there is a silver lining to this black cloud. If you're an amazing woman, then there is a guy out there who WANTS to be in a committed, honest relationship without hesitation. A guy who has a healthy attitude and outlook.

  25. QUESTION:
    Men and Commitment issues?
    Is it true that men with "commitment issues" can put them all aside once he finds the right girl? Or is it always going to be a struggle until he is completely comfortable? What does it take for a man to commit to one woman?

    • ANSWER:

  26. QUESTION:
    men with commitment issues?
    Is it true that men with "commitment issues" can put them all aside once he finds the right girl? Or is it always going to be a struggle until he is completely comfortable? What does it take for a man to commit to one woman?

    • ANSWER:
      It takes genuine interest, but also the right circumstances. Commitment issues will be put aside, as you said, with the right girl (with just A girl for him, he won't really be interested, speaking from my own experience). Also, if both work or are very busy, relationships might come later in the list than career.

  27. QUESTION:
    Do Asian women have higher expectations of commitment than white women?
    If true is it a cultural thing? Are careered women more aggressive about this issue?

    • ANSWER:
      You are stereotyping again. You can not use generalizations and be involved in a intelligent conversation at the same time. There are plenty of white women who do not sleep with every guy in the town and plenty of Asian sluts. You can not group people together and say the Thais are like the Chinese, or the Japnnese are like the Filapinos, that is just ignorant because anyone that knows about the culture knows that they are not the same.

  28. QUESTION:
    Why do some Men have commitment issues?
    A Man,a now friend,is in his 40s and has no desire to commit to a Women. He doesn't have girlfriends but has lots of buddies and cant stand being alone. What causes this "Peter Pan" behavior. Also,do you think secretly he doesn't really want to be alone but has issues?Thanks for your comments.
    Oh, he has let some good ones get away.

    • ANSWER:
      Read this, carefully, then think about it.

      How many times has he been dumped? Or chumped?

      "Pals", you can depend on.
      I'm sure the same holds true from a woman's perspective, too.
      You have "gal-pals", right? You know where you stand with them, don't you?

      Once a person of either sex has had their Trust broken, it will be that much harder to gain that Trust.

  29. QUESTION:
    why do men waste there time on women
    ok women are mad an men for being players men are players because women say that they love you but when times get hard they bail. then men develope trust issues and commitment issues. all because women arent true to there love for their men. men put up with loads of crap all because they love their women. but all ive ever experanced is women leaving durring hart times. what ever the har time may be they up and leave. thats not love they say it and it has no meaning till they stickthrough the hard times. but they never do, so is it safe to say dating is a big waste of time or what ?

    • ANSWER:
      The only girls who go for players are shallow, superficial girls. So naturally, they'd leave when the going gets tough or when things stop being non-stop fun. If you want girls who are true to their word, then you've got to pick girls of good, strong character and morality. But they might not be interested in you, because what girl who is interested in substance and moral worth would date a player, who has clearly shown bad judgment. Your solution is to stop blaming your dating problems on the women, and start realizing that it's YOUR CHOICE IN WOMEN, not all women as a group, who are to blame for your negative experiences. Change the qualities you look for in a woman, and you'll find one who is true to her love for you and who is not the sort to leave a man in hard times. To attract such a woman, though, you need to be the sort of guy who will be true to your woman and not leave her in hard times.

  30. QUESTION:
    Sims 3 moving in but with commitment issues?
    I have a young adult female and an elder male (with commitment issues) who i am trying to get to move in together. They have a baby together and I really want the man to move in. For some reason there is not an option for moving in OR for engagement, but obviously the relationship is high enough since they have a baby. The active household is the one with the woman. What's going on? Does it have to do with the fact that he has commitment issues? Or that he's an elder? (I know it's gross that he's an elder. It's a long story. lol)
    Epinions Reviewer: Dude. It's a game.

    • ANSWER:
      It's because he has commitment issues. I had a similar problem because my sim wouldn't have a wedding with this guy because she had commitment issues, so I had to get the mid life crisis lifetime reward to change that trait, but since it's not you who has the comittment issues, I don't think there's any way to get him to move in with you. Sorry, I know that doesn't really help your situation... :(

  31. QUESTION:
    Do I have commitment issues?
    Been married, fought to keep it together, got divorced anyway. Now I kinda have my own life and I know what I would have to compromise if I were to get married again. I don't fool around, I'm a one-woman guy in a relationship, but I'm better in a long-term serious relationship where each partner has his/her space.

    Does that mean that I have commitment issues?
    E&L--I didn't say I don't make compromises in relationships. I said that I was unwilling to make the kind of compromises you make in a marriage. There's a difference. So there's nothing inconsistent in what I wrote. I'm really asking whether my reluctance to marry again means (to you and others) that I have issues with commitment, or if it still counts that I can (and have) committed to long relationships without marriage.
    Hard headed???? Hard HEADED????

    I resemble that remark....

    • ANSWER:
      Don't see anything wrong with that. You are not a commitment phobe imo. You said you are a one woman guy and have no problem with a a serious long term relationship this means no commitment issues.

      You're fine and you are just gun shy about a marriage vow since you didn't do to well with it before. Don't think that is bad or illogical and I don't think you have to be married to show that you are committed.

      Good luck :)

  32. QUESTION:
    Commitment issues...need opinions on email exchange...?
    THIS IS LONG...THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ IT. WE'VE BEEN DATING 6 MONTHS AND ARE 43 AND 40. BOTH DIVORCED WITH SEVERAL CHILDREN.

    JAN SAID: Hey there,

    I really enjoyed last night! Sex with you is always great.

    I want to ask you something...and PLEASE don't get mad at me for asking. I just really want to know. Are you seeing/sleeping with any other women besides me?
    I know early on we talked about it, and you weren't. I just wondered if that has changed.

    I guess I'm not really sure where I stand with you...I really like you. But if I were to go by just your actions...it really does seem like you're not that into me. (and no, I'm not hormonal =)
    I know you're very busy, but you'll go a week without contacting me at all...and then only respond when I do. It just seems to me if a man is truly interested, he'll keep in contact, even if it's only a quick text to say "hello", or "I'm thinking about you"., etc, no matter how busy.

    If this has just turned into a sex only thing, I'd like to know, before I invest my emotions any further. I'm not saying I wouldn't continue if that were the case, but I'd like to be able to make that decision. I personally think that I am worth more than that...and I know that we both love the sex...it is a very important part of a relationship to me. But I guess I'm just not sure what the nature of our "relationship" is.

    I've been wanting to talk to you about this in person for quite sometime, but I just can't seem to bring it up when we're together. I hope I haven't upset you, or scared you off.
    Just need some clarification.

    Thanks,
    Janelle =)

    JAMES SAID: Hey, I'm not mad, but I feel bad about how you are feeling about us. Honestly, I'm not seeing any one. I have gone out with one person over a year ago back home. She's an old high school friend whose divorced with 2 kids, but it has been a long time since I've seen her. I do care about you and I wouldn't be doing what we're doing if I didn't think highly of you. You are worth it, trust me. I think the problem is that I am simply not ready to commit to any one in an emotional way. I'm comfortable where I am in life right now. You should really not expect much out of me in that department. At least for now. I hope we'll always be friends at any rate. I do stay busy doing things when the kids aren't around because I don't want to go crazy in the apartment. I don't know....what do you think?

    JAN SAID: So, should I give up? You said for right now...I don't really know what I should think. I'm not asking you for any type of commitment. I guess it would just be nice if I could help keep you busy during those times when you're alone in the apartment...

    I think deep feelings and emotions develop slowly over time. Are you saying you don't ever want to have another serious relationship? Or maybe you're just not over the whole divorce? Or you want to keep your options open?

    Please know that I'm not trying to change your life. I do like the way things are when we're together. It just feels very one-sided on my end. Thanks for your honesty....and you know I'll always stay your friend.

    JAMES SAID: I don't want to tell you what to do. If it really bothers you, I trust that you'll do what is best for you. I will try not to go a week with out saying something. You do keep me busy when I'm home, but a lot of times I'm not. I am not saying I don't ever want to have another serious relationship. I can see us together. Now is just not a good time for me for that intensity. People always have options. Look at me and Jenni. Divorce was the option. Now she's married. Sorry you feel bad!

    JAN SAID: Well, like I said...I like the way things are with us for now. I'm not wanting to rush into anything, and it's not like I'm in love with you or anything like that. I do like you, though. I would like to keep seeing you. And yes the main thing was you showing some interest...and initiating contact sometimes, instead of me being the only one to do that.

    So, if you want to keep things the way they are, just casual, that would be awesome. We can't really predict how things might progress later on. We can just see what happens. I'm enjoying getting to know you, and I'm not interested in anyone else. So, whenever you want to see me, just let me know. (and I am free Wednesday, if you are ;) .

    SHOULD I HANG IN THERE, OR MOVE ON?? THANKS FOR READING...

    • ANSWER:
      Well, I would start keeping my options open while at the same time staying friends with him. Whether or not you remain sleeping with him is up to you. If that is the only thing you guys have going, then he may stop coming around all together. I know you must feel like it is really important halfway through your life to make sure you find commitment with the one guy you will spend the rest of your life with, and if that is the case, you might not want to waste your time waiting on him. Keep your options open. You might meet someone else special that might grow into what you actually want.

  33. QUESTION:
    Im a female with commitment issues,,, who saids its such a bad thing?
    Im a single mother of two wonderful children. Im a good mother, I have a good job and I pay my own bills with my own pay check. I admit it gets lonely sometimes but over all.... its less head ache and heart ache,,,I know i have commitment issues,,, but why does every one think 1. its a bad thing... like i should be home cooking and scrubbin cloths on a rock ..or ....2. only men can feel this way,,,.. I hate sterotypes and it seems this one is for "MEN ONLY" .... is this one more 1930's way a "good woman " isnt suppose to experience ...>>> ??????

    • ANSWER:
      Do whatever works best for you hun. Men and women should feel free to be single and not cave into pressure from their partners or others.

      The stereotypes of men and women who don't get married can both be unfairly negative, but you can overcome them and there are many people out there who will see past them to the person you really are if you give them the chance.

      Good luck, and take care.

  34. QUESTION:
    FWB? GF? Commitment issues?
    We are in fwb agreement, and we both agree that we are allowed to date other people.
    He told me he is dating other women too.

    However our fwb is quite complicated and I feel lost now.

    He always holds my hand, kiss my forehead, cuddles and spoons me even we are not having sex.
    He takes me out for lunch, dinner, and movies,and always pays for the dates. He said he likes me, which i replied that i like him too, but neither of us mention anything about being into relationship.

    There was once we didn't meet up for few days, i asked him if he misses me. He said yes, but when i asked why he didnt say it when we were texting each other, He answered "a guy can't let the girl know he likes her so much"

    And he texted me last week saying that he is scared, and have been refusing to meet me up for sex. But he still asks me out for lunch and dinner.

    I'm 26 he's 32.
    He once said I'm too young for him.

    His parents are divorced and he had serious relationship which ended 3 years ago

    Why is he giving me mixed signal?
    Is he just playing me out or plain fears of commitment?
    Am I wasting my time on this guy? Will he ever want to be in relationship with me?

    • ANSWER:

  35. QUESTION:
    Is there any way I can help my guy stop having commitment issues?
    I dont want to buy into the thought that men with severe commitment issues cannot change and are only worth throwing to the curb and running from. There must be a way to fix this growing problem so we dont HAVE to dump the men we are deeply in love with! Is there anything I can do? Do I just need to stay this carefree girl I've been and hope that one day he admits his true feelings. We are exclusively intimate, but according to him we arent dating and according to BOTH of us, we arent screw buddies either. His idea of relationships are SO messed up and he is surrounded by fears from his past. He claims we are only friends but he has bi polar disorder too and he says one thing but does another. Before you think me a puppet, I'm NOT! I'm a very very strong independant woman with a very large heart whose fallen in love with a man who, (when he is away from the idiots that tear him down on a regular basis, we laugh ALL the time, joke around, wrestle, snuggle, hug, rub noses in that cutsie way.. etc.. but most of all he does make me SO happy on every level! Every other guy has tried to hurt me and I walked away cuz I saw their true colors. But this man I know on EVERY level after this many years and we have this connection that unmistakeable and unbreakable. So, that being said... How do I help him change this negative thought pattern he has going on? Help HIM be happier as well!

    • ANSWER:
      I knew one bipolar who was married, had three children and a wife with a good job, but he left for a younger women with rich parents. It didn't work out. If psychiatrists can't fix bipolar, I don't know how anyone can. On the other hand one I know has a woman who stays with him through it, infidelity and all, in a common law situation, no children and it has endured a long time. Many people are not getting married now. Since we have enough population in most countries, there is not the pressing need for the children anymore.

      Cognitive therapy tells us just what you said, negative thoughts cause negative emotions and those move us to do what we do. A person would have to drop negative words and thoughts, but then you can get manic. Accurate words and thoughts are a little more balanced. He has a lot of negative and later positive thoughts, without having enough balanced ones and even then medication seems to be what has the most effect. If your chemistry is off, it may be almost impossible to do much with feelings, but you have to do the best you can with ttrying.

      I would be tempted to ask him questions, the Socratic method, to find out those thoughts and keep asking revealing questions so h can see how sometimes everyone's ideas are only half true, exaggerated, biased, untrue and surrounded by other smaller emotions that are also half truths, if he will buy that that whole process. You are almost thinking for them and few so called normal people even know how to think and reason properly in the first place.

      You might check out something like, "The Tyranny of Words" by Stuart Chase. It was written in the thirties so I found it free online, after a little searching. After all we think in words and they are critical to critical thinking. It will take a lot of critical thinking, but I don't know how much that can change the chemical imbalance part of it. It could be a gland deficiency or other thing like that and I don't know how much better thinking skills can reverse some of that.

      I hope that makes sense and is clear. I always worry about people just not getting it or maybe I'm saying it wrong or garbled. Anyway I can only hope you can put that to use. It's not that easy at all, but what you can learn will benefit you enormously too, no matter what else happens. Someone has to be on a very firm bases when it come to reason, intuition, information and the mind.

      http://www.google.com/search?q=emotional+intelligence+articles&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=com.yahoo:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

      http://answers.yahoo.com/search/search_result;_ylt=ApEKGZbQl3ARHQjQQHMFJZgjzKIX;_ylv=3?scope=all&category=0&fltr=_en&question_status=all&answer_count=any&date_submitted=all&crumb=4xtM4DgBEW0&p=bipolar+relationships&orderby=rank&add_save_name=Name+your+search&filter_search=true

      Being as tremendously, way or the charts emotionally strong as you will have to be is almost a lost art, but one well worth developing.

  36. QUESTION:
    Does he not love me? Or is he not saying because of commitment issues?
    My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. It's an amazing relationship and drama free. We are in a serious commitment and we both truly trust each other. Yet, I feel like something is holding him back on the verbally expressive part. I know deep down he loves me in return. He shows it in many ways and I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. I have tried a few times to talk to him on where we stand on that subject, but he avoids it and says don't pressure him. That is not my goal is to pressure him and I certainly do not. I mean, I didn't bring it up until a year later after dating! Most women do not wait that long for an explanation! Honestly, I feel he's afraid to say it or at least say how he feels about me, but I do not know why when I know he feels it. He says it in other ways. Or am I just being silly here? Should I just not worry about that and focus on the thought of having a good guy in my life for this long? We are in our late 20's if that helps.
    I like that statement below: Words are what a girl wants! Hmmph. We have no problem facing fear and not get scared on reality TV for some money, jumping out of a plane, or bungee jumping. But throw love in front of us all we get scared then!!!

    • ANSWER:
      okk. there your point.
      you can see that he have one problem COMMITMENT.
      i mean hey, alot of dudes can show how they love em nd many ways but only i gurl want to do to express it in words den action. Even though actions speak louder than words.....WORDS IS WHAT A GURL WANTS.
      maybe next time when you bring it let him kno from the start you not trying to pressure him .
      FRIENDS, FAMILY OR HIS PAST PROBLEMS STILL HAUNTS HIM IN THE COMMITMENT ROAD.

  37. QUESTION:
    I have commitment issues or do I?
    I love my girlfriend and we have been through alot but when I am not with her I find myself wondering about being with other women. I know we are all human but I dont know if i can trust myself to be with one women. What should I do?

    • ANSWER:
      That is horrible. Men like you make women like us not want to date any guy.

  38. QUESTION:
    Commitment Issues..Guys or girls?
    Girls r always sayin that guys r pigs, n they can't commit BUT I jus read a question here on Answers--somone asked how many of u girls hav cheated on yer bfs--n 90% o the women that answered said they had cheated on their bfs! N it's easy 4 women 2 lure us guys into bed--by teasin us a little n gettin us excited sexually(so we should get som slack right there)!

    So WHO r BIGGER CHEATERS..GUYS or GIRLS?!
    N it's EXTREMELY HARD 4 guys to control themselves wen they're excited! N don't go throwin out judgements about me, I havn't ever cheated intentionally(girls have gone as far as makin me feel their chests n givin me lap dances)--but eventhough I've had thoughts abt it--I've never gone through with it! So yea N ALSO how Many o u guys n girls hav had thoughts abt cheatin n why?

    • ANSWER:
      I'm sorry if u feel that way But i know i'm Not like that,personally i think when someone cheats they should be dumped by their partner i don't deny that women don't cheat but most of the women who cheat are probably not satisfied with their man's "actions" & are
      s l u t s! I can not say who i think are bigger cheaters because it would not be accurate & it's only my opinion.
      women & men are as bad as each other, we all have flaws.
      marshalminxtk3 xxx
      sorry if u think i'm making a judgement about u then.

  39. QUESTION:
    What is the title of this movie?
    i was watching this on tv the other day and i couldnt finish and i dant know the title and i would like to figure out the title so i can finish it cuz it was good. please helppp!!
    plot:
    this women has commitment issues and so she decided to find her father because he was the reason for these issues. she finds him and finds out that he is an assassin and she begins to work for him.

    i think the title had the word lie in it but i only caught a glimpse of the title so im not sure.

    • ANSWER:
      All you have to do is go to tvguide.com and go back to the day you watched it and the time & channel and the site should show the title of the movie that was playing.

  40. QUESTION:
    RICH GUY with COMMITMENT issues...is my LIFE RUINED with GIRLS?
    1 rich guy. 1 poor guy. 1 hot model. 

    She likes the rich guy bc he spoils her but she doesn't like that he sees other women & is a jerk. 

    She likes the broke guy bc he'll always be there, is better in bed, does the dishes etc, & is there to SATISFY HER NEEDS.

    IF THE RICH GUY WAS FAITHFUL, & NOT SUCH A BRUTE...

    WOULDN'T SHE LEAVE THE POOR GUY?

    The rich guy isn't getting PLAYED bc he gets w/e he wants in bed while the poor has to succumb to her needs in bed. The poor guy also has to clean the toilet LOL!
     

    • ANSWER:
      The poor guy should walk away. The rich guy is just using the hot model for sex. He will tire of her and replace her soon. The hot model is using the rich guy for what he buys her. The poor guy is being used, too. If he had any self-respect, he should walk away and find a real girlfriend. He's only going to be hurt in this bad situation.

  41. QUESTION:
    Does he love me but, have commitment issues or is it something else?
    I'm 23 yrs old and I met this guy who was 29 yrs old, after a 5 yr relationship that produced a son had ended. And he has a horrible past with women. first wife left him, he has been cheated on by every woman he has been with, second wife cheated, after her his next girlfriend cheated then was killed, and then I came into play. We were just friends until drank too much one night and slept together. Tried to continue being friends but, We finally met up one day and said we both wanted more of each other than friendship. It started off as casual dating but, I knew my feelings for him were growing and then one day he turns to me and says, "I'm falling in love with you" . At this point all I could say to him was "Ditto." And for the next 4 months we were happy. Then one day he changed, he was distant, cold, mean, it seemed like he didn't care about me anymore. I was so confused. what did i do wrong? i tried talking to him, spending more time with him, everything i did at this point made things worse. And then he broke up with me. I was devastated, I trusted him, we had made promises to each other and he broke them. One long depressing month went by and I get a call. he wants me to come see him see the new house. I do but, I was on high guard till he told me how much he missed me, lost it. I was back in his arms in a split second. He is everything that I never thought I would love but, I was wrong. He was so passionate with me. even the way he would run his fingers through my hair would send shivers down my spine. I fell in love with how he responds to me. Not just sexual but, in every aspect of our interactions. a week later i was homeless so him and his roommates asked me to move in with them. to make this clear we didn't "move in together" you would say, I justed needed a home. think of it like apartments. his is down the hallway from mine. so we try the casual thing again but, I was already still in love with him from before and he knew this. time passes we decide to have a steady relationship it going great then we hit a wall, he pulled way again. few weeks go by then he tells me he is sorry for treating me as harsh as he did and that i need to be patient with him. So I was. We like the whole Open relationship idea that way we still can have "variety" our deal was we were in a "relationship together" and if one of us wants to be with someone else the other person must be OK with that first. and we came first to each other and we didn't have emotional relationships outside ours. I met a old friend of his who I liked and he liked me in return. So I asked him if I could be with this guy and that if he was uncomfortable with it let me know. He said that he didn't care and that it was OK with him. in had already been in one of his "moods" for a week prior. Even his friend asked him several times before The "friend an I" finally acted on our wishes. the next day I told my guy about it so he would know it finally happened and he tells me he's upset. he said he couldn't be mad at me cause he had told me it was fine but, knowing that it happened bothered him some. so we on back on the good mood now and one night before bed he starts telling me how much he loves me and how great we get along and how great our kids get along(his daughter 5, my son 2). He tells me that maybe one day we should get Our own place. the next day I lose him again week later he tells me How I am the only woman that has never hurt him and I have always treated the way that he has always wanted to be treated. And that I was "kinda like his dream girl" I had butterflies again. flips his moods a few times again always the same we get closer and closer the longer and longer his moods started lasting. this past December he stayed in my room the whole month due to his window being broken. and it was great we haver never been that close to each other before our connection to me anyway seemed to feel stronger than ever. We were so happy again. New Years Eve we throw a party of course, and he has some drinks and told me he loved me again.(he has told me this more than i have mentioned 20 times total FYI ) I wake up to the New year and him back in his mood only this it has lasted to now with a few good nights thrown in. Now I feel so lonely and scared I have lost him. every time he is in these moods he tells me that I doesn't what love or that kind of relationship he can't yet. and he would rather be alone most days but, he still have that loving aura about him I know its in there and it slips out a few times during his moods. I barely get to talk to him anymore he never is interested in being with me and he has even snapped at me when I really didn't do anything to deserve it. In a moment of weakest I asked him if he still cared about me and the way he said"well of I "care" about you" made me think that he didn't mean the same as I did. so I went to my room crying make a yahoo personals profile filled it out what I'm like and what i look for in a guy .

    • ANSWER:
      wow he is totally mental mate. i mean it. he is mental. no offense. but by the way your story goes you've been way way patient with him. and his acting way beyond reason my friend. i can tell that your running out of reasons to stick with him and its rational to leave him. I'm picturing everything now. the way your relationship started its a routine with him. he will tell the new girl the same pathetic story that no one ever loved him but actually he is the real problem.. do you get what i mean? leave now. you are actually making sense of everything now with him he will never change. get out now before your mind gets all blurry again with his tactics.

  42. QUESTION:
    why are men accused of having 'commitment issues'?
    i'm not talking about the typical horny guys who want as many women as possible.....but *normal* everyday guys--
    assuming the marriage doesnt work out--

    1.he loses a hell lot of money.and possibly loses unmovable property which was his to begin with...
    2.he goes through a traumatic phase.
    3.if he has kids he is reduced to seeing them on weekends...that is bad for any *normal* father.
    4.there's a chance that he might be accused of being violent in order for the woman to get 'leverage' or to limit his visits to the kids as a 'revenge' tactic.
    i am not married..lol...i am simply reflecting the views of a lot of my older friends who happen to tell me those views....
    @iggy--please dont spew your bitterness here and use false excuses to justify all what you said.....nice 'try'?!...thank you

    • ANSWER:
      Gaia and Brownyn are wrong.

      It is not rare at all.

      http://www.suite101.com/content/false-allegations-a21219#ixzz15Zxm7A7m

      "In a study that span nine years, sociologist Eugene J. Kanin’s findings were that in the United States, 41% of rape allegations are false. Kanin discovered that most of the false accusers were motivated by a need for an alibi or seeking revenge."

      http://www.mens-rights.net/law/accusations.htm

      "False accusations of child abuse are commonly made by women during divorce hearings. Due to the commonality of such claims, an acronym known as Sexual Allegations in Divorce (S.A.I.D.) is used to describe instances in which women make false accusations of sexual abuse [against their husbands] during a divorce trial. The number of S.A.I.D. allegations has risen from 7% to 30% since the 1980's.

      The exponential increase of S.A.I.D. could be derived from the influence of feminist-indoctrination within the legal system. Under feminist ideology, a woman's accusation is considered irrefutable and must be used to decide the case in her favour -- they argue that failure to abide by this technique is an example of misogyny and oppression. Political correctness may play a role as well, since it depicts the act of not treating a woman more favourably than a man as a form of impolite resentment towards women. Another reason for the increase of S.A.I.D. could be derived from the fact mothers are more likely to be believed.

      In one noteworthy case, a young child told her father of improper touching by a babysitter, and he reported the allegations to the authorities. When social workers investigated, the mother accused the father of molesting the daughter. This resulted in a long legal battle, where the father had to fight for even limited access to his daughter. During the father's four-year legal battle, the mother was diagnosed as mentally ill, and was temporarily institutionalized. The social workers investigating the case wrote a report, fretting that the father might gain custody as a result of the hospitalization. Eventually, the father managed to convince a court that the charges were false, and he did gain custody of his daughter, but the emotional and financial consequences of the false allegations were enormous." False Accusations of Child Abuse, Aaron Larson

      Studies performed by the University of Michigan by Professor of Psychology, Melvin Guyer have shown that 60% - 80% of sexual abuse allegations made during highly contested child custody cases were found to be false or unsubstantiated, (Felten, 1991). Another study, this one of 200 cases, revealed at least three-fourths (75%) of the claims were unfounded."

      I'm not afraid of commitment. I'm afraid of the unspeakable things that might happen to my children and I if my wife decides to break our commitment.

  43. QUESTION:
    Can you please answer this- do I have commitment issues?
    only got 2 answers yesterday so reposting!!
    ok - little background, Im 33 years old- have dated many many men over the years, my longest ever relationship was 3 years - which ended VERY badly, but since then Ive sort of flitted in and out of short term relationships, Im totally over my ex so its nothing like that or anything.
    Recently Ive met a guy that ticks all my boxes - mentally, physically and financially. hes obviously really interested in me and is persuing me the way most women would love, which I admit I do, but I still find myself thinking ah will I bother... its like as soon as a guy that could be a longterm catch shows me interest... I panic.
    As a girl whose dated some of the biggest wankers going - cheats/abusers/liars - you name it, I should be thanking god for this guy - I do like him.... so why am I feeling these doubts? ANY idea whats up with me?? I want nothing more than to settle down and have a great boyfriend - of which i know he would be - so why cant I just relax and enjoy it??

    • ANSWER:
      You need to listen you your intuition. If this guy does not raise any red flags then give him a chance. I used to be like you and then I finally let my guard down and have been happily married for twelve years. Good luck!

  44. QUESTION:
    Why does it seem like every man I meet has commitment issues?
    The same thing happens over and over. I`ll meet a guy I`m extremely attracted to, we end up talking a bit, maybe even going as far as making out and then when I mention a relationship or tell him how much I like him, he runs the other way. Is it me? Maybe it`s the fact that I`m a single mom and men just don`t like the idea of being with someone who already has a child. Any men or women even have an idea of why this is happening or anyone experience the same thing? I`m kinda fed up and considering leaving the dating scene altogether :(
    @ Johnny - I`ve been in 2 relationships where the man had a child or children and I even went as far as wanted to adopt one. I believe if you love that person enough you will accept everything that comes along with them. I think that age is a huge factor too. Older men and woman if single generally already have been married and divorced or have children from previous relationships. Thanks for making me feel bad though. I was looking for kind advice but thanks for confirming my thoughts that most people are close-minded and despite the fact that that person with the child could be the best match you`d ever encounter, you choose to dismiss them. Smh.

    • ANSWER:
      don't give up on love all together. there is someone out there who does want a relationship. i think it makes it a lot harder since you do have a child but not impossible. maybe you're mentioning a relationship too early on...you said you make out and mention a relationship and liking them. idk about you but making out is usually first or second date for me, so if you're mentioning relationship that early on a guy is going to get scared. and admitting you like or love someone their screaming in the other direction. guys a lot of time are commitment-phobes. they need to be eased into the idea of a relationship. give them like a month or two and than ask "where do you see us right now? are we in a relationship or just having fun, where are we?" also let them admit first that they like or love you, don't let them see all your cards.

  45. QUESTION:
    Can a woman be a commitment phobe too?
    I dated a girl two years ago who left me because we were getting 'too serious', I moved to another country but I am back now and I am still in love with her. This is the woman that I want to potentially marry and this time she does seem more interested, but what will I do when she rejects me again? I love her so much that waking up without her by my side is like not waking up at all! I would like her to deal with her commitment issues for the sake of our relationship!

    Do you guys think that women can be commitment phobes too?

    • ANSWER:
      yes women can be commitment phobes, too.

      but you don't know if she is a commitment phobe or if she still feels the same way she did the last time you were involved with her.

      if she has a history of running from men when things get serious, then she could be a commitment phobe.

      if she only ran from you then she just wasn't ready for a relationship and she felt like she shouldn't lead you on.

      You haven't seen this woman in two years. If you haven't even been in contact with her in that time then she's had 2 years of growth and she's not the same person she was when you knew her. Just as you are not the same person you were 2 years ago--you need to get reacquainted with her and see if she is interested in trying again with you.

      If she tells you "no" then it's not a commitment issue, it's that she's not interested in you.

      If she tells you "yes" and then she backs away again then it's a commitment issue and it only gets worked out when she's ready for it to be worked out.

      It's up to you then to decide if you are willing to wait for her or if you are also a commitment phobe because you have chosen to hold out for someone who won't commit to you.

      and if you already know going in that she really isn't interested in a relationship with you and that's how you know she's going to tell you "no" then she's not the one with the commitment issue. You are the one with a boundary issue.

  46. QUESTION:
    Why does Sarah Palin hate women who have been raped?
    “Despite denials by the Palin campaign, new evidence proves that as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, Sarah Palin had a direct hand in imposing fees to pay for post-sexual assault medical exams conducted by the city to gather evidence.
    Palin's role is now confirmed by Wasilla City budget documents available online.
    Under Sarah Palin's administration, Wasilla cut funds that had previously paid for the medical exams and began charging victims or their health insurers the 0 to 00 fees. Although Palin spokeswoman Maria Comella wrote USA Today earlier this week that the GOP vice presidential nominee "does not believe, nor has she ever believed, that rape victims should have to pay for an evidence-gathering test...To suggest otherwise is a deliberate misrepresentation of her commitment to supporting victims and bringing violent criminals to justice," Palin, as mayor, fired police chief Irl Stambaugh and replaced him with Charlie Fannon, who with Palin's knowledge, slashed the budget for the exams and began charging the city's victims of sexual assault. The city budget documents demonstrate Palin read and signed off on the new budget. A year later, alarmed Alaska lawmakers passed legislation outlawing the practice.
    News of the controversial policy has leaked slowly into the press this week as the presidential campaign has heated up and Palin's record has been subject to increasing scrutiny. The practice of charging rape victims has called into question Palin's stated commitment to women's issues, her judgment as an executive and her honesty about her record.
    The story of the Wasilla policy has made its way from comments on Daily Kos to the pages of USA Today. But clear evidence suggesting Palin knew Wasilla was charging the victims of sexual assault has been hard to find. Placing the city budget records, however, alongside a timetable of Palin's firing Chief Stambaugh and hiring Chief Fannon makes it clear the policy was put in place as a direct result of Palin's leadership.
    The mayor of Wasilla before Sarah Palin, John C. Stein, was also a Republican, though the office was and continues to be non-partisan. Mayor Stein was defeated by Sarah Palin in a campaign that brought in the NRA, Republican partisans, and a whisper campaign that Mayor Stein was Jewish (he is a Christian, but is "proud of such a reputation"). He now runs the Sitka Sound Science Center, a marine research facility in Sitka, Alaska.
    Mayor Stein told OffTheBus that he didn't "think victims were billed while [he] was mayor," but that he wasn't certain. He did mention that "Wasilla participated in establishing a Sexual Assault Response Team to set-up a one-stop forensic exam room for victims," evidence of a pro-victim police department. In order to confirm his assertion about the billing policy, he recommended I contact current police chief Angella Long for confirmation. She did not return my request for comment.
    However, I was able to eventually track down Irl Stambaugh, police chief of Wasilla from the founding of the department until Sarah Palin fired him for "not fully supporting her efforts to govern." Stambaugh sued for breach of contract, but lost when a federal judge ruled that "police chiefs serve at the behest of the mayor unless otherwise specified." He later served as the executive director of the Alaska Police Standards Council.
    It turns out that Wasilla did not bill sexual assault victims for the cost of rape exams while Irl Stambaugh was chief of police. As chief, he had included a line item in the budget to pay for the cost of such exams. He had only just heard about the Mayor Palin/Chief Fannon policy today, and was just as shocked to hear about it as I was.
    Checking the budget confirmed former Chief Stambaugh's claim. He had included a contingency of ,000 in his budget for the department's 1st year of existence (1993-1994), ,000 for 1994-1995 and 1995-1996, and ,000 for his final year as police chief in 1996-1997, spending ,625.
    Duwayne Charles Fannon, his replacement, halved the budget request in 1997-1998, with a request of ,298, spending ,454. However, it seems he began the "victim pays" policy in the 1998-1999 fiscal year. That year, he requested ,000 but spent only 5. This data can be found in the Document Central section of Wasilla's website.
    The Document for the 1998-1999 fiscal year begins with a message "To the Citizens of the City of Wasilla:"
    The comprehensive annual financial report of the City of Wasilla for the fiscal year ended June 30, 1999, is hereby submitted. The City's Finance Department prepared the report. Responsibility for both the accuracy of the data, and the completeness and fairness of the presentation, including all disclosures, rests with the City. To the best of our knowledge and belief, the enclosed data is accurate in all material respects and is reported in a manner designed to fairly present the financial position and results of operations of the various funds a

    • ANSWER:
      I think it's a case of her totally failing to understand or empathize with ANYTHING outside her experience. I really do believe Atticus Finch when he says "sometimes, you just have to walk a mile in the other person's shoes..." - I don't think Sarah Palin is capable of doing that. I don't think she can understand that a 00 bill could defiantly deter some one who was just horribly violated from seeking help.

      She scares me... friends of mine tell me she literally does hate gays... I'm looking that up now....

  47. QUESTION:
    Why do women want commitment? In terms of... why is 'having a man' so important?
    My perspective - mid 30s, never married, two long term relationships (8 & 6 years) that I ended, no desire for children.

    I'm asking because people seem to think I'm way out there for not panicking to be committed/married. I am not ready for marriage. I'm satisifed with that so why do people, mostly women, try to misconstrue my wishes as something they are not... like I can't find/keep a man. And men act as though I should be 'taken'... attracting and keeping men is not the issue and that's all I'm going to say about that.

    I realize there are men who want commitment but it seems like, with women, it's some inherent mantra/drive that I do not possess.

    Please explain... thank you... :)

    • ANSWER:
      I admire your courage to not have to have a man, and I wish I could be more like you. I always have to have a bf. I think the longest time I have been single for is 4 days. The fact that you have the confidence and maturity to not want some guy to come along and give you committment is something to admire. I think the women who are giving you a hard time are jealous, they want the strength that you have, to be able to make a stand and get rid of a guy when he isn't good enough. Good on you, keep it up!

  48. QUESTION:
    Do American men get freaked out about commitment when they spend too much time with their GF?
    We've seen all the movies, chick flicks, romance films, about how men freak out about commitment and women seem to LoOove it (i.e in "How to lose a guy in 10 days," Kate Hudson's methods are all about trying to scare Matt McC. by putting "female products" in his bathroom and pretending to be super lovey-dovey).

    My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. I am in my mid-twenties; he in his mid-thirties. We are talking about marriage, and I want to make sure that we have a strong, healthy marriage from the start, before we take the next step. Although I can see myself being happy with what we have, I fear him (being a male) might find it exciting and intense in the beginning and then "too much" later on.

    This relationship is the longest he's ever been in, and in the past he showed signs of commitment anxiety, but for the most part he seems committed to me and loving. I don't want to "punish" him for his commitment issues (he had a difficult childhood with his mother).

    I'm fine with spending a lot of time together, and showing him a lot of affection (like giving him lots of kisses and hugs) because I've done the "long term relationship" thing and don't think I have any issues committing to someone.

    The reason why I say "American" men is because I don't want to peg ALL men to be a certain way and wonder if the fear of commitment (and the idea that men really want independence) is a societal culture thing.

    Do you believe American males tend to feel "trapped" when they spend too much time with a woman? So how much is too much? How do we as couples avoid falling into this pitfall?

    Thank you for answering.

    • ANSWER:
      That can't even be pinned to "American" men -- because it's not like they're all the same. There are men all over the world who have commitment problems, because it's in their nature. It sounds like you've got something good though, and if you don't feel comfortable confronting about it, I don't see much of a reason to. If you're going to get married, obviously he isn't having the same "issues" as other guys (who flinch at the very thought of holy matrimony), and I wish you two the best of luck. :)

  49. QUESTION:
    Should you go out with a man who may have issues with commitment? He already lives with another woman?

    • ANSWER:
      not if you are looking for a serious relationship.

  50. QUESTION:
    How do you know if a guy with commitment issues cares/loves you? easy 10 points!?
    Seeing him for about 10 months now. But it's hard to know if he really cares about me or just likes my body/ looks. He's says i'm sexy etc and we go out and do stuff and he is affectionate in public and he's taken me to his work. But wont be exclusive and i'm afraid to ask where i stand because last time i did he told me we should 'stop seeing eachother as he doesn't want to hurt me'
    but he came begging back a few weeks later. He opens up to me and talks about his past and issues with his mother.

    How can you tell by actions or things a guy might say that he really does care about you?
    Is he staying around because he likes having a 'very attractive" woman around? (men tell me i'm attractive)
    Anyone got any advice how i can get him to want to see me more or intrigue him?

    • ANSWER:
      LOL@ Craig b he is gona be a keeper lol anyway follow your heart.


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Why Men Fear Of Commitment

Posted on November 13, 2011 by

What is a fear of intimacy?

The term "fear of intimacy" is often used to describe someone who has difficulty creating a close connection with their spouse/partner. Typically, the phrase highlights a person's struggle to become physically and/or emotionally close, and we often describe this struggle as a fear.

But often there are certain differences between men and women that are misinterpreted as a fear of intimacy.

Men and Intimacy: Is it really a fear of intimacy?

In my work as a couples counselor and relationship coach, I often hear complaints about men having problems with intimacy. While some men clearly struggle with intimacy, many do not but are accused of having problems with emotional intimacy.

One wife's view: As Alicia recently described to me, "I try to get close to Carl and get him to talk about his feelings, but he fights me every step of the way." When asked about how her husband "fights" her, Alicia stated that he either doesn't want to talk about his feelings or he can't. She's not totally sure if he's being willfully defiant or is incapable of such verbal sharing.


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